Asper

"We'll be going away for a few days," Draco said one they were back in her room. "We have a few days left of school, but then we'll be back."

"Should I be going with you?"

"No, you should stay here. Going back will just confuse you more."

Asper nodded, fear of being alone beginning to grip at her.

"We'll see you when we get back," Pansy said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Her gesture made the ache in Asper's chest ease, even just, and she made herself smile.

"Have a good time," she said to them. "Don't forget about me."

It was an attempt at a joke that apparently fell flat because the only one who laughed was Blaise.

"There's a lot of you in here," Draco told her, his grey eyes glancing over the room. "Try to find something new while we're gone, yeah?" 

Asper chewed on the inside of her lip. It was a simple request, but it felt like an impossible task. Still, she nodded her head. 

"See you in a few days," Draco said, turning away from her.

"Bye, Asp," Pansy said as she followed after him. 

Blaise gave her a nod of his head and a mock salute, one hand in his pocket. Waving, Asper watched her three friends walk out of her bedroom door, left alone in the chill with much to think about.

She held her wand in her hand, twisted the tip against her pointer finger, as she paced back and forth through her room.

Draco had been right. The things she knew had to be locked in her head somewhere, she just couldn't access it. If she knew how to duel, then she had to, at the very least, know who her family was.

Turning the the bookshelves, Asper thought it would be a good idea to look through some of her things, see if they jogged any memory. She scowled as she looked, noticing that some things that had been there before were no longer. The scarf, the note from Harry (whoever he was), a few pictures.

It was strange. Maybe she had imagined it. But that would be such a strange thing to make up.

There was no reason to dwell on it anyway. What was she to do about missing things she wasn't sure she actually remembered?

So she turned to the other things. There was a picture resting just at eye level. It didn't move like the others, but the longer she looked, she more she realized it did move, but just barely.

She was sitting in a chair, back straight, ankles crossed, head held high. The girl staring back at Asper blinked, her dark eyelashes grazing her cheeks just softly. There was a strength in that girl, her jaw clenched tight. She stared straight ahead, no smile on her face, yet there was a power in her eyes. Asper could only hope that she still looked like that.

Standing behind the chair was her mother, beautiful and revered as ever. She had that same powerful look in her eyes, but it was darker somehow. Her hand was draped over Asper's shoulder and for a moment it looked almost comforting until the picture shifted. Fingers like talons dug into Asper's shoulder and the picture version of her flinched, ever so slightly, before sitting up straighter.

It was a haunting image. Asper felt unable to breathe looking at it. So, she turned away.

She decided to look instead at her closet. Before she even made it a few steps closer, there was a loud twisting pop sound from behind her and Asper let out a strangled cry. 

Standing there behind her was a creature that Asper had never seen before. It stood on two legs, but came up just to Asper's knees. Two, long ears stretched out from its head. The only part of the creature nearly as large as its ears was its eyes, which were deep brown and watery. A shaky, but toothy smile was stretched across her face. Asper hated thinking it, but the first thought that crossed her mind was that the creature was some kind of mutated wet cat. 

It wore nothing more than scraps covering its main torso and nothing else, not even a sock. It was so cold in this house, Asper didn't know how the creature could stand it. 

"Miss Asper?" 

The creature's voice was raspy and hoarse like it really needed to drink some water. But it had a very feminine tone to it. 

"Um, who are who?" Asper asked, hating how rude it sounded. 

The creature's smile faltered, as if her worst fears had been realized. It made Asper's stomach curdle. Still, the creature set a tray she was holding down on the foot of the bed. 

"Mistress Selwyn said you wouldn't remember," she said. "Picket, Miss, Picket the House-elf." 

Asper felt a smile grow along her lips. The name didn't ring any bells in her head, but her heart swelled at the sound of it. 

"Picket," she repeated, just to make sure the name stuck. 

Picket's large ears perked upward and her smile returned. 

