Jimmy typed away at his laptop, but he couldn't help but throw his watch a glance every few seconds. He'd taken it off and it lay on his desk, silent and useless.

What had happened? It had been over a week and the death signal hadn't gone off on Kyle's watch. Did this mean he wasn't dead, or that he'd been right and the damn thing broke before it could provide any useful information? Maybe it just ran out of batteries which was the most frustrating possibility.

He'd used the tracking request command, but it remained unanswered which proved that Kyle wasn't alright. However, it didn't prove that he was dead. He had nothing.

"Fucking hell!"

He dropped his work on the newest safety protocols for their houses and picked up the watch. What stopped him from trying to just locate the chip inside it?

No battery, no GPS. And he'd never done something like that before, so he wasn't exactly sure how to start tracking a random chip and override a system he himself had programmed to need tracking permission.

But the longer his watch was silent, the more obsessed he became with it. He'd chosen to hold on to hope, to believe, and now it was driving him insane. So insane, he didn't even dare share it with Jessie.

Alone in the Agency research department, he was free to freak the fuck out as much as he wanted. He could take a five minute break for that before he returned to tightening the security around their homes.

"Jimmy?"

Or not. He turned his attention towards the door where Corey Flynn leaned against the jamb and knocked on it as if he weren't already inside.

"Not now, Corey."

Corey didn't listen. He huffed and let himself in, closing the door behind him. Jimmy should've locked it.

"That's all everyone tells me, but I can't keep putting this off. It's been almost two weeks."

Jimmy narrowed his eyes as the frustration and annoyance inside him found a target. A part of him was aware it was wrong, but the serum had been bubbling inside him for days, begging for some form of release.

It wasn't the first time. It pushed him every time he was frustrated, but when it got too much he used to solve the problem by sparring with Kyle. It was the only way to let it out without potentially hurting someone. But now that it was precisely his comfort that was gone...

"Try," he said between his teeth, hoping the kid got the hint.

"No, thanks. I'm done with that." Corey dropped on the chair in front Jimmy's desk. "I need to know what to do."

"And whatever gives you the idea I can tell you that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but someone needs to. With Kyle gone--"

The words made Jimmy wince. Yes, he was aware of it, but it didn't hurt any less to hear it. Every. Damn. Time. Almost two weeks. Two weeks was nothing.

"I'm not his replacement." He tried to keep his tone as calm as possible, but he wasn't sure he was doing a very good job. His ears buzzed with the serum's attempts to set him off. "William is in charge of training and recruitment now so if you have any questions--"

"You know that's not what I'm talking about."

Of course Jimmy knew that, but it didn't mean any of them had pulled themselves together enough to even begin thinking about what Corey meant.

"That's what you should be talking about."

"Well, I'm not. Before you guys left on the mission, Kyle updated the doomsday protocol and I wanted to know--"

Jimmy couldn't do this. His fist landed on the desk and the noise shut Corey up.

"I'm not Kyle. I'm not going to replace him!"

Corey raised his hands in surrender. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what do you want?"

It was so hard to get words out, make them sound coherent. Jimmy closed his eyes and took it a deep breath, trying to force himself back in time, into Harumi Kato's house in the Japanese mountains. Channel the feeling his special tea gave him, use that memory to control his darkness and turn it into light.

The silence stretched on as he morphed his rage into peace and calmed the poison running through his veins.

"Kyle gave me the key." Corey said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it."

Jimmy's eyes shot open, and the rage fortunately fizzled. "What did he tell you to do?"

"Use it in case you guys didn't return."

"But we did." He didn't.

"Yes, I know. Which is why you should decide if you want to take it back or not."

"Did you talk to Sam about this?"

Corey shook his head. "He didn't want to listen either. But, unlike you, he actually left before I got this far. You just..."

Lost his shit, but Jimmy was not going to admit that. "Did you look inside?"

Corey hesitated for a few moments. "No," he said, but sounded unsure. "And I'm not sure if I shouldn't if you guys don't want to be involved in this anymore."

Shit. They couldn't not be involved in it, as much as Jimmy hated the idea of replacing Kyle. "What did Kyle tell you to do?"

