Chapter Eleven

Dexius released my shoulders and stepped back and I instantly felt his loss. I took a step toward him and he took one back, making me go still.

Come back.

I wanted to touch him. The insane urge to grab him in my arms and hold him and never let go was almost overwhelming. It made my stomach twist into a giant knot and drop. My fingers itched to caress his soft skin, my mouth wanting to find his and latch on. I wanted so many things at once and Dexius was the center of it all, but there was something about him that made me remain where I was.

The boyish glimmer in his eyes was gone, the playful dimple in his cheek no longer visible— not even his smile was there. His lips, now paler in color, were pursed into a thin line, his jaw so tense I could see a vein throbbing in his throat, and his eyes cold hard icicles.

"Dexius—"

"Get out," Dexius growled, "You are the epitome of stupidity for coming here, especially with Atlan on the loose." His words normally would've been joking and teasing, but there was such a harsh barb behind it that I flinched. That tone of voice... it sounded so cold.

Was this really Dexius? My Dexius? The one who stripped in the middle of the city to run away from his responsibilities? The one who made jokes and played hide-and-seek with me?

"D-Dexius," I managed, struggling to find my voice, loathing the tremor in it that hadn't been in my voice since I met Dexius, "You're here. Y-You—"

"Yes, yes," Dexius said angrily, snatching at my wrist now and dragging me down the hallway, "We do not have time for this. Hannibal and the others are wondering where you went. They are two tunnels down. Find them and get out as soon as possible." His words snapped something inside me and I tore my wrist out of his grip, making him whirl on me with a snarl, making me take a step back, frightened by his reaction, but I managed to muster up some of my own rage.

"Dexius, stop!" I shouted. He glared at me.

"We do not have time to stop! You woke up the Xios!" He snarled. I scowled.

"The what— Oh." I froze. I had completely forgotten the Xios even existed. They were demonic creatures that prowled the underworld to help Zetnos keep the souls in check, and to keep out intruders. Supposedly they were in a coma state when everything returned.

"Yeah, oh," Dexius said dryly, then grabbed my wrist again, pulling me along, "Get to your group and get out as soon as possible—"

"No," I said again angrily, yanking my arm from Dexius's grasp and making his eyes flash angrily as he whirled to glare at me, "I came here to see you and I won't leave until I speak with you!" Dexius's eyes widened at that and he grabbed my shoulders, giving me a fierce shake that shocked me.

"Are you stupid?! You came down here to talk to a dead man? Of all the stupid things you have done, this is dangerously close to the top," He snarled, then roughly let go of me to step back, pushing a hand through his hair in frustration, "You do realize Atlan is out there hunting you down and wanting to turn your corpse into a decoration for his palace." I glared at him.

"Yes, I realize that, but I don't care. I'm not afraid of Atlan. You know that." I said. Dexius's eyes glowed menacingly and I swallowed hard, taking another step back from him, this time bumping my back against the wall and I looked up as Dexius advanced on me, getting so close I could... feel the coldness of his skin, smell the mildew on his breath, the sting of death.

"Oh, yes, I know," Dexius said in a low deadly tone, "You seem ever eager to anger the one power beyond either of our control. I don't know why you came down here to speak to me, because I have nothing to say to you." His words felt like cold bullets slicing through me. A painful tightening in my chest choked me and I tried to find the words to ask why he was acting like this, why he was so angry. Did he... blame me for his death?

"Dexius," I stammered, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't— I didn't know my siblings were going to—"

"You think that's what this is about," Dexius roared and his voice shook the tunnels and I flinched back as he got down in my face, "I could've dealt with that, Anexius. I dealt with what they'd done and the entire time they tormented me and ripped my skin off piece by piece and fucked me length by length, burned the soles of my feet right off and bit my fingers off and flayed the flesh from my bone. Hell, I even let the ocean drag me under when they tossed what was left of me over the cliff into the water." His words terrified me and a low whimper escaped my throat as I went to cover my ears, but Dexius snatched my wrists and forced them against tunnel so hard that he actually cracked several of the skulls there.

"I was still alive when they threw me in the water," Dexius seethed, his breath icy cold in my face as I swallowed repeatedly to keep the vomit at bay, "Part of me wanted to fight, but there was nothing left for me to fight with. They'd broken every single bone in my body, torn off almost every length of flesh, plucked out my eyeballs and cut out my tongue. Still, some sick part of me wanted to keep fighting, still wanted to keep breathing as I lay there, slowly beginning to sink beneath those waves... Some part of me kept thinking, don't worry, Anexius. Don't be scared, Anexius. It'll be fine, Anexius. I won't leave you. I drowned, choking on water dyed in my blood."

"D-Dexius, I'm so sorry." I choked tearfully, but Dexius snarled and slammed my wrists against the wall again.