"I don't remember anything," Asper affirmed to her. "But I am trying." 

Picket shook her head, ears flopping along with it. Her little hands shook as she fiddled with them. 

"Picket isn't upset. Picket understands," she said. "Lunch." 

Asper smiled at the food, her stomach rumbling suddenly. 

"Thank you." 

As Asper moved toward the food, Picket turned to leave. 

"Wait, will you stay?" she asked the House-elf, who turned toward her with her eyes still wide. 

"Picket has much to do today, Miss," she said, bashful. "But because you asked, I will stay." 

Asper smiled again. She lowered herself to the ground, setting the tray on the cold ground in front of her. Picket stood in front of her, rolling back and forth on her feet. 

"What is a House-elf, exactly?" Asper asked, picking up a grape to put in her mouth. "If you don't mind me asking." 

"Picket is to serve the Selwyn family," Picket said. "Whatever you need, Picket does." 

Asper scowled. 

"You're a servant?" She asked. 

Picket shrugged. The question seemed to make her uncomfortable and she shifted back and forth on her tiny feet. 

"I don't mean to pry, " Asper said, putting up a hand. "It's okay. I'm not used to this whole not asking questions thing yet." 

"Miss Asper has always been kind to Picket," she said. 

Picket forced a smile onto her face. Asper was immediately tempted to ask another question, but decided against it. She realized, if she wasn't asking questions, she wasn't entirely sure what to say. 

"I was wondering," she said after a few quiet minutes of her chewing slowly on fruit. "There were some things on my shelves that I can't seem to find. Do you know where they went?" 

Picket went suddenly still and glanced over at the bookshelf. She shook her head slowly. 

"Picket doesn't know," she said and Asper believed her. There was no reason not to. 

"Do you...." It was a question that was coming from her. She looked down at her tray and pushed around the egg that sat there. She shook her head, quieting herself before she could ask it. 

"Are you finished, Miss?" Picket asked after a few more moments of quiet. 

"I'm sorry, Pick," Asper said with a sigh. "I'm just not feeling very hungry."

Picket let out a sound that almost sounded like a laugh. 

"Miss Asper was never much hungry before either." All the pink in Picket's face drained to white. "I shouldn't have said that." 

Asper scowled as Picket started to breathe heavily, her large eyes welling up with tears. 

"Why not?" She asked. 

Picket shook her head, ears dropping. 

"I shouldn't have said that," she squeaked, her entire body starting to tremble. "Picket is forbidden to talk to Miss Asper about before." 

"Why?" Asper asked. Picket simply shook her head and her lips trembled. "Picket, look at me. You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Why aren't you supposed to talk about before?" 

Picket screwed her shaking lips together and shook her head back and forth vigorously. Asper put her hands up in the air and breathed deeply. 

"Alright," she said slowly. "You can't say, that's alright, I understand. I won't ask you any more questions."

Slowly, Picket's breathing began to return to normal, but her eyes were still full to the brim with tears. Even her body began to stop its trembling. 

"Miss Asper has always been so kind to Picket," she said with a bashful smile. "So understanding. Picket missed Miss Asper very much while she was at school." 

Asper felt a smile return to her own face. 

"I'm sure I missed you, too, Pick." 

Picket's ears perked back up. She lifted the tray with her small hands. 

"Can I help you with that?" Asper asked. It looked all too heavy for someone so small as Picket to carry. 

"It's Picket's job, Miss Asper," said Picket. "Anything to serve Miss Asper." 

Asper scowled. That word, 'serve', sounded like nails on a chalkboard to her. There was something...not right about it. But there was a large smile on Picket's face as she held onto the tray and who was Asper to take that away? Maybe she would ask Draco about it when he came back. 

"Picket has a lot of jobs to do today," she said, looking around Asper's room as if to find something else to take with her. 

"Will you come back?" Asper asked, suddenly afraid to be alone again. 

