CHAPTER 5: Drawing

Our existence is very well-written and planned by the maker. The God of this world created the human body and bestowed upon the souls of his children to decide whether they live the potential of a vessel; a better future.

However, amongst all beings on Earth, what seems to be difficult to understand is the life beyond this very orb in which exhibits an invisible barrier to the naked eye, to the flesh and blood—the normal ones.

"U-Uhm..." I can't seem to find the right words. "I-I should drop these..."

He didn't respond and was just looking at me intently. The smoke coming out from his cigarette is reaching my nose and yet, I can't help but to stare back at his hazel light-brown eyes. Those thick and long lashes fluttered over those sinister pair which definitely conveys a vicious intent to destroy a human life 'till dust.

And here I am, willing to be a victim for once...

Whenever this happens, I always felt like weak—a puny being summoned to be helpless and be devoured by his magnificence.

But soon after, he decided to cut off our gaze and took a glance at the chair right in front of the elongated desk.

I was struck by sudden realizations.

Fuck... what just happened?

"Come here,"

Inayos kong mabuti ang mga hawak kong progress at agad na sumunod sa kaniyang kagustuhan. Nakayuko lamang ako at hindi na muling itinaas ang tingin.

Dahan-dahan din ang ginawa kong paglapit, I can already feel my sweats starting to form and my whole body trembling because of the fact that I am nearing him... a very dangerous man.

He eyed the chair once again. "Sit down."

"R-Right, s-sir." Sunod-sunod ang ginawa kong pagtango dahil sa biglaang pagkataranta.

When I finally seated myself comfortably, I could see him putting out his cigarette. The veins on his arms protruded, it looks very menacing that he can probably smother you in an instant. After that, no one dared to speak between us. Umupo lang din siya sa swivel chair niya sa likuran ng desk na iyon at pinag-krus pa ang mga braso sa harapan ko habang nakatitig.

The hushed noise is wrecking my ears, I can't help but to end the silence. This is going nowhere.

"Mr. Volkov—"

"Damian."

Kumunot ang noo ko sa biglaang pagputol niya. He noticed my confused reaction and I saw a hint of smirk forming on his reddish lips.

"You used to love it when you called me by that name," he added like it was the right answer for my confusion.

Though, it was so.... vague and unclear. Does this man even know what he's saying?

He can't even hide the smirk from that!

Wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi niyang iyon. Surfacing these kinds of words... I'm not sure about it, he really does put an effort in making me baffled by his own words. The first one is when he said to stop hiding my secret... and now this? For the second time?

Is there anything more to transpire? I really can't understand this man at all!

"M-Mr. Volkov, I'm just here to—"

I heard him tsked and saw him shift his position towards me.

"Damian." he corrected.

"R-Right..."

With those hazel light-brown eyes, I can feel how vicious and dangerous this man can be. I've lived my life up to this day, the least I wanted to happen is to feel my demise within the hands of this Russian man.

Oh God, please help me. This is getting too much...

Tumango nalang ako at kalaunan, isa-isang nilapag sa harapan niya ang lahat ng progress, exposing all the great arts and creations, I was amazed by all of it. Ipinakita ko na rin sa kaniya ang mga drafts para sa furniture, exterior at iba pa.

My hands were trembling bad, it's very evident to the point that the papers are already shaking. I know he can see me; he's obviously watching my every move. I can feel his intense stares right in front and I just hope this can end soon. Gusto ko na talagang umalis dito.

What I presented in front of him are just obscure samples of templates and progresses. If the clients decide to approve anything here, we will conduct an immediate meeting about it.

And I hope he does... I really fucking want this to end soon...

"They're currently working hard for this..." pagsisimula ko, "S-Sir D-Damian,"

The smirk on his lips grew bigger.

It feels so weird to mention his name. Hindi ko alam. Para bang sanay na ang dila ko sa pagbigkas ng pangalan niyang iyon. The sound of his name coming out is somehow giving me cramped feelings, halo-halong emosyon ang ibinigay noon sa akin na talagang hindi ko naiintindihan.

Umatras nalang ako at inilagay sa kandungan ang mga kamay. "U-Uhm... I g-guess, this is all," I said in a small voice.

Sinundan ko ang paggalaw ng mga mata niya. I was so drawn to that hazel light-brown eyes. Such pair is so rare that I can't stop myself but to also follow his every move. Nakita ko ang mabilis na pagpasada niyon sa mga papeles na nakalagay sa lamesa, ni hindi man lang nagtagal ang mga ito ng kahit isang minuto lang.

After that, he only leaned back to his swivel chair, emotionless. I can see how his lips slowly turned into a grim line, making it hard for me to read his reaction. There was no sign of amusement or perhaps, he was displeased.

Shit... why do I feel like I did something wrong? May mali ba sa mga progress na hindi niya nagustuhan?

"You're an intern."

