Kay thought she could do it. After all, it wasn't like they were really burying Kyle. Not when they didn't have a body. And Billy's memorial had been more like a joke. This had to be the same, right?

But when she entered the chapel with Angie by her side, everything fell apart.

Sam had mostly taken care of it, and tried to keep it as small as possible. They didn't want the information in the press for obvious reasons. So only people closest to them were there. But that didn't mean she wasn't shocked when she realized that also meant Kyle's squad from work. 

Eric stood the moment she entered the room, his lip trembling with some foreign emotion.

"Kay," he whispered, seeming on the verge of tears.

"Sit down, Matthews," one of the other boys hissed and pulled him back on the pew.

Kay gave them a nod, but moved forward, keeping her eyes on the floor. Of course they were there. They worked with Kyle directly. They'd notice him gone. But it still broke it, still made it much too real.

And her traitorous eyes couldn't help rising, searching the room for who else was there. Corey Flynn from the Agency with Steve Turner. Yes, they were friends.

A knot lodged itself in her throat.

William and Deea, his girlfriend. Of course he'd be there.

Her knees began shaking.

Max. Max was there, without Rosario and his son, but with Sophie. Oh, God.

Like in a nightmare, she could remember her first stay at Tanner Ranch, how Max had told her about the danger Kyle was in, how she'd realized just how afraid he was of losing his nephew. And now it had happened. Max's worst nightmare had come true and Kay couldn't even look at him because she couldn't take his pain as well. Couldn't take Sophie's. Hers was already smothering her.

She could do this. And even if she couldn't, she had to.

So she lifted her chin and walked forward. It was a mistake. At the front of the room, there were white roses and a picture of Kyle she knew too well, because she'd taken it. A picture in which he looked happy and confident, ready to take on the world. But it was not the picture that ruined her, but what lay behind it.

Kay froze in the middle of the aisle and reached back blindly for Angie.

"Kay, what's wrong?" she asked immediately.

A million things were wrong, but Angie's question asked for the specifics.

"Why is there a coffin?" Kay breathed. Her vision tunneled as she stared at that big dark-brown  wooden box. "We don't have a body, why is there a coffin?"

A coffin made it real. Even if it was closed and empty, it didn't feel that way. She couldn't breathe.

"Sam said something about Maxi insisting that there be one."

The words were like a lightning strike. Maxi Grant.

The name rattled inside Kay's head and she forced herself to focus. There she was, at the front, right next to Kyle's picture, wearing a black dress, tears on her face, talking to the priest. She brought a priest.

"Kay..." Angie's voice was soothing, wary, as if she could sense that it was the last straw.

Maxi fucking Grant.

"Why is there a coffin?" Her voice rang around the chapel.

In the back of her mind, she knew that everyone was staring at her, but her focus was on the blonde woman in front of her. She turned, her gaze wide with surprise, her eyes red with tears.

"Kay... What do you--"

"I mean what I said," she spat out, moving forward. "Why is there a coffin? Do you have a body?"

"It's symbolic--" Maxi stepped back, the words dying on her tongue.

"That's not my husband!" Kay yelled. "He's not in there! That's not my husband!"

Maxi stepped back and for good reason because all Kay wanted to do was hit her so hard, she'd fly over the damn box. How dare she do this without asking her? But then again, Maxi never did have much sense.

The savage thought didn't manage to alleviate the pain. Her vision blurred and another stabbing pain shot through her lower abdomen. All she could see were unfocused shadows. A pair of strong arms wrapped around her. She knew it was Jimmy. And it hurt, because he was so close in size and strength to Kyle.

"That's not my husband," she sobbed. "That's not Kyle."

Kyle was gone, but not in that box. Never. He was buried in the ruins they'd left behind, away from her.

I love you.

Why hadn't she said it back? Why, in that moment, didn't she tell him that she loved him more than anything in the world? That he was her world. What was wrong with her?

"Kay," Jimmy whispered. "We're sorry. Try to calm down please."

"You shouldn't have let her," she said, her voice low.

She didn't blame them. They all wanted to appease their mother who had probably thrown a dramatic fit to get her way. None of them were in the right state of mind to fight her. They were easy targets for her pathetic sentimental blackmail.

