"I don't understand why we do this every year. Do you Lizzie?" Caroline, the second base girl who's a Junior English major asks me. I move to stand next to her along the first base line. We are the first of the team to arrive to watch the possible walk-ons during tryouts and we actually have five open spots since we just had four graduate and one transfer to a different University. "Well," I start as I step closer to lean over the fence. "Coach Marc's couldn't hold a recruit for this season and when you are the joke of the New York Division 1 programs, I can understand the tryouts... at least this year." I defend on Coach Marc's behalf.

It is true but to our University's defense, we are very well known for academics since we are Ivy League. Specifically we are known for engineering, law, business, biology and arts. So I get that it's hard being a student-athlete at our University, especially when you chose one of those majors. So a lot of the girls really play the "student" part more than "athlete" part. I get it, being a chemical engineering major myself, it's hard but I love softball and I really try to give it all I can for the team.

It also doesn't help that the old Head Coach, the one that recruited me for my freshman year last year, was stealing money for the program...

"And Rick took all of our fundraising money and no one wants to be our team's sponsor." Olivia, our Senior left fielder says as she walks over to us with some of the other girls. I stand up and turn around to face everyone as I lean against the chain fence. "Did they start yet?" Olivia asks walking over to me to stand next to me on the fence. She intentionally stands so close that her elbow rests right on mine. I let out a sigh before turning around and leaning on the fence again, taking a side step away.

Olivia and I had a little fling this past summer since we both had to stay on campus instead of going home. However, that did not last. She was just using me to stay she had a "girlfriend" but she was not ready to commit to an actual girl-on-girl relationship. And I don't mean sex. I mean the basics... holding hands, kissing, sitting on each other's laps casually, flirting. All she wanted to do was be physically close to a girl like she's doing now. And, since I am the only girl on the team that's openly gay, there are not many options to pick from if you want to date a teammate. So, her getting close to me after I set up the "we are only teammates" boundary is not cool.

"No they didn't. Coach Marc isn't even here yet. Corrie and Victoria are leading stretches." I state as I throw my sunglasses on. "Weird that the assistants are here but not the head." Caroline remarks, snickering almost. I feel a larger presence behind me and when I turn, I see our whole team. All 20 of us. "Why are we all here?" I ask the team. "Coach Marc asked us all to come at least in the beginning." Heather, the  Sophomore secondary left fielder, says as she crosses her arms across her chest. She is not a fan of Coach Marc's coaching philosophy. He hasn't even made his coaching style known since he was just an assistant last year. I think.

I turn back again and look at each one of the girls on the field. They all look nervous. They are jumping around. Shaking their hands. Taking deep breaths. Except for one girl. With her radiant tan skin, cascading vary brown hair and strikingly bright blue eyes, she has this vibrance about her that just draws attention to her. She has a smile that can be breath taking. Something about her is familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it. I watch as she takes a bat from the lineup and takes a few practice swings.

I am broken from my trans just as I put two-and-two together on her by Coach Marc. "Girls, welcome to tryouts. You all made it and I am happy to see that." I turn around and walk over to the bleachers where the team is sitting. When I walk past Coach Marc, he pats my shoulder because I think he knows what I just figured out. I sit down next to Caroline just as he starts to talk.

"So, as we all know, the recruiting was a shit-show." He couldn't even continue as all the girls gasp at one. Marc has always been quiet, never cursed, always seemed a bit uptight... until now. There are groups of whispering which are quickly interrupted by him clearing his throat. "No one wants to come here after Rick bashed the reputation of this program. I will not let that happen again. It will be better. We as coaches, Coach Victoria, Coach Corrie, and I will give everything we can to helping the team succeed. On the field. Off the field. And that starts today. Vic!" He stops to yell to the field. He waves his hand and a moment later, Victoria looks over at the blue-eyed girl who smiles with her teeth and runs towards us.

"So, one thing that will help is a top tier replacement for the five missing spots on our team. You all should know her just by her name alone but... Please welcome, our new Sophomore Division 1 Champion pitcher and first baseman  ... all the way from Texas... Rebecca Walker!" He says clapping just as Rebecca comes over and stands right next to him. She gives a very enthusiastic wave with both her hands before placing them tightly behind her back. "Hi y'all. I am so excited to be here in New York with all of you and I can't wait to get this season started. Also, you can just call me Beka. With a 'K.'" Her southern drawl prominent but slightly delicate. Everyone is silent. When I sit up taller, I look around and see everyone's wide, star struck eyes on our new pitcher. The new pitcher that is not just one of the five replacements we need, but the replacement for my position as pitcher.

