Disclaimer: SOME of the dialogue in this chapter, all characters (but Grace and Philip), the main story line and settings belong to Cassandra Clare. Everything else like the rest of the writing and my own characters belong to me. I do not own The Infernal Devices as they belong to the brilliant and fantastic mind of Cassandra Clare.

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'I am not my mistakes
And God knows I've made a few
I started to question the angels
And the answer they gave was you

I cannot promise there won't be sadness
I wish I could take it from you
But you'll find the courage to face the madness
And sing it because it's true.'

- Love My Life, Robbie Williams

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-*-*-*-*- Jem -*-*-*-*-

Jem changed into training gear and made his way down to the training room. Whenever Grace was upset, she'd always come down here. She could perform the most dangerous of tricks and flips from the wooden beams across the roof.

But Jem wasn't here for that today. He was here because Tessa and Sophie were going to train with Gideon and Gabriel. To be honest, he was surprised at himself for wanting to keep an eye on them. But he couldn't bear to be without Tessa at this present time. She was the only thing that kept his anger at bay. The only thing that was keeping him from doing something stupid and reckless.

Tessa and Sophie entered the training room in their gear, looking extremely uncomfortable. Jem chuckled slightly and jumped from the rope he was holding onto. Both girls started as he landed. "My apologies," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you." Tessa laughed while Sophie just stood there, shocked.

That was when Gideon and Gabriel entered, followed by their new servants, Cyril Tanner and Bridget Daly. "Good morning, James," Gabriel greeted, a sly grin on his face.

"Good morning, Gabriel. Gideon," Jem replied. The tone was completely neutral between them. Gabriel insisted on giving Jem a demonstration of Cyril's skills, which he had to admit were very good. The trouble started when Will came in, though it wasn't his fault this time.

"So where's your sister, James?" Gabriel inquired innocently. Jem's fists tightened involuntarily. Will glared at Gabriel, ready to spring if necessary.

"Gabriel," Gideon warned. "Remember what we talked about."

"Did she give herself up to that demon again?" Gabriel taunted. "Was she so weak that she couldn't fight it off? To be honest, I don't know why we weren't told to train her, if  she wakes up. Her skills are obviously lacking if she couldn't protect the Institute from a few automatons."

"Stop it," Tessa said to him. "Stop it right now! You should be ashamed of yourself. Can't you see you're tormenting him?" She gestured to Jem who was staring straight ahead at a spot on the wall, trying to keep his temper in front of Tessa.

"I'm just glad she's lock up now in the Silent City," Gabriel continued. "I would hate to be called out to kill her if that demon got loose-"

Jem tackled him, punching him in the face as they tumbled to the ground. He didn't know what else he would have done if Will hadn't of grabbed him, yanking him off Gabriel. Will dragged a struggling Jem to the door, pushing him outside.

"Where's your humanity, Lightwood?" Will growled before slamming the doors shut. Jem turned and punched the wall, hard. There was a sickening crack as he probably broke a few knuckles while doing so. Will sighed and pulled out his stele, drawing a iratze on Jem's hand.

"What's wrong with you, James?" Will asked. Jem didn't answer, just looked away. "I'm serious, Jem," Will continued. "This isn't like you. I know you're upset about Grace but you can't take it out on everybody else-"

"Like you do?" Jem burst out. Will was taken aback and took a step away to prove it. "You can't tell me not to take my anger out on other people because that's what you do all the time!"

"Jem-" Will started.

"No, Will!" Jem shouted. "Don't try and comfort me! You have no idea what it's like to watch your sister being tortured while there is nothing you can do to stop it! You have no idea what it's like to make a promise to the one person that you can't live without and break it! You have no idea what it's like to lose your family forever!"

"I do know what it's like, James," Will said softly then looked up sharply. "Grace is my sister too," he said quickly to recover.

Jem leant back on the wall, looking up to the ceiling. "I can't do this anymore, Will," he said. "I have to find a way to wake her up. If I don't...I'm afraid of what I'll do. God, is this what it's like for her all the time? Afraid of yourself?"