Jimmy passed her to someone else and she found herself on one of the benches, Sam's hands wrapped around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, his voice low. The priest had already started droning on. "She asked and I just didn't think. It stopped her from crying for the moment. I didn't realize how much it would hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Kay said between her teeth. He had no idea how she felt, how...

Her thoughts screeched to a halt. This was Sam. Out of all of them, he was the only one who really knew how she was feeling. After all, he'd buried Skye when Sammy was just three months old.

"How did you do it?" she asked.

Sam's grip on her shoulder tightened, and it was obvious that he knew exactly what she meant. "She prepared me for it, Kay. She made me strong. And I know that Kyle made you strong as well. It won't be easy, but you'll make it."

He was right. Of course he was. Ever since they'd met, Kyle had done nothing but build her up. He'd taught her to love herself, to be independent, to fly. But then she'd fallen in love with him and he'd been everything to her. As afraid as she'd always been for him, she'd never actually considered that he would die.

And yet, here they all were, at his funeral. Kay couldn't focus. Her ears buzzed and her pulse thundered. She could feel the agony everywhere, rushing through every vein, setting her nerves on fire. Was that how Kyle felt when the serum took over? Was hers acting up as well?

Shhh, baby, it will be okay.

It had to be. She had no other choice but to fight, to go on.

Sam disappeared from next to her, replaced by Jerry and Angie. She'd offered to stay over, let her mourn. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Not when heaven couldn't wait. Not when it begged Kyle to come home.

In a flurry of movement it was over. People were standing, walking to the front to pay their respects to a photo and an empty box. She'd missed everything. Every word, every sound. How long had it even lasted?

She raised her eyes and took in the almost empty chapel. It was just them and Maxi now, friends and extended family gone.

Extended family... Max had more right to be there than his neglectful sister. He and Sophie raised Kyle, not this proud woman who now made a show out of her son's funeral. But she'd bite down on the bitter pill and finish this in a civil manner. All she wanted was Kyle's picture.

On shaky legs, she stood. Jerry and Angie had moved to the aisle, talking. Kay rounded the bench on the other side, her eyes fixed on the target. Her throat was raw and her head still pounded, but this seemed doable. Ignore the box, just take the photo.

Before she could reach the small table holding it, Maxi got in her way and picked it up. She turned and stepped back, startled by Kay's sudden appearance. Maxi eyed her up and down as if she were an intruder.

"You didn't say anything," she said, her voice clipped.

Kay clenched her fists. "I'm sorry. I was unfit for a grand speech seeing as my husband just died."

Jessie had asked, but she just couldn't. Her lack of focus proved it. She wasn't as strong as Sam who could praise Skye just days after she was gone.

Maxi flinched, but her eyes remained just as cold. "Where are Jenny and Alex?"

It was Kay's turn to cower back. The mere thought of having them there hurt her. "They're with Skye's parents and their cousins."

"Ah, yes." Maxi's gaze seemed to burn through her. "Out having fun instead of being at their father's funeral."

Something seemed to snap inside Kay's tired mind. She yanked the photo out of Maxi's hands.

"They don't know about this, and you're not going to tell them," she said, between her teeth.

"They have to know!" Maxi said, outraged.

"It's up to me when and how I tell them. You will not interfere."

"This is nonsense. You can't keep something like this from them."

"Can't I? Tell me, oh mother-in-law, what secrets are acceptable to keep from your kids? Because you know so much about lies."

"I know you're in grief," Maxi said between her teeth. "But so am I, and I will not tolerate such behavior when my son just died."

"You will not tell me how to raise my kids," Kay retaliated. "Grief or not, it's none of your business."

"They're my grandchildren, of course it's my business. If you're so high and mighty that you will not take advice--"

"Advice from who? From you? If I want advice on how to abandon my kids, I'll come right to you." Kay knew she was going overboard, but it was like a dam had broken and all the words she'd always wanted to say but had kept in to avoid conflict were now pouring out. "Do tell me how you could leave him in Texas for seventeen years, only seeing him a few times a year."

Maxi stepped back, tears shining in her eyes. Jessie walked to them and put her hand on Kay's shoulder.

