After what was maybe the most grueling day in her life, Maxi Grant made it home. Her cool house greeted her like a sanctuary and all she wanted to do was lay down and try to forget for at least a few seconds. Forget everything. Who she was, what she'd done, what had happened.

 Except she was not alone and she resented it more than ever.

Her mother and Max had followed her, which was understandable since they had nowhere else to go. It still bothered her. She needed to be alone and focus within herself. Come to terms with the fact that she'd returned from yet another furnneral. One in which she'd buried her child.

Instinctively, her eyes fell on Freider's urn. It still took up space on the mantle. She hadn't ever touched it. Sam had placed it there and there it remained. She'd only used a feather duster on it, making sure to keep her distance. And now, it mocked her.

There was no comparison. She had gotten used to Freider's absence quite easily after years of neglect. And yet, she had a permanent reminder of him.

She had nothing left of Kyle.

A part of her knew that, even if they'd had a body and incinerated it, she wouldn't be keeping the urn. It still hurt, being left out, pushed aside like that. She hadn't even been allowed to take the photograph.

Kay.

Starting a screaming match, losing her composure, shouting all those terrible things.

Ever since she and Freider had rushed to France after their kids were nearly killed by Snitch Grave and Kay had first threatened Maxi, their relationship had been a bit strained. But for Kyle's sake, they both made it work. Maxi had even convinced herself she genuinely loved Kay, that there was no better person for her son. She made Kyle happy.

It started going downhill once the twins were born and Kay didn't invite her to help. When she limited the time they spent with their grandmother. When Kyle politely told Maxi that they were good and she could keep her parenting advice to herself.

She clenched her fists at the memory. Now that Kyle was gone, his family felt further away from her than it had ever been. And it wasn't fair. She loved Alex and Jenny. They were her favorite grandchildren. Especially Alex who was like a miniature, blond version of his father.

She jumped when Max let himself drop on the couch with a loud sigh. Sophie joined him, quiet and reserved, leaving Maxi standing in front of the mantle, a stranger in her own house. 

It was rare to see her mother so silent. She always had something to say, criticism to place. Now she just looked exhausted. Much like Max.

Maxi glanced at them, but she had nothing to say. Any word would sound bitter and cruel, because that was how she felt. Broken. Left behind. Forgotten. She wished she were alone to mourn for her child.

Oh, Kyle. What really happened to you?

Because of course they wouldn't tell her, wouldn't say anything about his death, about how they were all once again scratched and bruised and limping.

They never told her anything. And as much as she tried to come to peace with it over the years, she resented it. Now, they were keeping vital information from her, refusing to share how her child had died. The grief inside her morphed into raging anger.

"I can't believe it," Max said, his voice hollow.

"Me neither," Sophie whispered, squeezing his shoulder.

Maxi's attention focused on them again, the rage only growing. Ever since she'd showed up, Sophie hadn't offered Maxi any form of comfort. Seeing her offering it to her brother tore through her.

"Maybe we should all go rest," she said, trying to keep her voice level. Get the hint. Go upstairs and leave me alone.

Sophie fixed her with intense blue eyes. "Don't worry. We're not staying. Max got us rooms at a hotel."

Even if Maxi didn't want them there, the idea still hurt. "Why? The house is huge." And empty.

"Why?" Max huffed, his face scrunched in disgust. "It's obvious you don't want us here. And after what you pulled back there, I for one don't want to be here."

Maxi turned from the urn to face him fully, her hands on her hips. "How dare you? I lost my son!"

"Did you now?" Max raised from the couch slowly, his eyes blazing. "Tell me, how did you lose your son?"

"Have you gone insane? I'm his mother!"

"His mother? What's his favorite color?" Max asked. "His favorite tea? What did he want to be growing up when he was a kid?"

Maxi faltered, the barrage of questions confusing her. The anger faded and the pain was back, bathed in shades of guilt. For a second, she tried to think of an answer, but she quickly realized that she didn't know.

"Kyle didn't have a favorite color," Sophie whispered, her gaze lost in the distance. "He liked all colors except for maroon and mustard yellow. His favorite tea was blackcurrant and lime. He wanted to be a cowboy when he was a kid."

