Jessie's sleep was plagued with images of crumbling stones and the sound of crying babies. It all felt so real, an endless circle of orphans crying as ancient bricks buried their parents. Fathers who would never know their children.

She woke up in a cold sweat, her chest aching, fear still gripping her even from beyond the realm of nightmares. It took her a few moments to steady her breathing and come to terms with the fact that she was in her bed, safe.

It took another few seconds to realize that she was alone. Beating back the lingering tendrils of her nightmare, she sat up and turned on the night lamp. Jimmy's side was indeed empty, the sheets unruffled. He hadn't even come to bed. The clock next to the lamp showed it was almost three thirty in the morning.

The pain inside her chest intensified and she hoped he was at least home this time. She got out of bed and first checked the bathroom, then stepped out and made her way across the hall to the kids' room.

Robin slept peacefully in his bed, his face half buried in the pillow. Jessie ruffled his caramel hair and placed a kiss on his forehead before pulling the cover over him. Julia had also kicked the covers off, but was otherwise unmoving in her crib, which was rare. Jessie ran her hand through her black curls and gave her cheek a kiss before tucking her in and heading back out in search of Jimmy.

It didn't take her long to find him in his home office, the light of the laptop throwing grim shadows on his face. He looked exhausted as he fumbled with something which lay behind the screen.

"Jimmy, what are you doing?" she whispered.

He raised his eyes and she was shocked by the exhaustion and helplessness in them.

"Hi, sunshine. Why aren't you sleeping?"

Why aren't you? But she could tell chiding him would lead nowhere. She'd been doing it for the past two weeks. So, instead, she walked to him and propped her butt against the desk.

"I had a nightmare."

"I'm sorry."

She was sorry, too, but not like she could avoid them. Even after everything they had been through, her night terrors had faded over the years and had never been as bad as his. But now they were back full force, tormenting her, making it impossible to rest sometimes.

"It's not your fault. What are you working on?"

He gave her a curious glance, as if he wasn't sure exactly why she wasn't getting on his case for working in the middle of the night. Instead he nodded towards the keyboard. His watch lay right next to it, opened up. Tiny tools were splayed around it.

A knot lodged itself in her throat. Yes, of course. The watch. The damn watch which was eating their sanity.

"Any luck with it?"

"No."

There was so much defeat in that one word. She bit her lip so hard it hurt. "Then maybe you should just..."

"Give up?"

"Let it be."

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes, and she felt even worse if possible. But she couldn't deny it any longer. The hope was killing her. And after the news of Kay's pregnancy, it was even worse. She couldn't keep numbing her pain, claiming it was irrational. And seeing Jimmy like this as well... Tears escaped down her cheeks, but she wiped them away. This wasn't about her at the moment.

"Can I hug you?"

Jimmy started and lowered his hands. "Hug me?"

She took the missing step and sat in his lap. The warmth of his body instantly made her feel better. It also retriggered her tears, but she held them back.

"Yes, hug you."

"Why?"

That was an odd question seeing as he'd never denied her physical contact, had always enjoyed it, too.

"Hotstuff..." But she didn't know what else to say, how to approach it.

He just looked at her, his dark eyes glinting in the little light from the monitor. And at that moment she knew she had to bring it up, say it, before it tore both of them apart.

"I feel... I feel terrible."

His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed her against him. There was a certain despair to it that gave her the strength to go on with this.

"And I think... I think this isn't working. I think the hope we're trying to hold on to is killing us. I need to cry, hotstuff. I need to grieve."

He just nodded. And when he did, two tears made their way down his cheeks. "For maybe the first time in my life, I think I do, too."

No. She didn't think she'd ever seen him crying. Teary-eyed, yes, but never fully succumbing to it. And it broke her even more. But when he leaned his forehead against her shoulder, she could feel his tears. His grip on her tightened and his body shook with sobs. He was really crying, not just some lone tears.

In that moment, as he broke down in front of her, she realized it wasn't a moment of weakness. He hadn't crumbled because he was weak, but because he'd been too strong for much too long. And it only made her love him more.

She held him as tightly as she could, kissing his hair. Her own tears joined his and she let it out too, sobs and hiccups and everything, running her fingers through his hair.

It felt liberating, finally embracing her pain, allowing herself to cry because her best friend was probably dead and it broke her. And she was sure Jimmy needed it, too, to be vulnerable and hurt for his brother.