"He didn't really tell me. But his advice was not to look inside if I could avoid it."

Oh yes, Jimmy knew too well what knowing the truth could result in. He'd experienced it first hand.

"Well, it's your choice, really. I don't see the need to take your key back since you'll be the one to use it eventually. But my advice is to follow your gut. If you trusted Kyle, then you know what you have to do."

Corey let out a sound as if he'd choked on something, but nodded and stood. "That's why I haven't opened it yet. But..." He bit his lip, sorrow taking over his feature. "Unfortunately, you'll have to decide if you try going for the jewel again. And in any case, if you still want to go through with doomsday." On that note, he let himself out.

Jimmy put the heels of his palms over his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Yes, the kid was right. They couldn't pretend that Kyle's death had changed everything, that they could ignore or discard all their hard work over the years.

It felt impossible, but they had to make a choice, make a decision.

Jimmy huffed. As much as Kyle had always avoided leading and taking responsibility, he'd apparently become the true head of a rebellion.

And without him, they felt lost.

🧭

Work did the trick and allowed Kay a few blissful moment in which she had to focus so hard, everything else left her mind. Of course, after she finished analyzing blood samples or fingerprints, the guilt threatened to smother her.

Come on. It's not like I can think about him every hour of every day. She didn't use to even when he was alive. Except back then her heart filled with joy whenever it was time to go home to her family. Whenever she thought about him and the kids. The warmth was gone now.

Yes, she couldn't wait to see the kids and cuddle with them for the night. But the fact that she'd picked up the habit of sleeping with them only underlined why she was doing it. Because Kyle was no longer there. And it wasn't just her heart but her body as well that ached for him.

"You can go home, you know," Francine, her colleague said, labeling the latest evidence.

Kay pulled away from the microscope and rubbed her eyes. They stung, probably dry from all her previous crying. But she'd managed to go the entire work day without shedding a single tear.

"I'm fine. I'll finish comparing these samples and then go."

Francine gave her a sideways glance as if she wanted to ask something, but Kay pretended not to take notice. She really didn't want to discuss what had happened, especially with Francine who was sometimes a little too curious.

Francine finally shrugged and continued putting bags of evidence in cardboard boxes. Kay was glad she dropped the subject, but the following moment sucked air through her teeth as a jolt went through her lower belly. She put her hand over it and the pain subsided almost at once. She'd most likely been standing for too long. Her lower back hurt a little as well.

"You okay there?" Francine asked, coming over.

"Yeah. But maybe you're right. Maybe I should just put these away and call it a day."

Francine nodded, glancing from her to the hand she still held over her belly. "Is there some--"

"Can you help me with these?" Kay pushed a trey of blood samples towards her. "We can work faster together."

The other woman watched her suspiciously, but fortunately didn't say anything else and the two of them managed to put everything away in a matter of minutes. Kay shrugged off her lab coat, said goodbye to Francine, and headed out.

Her head pounded a little, but she was sure it was just the weariness. She placed her hand over her belly, and the warmth of the touch made her feel much better. It was time to go home.

She started down the corridor, but faltered as she reached the door to Kyle's office. Pain radiated through her. Yes, she'd passed it that morning, but the door had been closed. Why was it open now? Were they clearing it out? The thought hurt, even if it made perfect sense, because someone had to take his place.

Like in a trance, she stepped inside. It hadn't been cleared out. It still smelled like him, his spare uniform shirt still hung off the chair, and his desk was just as messy as always.

With a fond smile, she circled it and picked up the picture frame she'd gifted him. It held four pictures. One of them at prom, one from their wedding, one of the kids and one of all four of them. Her eyes focused on the picture of her and Kyle in high school. They had changed since then, both of them looking more mature, more guarded. The night of their prom was probably the last time they'd been happy without a dark shadow looming in the back of their minds. They'd been so innocent then, so in love.

Well, that hadn't changed. Kay could see it in the other photographs. The way they looked at each other, the way they smiled, it all spoke of the depth of their feelings, of how much they'd meant to each other.

Don't let go till we die.

"It was supposed to be 'we', Kyle, not 'you'," she whispered.

Think of what we had as something beautiful.