I fight back the anger that boils inside me while every climbs off the bench and practically barrels themselves at her. I, on the other hand, stay seated on the bench and lean back, resting my elbows and back on the row above me. Maybe three or so minutes pass before Beka takes a small step back. "Mr. Ryder?" She asks and everyone looks around, confused except me. She's looking for Coach Marc. They make eye contact before she continues. "Mr. Ryder, is it alright if I get back to the tryouts?" Why is she going back out there if she already has a scholarship and a spot on the team? I think to myself. "Beka, you can call me Coach Marc." He laughs it off as he slowly walks around the group. "I will work on it. Coach Ryder." She laughs before waving to the girls and skipping off to the field.

"So, let's talk." Coach Marc says quietly to me as he gets closer to the bleacher. "Alright girls, I am sure you have classes to prepare for since the semester starts in a few days. I will see you back on the field tomorrow with the new teammates for our first official practice of the season. 7am, sharp or you are running laps in the outfield. Five laps for every minute you're late." He says direct and steady. He really does mean business this season.

"So, tell me what you're thinking." He says as he sits down on the last bleacher row below me, his back turned from the field where the girls are working. "You should pay attention to them. They could make or break our team." I say flatly as I put my sunglasses back on, avoiding the conversation. I can feel his glare on me for a moment before he climbs ups and takes my sunglasses off my face. "Hey!" I say leaning forward and yanking them out of his hand. "I know you're upset. I should have-" He starts to justify but I cut him off.

"Yes, you should have talked to me. You should have told me that you were replacing me. Are you kicking me off the team?" I ask, trying to not sound defensive. Play it cool, Lizzie. "No, no. No! Lizzie that is not what is happening here. You are the best player on the team. You really bring these girls together as a team and that's why we nominated you as Captain midway through your first season last year. We can NOT afford to lose you." He justifies. "Is she even allowed to play?" I ask quietly, leaning closer and resting my elbows on my knees. He lets out a sigh. "Yes she is cleared to play. Her neurologist and primary care signed her off before she transferred here. She has no cognitive symptoms. She transferred her for the semester and reached out to the school when she was apply to school's. Being the acting coach and the front runner for the Head Coaching position, I had a choice to make for the team. You and I both know this is for the best." He emphasizes. I cross my legs as I lean back against the bleachers.

Her concussion was labeled a traumatic brain injury and was all over the news. Stitches. Memory loss. The inability to walk. She took a fast pall pitch-hit to the head in the final inning of the Division 1 Championship. She told the paramedics she didn't want to leave until her relief pitcher finished the game. Thankfully, it was only three more pitches but still. She wanted to see the outcome of the game before getting treatment.

"So, what will the positions be then? Who is shifting?" I ask curiously. "You will stay where you are and Ronnie will be moved to second string for first base. Nothing really changes for the team. Ronnie is getting the brunt of it but it's her senior year and we talked. Her elbow is still acting up and she just wants to be supportive and on the team no matter what." I shake my head with all the new information. "I think she will be an asset on the team, even if she replaced me." I say before standing up. I can see Marc physically relax before standing up. "So we are good?" He asks, raising his fist in the air which I fist pump. "Yeah we are good. Do you need any help here or at the office?" I ask as I follow him to the first base line of the field.

"You are more than welcome to stay and give feedback." He puts his team cap on and blows his whistle. He waves for all the girls to come over to us. "I think I would appreciate that actually. You are the only one that is real with me and has been since I met them." He laughs which causes me to chuckle. "You can even give them some good advice as  captain before they official start." He adds. I cross my arms and laugh. "What have they been doing the past like 30 minutes?" I look over at him and he looks at me like he had a crazy plan. "Holding their own with you and Becca near them. You both near them all is 100% intimidating." This makes me laugh under my breath.

"Welcome to tryouts girls!" Marc shouts with stern, authoritative tone. "You have met Coach Vic and Coach Corrie. Those two are your assistants. Coach Corrie Phillips." He pauses to points at Corrie. "They graduated two years ago and are now in the Master's program for biology. This is their second season as an assistant." He points at Victoria next. "That is Coach Victoria Muiller, who graduated last year with dual Bachelor degrees in Business and Media Arts and it's her first season as an assistant Coach. I am Coach Marc Ryder, AKA Coach Marc. This is my third year with the team and my first as Head Coach." He lifts his hand and points his thumb at me. "And this, as you know, is New York's four time High School Softball Champion Pitcher and top 100 D1 pitcher... Captain, Lizzie Larson." I wave at everyone and scan the group of about 30 girls. I get distracted by Becca's  blue eyed stare and her bright smile. I blink a few times and cross my hands behind my back before taking a step forward from standing next to Coach Marc.