"If it would please Miss Asper," Picket said, her cheeks twinging with pink. 

"It would please me very much." 

"Then Picket will come back." 

"One more question." Asper hated to bother the poor House-elf, but Picket's smile never fell. "Do you know where my mother is?" 

Picket's ears fell slightly. 

"Mistress Jezebel is at work, Miss Asper. Picket will tell you when she returns." 

"Thank you, Pick." 

Without another word, Picket snapped her little fingers and she was gone with a pop. Asper was left alone in her cold room once again. She let out a heavy sigh and turned back toward her room. Staring at the bookshelves was giving her a headache, but she didn't have the strength to start exploring the rest of her house yet. With her mom at work, she started to wonder where her dad was, why she hadn't met him yet. She would ask her mom when she came back from work. 

Gentle rain started to patter against the ground outside and the wind blew in a chill. It was more welcome than the empty coldness that the rest of the house carried. Draco had asked her to find something about herself in this room, but she didn't know how she was supposed to do that. 

She couldn't bear to stare at the bookshelf anymore, so she made her way to the closet. Even though she had already seen it, the sheer size still took her breath away. 

None of these clothes were familiar to her, but she didn't actually expect them to be. They were organized by color. Asper wondered for a second if she had done that or if it was Picket's work. She ran her hands along some of the clothes, only to find that her hand came away covered in dust. With a scowl on her face, she wondered when was the last time she wore these clothes. 

She searched through the clothes, now determined to find something that she would wear. She passed dresses and button-up shirts and skirts and silk pants and heels that were taller than Asper ever thought she'd be able to walk in. 

On the far wall was a tall mirror. She supposed that would be helpful. 

Near the back of the closet was a section of sweaters. These didn't seem so dusty. Tucked underneath some of the longer sweaters was a beautifully carven dresser. There wasn't nearly as much dust on this one either. 

Asper had pulled the clothes she was currently wearing out of a pile on the floor, but maybe she would come back here from now on. She turned to look at the rest of the closet, the clothes covered in dust that it seemed she never touched. What was the point of having all of this if she never wore it? 

Maybe none of it fit her. If that was the case, she could give it away to someone who was more likely the wear it, but the only way she was going to know what fit and what didn't was to try it all on. 

She started with the sweaters. They were easy to pull on over her head. All of them seemed to fit her well and they were comfortable. She hung them up, hoping that their warmth would get her through the cold that was like a plague on this house. 

Then she turned to the rest of the closet. There was a lot of black, she noticed, and a lot of rich greens. She wondered if they were family colors. Even though these clothes were some of the dustiest, Asper couldn't help but think that these were the clothes she should be wearing if there was so much of it. 

She pulled out a smooth, silky green blouse. It fit her well, but it made her feel grown-up, older than she was. She pulled on a simple black skirt, afraid to touch some of the more wild pieces that hung there. Turning to the mirror, Asper withheld a cringe. There was something wrong with the outfit, but she couldn't name it. The skirt was too cold though, a draft shivering up her legs. 

She pulled the skirt and shirt off and hung them up. She went back to the dresser and found a pair of denim pants in a light blue color, a colorful, striped turtle neck, and a large belt. When she looked in the mirror again, she let out a sigh of relief. 

She felt better now, proper. That thing that wasn't right was gone. She considered looking in the jewelry box that sat on the top of the dresser, but her eyes were starting to feel heavy. A dull ache was still tapping at the back of her head. Whatever had happened to her that night- whenever it was- was still draining to her body and after her duel with Blaise, she was even more tired. 

She grabbed a long, maroon flannel and pulled that on over top and she finally felt a flicker of warmth, though the tiles against her bare feet kept her cold enough to stay awake. She considered putting socks on, but knowing that the her beforehand wasn't likely to, Asper now wasn't sure if she wanted to separate her two selves that much. 