"She will come back to us," Will said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We will find a way." It was then the summoning bell rang. "Charlotte and Henry are probably busy; we should go and see who that is," Will sighed. Jem nodded.

"And Will," Jem said before they left. "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you over the last couple of weeks. You're my parabatai and you've always been there. I shouldn't have shouted."

"It's all right," Will said. "You needn't ask for forgiveness. You never had to."

***
They ran down the stairs to the Institute doors where someone was still ringing the summoning bell. "They don't want to wait, do they?" Will muttered.

Jem rolled his eyes and opened the door. Standing on the steps, looking like he'd slept the last couple of nights on the streets, was Philip Blackthorn. Both Will and Jem were frozen. They knew that should be arresting him there and then but they couldn't move.

"I know that I'm not welcome here," Philip said, getting to his knees. "I know you hate me. But I'm begging  you for forgiveness. I made a mistake that I'll never forgive myself for. If you let me, I want to do whatever I can to help you find and stop the Magister. If you let me, I might know how to wake Grace up."

Jem took one hard look at him before swinging his fist and connecting with Philip's head. Philip went down, out cold.

"What was that for?!" Will exclaimed.

"Just help me get him inside," Jem said, dragging Philip off the steps.

"Why? We can't let him stay here!" Will said. "The Clave will find out. We can't hide him forever, Jem."

"But I need answers that only he can give me," Jem said. "If the Clave take him, we'll never find Mortmain."

"Please tell me this has nothing to do with Grace," Will said, taking Philip's other arm.

"I'm not letting him anywhere near her," Jem said. "It's all his fault in the first place, I don't trust anything he says." They pulled him inside, up the stairs and into a spare room that nobody used.

"We should tie him up," Will said. They used the dusty bed sheets to tie Philip's hands and feet to a wooden chair. "Now all we have to do is wait for him to wake up," Will sighed. "Jem, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Well it's too late now," Jem said.

"Maybe we should tell Charlotte," Will said. "It's her investigation. She'll want to question him too." Jem thought on this. He really wanted to question Philip alone but in his heart, he couldn't let Charlotte struggle with this investigation without some help.

"Yes, we should," Jem said. "But let's wait until he wakes up. I have some questions to ask him first."

-*-*-*-*- Grace -*-*-*-*-

Grace woke up as warm sunlight hit her face. The curtains and the window were wide open and she could hear the birds tweeting merrily in the clear blue sky. She had slept the whole night without being woken up by nightmares for the first time in a very long while. Philip was perched on the edge of the bed, fully dressed in a shirt and waist coat.

"Zǎoshang hǎo, wǒ de ài," he whispered to her.

Good morning, my love.

Grace suddenly remembered what happened last night and leapt from the bed. She was still in training gear,  all crumpled and creased.

"I-"

"It's all right," Philip chuckled. "No one else is awake yet so, if you're quick, you can still make it back to your room before your mother finds out you spent the night here." Grace could feel herself going bright scarlet. What is happening to me?  she thought.

"I only thought you might have needed some company after..." Grace trailed off as Philip's eyes darkened.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, looking down. "Brother Enoch said we can't be married today until he's sure I've fully recovered from last night."

Oh right, Grace thought. Marriage.

As if sensing her dread, Philip stood and pulled her to him, his arms around her waist. "Is something wrong?" he asked. "Look Grace, I'm sorry that we couldn't get married today but-"

"No, it's fine," Grace said, deciding to play along. She detached herself from Philip. "I'm going to go before mother finds me gone. She already thinks I'm going mad." She backed up and stumbled out of the room. As soon as she was in the safety of her own bedroom, she punched the nearest wall.

What was she thinking? Why on Earth did she kiss Philip like that last night? It was a mistake, a huge one. Anything she did here could be used against her by Yanluo. In fact, she was sure Yanluo already was messing with her head. Philip was a traitor. She didn't love him.

Did she?

"Grace!" her mother shouted from the hallway. "Get changed now and go with your brother to the docks."

"Why?" Grace asked.