"Because I watched a lot of westerns with him," Max supplied, his tone vicious. "He hates peanut butter, coffee and energy drinks. He loves spicy food and adrenaline."

"Stop!" Maxi put her hands over her ears. All that didn't matter. It couldn't matter when she was in more pain than she'd ever been. "Knowing useless trivia about him doesn't mean--"

"Useless trivia?" Sophie stood too, her eyes flashing with anger. "What was his first word? What was his biggest fear?"

A knot lodged itself into Maxi's throat as the two continued throwing question after question at her.

"What did he want to do with his life before you pulled him here and gave him basically no choice?" Max added, stepping forward. "He has a keen affinity for political science, but Freider wouldn't even let him study what he wanted."

"He made a career in police and I think he wanted--" Maxi started.

"You have no idea what he wanted!" Sophie snapped. "You took him away, tore him and Kay apart!"

"Kay," Maxi scoffed.

"Yes, Kay," Max bristled. "The only person in the world who knew all of him. Who loved all of him. And the one you decided to overstep just to prove how much this affects you."

His words silenced Maxi and tore her to shreds at at same time. Because as much as she wanted to forget Kay even existed right then, Max was right. Kay was the only person in the world who knew every aspect of Kyle's life. Intellectual, sentimental, sexual. His past, his likes and dislikes, what he wanted from the future. What he was involved in, all his secrets.

This basic truth came crashing down on her and it became hard to breathe.

"I lost a son," she whispered. "She only lost a husband." Her eyes drifted to Freider's urn again. "I do know how that feels." Hell, she and Freider had been married for twenty-five years, not four.

Max had the audacity to huff. "Don't you dare compare your sham of a marriage to what Kyle and Kay had."

"Sham?" Anger bubbled in her veins, blissfully burying the agony. "What do you even know about marriage and children, Max? What with getting married at forty-two? Having a toddler at your age, barely older than my grandchildren?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. But I've been busy for most of my life raising what you claim to be your kid." Max waved her away as if she were a nuisance. "I've seen love, and what you and Freider had was anything but that."

Maxi's heart broke all over again because she could recognize the truth in his words. And she'd always known it. It was one of the reasons she had pushed for Kyle and Kay to be together. Because she could see in them that idealistic romance she'd always wanted for herself. Except it all came crashing down with his death leaving her in a smothering, dark limbo devoid of any life.

"So don't think for one second we'll take your side in front of Kay," Max added for good measure.

Taking sides. It was always about taking sides with Maxi. Everything was black and white. Never grey. "But she didn't tell her children," Maxi whispered.

"That's her decision to make," Sophie said, her tone final.

"Don't tell me you agree with this!"

Her mother shook her head. "Here's what you never understood, Maximilliane. It makes no difference whether you or I agree with it or not. It's none of my business and it's definitely none of yours."

"They're my grandchildren!"

"And she's their mother," Sophie countered.

"That didn't stop you from interfering where you don't belong," Maxi snapped.

Sophie's light blue eyes narrowed. "Oh, I beg to differ. I left the country to make sure I don't interfere and never told you half the things on my mind precisely because your marriage was none of my business."

Maxi huffed. "None of your business? Please! You scoffed and rolled your eyes at me and Freider--"

"Do you realize what you're saying? What you did?" Sophie now sounded tired. "Even now, after so many years, so many tears, you still can't be honest with yourself? You got married at seventeen to a man who was twenty-six at the time. You got pregnant right after! By the time you were twenty-one, you had five children, two of which you didn't even know existed."

"That was not--"

"Your fault?" Sophie asked. "Is Snitch Gravel not your fault? Everything he's put you through, everything he's put your children through? Did you ever tell them the truth?"

No, she hadn't. Because the truth didn't matter anymore. Snitch Gravel was uncontrollable. Freider's fault. Because it was Freider who had brought everything upon them. She hadn't known. She'd found herself in the middle of it without realizing what she'd stepped into. The lies, the death, the misery.

Her eyes drifted towards Freider's urn again, silently beginning him for illumination. She'd never truly understood what had driven him and Snitch Gravel to this war, why it had resulted in the disaster which had led to Freider's death.