It was, the most wonderful thing in the world. And how exactly was she supposed to move on from that?

"Did Kay leave?"

Eric's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. He sounded close, probably at his desk which was right outside Kyle's office.

"She just left the lab, but leave her alone, Matthews," Francine said, sounding exasperated.

There was a short pause. "I just wanted to ask if she needed anything."

"Her husband just died. Can't you let her be?"

"What's that supposed to mean? She's my friend," Eric said, sounding rightfully affronted.

Francine let out one of those mean laughs Kay hated so much. "Your friend? Please, you've been in love with her for years!"

Kay scoffed. Sure, she'd been aware Eric had had a crush on her, but that had been years ago. Now, they truly were just work friends. Except he wasn't saying anything.

"Seriously?" Francine asked. "So what now? Are you going to start dating her? Marry her? Raise another man's children?"

The words made Kay wince because it was much to soon for her to even hear something like that, let alone think about it.

"And why are you saying it like it's a bad thing?" Eric asked, his tone quiet.

Kay's hands tightened against the picture frame, her eyes fixed on the photos of her and Kyle.

"You're young, Eric," Francine said, her tone much softer. "You deserve to have a family of your own, with a woman who will put you first."

There was another pause. "Look, I know she's grieving, but I can wait. She's definitely worth it."

"Eric, she's pregnant."

Kay drew in a deep breath, hating Francine and her seniority and experience. It was definitely none of her business.

"So what?" Eric asked, sounding annoyed. "That actually means she needs someone to be by her side even more."

"They're Kyle's children--"

"And he was an amazing man. But why are we even discussing this? I'm not going to push myself on Kay. I just want to help her. And if that will ever lead to more, then fine. If not, I'm ready to accept it."

Kay's eyes filled with tears and she lay the frame down. Eric was sweet and she cared about him. His loyalty to both her and Kyle, his desire to take care of her and help raise her kids tugged at her heart. But Francine was right. She didn't love him and they were Kyle's kids. All three of them. She placed her hand over her stomach.

As much as she'd avoided thinking about it, there was no use. She had to admit it to herself and embrace it. She was pregnant. But just like before they'd left for their disastrous mission, she wasn't going to let anyone know. Because eventually, they'd have to go back in there and find the jewel and there was no way she was sitting this one out.

Kyle had been right. This was who they were and she would fight for the right thing.

But what would happen afterwards? If they all went into hiding, would she even get the chance to move on? Was Eric her Christine and she couldn't see it yet? The thought made her sick and brought with it too much guilt. No one could ever replace Kyle.

Francine and Eric seemed to have gone, so, throwing it one last longing look, she left the office and headed out as well. Her kids were at Jimmy and Jessie's this time and she should go pick them up. Or just stay the night like she'd ended up doing at whichever house she left the kids. Everyone always asked her to stay over and she didn't refuse. Just the thought of sleeping alone in her house made her tremble.

But this time, as she drove, her thoughts refused to settle, swarming around her head like angry wasps. What would Kyle have her do? What would he want for her?

I just want you to be happy.

Yes, but she couldn't do that without him. At least no yet. And, unfortunately, the time constraint was getting to her. Both for the mission and potentially blowing up the Agency. What would happen then?

Lost in thought, she found herself pulling over in the parking lot of the graveyard. Why exactly she was here, she had no idea, but she still got out and walked over to his grave. The flowers were still fresh. She sat on top of it and leaned her shoulder against the headstone, tracing her fingers on his engraved name.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered. "All I know is that I miss you. And I want you back."

But that was impossible, and she had to learn to live with it.

"You're not even here. But I don't know where else to look, what to do. I wish..." She sniffed, trying to prevent more tears, but there was no use. They flowed on her cheeks, hot and salty. "I wish... I can't even wish we were both in the ground. Because you're right. We have the kids now. I have to take care of them, raise them to remember and love you."

This was horrid. And what made it worse was that she'd always known it was a possibility, but she'd denied it so hard. Hoped that if she refused to acknowledge it, it wouldn't happen. But it had. What if it had been her and she'd left nothing behind? Left him with nothing?

