Kay could remember the first time she'd thought her life had shattered. 

It was in that moment when her ex-boyfriend Donnie had punched her for trying to break up with him and her parents had taken his side.

During that time, she'd just lost William and she was convinced that her life would be one endless storm. But, of course, at that time, she'd had Kyle.

She'd since had him in every difficult moment of her life because somehow he remembered that it was his job to always be there, to wipe her eyes and help her breathe.

But now, when she was left without him, how was she supposed to do that? The thought plagued her as she lay curled up in bed, hugging his pillow. The sheets still smelled like him. Like them. What would happen after she washed them? After enough time passed and his scent no longer lingered in the house?

"Hey, I brought you some tea." Angie sat next to her, holding a steaming mug.

Kay nodded, unable to speak. She'd been silent for hours and now she was afraid her voice would break, that she'd start crying again. She'd just managed to stop.

"It's okay if you don't want it," Angie said, her voice soothing. "You can tell me to go away."

"No." The word was ragged, but she managed to get it out as she sat up.

Angie had been right. Lying around, mourning, crying without being worried that the kids would see her, having Angie cater to her, it all helped. She still felt like shit, but the feeling that someone was there, that she was cared for took the edge off.

Angie smiled and passed her the steaming mug. Kay took it and held it against her chest, enjoying the warmth and the smell of lime. Yes, little thing could still bring her joy.

Her heart convulsed at the thought. It felt like a betrayal of her love for Kyle.

Liking tea doesn't mean you love me less.

The thought came in his voice, so real she was half-convinced he was back and speaking. The momentary hope crashed into nothingness around her and a sob escaped her lips.

"Oh, Kay." Angie moved over and wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly.

Kay held on to the mug, trying to hold back her tears, and not because of Angie, but because her head hurt and she was sick of crying. All the crying in the world was not going to bring Kyle back. Her gaze moved to the photo on the night desk, the one of her and Kyle and the kids being so happy.

She'd left the silly sticky note on it, too aware that it was Kyle's handwriting and she might never see it again.

"I know it sucks, I know it's terrible," Angie whispered.

She didn't, not really. Not to this extent, though she'd had bits and pieces of the experience. The only one who knew how Kay felt was Sam, and she'd considered many times talking to him again, sharing her grief with him. Maybe he had some helpful advice. Though when they did speak, right before Angie came over to stay, he hadn't had much to offer.

"Skye left me a letter," he'd said. "And it helped me get through it because I felt she was there, holding me up. I know you and Kyle were connected enough so that you'd know what he'd say in any given situation. Let him help you through it."

It made sense at the time, but after a few hours, she started dreading that she couldn't do it. Yes, she knew him so well, but she had no idea what he'd actually say in a moment like this because they'd never faced anything even remotely similar.

What she wouldn't give to have one short letter as well. She had a photo, she guessed, one of many. She reached out and took it, looking beyond the note, at their smiling faces. How could she have been so happy mere weeks ago?

A jolt in her belly had her dropping both the photo and the mug. The ceramic fell on the glass of the frame and broke it into pieces. Hot tea spread over the carpet and splashed her feet.

"Kay, are you alright?" Angie pulled away, a look of worry on her face. Her eyes moved from Kay's face to the hand on her belly. "Are you--?"

"This sucks," she said between her teeth. "All the pain and the anxiety give me cramps." Which was true.

"Yeah, true." Angie crouched and started picking up the shards. "I know too well how it feels to have everything hurting for no reason just to provide an outlet for what's inside."

Kay nodded because it made sense. But if this continued after she calmed down, she had to see a doctor.

"Um, Kay?" Angie stood, holding the frame. Once the glass was broken something poked out from under the photograph.

Kay's eyes widened and she grabbed it right away. There were two folded sheets of paper there. Kyle had meant for her to break the glass literally when she'd thought he was joking. She unfolded them quickly and her breath hitched in her throat. One seemed to be the letter she'd craved for. The other was his will.

"Angie, could you..." The words faded as she took in the letter, the words he meant her to read scribbled in his familiar handwriting.

Angie nodded and left her to it, taking the remainder of the mug with her.

Once alone, Kay could finally focus on the meaning or the words rather than his handwriting.

Dear Kay,

You know how you always joked that I have lyrics superpowers? Well, that doesn't translate to writing letters and this is maybe take one million because this is SO hard to write. But here goes nothing.

Sweetheart, if you're reading this, I'm most probably dead. If I'm not and you stumbled upon it accidentally... oops? I'm a moron.

The thing is, I need to do this. Because maybe, just maybe, at some point my luck will run out. I know I'm reckless and that I put myself in danger constantly and it probably backfired at some point.