"I never thought he'd go, that I'd lose him," Jimmy mumbled between the tears. "I always thought we'd face this mess together. And because of it, I felt safe. Now I feel so alone. So lost. Broken and barely breathing."

Jessie just held him tighter. He still had her, but she knew that was not what he meant. It was about brute strength and taking down the Agency. It was about the serum and what it did to them. Because even if she and Kay both had it as well, it wasn't the same. Over the years, it hadn't manifested like it had in them. And from that standpoint, Jimmy was truly alone.

"We'll make it somehow," she whispered. "But that doesn't mean you don't have every right to miss him, to feel alone without him."

"I can't believe Kay is going to have another baby and he never knew. Will maybe never know."

Yeah, Jessie couldn't believe that either and it made her feel guilty for some reason. Maybe for not noticing sooner, for not asking and telling him herself, even if it was none of her business.

"I can't believe that either. And I wish he knew. I really do. He would've been so happy."

Jimmy raised his eyes to her. It was so strange and yet so welcomed to see him so raw and vulnerable.

"I miss him so much."

"I miss him, too," she whispered. Everything about him. His jokes, his laugh, the way he encouraged everyone, the protection he offered from everything. His loyalty and his love.

"He was the only person I've ever looked up to," Jimmy mumbled, pressing his forehead against her shoulder again. "His control, the way he faced life... Everything."

Jessie just nodded, the pain inside her chest morphing into a form of gratitude for who Kyle had been and what he'd brought into their lives. He'd walked her down the aisle, and that alone proved how much she'd respected him. How important he'd been to both her and Jimmy.

"I'm so sorry, Jimmy."

"Don't be sorry. You loved him as much as I did. I just can't believe he's gone. And what he left behind..."

The words made Jessie flinch because it brought forward an entirely different feeling. Terror and the crippling feeling that it could have been Jimmy instead of him. Because if Kyle could fall, then so could anyone else.

"I'm so scared," she whispered.

He pulled back an inch. There were still tears in his eyes, but the mild crease between them showed he sensed this was about something else.

"I don't want to lose you, too," she whispered.

She expected him to alleviate her fears, claim that it wouldn't happen. The fact that he didn't proved how much what had happened had really gotten to him. Instead of an answer, he pulled her closer and kissed her.

It was intense and all-consuming. He needed her, the intimacy they shared, to mend, and she needed him as well. There was no room for lies between them.

"I love you so much," he breathed between kisses.

"Me too. And as horrible as it sounds, at least it wasn't you. I don't know what I would've done, if I could've handled it."

"You're strong," he said, kissing her jaw.

"But I don't want to have to be strong." Another thought made her shudder. "Did you have a letter ready for me, too?"

He stopped kissing her neck and watched her. The tears were finally gone, but the pain was still there.

"Yes."

"And what did it say?"

Maybe it was a morbid question and wrong. The sudden thought that he might just give her the letter terrified her. She didn't want to read something meant to be read in case he was dead.

"That you gave me the best life I could've hoped for," he said instead.

It was enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again, fiercely, letting him know she wanted much more from him. All of him. To feel safe again, loved. To feel hope.

He got the message and stood from the chair, holding her curled up against him. When he kissed her back, it was with the same abandonment and need. And when they finally reached their room and he lay her back on the bed, she felt a bit better. It always worked for them. They always found solace in each other.

Which was why Jessie was terrified that he was wrong. If anything happened to him, she wasn't sure she could handle it.

🧭

There was nothing but darkness and pain. After a while, there was also water, dripping, drowning, fading into nothingness.

Everything was fading. His senses, his consciousness, his desire to remain in this drifting state that seemed to go nowhere.

There was movement, and every muscle ached. Every bone. Every breath. Yes, he was still breathing, and it was that thought that drove his body forward. Where to, he had no idea and he didn't care. He couldn't focus through the pain anyway.

It was just that.

Another inch, another breath, another heartbeat until there would be no more.

Until the pain would be over and the darkness would be free of the dripping of water, of the chill against his skin.

Skin. He still had skin. And nausea, and confusion.

There was nothing but pain and darkness. Nausea. Drowning. Panting for air that never came. Burning and stabbing.

Nothingness.

So much nothingness, as if he were merely a half-forgotten memory of better times, times he couldn't remember. There was something out there, something important. Maybe purpose. But inside, there was only darkness.