I drew back my eyes to the progress laid in front. It's not a question but my head immediately responded. "Y-Yes uh, sir D-Damian,"

I can see how his jaw ticked upon hearing it. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako titingin, para bang kasalanan na nasa harapan niya ako ngayon.

"Is that a free pass for you to not do your work?"

"H-Huh? I mean..." Nakakahiya! My voice cracked because of his unpredicted response!

"Where's your work, Anastasia?"

The baritone voice of this man and his Russian accent is really making me tremble! Pero teka lang, why is he looking for my work?

"I-I'm not assigned to make a draft..."

"Said by who?" His forehead creased a little.

Hindi naman ako nakasagot agad dahil hindi ko napo-proseso ang mga sinasabi niya. I can feel him getting impatient by each second that passes by.

"Tell them I want it," he commanded.

Agad akong umiling sa tinuran nito. He made me astounded just by saying that. As much as I love to, I prefer to just leave it to the hands of the professionals. I am feeling tensed right now, if this goes on, I don't know what might happen. And besides, he shouldn't ask an intern for anything crucial like this.

I am still learning, I lack experience. The firm hasn't provided me with something big yet, but I'd like to try. This project is so tempting that it almost gave me sleepless nights for having too much ideas with drafting. But then, my peace is my top priority. Just doing something like this is already exhausting... what more if I presented my drafts and needed to come back here? God.

I shook my head to wipe off some thoughts. He saw my reaction and the atmosphere suddenly became so heavy.

This room is wide and extensive; however, it really feels choking inside. There's a foreboding feeling that tells me I shouldn't do or say anything wrong or else, my fate will be unfortunate.

Fuck! I need to get out of here. Hindi ko na talaga kayang mapag-isa kami ng lalaking ito. 

"I-I think, I'll leav—"

"We're not yet done," he muttered whilst his lips remained grim. "Show me your drafts." Napayuko na lamang ako sa bigat ng tingin na ibinibigay niya.

Paano ba ako makakaalis dito? Kung sana hindi ako pumayag kanina sa pagdadala ng mga progress, 'edi sana tahimik ang buhay ko ngayon. 

Tangina, Anastasia. Ano ba kasi itong pinasok mo?

I just heaved a small sigh to gather a bit of confidence. "I-I don't have any—"

"You've chosen this path, Anastasia. Prove me something," I almost quivered by the sound of his voice. 

It was so cold. So damn cold!

My hands secretly formed into a tight fist above my lap. I can feel my nails digging deep inside my palms, but I didn't mind any of it.

This is getting redundant now, and I refuse to listen. Yes, I've chosen this path because this is the only field I know; I'll excel. However, if this man really does know my secret, he may be the answer for the questions I long buried.

And maybe, there's a chance for me to know my true self...

"I-I'll talk with Sir Andrei about it-"

He cut me off. "Sir Andrei, huh?" I can see how his eyes glint off solid danger from my response. "Why don't you talk it out with me? I'm your client, not him."

"R-Right, I'm going to start with my draft... please excuse me." Hindi na niya ako napigilan nang tuluyan na akong tumayo. I even saw him bite his lower lip to hide his growing smirk.

"Good girl."

That's the last thing I heard before I finally got out.

He's obviously making fun of me!

Agad kong hinawakan ang dibdib. My heart is beating out loud for Pete's fucking sake and I'm having a hard time to calm down.

Nakasalubong ko pa si Mr. Bognadov sa hallway at balak pa sana niya akong pigilan pero napatigil lang siya nang may makita sa likuran ko.

Hindi ko na iyon pinansin at hindi na rin ako nag-aksaya pa ng oras na iwanan sila doon. 

Having a conversation with that kind of man will deplete all your energy. Look at me now, I became so tired; it feels like I was knocked out completely. My body became so weary, and I think, I need some refreshments inside the production floor.

I won't be tolerating an early out anymore, I'll endure this shit myself.

Pagkarating ko sa office, they were all busy chit-chatting. Happiness and joy were written all over their faces as if they didn't have any concerns inside the firm. Nakakainggit, these architects are so lucky, samantalang ako dito, kabadong-kabado na.

Though, I've never doubted my talent. I'm sure I can take care of this. I just don't know my next move, should I email Sir Andrei? 

"Tash!" narinig ko ang pagtawag ni Architect Pam, "Oh? Why do you look so flat? Something happened?" pagtatanong niya.

Umilingin naman ako at umupo sa harapan ng desk. "Napagod lang," sambit ko.

"I can see that."

Mas lalong lumakas ang tawanan ng mga architects at engineers. Just an hour left and most of us will end our work shift period today. Perhaps, they were too excited for their day offs. Doing some tiring rushed drafts will make you yearn for rest anyway.

"Tell me what happened," Pam added when she neared beside me.

"I-It's nothing..." For a moment, I was skeptical to say anything more, "I-I mean, am I allowed to join you in producing drafts?" I faltered.