But I need you to understand that this is who I am, who I was. Who we both were. We couldn't live our lives without taking chances, without doing the right thing. And I've always done everything I could, tried to be the best I could be, give it my all. I did it for myself and I did it for you. Because you deserved no less.

Maybe I was crazy, but changing things is always hard. And I tried. I don't feel like I had a choice. I don't feel like any of us did. Because it was either this life or failure. Whatever happened, whatever took me away from you and the kids... I'm sure I'd do it all again and that it was the right thing to do.

And here comes the hard part.

I know you feel broken right now, like nothing makes sense. But the pain will fade and you have Jenny and Alex. They need their strong mom. And you ARE strong.

It will hurt like a bitch for a while. But in the end, it will fade. And all I want is for you to be happy. What we had was amazing and I hope that's how you'll remember it. Our love shouldn't destroy you. Find strength in it, in everything we went through.

Don't lock yourself away, don't feel like you're betraying me if you can watch a sunrise with hope in your heart, if you can find love and happiness again. You know that I've only ever wanted to see you smile, hear you laughing. And you have so much beauty in your life.

Don't be afraid to walk on with your head held high, to accept the kindness and help of others, to fall in love again. It won't mean you love me any less and I know that.

I'll always be in your life, in your heart. But you have so much to give.

Kay let out a sob and lowered the letter. Her vision was too blurry to continue reading. But she'd expected this from him. He trusted her, believed in her. And he was right.

What they'd had was wonderful and she would find strength in it, not let it bring her down. She didn't agree with the part about her moving on, though. How could anyone move on from him?

But Sam was right. Now that she had this letter, his final words, she felt a bit more at peace. Especially since the end provided her with the words she never wanted to forget.

You are the strongest person I know. A fighter. You and the kids were my world. You were the first person to truly love me for who I was, all my darkness included. And for that I will always love you, even beyond the grave.

Someway, somehow, we'll see each other again. Because as corny as it was the first time I said it, I meant it.

I'll be looking for you in every life.

I love you, Kay. Be happy. You more than deserve it.

Forever yours,

Kyle

Tears ran down her cheeks again, but they no longer felt heavy or stifling. More like a healing balm, soothing her insides. She had this from him, and it helped more than she could've imagined.

After another complete read-through, she lay it aside on the bed, next to her, and focused on the other paper. As expected, Kyle had split everything into equal parts between her and the kids and she was to administer his estate until Alex and Jenny turned eighteen.

There was nothing dramatic in there like it had been in Freider's case and for a fleeting moment, Kay wondered how Maxi would feel about it, knowing that Kyle hadn't mentioned her or his brothers in his will.

The thought brought on anger and guilt in equal measures. A part of her was sorry for her outburst at the funeral, but the rest of her never wanted to see Maxi Grant again. That selfish, pretentious woman who dared control her son's death as if she had any idea about his wishes. About his life.

But as Kay picked up the letter once again, she realized it didn't matter. Maxi had never had Kyle and it was her own fault. He'd loved her. And it was enough at the moment.

"Hey," Angie whispered from the doorway. There was another cup of tea in her hands. "Are you alright."

Kay nodded and patted the bed next to her. "He left me a letter. I think... Well, I'm guessing the idea came from Skye because we all know how much her letters helped us move on. And it did help. A lot."

Angie smiled, though there was definite pain behind it. "That's great."

"You miss him, too, don't you?"

She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "And it's not even because of how it broke you, but-- Look, maybe I shouldn't be getting into this. After all, it's your time to grieve."

"It's okay, Angie. I'm here for you as well. You can tell me."

She took in a deep, shuddering breath. "You're so strong. I can see that, even beyond your tears, and you have no idea how much I admire you and how much I've always looked up to you. So this is killing me. But it's not just that. It's Tom and Sam and everyone else. It's me, because Kyle was amazing and like a safety beacon for everyone." She sniffed and passed the mug to Kay so that she could brush the tears from her eyes.

Kay nodded and took a sip of tea. Talking about Kyle helped. It felt better than drowning in her own misery. He was right. He knew her so well.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Angie whispered.

"What?"

"When we were in France, fighting inside that castle. How Kyle got stabbed and fell first and we all sort of crumbled right after. I'm a little scared it will happen again."

The thought sent a shudder through Kay, but she shook her head. "No. We are much better than we were back then. And besides, we still have Jimmy."

Angie smiled, but it was forced. "Yes, we still have each other. All of us. And don't for a second feel like you shouldn't ask us for help because you know we'd all do anything for you and the kids."

"You already are."