"That's not what you should be fucking apologizing for! I could've moved past that! I could've moved past the fact that I was disowned and cast aside, but what I couldn't move past was the fact that you! You pathetic son of a fucking bitch, destroyed my family! You weren't there to protect them, no matter how many offerings my mother left on your filthy altar at the temple, no matter how many times my brother wept and my father pleaded, you never once came to them!" He shouted. I looked at him, baffled, goosebumps prickling my skin and my mouth falling open at his words.

That?!

That's why he was angry? Because I hadn't protected his pathetic worthless family?

"Of course I didn't," I cried out angrily, "They betrayed you! They threw your corpse back in the water! They disowned you and removed every trace of you from the royal line! They cursed your very name until their deaths!"

"And I don't fucking care," Dexius's voice echoed off the tunnel walls, "They were my family, you stupid son of a bitch! You promised to protect them! You swore to me that you would protect them! Not only that, but you ruined Atlantis! My people are all dead and in eternal suffering because of you!"

"They didn't deserve to be saved," I shouted back at him, then shoved him back from me, moving toward him angrily, "None of them deserved to be saved! They ruined you—"

"You ruined me," Dexius screamed, making me go still as he leaned against the opposite wall, breathing hard, "You ruined everything! You destroyed my family, my people, my country! You sent us to the worst hell in existence! To exist without anything! No breath, no power, no food or water or air, nothing! When you sent the pantheon to the depths of the Source, you piece of shit, you sent the rest of us there with them!" Cold dread pooled into my stomach and I felt like a weight inside me had dropped abruptly, my goose bumps stinging now.

"N-No," I stuttered, "No! You were you dead! Your souls—"

"Went to the Source too," Dexius spat, "Where the fuck did you think we went when Atlantis went down? You think we were all banished to non-existence, or better yet, did you think there was some kind of fucking heaven realm in the Source? Because there's not! There was nothing, but suffering, you bastard! Even now, there are still souls trapped in that shithole!" A shudder wracked me at that and I felt like I was going to be sick as I stumbled back against the wall, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth.

Well, that explained why my slavery was still in play.

Not everything was out of the Source yet, and for all I knew, the Source wasn't going to release anything else.

Oh my god.

I damned Dexius.

I couldn't describe the weight dragging me to the ground, the pain pulsing through my veins until I was numb. I found myself on my knees, shaking, trying to make sense of everything Dexius was telling me, trying to find a point of calm to be able to speak, but what could I possibly say?

Oh, I'm sorry for locking you into eternal damnation for nine thousand years?

I almost laughed at that, except I couldn't move. It was like I was frozen in place, except the tremors wracking my body. In front of me, I saw Dexius pushing angrily off the wall and walking over to me, grabbing me by a handful of hair and wrenching it so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if there was blood running through my hair.

"I should leave you here," Dexius seethed, glaring down at me, "I should leave you here to suffer the same way my family did, my people, and myself. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to watch you squirm in pain as the Xios catch up to you, flaying the flesh from your bone with their claws. The Source and everyone else in the world knows you deserve it, but I'm not a cold-hearted son of a bitch like you are." A sharp breath left me as Dexius leaned down into my face, releasing my hair so he could cup my face in his hands, studying me.

I reached up to press my hands over his, desperate to feel his skin, but it wasn't warm like it used to be, wasn't that shade of melted caramel, and his breath didn't smell like honeyed bread. He felt and smelled like death. He leaned in so close that I swore his lips were going to touch mine, his expression soft for just a moment before he twitched as if he realized what he was doing and he shoved me back against the wall, moving away from me, curling his lip.

"Get up. I'm taking you to your group. After that, get the fuck out of here and never come back. I don't want to see you again, do you understand me? This is my territory now, not yours. Go back to your stupid little beach house and enjoy the rest of your luxurious godhood." He sneered. I choked on a sob that burned my throat.

"N-No, Dexius, please—"

"I said get up!" Dexius snarled. I couldn't get my legs to work. They felt like rubber and my heart was pounding rapidly, so hard against my ribs that I'm surprised it wasn't jutting out onto the floor. Dexius, fed up with what I'm sure he thought was stalling, lunged forward and grabbed me up by the arm, heaving me onto my feet and moving down the tunnel. My legs felt like they were working on autopilot and my mind was rapidly trying to catch up with everything.

My mouth refused to work, so I was left with only a pathetic stumbling as Dexius dragged me down the tunnel toward where I could hear the sound of voices. A sliver of panic went through me and I jerked hard at Dexius's arm, making him whirl on me with a snarl until he paused at what I mess I probably looked. Caked with blood from my fall, covered in a layer of dirt and filth, and sobbing like a pathetic baby.