"Welcome to tryouts. As you step onto the field today, remember this... This tryout is not just about showcasing your talent and skills- its's about showing who you are. You are not just athletes, you are leaders, teammates and fierce competitors. Show us your passion, your confidence, and show us how much heart you got. This is your moment. This is your time to shine. So..." I pause to give a reassuring smile before continuing. "When you walk back onto the field, stand tall, play hard and leave everything you got out there. We look forward to seeing if you have what it takes to be apart of our team. Good luck everyone." I end and everyone claps or jumps in excitement. Coach Vic and Corrie leads everyone to home plate while I step back up to Coach Marc. He lightly punches my arm when I stand next to him. "That's why I asked Rick for you to be Captain Larson." He says before he jogs over to the girls.

Tryouts last over three hours. The last hour, Coach Vic and Coach Corrie left to get food for the girls. When they come back, Coach Marc ends the tryouts and lets them all sit around the field to eat and mingle together. "So, who are we thinking for the last four?" He asks Vic, Corrie and myself. "We think..." Corrie starts to read off Victoria's clipboard. Victoria hands it to them before continuing. "Julie Marzoni for a second catcher. Darcy Loo and Mia Rogers for designated hitters. Tara Dunder for relief pitcher." Marc shakes his head with the information. "Captain?" He asks me. "I was thinking of all of them as well. I had all of those names as well. They hold high confidence and hold their own out there." I add. He shakes his head again but he turns around to face the girls. "Beka! Come here." He waves.

My blood start to boil with this. What are you doing Marc? She runs over, her hair is tied up and bouncing around as she meets us. "Yes Mis- Coach Ryder?" She corrects. That delicate southern drawl shining. Fuck. Her eyes are so distracting. Does she realize how beautiful they are? I look down at the ground so I don't get lost in her eyes. "We have a question for you." He says but doesn't continue. I keep looking at the ground until I feel a nudge at my side. I look up and over at him, he's tilting his head from me to her. I let out a sigh that I should have just done internally. God you are such a bitch right now Lizzie.

"We wanted your opinion on tryouts today. We have a few names but we wanted your opinion." I emphasize because I don't think we need her opinion. "Wow. Thank you for asking for my opinion, Captain." She says smiling and even bounces up and down in excitement. "Well, I think Julie for a backup catcher for Bailey. Darcy and Mia for designated hitters but I think Mia has a strong arm so I think she can be an outfielder too. Then I think Felicity for shortstop since she is quick. Probably the quickest person I have seen today." She says and smiles before placing her hands over her forearms. "No relief pitcher?" He asks her. She looks from him to me and back again. "Well, not to step on anyone's heels but..." God that drawl. "But I think Lizzie and I can relieve each other." I can't even hold back or how the next things come out of my mouth.

"What does that mean? I don't even play another position." My tone comes off much worse than I intended. "Hear me out." She starts while laughing and not laughing it off. It seems she didn't even notice my tone. "You have all the qualities of a pitcher. A great windmill, good under pressure, hold the team on your shoulders, good feel for the batters weak spots. I can keep going?" She asks us all. I roll my eyes. "Thank you, but no thats enough." I say flatly. "Well, you also have the qualities of a first baseman. Tall, powerful, left handed, quick reflexes, your body reacts to a hit to exactly where it's going to go... meaning when a ball is getting hit toward third base, you're body is already facing that way. You are predictive." She pauses and I start to look up in the sky as I think. "Lizzie?" Marc asks. "Hold on." I say and point my finger up. I squint my eyes before looking back down at Beka.

"Beka is right. I think that would be the best options for the team." I agree before looking at Marc. "Vic? Corrie?" Marc asks them. They look at each other and nod their head. "Alright. I will make the announcement." He says and claps his hands one time before walking off with Vic and Corrie. I look at Beka, my eyes unintentionally squinting. "What made you think of that?" I ask her. "Of what?" She asks as crosses her hands across her chest and holds her biceps. "For us to relieve each other?" I clarify. "Well, I was just spit-ballin' ideas in my head before I got here. I wasn't going to suggest it at all until you asked." She says and smiles. I look over her face. Her eyes. Her lips. Her hair. Her skin. Fuck Lizzie. Stop.

"Interesting. Well, uh, I am going to head out. I will see you tomorrow at practice, Beka." I say, kind of awkwardly before stepping back. "Bye Lizzie!" She says waving with both of her hands. I walk to my car in the parking lot and turn the engine on. I am about to put it in drive but instead, I grip the shifter tightly without moving it. I run through the entire day. All the events of the day. All that has happened. My mind races with all of these thoughts and all come to one point and one point alone before I put my car in drive.

"We are not being each other's relief pitcher. No one is taking my fucking spot."