They sat in silence for another few minutes, Angie composing herself, Kay sipping her tea. The headache alleviated and for the first time in what felt like forever, she felt ready to face the rest of the world. Because as much as she wished it wouldn't, life went on. And she had to face it.

"How long have you been here?" she asked, laying down the empty mug.

"Three days," Angie said. "But don't worry, everything is fine. Your kids are doing great and Tom's handling it."

Kay smiled because of course Tom was. He could handle anything. "I know. And I can't even begin to thank you. But I think it's enough. I think I am and should be able to start living again. I just want to thank you. I needed this. The bad movies, the junk food, your hugs, you being here."

"Hey, you were there for me. It's only fair that I returned the favor."

Kay shook her head, fighting back a sad laugh. "I was toxic for you. You've been better." She stood and walked to the mirror to check herself out.

Her face was drawn and pale, her hair limp and her clothes rumpled. And yet, she'd never looked more powerful. Because Kyle had made her that way and she wasn't about to disappoint him. It was time to live again. For their kids and for his memory. He was right. They'd both signed up for this and had always known how it could end.

They had to do what they had to do. And now that he couldn't continue, she would, for the both of them.

Because she would not turn their life into something bitter that weighed her down. It would be her strength.

"Let's go get my kids back."

It was time to figure out how to move on.

🧭

It was strange how adjusted Tom had become to his family. Even if it had been only three days and there were more kids there than usual, the house felt strangely empty without Angie.

He was half-tempted to text her, ask her how she was, how Kay was and when she thought she'd be coming home, but he knew it was hard enough for her as it was. She didn't need his nagging.

Plus, he was dealing with the kids just fine. Even now, as he washed the dishes after dinner, 90s music blared out of the wireless speakers and Zoey, Alex and Jenny tried to do the dance he'd taught them yesterday.

"Alex, move your hips a bit more," he called over his shoulder.

"Like this, Daddy?" Zoey asked, swaying her hips like a pro.

"Exactly like that, Zo-bug."

That kid had talent and he would've been disappointed if at least one of his kids didn't inherit his love for music and dancing. Though by the way little Ryan bobbed in his high chair, it might just be both of them.

Jenny and Alex renewed their efforts, both of them giggling as if sharing a secret joke, but they got the moves. After all, their parents were both phenomenal dancers.

The thought had Tom's heart convulsing and he turned back to the dishes. As much as he'd tried to get used to the idea that Kyle was gone, it still hit him just as hard every time he remembered.

It's only been one week. Of course it's still hard.

Except a part of him never wanted it to get easier. Yes, sure, life went on, but Kyle was such an important part of that life. In all his years growing up with just Jimmy, Tom had never imagined what it would be like to have a big family. And even if he'd never really warmed up to his parents, he loved his brothers and his sisters-in-law and all his nieces and nephews. Being a part of this big group was as natural as breathing.

One of them being gone unbalanced everything and Tom realized he depended on it to stay sane. It was like when Skye had died, but a million times worse. And he was the one trying to save face and make four kids laugh out of which two had lost their father.

They don't even know.

But even if Maxi had berated Kay for it, Tom agreed. It was Kay's choice when and how to tell them. And as stupid as it was, he still hoped they were wrong, that Kyle would just appear one day and laugh at them for daring to think he could ever die.

"Mommy!" Zoey yelled.

Tom jumped and turned around to see Angie in the doorway. He had to focus with all his might not to rush at her and hug and kiss her. He'd really missed her. But as she crouched and caught Zoey in a hug, Kay came into view.

"Missed me, Zo-bug?" Angie asked, giving her a kiss.

Kay looked like a ghost of her former self, thin, pale and exhausted. Even so, there seemed to be a certain strength exuding off her, giving her that surreal shine that Kyle usually gave her. Tom threw her a tentative smile, not sure he could actually say anything without breaking out into a stream of curses that wouldn't even begin to reflect how unfair life was.

"Mommy!" Jenny and Alex joined the fray, throwing themselves against Kay and hugging her legs.

"I missed you too, guys," she said with an exhausted smile, then leaned over to kiss her kids.

"Is Daddy back?" Jenny asked, and Tom actually winced.

Angie gave him a killer gaze which he took to mean that Kay wasn't planning on sharing the news with the kids any time soon. So just to make sure he didn't have any other dumb  reaction, he wiped his hands and walked over to Angie who had picked Ryan up and was hugging him against her.

He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her hair, trapping Ryan between them. And just to let her know he had missed her, but in a way that wouldn't aggravate Kay with insensitive PDA, he squeezed her butt. Angie huffed, but it was discrete.

"Are we going home?" Alex asked, hopping up and down. "Because uncle Tom was teaching us these dance moves." And he moved back from his mom to demonstrate.