She knitted her forehead. "You're not a drafter, Tash. Why?"

So, I bet, the answer is no?

"But you can ask Sir Andrei about it, malay mo pagbigyan ka." Nilagay niya ang baba niya sa partitions ng desk ko. "It sucks when you feel like being shunned from your expertise," she attested.

Hindi ko alam kung mabubuhayan ba ako sa sinabi niyang iyon o mas lalo lang akong madidismaya. I think, I would prefer it better if she just said no to my question.

"Right... thanks, architect." Binuksan ko na ang laptop para makapag-report kay Sir Andrei.

I've written the things I've done. The revisions, the drafts and so on. I even told him how I was truly amazed by the progress of his team. Ganoon pala talaga gumawa ng designs kapag professional at expert architect kana. Minamadali sila ng firm pero grabe, napakaganda.

Medyo nakakainggit dahil gusto ko na talagang maranasan ang mga iyon. As much as I hate to admit, I really would like to try. Kung kaya't isinama ko na din sa email ang pagtatanong ko kung pu-pwede ba akong magpasa din ng sariling designs for exterior.

Thinking about what happened with that man will make me sick. I don't want to further this, I'll end this right away.

Pagod na pagod ako ngayong araw kahit na iyon lang naman ang ginawa ko.

"You know what," Pam still insisted on talking, "Why don't you join me tomorrow? Day off mo naman 'di ba?" pagtatanong niya.

Tumango ako. "To where?"

"Basta, I'll send you the details. Kung gusto mo, sabay nalang tayo?"

Wala naman akong gagawin bukas, siguro nga baka matulog lang ako buong araw o kaya naman mag-review. I guess, this is the best chance for me to unwind from all those dreadful happenings. First time din may magyaya sa akin nang ganito kaya bakit hindi?

Great, Anastasia! You forget, you're not used to getting out?

"Sure, sige. Sasabay nalang ako," I beamed, getting excited for wherever she's taking me.

Bahala na.

Somehow, Architect Pam is like being my savior. Nakakatuwa na merong isang katulad niya na nakilala ko. Kung sa iba siguro ito, mas gugustuhin nilang huwag ako pansinin.

Lumipas ang isang oras at natapos na ang trabaho ng karamihan. Nagpaalam na din sa akin si Pam dahil hinihintay na daw siya ng engineer na kaibigan niya. Minutes after, I was left alone at my desk.

The eerie sound of complete quiteness is making me scared. Parang may nakatingin sa 'kin at binabantayan ang bawat galaw ko. What the fuck is happening with me? Kailangan ko na nga talagang umuwi at magpahinga. Kung ano-ano na ang napapansin ko. Praning na yata ako.

It's the fault of that dangerous man!

Isasarado ko na din dapat ang laptop dahil sa mga naiisip nang makita kong may nag-pop up na email.

An email sent from Sir Andrei.

He was glad for what I did today. He provided me some advices and... praises which made me honored and content. 'Eto lang naman ang inaantay ko, ang makita kong matuwa siya sa mga ginawa ko. It seems that my tiredness was like a wind that vanishes in thin air as soon as I've read his reply.

But what creased my forehead is the fact that he didn't reply to something I was asking. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung matutuwa ba ako o ano. Nag-expect din kasi ako na sasagutin niya ang katanungan na iyon kaya ayan tuloy, hays.

I just brushed it all off my head and shrugged my shoulders. Uuwi nalang ako at magpapahinga para ready ako bukas sa lakad namin. Maganda na siguro iyon, ang maging busy sa ibang bagay.

However, when I was about to shut it all down, nagulat nalang ako nang biglang mag-ring ang cellphone sa tabi.

Hawak-hawak ang dibdib, sinagot ko agad ang tumatawag, "Hello?"

Tangina, sino ba ito? Nakakagulat!

"Tasha? Hindi ka pa nauwi?" Agad akong umayos ng upo nang marinig ko ang boses ni Sir Andrei.

"Good evening, sir. Pauwi na po ako,"

"I see..." He paused for a bit. "Anyway, I called because I'd like to talk about the email you've sent me," he said.

Oh... that.

"Right, sir. Thank you so much, I'll take it as another lesson from you," I smiled.

"Good, then. But other than that, I've never refrained you from making any drafts, Tash. In fact, I was waiting for you to feel comfortable before kicking off your designs."

Wait... kick off my designs? Did he really just call to say this? Ano ito? Shit naman, is that a yes to my question?

Unexpectedly, my fucking heart is hammering inside my chest again. Kinakabahan ako ng sobra dahil doon. I'm getting the thrill and enthusiasm once more. This is fucking good! I can finally showcase my skills on this firm!

"W-What do you mean, sir?" Gosh, Anastasia!

"I'd like you to join the team in making the designs for exterior," he declared.