"Kay, I think that's enough."

But it wasn't. She was sick of Maxi getting away with everything. Kyle had always protected her, but with him gone, she was done holding back for her benefit. She would not allow her to keep pretending that she was a half-decent parent.

"No, Jessie. Let's hear her. I always wondered. Why did you abandon Kyle in Texas with your twenty-year-old brother? What made him more fit than you to raise your child?"

"I don't owe you any explanation--"

Kay didn't care. She was way past that point. "I know when you visited once in our senior year. Before you lied to him and dragged him home. We were best friends back then. And you know what? I was bummed that he didn't introduce me to you. I thought it was because I wasn't important enough. But he told me the real reason. It's because you weren't important enough. He didn't want you to know his friends because he felt you didn't deserve it."

Tears streamed down Maxi's cheeks, but it only spurred Kay further. She should've said this years ago.

"He said that maybe, one day, when you'll decide you care enough to be a bigger part of his life, he'd introduce me to you. And what did you do? You kidnapped him!"

"Kay, enough."

Sam's calm voice finally drew the fight out her, but with it, the sorrow returned. Her throat clogged and her chest ached. What was the point anyway? It was too late for Maxi to make it up to Kyle. Too late for anyone to say anything to him anymore. To make anything alright.

"So don't come here and give me parenting advice." It was the last thing she had to say.

She shoved the photo back at her, then turned around and walked away. Three steps later, everything went black.

🧭

Everything had gone to hell so fast. What was sad was that Jerry had half-expected it. There was no way Kyle's funeral was going to go smoothly, not with the tension between his mother and everyone else involved. Not when Maxi had insisted that things be done her way, as if that would show everyone how much she'd really cared for the child she'd abandoned when he was two.

Kay was more than entitled to scream it in her face, demand answers. It didn't pull the truth out of Maxi, not even then, and once Kay regained her senses, she remained silent for the rest of the ceremony.

Even if the fight between his mother and Kay had been horrible, Jerry was glad that someone had finally said those things. That Kay had picked up the mantle and forced Maxi to face what Kyle should've told her all along.

After her job was done, she just stood quietly while they buried an empty box, her gaze lost in the distance. She didn't want to throw dirt in, or flowers, just waited for it to be over, then went to her car to wait for Angie.

Jerry's heart broke. Because despite what his mother thought, he knew Kay enough to tell she was crushed. Her pain had taken the drive out of her, and seeing her act so robotic made him want to scream. But there was nothing he could do, no comfort he could give beside a hug and a kind word. And he hated it. Somehow, he felt like he owed it to Kyle to do more.

But the truth was, he couldn't. The funeral had brought him down, too, and he couldn't even put his finger on what had done it.

Sarah's obvious pain, Kay snapping, Sam's speech or Jessie singing... It all replayed inside his head and all he could think about was that he hadn't had enough time, hadn't told Kyle enough that he was sorry about how they'd started off, all the Tina drama, and everything they ever disagreed about.

"Remy, we should go home," Sarah whispered to him.

Jerry jerked to attention and realized he'd been staring at Kyle's tombstone for a bit too long without seeing it. Sarah's words made sense, they had to go back to Michael and continue living, but he felt as if his job here wasn't done.

"You go. I'll help gather up here."

Sarah gave him a knowing look which clearly meant they would talk about it later, and she leaned in to kiss him. Even that small gesture preformed in public reminded him of Kyle and started the guilt whirlpool all over again.

All those times he'd told him to stay away from Kay in public. And all for what? Just to steal some time from the little they had. But at that moment, he'd foolishly believed that they'd have forever. The rest of their lives. It now felt like nothing.

Left alone, Jerry headed back inside the chapel to make sure everything was picked up and stored appropriately. He needed meaningless tasks like this to feel useful. But as he entered, it was obviously that someone had beat him to it. The flowers were gone, as was everyone except for Jimmy.

He stood at the front of the room, leaning his hands against the small, round table still holding Kyle's picture and the last flower arrangement. It was odd that the picture was still there after Kay and Maxi fought over it, but Jerry could guess Sam's decision to leave it for the moment.

With quiet steps, Jerry walked to his twin and stopped by his side. One glance at the photograph had him cringing. Why couldn't he look at his brother?

