fifty-five: some friendly advice

"So... Are you going to do it?" Liam asks me as we both close up the bar a few days later. I had been helping Liam at the bar a lot more this week, mainly due to the fact that it helped keep my mind off things... Things meaning my big decision that I had less than four days to make. I had been avoiding the subject, unable to really form an actual answer as to whether or not I was actually going to do it...

"I don't know... There's a lot of reasons why I should and a lot of reasons why I shouldn't... " I found myself saying, grabbing the last of the dirty glasses from the room and putting it into the bin I was carrying. Liam quirks an eyebrow at me as he watches from behind the counter by the till. 

 "Like what?" 

"Well I've always wanted something like this, you remember how it was back in Uni... but if I take this, I'm leaving the life I've built here behind... and I'm really loving the life I have." I say honestly, walking towards the door that leads to the back with my now full bin of dishes. 

"You're not leaving it behind, Harry... You're moving forward. Do you really want to work here for the rest of your life?" Liam asks me before I walk through the door, the question making me stop in my tracks. I let out a sigh, biting my lip before I answer because I felt like this could be a loaded question. 

"It's not exactly my dream job... but I don't mind working here. I really appreciate you giving me this job, Liam... Giving me a place to live... Being my brother practically." 

"And I don't expect you to stay, Harry. This was intended to help get you back on your feet, not to make you feel guilty about wanting to leave. If you want my honest opinion, H... I think you should take it. You've gotten all you can out of this place, out of this town and I would really hate for you to get stuck here doing something you don't love doing. So what's holding you back?" Liam asks, practically staring at me as I placed the bin onto the counter. I lean against the wall, biting my lip as I think of the best way to answer it.  

"Niall... Niall is what's holding me back... not in the way where I feel like it's his fault that I'm not sure I want to do this because it's entirely me... I just... I have this feeling, you know? It's telling me that if I do this, I might lose him and I don't want that. I don't want a repeat of the last year, I don't want to feel like that ever again... I also know that he doesn't want me to go... he never said it to me, but the way he looked at me when I told him was enough to know he'd rather I stay." I whisper, running a hand through my hair as I spoke. I thought maybe I would feel better, finally letting all of this out... But in reality I still felt like shit. I shouldn't blame Niall for holding me back, I shouldn't even think that. Niall was part of the reason I was where I was, he'd made me better... and now here I am blaming him for things that aren't even his fault. He didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for this...

But this was our reality. 

"Harry, this isn't Niall's decision... It's yours, and yeah... His opinion should matter to you, he's your boyfriend and you love him... but you need to be thinking about the future, your future. Say you don't go, can you honestly tell me that in five or so years when you're still working here that you won't feel a little resentment towards Niall for being the reason you stayed? Like what if you guys end up breaking up again and you really do end up stuck? I'm not saying that's what's going to happen... but it is something to seriously think about."

"I would never resent him, I love him."

"Well yeah, you're both head over heals in love... you're in that part of the relationship where it's all rainbows and butterflies with the occasional dark storm. That doesn't last forever, eventually it's gonna fade and it's really gonna suck when you end up in the same situation as you were with Rose. I know this isn't what you want to hear and I'm sorry if it's not my place or if I'm coming off as an outright dick... I just care about you, H. I want what's best for you." Liam says, finally breaking his stare to grab some of the dirty wash rags off the counter. I wasn't sure what to say to any of it, opening and closing my mouth as I tried to form any logical response... But all I could think was that Liam was right, for the most part anyway. Everything was uncertain, the ripple effect of my decision going either way no matter what I chose.

It wasn't making it any easier.

"Thank you, Liam. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I'll look at it a different way I suppose and see if that helps any..." I ended up saying, clearing my throat before walking back into the kitchen. 

I had three days to tell Jamie my decision, but something told me I already knew what it was. 

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annnnnnnnnnnnnd there's chapter 55 (shiiiiiiiiiiiiit that's a lot)

probably gonna have a double update tonight depending on how much of the next chapter I get done before I pass out cause i'm tired af annnnnnd i got an early morning lol. 

also, next chapter might be the last..... 

BUT YEAH.

qotc: what do you guys think harry's decision is gonna be?

dedication goes to Brinunez

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connie xx