Then, all of a sudden, there was color. A dull grey and murky green. Then black again. Then maybe light.

The burning in his muscles, in his body. He still had a body. But it seemed nothing but a vehicle for the pain.

Something went down his throat, drowning him again. He tried to push it out, but it gurgled inside him, filling his lungs, his chest. It hurt again, as if something crashed on top of him, pushing, breaking him.

Nausea again.

Then there was nothing.

He remembered this, the sensation of floating in a cave with the distant echoing sound of dripping water for company. There was nothing else. No breathing, no sound of pounding heartbeat.

And just like he'd known back then, he knew it now. He was dead or dying.

You can't do this. Get up!

The voice was vaguely familiar, drilling through the nothingness.

You're stronger than this. Get up, goddammit!

More pain to his chest, more pressure on him. And through the pain, he saw her.

Light blue-eyes sparkling with mischief, rosy lips upturned in a smile, her face framed by golden hair. She looked exhausted, her cheeks flushed, but she shone with happiness.

We did it! Look at what we've made!

In a flash of light, everything rolled in front of his eyes, one giant blur of the purest happiness.

Kay. Jenny and Alex.

Everything burned again and the drowning sensation was back, smothering him. Then there was darkness.

Come on.

A dark blue sky strewn with stars came into view.

He frowned and the image blurred. The next time he became aware of anything, there were only flames, orange, red and yellow battling for dominance. But it was just that. A moving image without the sound, the smell or the warmth to accompany it.

He focused inward, and in the echo within himself he found no heartbeat and no breath. It was just the flames.

Then, there was nothing.

You can't do this to me. Come on!

The voice was annoyed. Persistent, encouraging in appearance but always so angry.

The fact that he couldn't identify it was also starting to bother him. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? It was too late. Every sound was gone. All he had left to do was sink into the darkness. But they wouldn't let him, drowning him, breaking him.

The thought felt wrong. Not about the voice and the pain they were inflicting, but about the darkness. Sinking into it couldn't be his only option.

Come on, Kyle! Get up!

The name sounded strange coming from him. Had he ever used it before?

But the sound of it morphed into someone else saying it.

I love you so much, Kyle.

Her shining eyes again, the way she looked at him with all the love in the world. And it wasn't just her. He had children, a family. People who counted on him.

The darkness was not an option.

So the next time flames came into view, they were joined by an array of other sensations. Warmth, crackling, smell of burnt wood. Heavy breathing, the pounding of his pulse in his ears.

Pain. The fucking pain.

He shut his eyes tightly but couldn't hold in a groan as he tried to shift. There was no use. His body was completely unresponsive.

The sounds of fast movement broke through the white noise in his ears. Then someone touched his forehead and he forced his eyes open again. Dark blue eyes stared at him and for a second he was convinced he'd gone crazy and was actually staring at himself.

"Fucking great. You're burning up again," the other Kyle muttered.

Except it wasn't his voice. And once his vision cleared, it wasn't his face either. The shock was so powerful, his body actually lurched. And with it came the nausea.

He barely managed to tip over and avoid choking on his own vomit. It still made his entire body heave, bringing with it so much pain he was convinced he'd blacked out again.

When he could finally focus, there was still fire, he could feel the heat and hear it crackle, but he was staring at a canopy of greenery. The faintest patch of late night sky was visible between various leaves.

His body was numb, and he didn't try to feel it anymore. He was convinced it still hurt. Just like every ragged breath he took seemed to burn right through him. He shut his eyes and opened them again. The sky was still there. Was he alone? The thought terrified him for some reason.

But like an answer, there was movement. Someone put their hand on his forehead. It was cold, like death. His eyes moved from the sky to the person next to him. And the shock made him almost throw up again.

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, just a low gurgle, as if he were drowning.

"Here." Snitch Gravel tilted him over, as if anticipating he wanted to barf.

Once he reached a leaning position over the ground, water made its way up his throat and he spit it out. It left behind a burn and lightheadedness that made him sure he was hallucinating everything.

He was tilted back and found himself staring at the sky again.

"Can you hear me?" Snitch Gravel asked.

Kyle moved his gaze from the sky to the man next to him, but didn't answer. He didn't think he could.

"Well, that's an improvement," Snitch Gravel mumbled. He took something out and broke it, then pressed what looked like a tiny phial to his lips. "Drink this."