Kay laughed, but Tom caught the slight panic in it. He threw Angie a concerned glance, but she was busy blowing raspberries on Ryan's cheeks and making him laugh.

"You don't have to go," Tom said. "If your mom agrees, you could all stay the night."

"Can we?" both Jenny and Alex said at once.

"Haven't you spent enough nights here?" Kay asked.

"Not with you!"

Kay raised confused eyes to him and Angie, and Tom wasn't sure he wasn't imagining it, but there seemed to be relief there.

"Come on," he said. "It would be fun. We'll set up the guest room for you and the kids and you can bunk up there for the night."

"Yay!" Jenny and Alex both cheered and pulled Zoey back to the living room for more dancing.

Tom took Ryan from Angie and held him out to Kay. "See? Easy. All you have to do is hold this kid while we put on sheets."

"Okay then." Kay laughed and took Ryan from him, ruffling up his orange hair. "Honestly, it always shocks me how he's a redhead. With blue eyes on top of that."

"I blame Ron," Angie mumbled, turning to Tom. "Your genes are so weird." She looked to Zoey who had brown hair and Jerry and Jimmy's dark brown eyes as she said this. "We both have black hair and green eyes and none of our kids turned out that way."

"We can always try again and see if the third would at least have green eyes," he said with a grin.

"No! No more kids!"

Kay laughed at them, but the sadness seemed to be back and Tom hated himself for the slip. Yes, he knew Angie didn't want more kids, but bringing this up in front of Kay who didn't really have a choice in the matter anymore was very insensitive. Because he apparently was, as much as he tried to contain it.

"Anyway," he backtracked, "genetically speaking, it's very unlikely for two pairs of green eyes to produce a third pair. The chances are split between blue and brown, so our kids are genetically sound."

"You would know," Angie said with an eyeroll. "Let's go get the guest room ready before you bore Kay into a coma."

Tom was glad for the chance to scurry away from the kids and his broken-hearted sister-in-law and headed down the hall to the spare bedroom. Once they were both safely inside, he took Angie's hand and pulled her against him.

"I really missed you," he whispered.

"Me too," she whispered back.

He leaned down to kiss her, grateful that she was there, alive, that they were still a family. Maybe he was a raging paranoid dumbass all of a sudden, but being away from her, not talking to his brothers daily, it all felt off now.

She seemed to feel the same way because she abandoned herself into their kiss, running her fingers through his hair. When they pulled apart, she leaned her forehead against his chest.

"I'm so thankful you're alright," she said, her voice filled with tears.

He wanted to say something to reassure her, but he didn't know what. Deep down inside, he knew they were living in limbo and something was going to happen one way or another. He just wasn't sure what and when.

"Was it bad?" he asked instead.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be." She heaved a sigh and let him go, heading for the dresser where they kept the sheets. "I know she looks bad, but she's so strong. I don't think I could... I don't..."

"We both know you're just as strong," he said, fully aware that Angie had already gone through something similar.

She froze in the process of stuffing a pillow in its case. "Kyle left her a letter," she whispered.

The knot inside Tom's chest tightened. Yes, of course he did.

"And it got me thinking," she said, resuming the task. "If something had happened to me, I never had anything ready, I--" She raised her eyes to him and froze. "Tom?"

This was a conversation he hadn't actually wanted to have, but it wasn't exactly a secret, so there was no point hiding it. "We all had a letter left behind."

Angie's eyes widened and he was a little surprised that she hadn't suspected this.

"Every time we have anything remotely dangerous to do, we prepare ourselves for the worst." He shrugged even if there was no down-playing it.

"So you had one ready for me as well?"

"Yes. The letter, the will, the oath."

"What oath?"

"That if anything happens to any of us, we'd look after the family left behind. And that's what we'll be doing for Kay. Look after her and the kids in every possible way. Make her loss as bearable as possible."

Angie stared at him for a few seconds, hugging the pillow in her arms.

"I can't believe this never crossed my mind. That you never mentioned it."

He shrugged again. "It's not exactly a subject that warrants discussions. It is what it is."

"It is what it is," she said with a nod, then focused on laying the sheet on the bed.

As he watched her, Tom couldn't believe how much he loved her and how happy he was that he could still enjoy his family. He just wished he didn't have the feeling that it would all go to hell in a handbasket faster than he could get used to the idea that Kyle was really gone.

🧭🧭🧭

Hyia. We're back to the important people and you can now see that they had a contingency plan. You can also see a bit more family life because you need that after all the darkness.

We still have a few more chapters to go which are relatively calm until all hell breaks loose. Because yeah, it will. Their failure will not lack consequences.

So stick around and don't forget to vote for support and leave a comment.