Shuffling back into her room, she looked over at the bookshelf. Without thinking, she grabbed a book, a tattered one, and walked over to the window seat. It was still raining gently outside and Asper smiled. The curtains flitted toward her and she brushed them out of the way so that she could slide onto the seat. Even though the window was open and the window was blowing inside, nothing seemed to get wet. There must have been some kind of magic preventing the rain from coming inside. Asper wasn't surprised. 

A multi-colored quilt draped over the seat. It looked handmade. There was a beige pillow embroidered with a beautiful black and green snake resting against the wall. That was where She settled, under the quilt and leaning up against the pillow, listening to the rain patter against the side of the house and the rocks below. She opened the book and started to read. 

Her eyelids were heavy even as she read the words in her book. The plot was easy enough to follow, especially with the annotations on the side. Someone had scrawled notes in black ink along the margins, circled words, underlined entire paragraphs. Asper found the annotations more interesting than the actual story. Only a few chapters in, she flipped to the front of the book and found a note. 

Happy birthday, Asper! I can't wait for you to read this book so we can talk about it. I hope you enjoy my little notes. 

Much love,

H.G.

H.G. Those weren't initials Asper was familiar with. The note was personal and by the annotations that were in the book, whoever had given the book to her spent a lot of time making it look the way it did. They clearly cared that the present Asper was given was a good one. 

She stopped reading the book and started flipping through the pages just to read what HG had written. There were even small moving doodles in the corners. In the corner of one page, HG had drawn a picture of a girl and labeled it how they imagined the main character. Another page was a stick figure doodle of two people, one with long hair and one with glasses.  

'That was Ron. Sorry. He says it's supposed to be you and Harry.' 

Asper found herself smiling, even though she couldn't remember who Ron or Harry were. She traced her finger down a page that had a whole chunk of text underlined. 

'Reminds me of you.' 

A warmth spread throughout Asper's chest and something stung in her eyes. Tears, she realized. 

Once she had flipped through the book and looking at the drawings and read a few of the annotations, she found a note in the very back, one last message from HG. 

'I'm sorry you're locked up at home this summer.' It said. 'We all miss you and can't wait to see you at school!' 

In a smaller scrawled letter at the bottom was another short note, but it wasn't signed. 

'Love you.'

Asper let out a laugh, but it wasn't a laugh, it was a sob. As soon as the first one came from her mouth, all the rest followed. The book fell out of her hands as she brought them up to cover her face, an onslaught of tears rolling down her cheeks. She tried to muffle her sobs by pressing her hands over her nose and mouth, but it didn't help. 

The warmth that had been in her heart hardened and grew cold, painful. There were people out there who loved her, who cared about her deeply, enough to annotate an entire book and leave little drawings and notes along the way. But she couldn't remember them. The names Harry and Ron and HG didn't mean anything to her. They didn't incite any kind of feeling within her. There was just nothing. 

With a cry of frustration, Asper picked up the book and hurled it across the room. She moved from the window seat and made for her bed, throwing herself against her pillow. Letting the sobs shake her body, the soft, silky pillow soaked in her tears until she had nothing left to give.

A headache started to spread across her eyebrows, her jaw tight and painful. Her eyes were dry, but now they were raw and itchy. She sniffed and let out a tearful breath before rolling onto her other pillow and shutting her eyes. She curled her knees up to her chest and pulled up another quilt over her. The warmth of her clothes and the thickness of the quilt kept out the cold of the house and the chill of the open window, but there was something else that made her shiver. 

She fell asleep to the sound of the rain growing harder outside. 

~~~~

Hey! I really hope you guys are enjoying this story! I'm really excited to get back to it. I think I finally have the motivation to keep going. I think it might be long, so we'll see how long it takes to get through. 

every single comment and vote and read just makes my heart soar. I thank you all so, so much for everything you guys have done for me and for every ounce of support you have given. 

I hope you guys are doing well and if you ever need anything, just let me know! 

thank you and I love you,

Caroline 

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