Because you want to see him alive. That inner voice sounded a lot like Sarah, so it was probably right. But if he couldn't face looking at the picture, there was little else to do than maybe stare at the flowers. He definitely didn't want to look at Jimmy. Jerry could feel the tension inside him without even asking.

But Jimmy wasn't moving and it was becoming a little worrisome. Jerry had never liked loaded silence.

"Do you need help with anything?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.

A loud crack filled the silence as Jimmy's grip broke the table in two, right down the middle. Jerry reached out and caught the sliding picture, but on Jimmy's other side, the flower arrangement crashed to the floor.

"Jimmy, are you--"

"Don't." His voice was strained and controlled. "Don't ask me if I'm okay. I'm obviously not." Every word seemed to cost him something. "And I know that neither are you, or you would be home with your wife and kid."

"I just felt..."

Jimmy let go of the table and the two halves fell to the floor with a loud bang that had Jerry wincing. Jimmy turned to him and he was shocked by the pain in his twin's eyes. So far, Jimmy and Jessie seemed to have it together the most.

"Like this is stupid? Senseless? Like it shouldn't have happened in a million years?" Jimmy asked, his tone dripping sarcasm.

Jerry could tell it was directed at the universe rather than him, so he just heaved a sigh.

"That. And like I have unfinished business." He glanced at the photograph in his arms. "I'm still not sure I ever made up for how we got started, for how much I judged him..."

Jimmy huffed. "Be serious. Kyle forgave you for everything ages ago. He loved you just the way you are. Nosy, and fussy and annoying. And he was maybe the only one of us who didn't wish you'd get a personality transplant at some point."

"Gee, thanks," Jerry mumbled, but he let the words sink in properly.

"He was so proud of you, Jerry," Jimmy said, his voice much softer. "And I know you were special to him. We all were in some way. So there were no words left unspoken."

"There are." Jerry's hands shook and he hugged the photograph to his chest. "But from my side, not his. Because I feel like I should've said more to him, spend more time together. Tell him more than once how proud of him I am. But I always thought we'd have forever." Tears filled his eyes and he blinked them back, but the hole in his chest threatened to smother him.

"I know," Jimmy said. "He was the first person in my life I could truly count on. After being on my own, or taking care of Tom for so long, he was like a savior. An older brother I could always ask for advice. I know it didn't feel that way most of the time, that you guys saw us as equals, but that tiny safety line was there for me. And I needed it so much."

Jimmy's words managed to send the tears tumbling down Jerry's cheeks. He hadn't thought about that. Because his twin was right, everyone saw him and Kyle as equals, not influenced by the birth order dynamics. Jimmy had never seemed like anyone's younger brother. But maybe he'd needed it, just like he'd needed a family.

The thought brought the sudden realization that Jerry was now the oldest, technically the head of the family. And up until then, he hadn't noticed how many decisions Kyle made regarding their mother. Because Maxi was still under their wing one way or another. And now, with both Freider and Kyle gone, she was under his.

"I miss him so much," he mumbled.

"I miss him too, Jer'," Jimmy said with a sigh. "And right now, it's our duty to take care of Kay and his family. Like we swore we would."

"But without forgetting that Kay can take care of herself."

The affirmation drew a smile out of Jimmy. "After the way she laid into Mom, who could ever forget? But God, she needed it."

Jerry agreed. She needed all that and more. And his conversation with Jimmy had done the trick. He had a purpose and he could now go home.

Even so, as he exited the chapel, he couldn't help looking towards the sky. It was filled with storm clouds, but it hadn't rained. Kyle was just probably upset with them for getting all emotional.

"I hope you're home," he whispered.

Then, still clutching his brother's picture, he headed for his car.

End of part I

Well, this book went into the gutter fast.

We will be returning to weekly updates now, I think. Depends on how well my writing goes.

The thing is... What now? What will happen? What will they do?

I think it's about time some questions start to get answers, don't you? So, next part, you get a partial answer to one of the questions which have been floating around the longest. Just how could Maxi leave Kyle with Max? Tune in to find out.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

As a side note, the attached song is the one I pictured Jessie singing.