She didn't know the full story, not really. Just like they'd never known her secret. Not that it mattered now that Kyle was dead. Nothing mattered now.

A new sense of dread overwhelmed her. Had Snitch Gravel had a hand in it? Had he actually contributed to Kyle's death? What if he'd killed him personally?

The thought made her sick and she put her hand over her mouth to keep the vomit in.

"The gravity finally catching up with you?" Max asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't you dare make assumptions about my life when it was you who placed Kyle in my care. I was twenty. What was I supposed to do? Leave him home and start dating? Unlike you, I have a sense of responsibility."

"Shut up," Maxi whispered.

"Shut up? Oh no, I'm done shutting up. I only did it for him anyway. Because heaven knows why, but he loved you."

And it had kept her world afloat, made her feel as if her mistake wasn't that big. Kyle didn't resent her. He protected her, catered to her, respected her. Something she'd never truly managed to instill in Tom and Jimmy. They never truly felt like her children. She had to force herself to love them.

This was maybe why now that Kyle was gone, her world felt much colder. There was no one left to protect her, to love and respect her.

Sam and Jerry.

It wasn't the same. Kyle had been her link to a past she'd tried so hard to bury and yet refused to let go of. A past which, in different circumstances, could have been a so much better future.

"Are you going to finally tell us why you did it?" Sophie asked. "Why you abandoned your son with me and Max?"

The answer was and had always been obvious. For peace.

"Freider thought it was for the best," she whispered.

"Seriously?" Max snapped. "Freider's dead. He's been dead for five years and you're still afraid of him?"

She wasn't afraid of him. At least hadn't been in a good long while, even before he'd died. It hadn't stemmed out of fear either. Back then, he suggested it as a valid temporary solution while she dealt with Jerry. She had never been a talented, natural mother. The lack of sleep made her dizzy, confused, breast feeding was a chore, every sound the babies made kept her up at night.

So having Kyle stay with Max and Sophie for a little while had sounded like a blessing, as much as she adored her little boy.

Freider was older. He knew, understood, had a solution for everything. And she trusted him after how he'd rescued her. How he took her in without question and remained by her side after the whole Snitch Gravel mess. He held her close, spoke gentle words to her, assured her that everything would be right, that they were happy.

It was only until Jerry got a little older, until he started sleeping the nights. And then she was pregnant again and more exhausted than ever.

"Don't worry, honey," Freider had said, kissing her hair. "He's a baby, he won't remember that he was away for a while. He'll be back in no time."

Yes, to her exhausted mind, it sounded reasonable. But as the time for Sam's birth approached, she found herself holding Jerry more, dreading that Freider would send him away as well. When he didn't, she'd never felt she loved him more.

Kyle was gone, but she had a peaceful and happy family and could still have Jerry. And then Sam. Her post partum, the flurry, Frieder always ensuring her that they were doing the right thing... It covered Max's questions, Sophie's glares. After all, those only came from time to time. Freider's love was always there, surrounding her, building her up. Just like love should be.

And then, suddenly, Jerry was four, Sam three, and they both slept through the night without problems. That was when she realized that Kyle was six and had never seen his brothers.

She'd gone into a right panic, ran straight to Freider demanding that they brought him home. It was then the fear of him began.

"He is where he belongs," he'd said, his tone so much colder than the one she'd gotten used to. Then, he narrowed his eyes at her, as if he could read right through her. "Or do you have something to tell me?"

"Freider, he's our child," she'd tried to argue.

"I know. And since he's my child as well, I get a say. You're barely stumbling by as it is. I think this arrangement is best."

"But don't you miss him?"

"Of course I do. And it's normal to miss him. I'll speak to Max to bring him over."

But it never happened. Kyle never returned to that house again, not until he was almost twenty. And she'd searched for and found reasons to justify that every time. After all, every time she brought it up, Freider turned cold and frightening, as if he knew something. It scared the life out of her.

For a while, she thought she could turn the tables on him. After all, as long as she didn't mention Kyle or her family, he adored her. Was a wonderful father to Jerry and Sam, catering to them, teaching them things, reading to them in the evenings.