"I'm so sorry," she said, her voice barely discernable between the tears. "That I didn't give you more, that we couldn't have more time." Her fingers traced the K in his name. "That I didn't tell you you're going to be a daddy again, just like we wanted. It happened. And now..." She swallowed heavily. "Now they'll never know you and you'll never know them and it kills me."

"Kay?"

She jumped and turned to look over her shoulder. Sam stood three headstones down, in front of Skye's grave, a fresh bouquet of red roses in his hand, watching her in shock.

Praying to God he hadn't heard her, Kay gave him a lazy wave. She couldn't be bothered to stand. Sam lay the flowers down, put his hand on the headstone and took a few moments, then he headed for her and sat down next to her.

Kay found herself loosening up once he didn't ask anything. For a few minutes, they both sat in silence, her still mindlessly tracing her fingers over the writing.

"I miss him, too," Sam suddenly said.

"You still miss Skye."

He hesitated for a moment, but seemed to decide against lying. "Yes. I won't deny that I'm happy now, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her. That I don't sometimes wonder what would have happened if she'd never died."

His words sent a pang of agony through Kay's heart. If Sam still heart after successfully moving on, then what hope was there for her?

"Don't stress yourself," Sam said as if reading her mind. "Don't even think about the future now or moving on or your guilt over it. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," she managed to choke out. "I have to think about the future, about the kids."

"No, you don't. Not now. Not when every breath you take feels like betrayal."

Yeah, that was true. She turned to face Sam and his soft smiled made some of the pain go away.

"There will be a time when you will be ready. When you'll think about him with love and be grateful for everything you shared, but know that you have to go forward. Now is not that time. Now it feels impossible. It won't forever."

"You and Christine..."

"Christine and I were incidental," Sam said, heaving a sigh. "If it wasn't for Japan it might have taken us years to reconnect. But it was what it was and... You know. Camp syndrome."

More like torture chamber syndrome. The mere memory of Japan had Kay shuddering. She had no desire to return there, even as a tourist.

"The point is, don't try. To either move on, or not. It's the only way not to go insane. Take it as it is, one breath at a time. Then one minute, one hour, one day. Enjoy what you have. And it will get easier. I promise."

Kay reached out and caught Sam in a hug, resting her forehead against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and wrapped her back. The gesture sent fresh tears into her eyes.

"I know how you feel," he whispered. "And if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. I mean it. Whenever. Even if it's three a.m."

"Thanks," she muttered, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"Any time." He smiled at her, got to his feet and reached out his hand. "Let me get you to your car."

She nodded and took his hand. In that second, she realized that having Sam there was a great advantage, because she wasn't alone. He had been and still pulled through. And if he could, then there was hope for her as well.

🧭

Jessie watched Kay as she held the mug of tea tightly between her hands. She looked pale and shaky, bits of mud and grass still on her pants.

"You want me to put those in the wash?" she asked.

Her voice came out wheezy, but damn it, she hated this. Trying to put on a brave face, hold on to hope. The hope was killing her, denying her the possibility to grieve. Why would she if she believed Kyle was still alive?

But as the days passed and there was no sign, her denial weighed heavily on her. She could see it in Jimmy as well. He became quite, distant, burying himself in work, spending nights at the Agency on his safety protocols.

Then there was the matter of Kay and seeing her and everyone else hurting. It chipped at Jessie, made her feel like she couldn't breathe.

"Yeah, I should," Kay mumbled. "As soon as I have enough energy to get off my ass."

Jessie gave her a tight smile. Kay looked exhausted, but Jessie couldn't blame her. She'd probably be a mess, too, if something happened to Jimmy. The thought twisted her gut and she focused on digging out some biscuits in case Kay wanted some with tea. Hell, she desperately needed some chocolate herself.

"Hey." Jimmy made his way into the kitchen carrying three empty glasses.

"What are the kids doing?" Jessie asked, grateful for the distraction.

"They're plying with Jules, teaching her how to cook."

"I hope they're using the plastic set and not playdoh." She did not feel like cleaning clay off the carpet.

"Yeah, the plastic set." Jimmy turned on the faucet and started washing the glasses.

"You okay?" Kay asked.