"Dexius, please," I managed to gasp, "Please don't. I'm so sorry. I had no idea any of this was going to happen. I had no idea—"

"You should've thought of that before you'd done it." Dexius said through clenched teeth, his grip tightening on my wrist to the point where it should've been painful, but the pain in my chest was a lot harsher than any death grip.

"I-I know. I was just doing it for you—"

"What the hell made you think for one second that I would enjoy the sight of my family and my people in suffering? Did you not know me at all," Dexius paused to tsk and roughly released me, stepping away from me as he watched me with narrowed eyes, then his expression twisted in pain, "Of course you didn't. You were always so selfish. Every time I wanted you, you never showed up. You never came to me when I asked for you. I had to go to you and beg you to show up. That's what our relationship was."

"N-No! No, Dexius—"

"You never loved me," Dexius seethed, clenching his fists and a glimmer of tears swelled in his eyes, "You loved the idea of me. You just wanted someone you could finally boss around and drag by the neck because you were the only god in the pantheon that was treated like a footstool. I loved you in the beginning, and maybe even in the end, I loved you, but several thousand years of utter silence and pain was enough to prove to me that you loved no one. In fact, I don't think you even love yourself. Because even you can see how fucking selfish you are." His words were a white hot lance of pain through me as I struggled to breath.

No.

No, I loved Dexius. I love Dexius. Yes, I wasn't treated well by my family and yes, maybe that was what drove me to Dexius in the first place, but I love Dexius. Granted, I hadn't always been there, but how could I? I was a god, I didn't have time to break away from our impending war with the Greeks to come to Dexius. He should've known that.

You should've told him that.

I didn't want to scare him. The idea of war against the Greeks had always caused Dexius a bit of anxiety. He hated war, hated fighting. He didn't want to battle the Greeks, especially when a few of his friends were from the coastal city-states of Greece.

I tried to keep that away from him, even if it meant ignoring his cries whenever he needed me. More hot pain drove through me as I remembered the day I felt his pain, because of what my siblings had done. I had passed it off as just another cry because he was alone, but that hadn't been it at all. He'd been suffering, by the hands of my siblings, and I hadn't been there for him.

You ignored him.

"Dexius." I managed, reaching for him, but he recoiled from me with a hiss, glaring at me and reaching up to angrily wipe at his face.

"No. I'm done. This is as far as I take you. And for the record, I didn't do this to save you. I did this to save Atlantis. Anything to bring back the rest of the souls that are suffering in the bowels of the Source where you put them. At least here they can find peace." Dexius said coldly and his color began to fade, my eyes widening as I realized he was going to disappear.

"No! Dexius, please, wait!" I reached for him, but my hand passed through him and a sob choked me as I grabbed at the wisps of vapor as Dexius watched me with a pained stare.

"At least now I can finally say goodbye," Dexius said, his color nearly transparent now, "Goodbye, Anexius." And he was gone. Panicking, I snatched at the air, but Dexius was gone. I waved my hands through the air, breathing hard, my chest heaving as I looked around frantically.

"Dexius! Dexius, please, come back! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please! I didn't...! I didn't mean to hurt you, please! Dexius!" My screams went unheard and I choked on a sob, sinking to my knees as I tried to find my breath, but I was hyperventilating, nails scratching at the dirt.

This can't be happening.

This isn't real.

It definitely felt real. The pain in my chest was so powerful. I felt like I couldn't breath, like I was slowly dying. It was a physical tearing at my insides and I wanted to vomit, but whatever had been building before was gone now and I was left trying to draw cold air into my lungs to no avail. My vision was blurred and obscured by a fuzzy film of tears that made hot trails down my cheeks.

I couldn't even hear Hannibal's voice over my sobs, over the pounding in my ears, could barely feel a pair of hands grabbing at me. I felt like everything was going to shatter to pieces around me... or maybe it already was?

It felt as if it had taken hours, and probably a burst of magic, to calm down. Something heavy and hypnotic flooded my veins and my breathing steadily returned to normal, and my shaking had ceased and the pain became numb. All I felt now was Apollo's arms around me and Hannibal's hand on my shoulder, pumping the magic through my system. I couldn't find the strength to stay upright any further and I slowly slumped until my head was on Apollo's shoulder, his hand rubbing circles on my back.

It was quiet in the tunnel, but I didn't have the strength to get up. I stayed propped against Apollo, ignoring the looks Hannibal, Menoetius, and Arikos were sharing. Normally I would've felt a small twinge of humiliation for having a meltdown in front of so many people, but I was so numb that I didn't care.

After a few more minutes, Apollo finally pulled back to look at me, concern brewing in his eyes as he cupped my face in his hands.

"Anexius, what happened?" He asked softly. I stared back at him, unsure how to answer, but really, it could only be summed up into one sentence. Another heavy wave hit me and I slumped, feeling like I was just melting into the ground as I dropped my eyes to stare at the floor.

"Dexius is gone."