So when Kyle was about to turn seven and really had to start school, even if Max had held him back a year, and after Sophie threatened to takin him to France with her, she'd put her foot down. She wanted him back. And if Freider wouldn't accept it, she didn't care. She could arrange things with her own brother and mother. And she would be cutting off all forms of affection towards him.

As it turned out, Freider didn't need her affection. The cold shoulder he gave her fell on top of the outright refusal to bring Kyle home.

"Why not?" she'd asked between tears. "Why wouldn't you want your child back."

He'd tossed a photo at her. "Why do you think?"

She'd glanced at it with teary eyes and knew she couldn't continue pushing. She had only one argument after all. "He looks a lot like your father."

"Yes, I've noticed. I was never too fond of my father."

At that moment, she was sure he knew, even if that certainty had died over the years, especially once it was Freider's decision which ultimately brought Kyle home for college.

But after that one incident which had left her like an abandoned, beaten puppy for over three months, she'd learned that crossing Freider was not a good idea.

He had two sides, and it was up to her to choose which one she wanted to face. She chose the calm, happy one, and not just for her, but for Sam and Jerry who were growing up and starting to pick up on the thick tension in the house.

Plus, she could always make up business trips and conferences and sneak out to see Kyle for a few days. It was her rebellion and her victory.

Except it meant nothing.

Faced with Kyle's death, she realized it meant absolutely nothing.

"What does it matter anyway?" she whispered to her present mother and brother. "What's done is done and it's not like I can take it back or make up for it."

"You can say that again," Sophie said, her tone exhausted. "I just hope whatever you achieved by doing it was worth it."

"No, wait." Max turned to his mother. "You're dropping this? Because I for one really want to know."

"Maybe I thought you were a better parent," Maxi said, her tone dripping with sarcasm. She'd had enough of this. She really wanted to be alone and think about the Kyle she knew, not the one she abandoned.

The one who didn't let anyone raise their voice at her, the one who'd held her after Freider punched her and stormed out, the one who'd been ready to beat Freider into oblivion for what he'd done. The one who saved her from that explosion that nearly demolished her house.

That Kyle. The one she loved so much it felt like her entire being was falling apart.

"I obviously was. At least I prepared him for what I knew was coming. You and Freider also knew, but you never bothered. Left Sam and Jerry to be sitting ducks."

"Well, they're not anymore."

"With no thanks to you."

"Get out of my house."

Max huffed. "Gladly. Ready to go, maman?"

Sophie watched Max with narrowed eyes, but it didn't fool Maxi. Her mother wouldn't stay, wouldn't comfort her. Because she agreed with Max. She always took his side.

"I just hope," Sophie said, and the words seemed to be draining her, "that this wasn't Snitch Gravel. Because if it was, then Kyle's blood is on your hands. And you may be my daughter, but he was my son and I will never forgive you." She threw the urn a fleeting glance. "You or Freider."

With those final words, Max and Sophie let themselves out, granting Maxi the solitude she'd so desperately wanted.

Except now that she was alone, the silence weighed on her, threatened to crush her as memories of every poor decision she'd ever made danced around her.

And there was nothing she regretted more than putting Freider above her family, above her children. Latching on to him, needing him so much to feel normal and sane.

She hadn't even loved him, not really. And it was the fear that he might be aware of this, the sheer terror of what he knew about her that had always kept her subdued. Because if he abandoned her, where was she to go? What was she to do?

But this... If it was her fault, she couldn't take it. But it wasn't. It had never been fully.

"What did you do?" she asked the urn. "How could you do what you did, knowing what you did? This is on you. On you! You killed my son!"

And with immense satisfaction, she picked up the urn and smashed it inside the fireplace.

After everything he'd done, Freider Grant didn't deserve to rest in peace.

🧭🧭🧭

And I'm back with part II. Let the delicious drama begin.

I know I promised some answers and you do get them... Partially. This is how it all happened, how Maxi was persuaded to give up on her firstborn. She was just not ready to be a mother. She was bad at it and it was hard. Then, it was too late.

What do you think? I'm very curious what you think about this little reveal. Of course, it's not the entire story, but you'll get to put it together by the end of the book.

Stay tuned for more drama.

Don't forget to vote and comment for support!