Jessie winced, but Jimmy's bad mood was obvious from the clipped way in which he spoke. He'd probably put all his efforts into looking fine in front of the kids.

He glanced over his shoulder. "Better than you, apparently."

"Jimmy!"

Kay just gave him a bitter smile. "I think everyone is better than me at the moment."

He turned to face them, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm not denying that. It's just..." He looked up, thoughtful.

Kay suddenly looked wary and turned her attention to Jessie. Her eyes then moved to the open cabinet in which she'd been searching for sweets. "Wow, you still have some of that sweet preserves stuff?"

"Huh?" Jessie focused on the cabinet again and couldn't help a smile. "Oh yeah, the syrupy fruit stuff Kyle made for us when we were pregnant." She took out the jar, glancing at the floating fruit.

"It was shocking, really," Kay said. "The only thing he could make without blowing up the kitchen." She hesitated for a second. "Can I have it?"

"Sure." Jessie put the jar down, wondering why it hurt to hand over something she was unlikely to eat outside of pregnancy cravings. She'd even forgotten she still had this. But now, it felt like she was giving a tiny piece of Kyle away.

Without further ado, Kay opened the jar and grabbed a spoon from a nearby drawer. Jessie stared as she dug in. She'd thought Kay wanted to take the jar home, not eat it right there and then. But there was more pleasure on her face than Jessie had seen in weeks.

"God, this thing is so sweet, but sooo good," Kay mumbled, picking out what looked like half a peach and plopping it into her mouth.

Jessie turned to Jimmy, wanting to share an amused glanced, but was shocked by the focus on her husband's face. He narrowed his eyes, taking Kay in as if trying to determine something.

"How far along are you?" he suddenly asked.

Kay jumped and dropped the spoon.

"Jimmy, what?" Jessie meant to slap his shoulder, but instead ended up clasping it for support once his words fully registered.

Kay sat frozen for a second, but then grabbed the spoon again, though her next scoop was with a lot less gusto. "That's silly, Jimmy. Just because I felt like rotting my teeth with this, it doesn't mean that I'm--"

Jimmy shook his head. "Oh, that's just the icing on the cake. Your refusal to drink energy drinks, suddenly giving up on coffee, throwing up in the jungle. Even your mourning. Kay, you've gotten thin, but your pants are unbuttoned."

Jessie stared from him to her, wondering if she should grill Kay as well or chastise him for butting in. But if it was true...

"Don't lie to us," he said, his tone much softer. "I know why you're doing it, but don't."

Tears filled Kay's eyes and she gritted her teeth. It was all the answer Jessie needed. She sat at the table next to Kay and took her hand. The news shocked her a little, but it also gave her hope. And broke her heart, because if Kyle really was dead...

"Did he know?" she asked, even if she could easily guess the answer. If he had, Kay wouldn't have set foot in that jungle to begin with.

Kay shook her head and the tears slid down her cheeks. "And now I feel just awful for not telling him. But at the time, it felt right."

"Did you guys plan it or was it unexpected?"

She wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath. "We wanted it, but it was before we knew Sam found the jewel. If we'd known, we would've waited."

The words sent Jessie's stomach to her throat, reminding her of her own pact with Jimmy. Escape the madness first. Except for Kay and Kyle, there had been no escape.

"We'll be here," Jimmy said, his voice low. "To help you with anything you might need and support you through everything. But please, let's not keep things from each other. We're in this together."

Kay shifted in her seat, but nodded. "Okay, I know. But... I know."

Jimmy walked over and caught her in a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around his and leaned her head on his chest, tears falling down her cheeks.

Jessie turned away. Her heart was breaking and she had no idea how much more of this she could take.

🧭🧭🧭

The cat's finally out of the bag. But with how overprotective Jimmy is, does that mean it's the end of the adventure for Kay?

Also, yes, they still have to take care of all that Agency madness. And there's more coming to terms with what happened. You also get to see more of Eric. I guess he stayed loyal to Kay over the years, so she technically has a way out.

Things are getting a tiny bit more complicated. All thoughts are appreciated.

Look forward to the next chapter when I continue breaking more people because screw happiness in this book.

Don't forget to vote and comment for support.