"You're going to meet Miss Lovelace, of course," her mother said. "She's come for your wedding. Your father will come with you."

"I'm meeting Jessamine!" Grace shrieked. She heard her mother sigh.

"She's your maid of honour, remember?" she said before her footsteps receded down the corridor. Grace ran to the wardrobe to get changed.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me, " she said as she opened it. It was full of elegant gowns of all colours and shapes. "Please tell me there is something in here that won't kill me." She riffled through the dresses, looking for something that looked vaguely comfortable. Eventually, she picked out a light blue dress and pulled it on.

She hated wearing dresses.

As she tied up her hair into a chignon, she heard low voices from out in the corridor. Grace slowly crept out and hid round a corner, listening in.

"...can't just leave her," Philip said.

"I told you, you're not well enough to go," Jian said. "Don't worry her even more than you are."

"I don't mean to," Philip said. "You have no idea how much I hate this. I love her, Jian. You know I do. I hate that each time the Silent Brothers have to come to cut out that demon metal, it hurts her just as much as me. If I could do anything to stop her pain, I would within a heartbeat."

"I'm not blaming you for any of this," Jian said. "All I'm saying is that I think the stress is getting to her. You know how strangely she's been acting. Maybe some time with Jessamine will help. She is her best friend, after all."

"All right," Philip sighed.

"I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't think it would help her," Jian said gently, laying a hand on Philip's shoulder. Philip nodded and offered a smile. "Now get some rest. I'll speak to you later."

Grace backed down the corridor, trying not to trip over her dress. She walked as quickly as she could so Jian didn't catch up. She had to get out of here, out of Yanluo's trap. Everything was too similar but different at the same time. Jian was too much like Will, Philip like Jem, even her mother was like Charlotte. She wanted her life back. As terrible as it was sometimes, her family was there. She had to get out of here soon or she was sure she'd go mad.

Grace came to the doors of the Great Room and stopped in her tracks. This was the room where it all happened, where she lost everything in her old life, where she lost the future she was meant to have. Grace took a hesitant step forward. There was something evil inside those doors. Something that wanted to kill. But she was drawn towards the danger as she always was. She could almost touch the handle-

"You're not ready to go in there just yet, my dear Grace," a voice said.  Grace whipped around. Floating down the corridor was a glowing man, dressed in flowing white robes with golden wings protruding from his back.

"Who are you?" Grace asked. "How did you get in my head?" That wasn't the first time she'd asked that question.

"No demon can fight an angel, my dear," the man said. "And I've always been with you. I never really left."

"You're an angel?" Grace said in disbelief. "As in, Raziel?"

"I am Ithuriel," he said. "The Angel of Sacrifice. I hear every cry of pain when someone makes a sacrifice. I often hear your pains the most."

"Why can't I go in there?" Grace asked, pointing to the Great Room doors.

"Because you are not ready to face the evil Yanluo has concocted inside," Ithuriel said sadly.

"What's inside?"

"I cannot say," he said. "Nor can anyone help you face it. You will know when you are ready. The time will come soon."

"So you can't help me escape," Grace sighed.

"No," the angel said with a sad smile. "But I can send you help." Grace looked up.

"Who? I thought you said no one could help me."

"She can, but not in the way you think," Ithuriel said. "You need a push, Grace Carstairs, and I think she can give it to you. Yanluo has been clever and has mixed your greatest desires with your worst fears. You long for your family to be alive and well, for your brother to be cured and have no memory of the torture he suffered. But in return, Yanluo has scarred Philip Blackthorn, thinking that you want revenge on him, and has made you feel like the loneliest person in the entire world, despite being surrounded by loved ones."

"Philip betrayed me," Grace said.

"I know the reasons for it though," Ithuriel countered. "He's not as twisted as you think. I hear his pains and sacrifices as well. You need to learn to trust."

"I do trust," Grace said. "I trust my brother and Will. I trust Magnus Bane."

"Trust in yourself and your own feelings," the angel said with a smile. "Now, sit tight. The one I protect will help you soon."

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