He didn't want to, but since he couldn't move, he didn't have much of a choice. He could barely feel the liquid going down his throat.

"Now rest."

The voice mixed with the void and for a moment, reality shifted. When he could focus again, it was raining. There was a sort of half-canopy doing a piss-poor job at protecting him from the weather, but it made sure the rain didn't drown him.

This time, the awareness came with pins and needless that had him sucking air through his teeth. The sound of movement from where he lay preceded the appearance of his hallucination.

Snitch Gravel placed his hand on his forehead again, a look of concentration on his face that didn't reveal anything. Maybe a strangeness that he would care to be there at all. A million questions bombarded Kyle's mind, but he wasn't sure he could speak.

"You seem better," Snitch Gravel mumbled. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah."

He'd produced words. Which should be great progress, except he couldn't feel shit, really. The pain and the sensation of being wet should be there. But then again, maybe it was better not to feel at the moment.

"Am I hallucinating?" Apparently full sentences were also possible, even if his own words seemed to echo in his ears.

"It depends now. If I'm an ice cream unicorn, it is possible."

There was a inkling of the desire to laugh, but he was sure it would be painful, so he didn't follow up on it. "I don't know. You're more like that rainbow pooping pop tart cat."

Snitch Gravel snorted and moved away. All was silent once again, and after a while Kyle wondered if he was trapped in a nightmare. None of this made sense and he couldn't focus beyond just being awake and watching rain drops slide down giant leaves. He didn't have the strength to try to remember what had happened, where he was and why.

The images shifted again, and the next time awareness hit him, it came with a numbness that had him groaning. Yep, he felt a little more alive now, but his entire body felt heavy and sluggish. At least he could feel it, and the pain was manageable. If he tried hard enough, he could even move, and as he turned over, his skin feeling as if it were about to snap, he came face to face with a fire. It was night again.

There was no sign of Snitch Gravel, but Kyle wasn't sure he'd been there in the first place. Though why his brain would decide to produce something like that was beyond him. Since he was alone, he focused on his surroundings.

Jungle, right. Brazil. And he was there because... The question brought forth an avalanche of information which got his head pounding and denied all the answers. All he knew was that he'd nearly died somehow.

"You're up." Snitch Gravel appeared again and dropped into a sitting position next to the fire.

That was when Kyle realized he wasn't laying on the jungle floor, but on some sort of improvised cot.

"Am I on a bed?"

"Yeah. I thought it would be useful not to let every bug get into your open wounds."

The idea that Snitch Gravel built a bed for him had Kyle's head pounding again. "What happened?"

"You tell me."

He couldn't, not yet. "What are you doing here?" He refrained from asking if he was real in the first place.

Snitch Gravel hesitated, and it felt a little disconcerting to see him like that. Kyle wasn't exactly sure why yet, but he had a feeling he didn't want all the potentially painful memories back. Though as the seconds of silence ticked by, certain things resurfaced to capture his wondering attention.

"The jewel," he breathed. 

That's why they'd been in a jungle in the first place. All this mess had happened because they'd all decided to go in one final time and finish what they'd started so many years ago. Grab the last jewel before the Agency did. Before Snitch Gravel did, because they still had no idea what he was planning to do with them.

And with that, everything came crashing down. The shrine, the tunnel, the traps. The chess room and being separated from Kay, asking them all to get out of there before they died, too. At that moment, he'd been sure he was dead. And now as he lay back on a cot made by Snitch Gravel, he began wondering how come he wasn't.

"It's always the jewel," Snitch Gravel admitted, though the note of hesitance was still there.

"Did you get it?" Kyle asked. Did his brothers? Were they even alive anymore?

The question had him trying to sit up, but the nausea was back worse than ever, accompanied by a pounding in his head and a burning pain in his muscles. What the hell happened to him?

"You should lay down. I don't think you're well enough to sit yet."

Snitch Gravel's voice got lost among the feeling of suffocation and breaking bones. The colors twisted around him, and then he was once again drenched in darkness.

🧭🧭🧭

Okay, honestly, how much do you love me right now? Give me all the love! And it turned out in a more interesting way than you probably imagined.

Also I finally got the chance to use the series tagline. Double yay for me!

But you do know this means I have to ruin something else. Stick around to find out what.

Vote and comment for support!