Disclaimer: all characters (apart from Philip and Grace), settings and the main plot belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare. Only Grace, Philip and my own story plot and sub-plots belong to me. I do not own the Infernal Devices no matter how much I wish I did ;)

A/N: So last year I was studying a poem at school called Walking Away by Cecil Day-Lewis and the last line of the poem really struck me. At the time I was plannng this book and I thought that it would be perfect to name this chapter. So yeah, check it out if you want.

Warning: tissues will be needed during this chapter. You have been warned.
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'If things could turn back around I know I would do anything
Won't you lay down, 'cause I know that heaven's waiting.

Won't you stay now, there's so much that's never been said
Won't you stay now, remind me to never forget
And I, I won't break down, I don't want to live with regret
Won't you stay now, I'll be by your side 'til the end.'

- Lay Down, Ella Henderson

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-*-*-*-*- Jem -*-*-*-*-

Grace sat next to Jem, her elbows leaning on the bed but her hands encasing his. He could see the dark shadows under her eyes and guessed that she hasn't got any sleep last night, but neither had he so he wasn't one to comment.

"You're really cold," she told him, releasing his hand for a moment and drawing up the covers over his chest. "You need to try and keep warm."

Jem was about to reply but a coughing fit hit him, blood spilling onto his fingers. Grace helped him sit up against the pillows until the coughing was over.

"They're happening more often," Jem croaked, settling back and taking deep breaths. Grace pursed her lips.

"They will do now that you've had the last of the drug," she said softly, her hand on his wrist. "Are you in pain? Do you want me to get Magnus to see if he has any spells that might help?" She started to stand but he grabbed her wrist.

"No," Jem whispered. "No, just stay with me. Please don't leave just yet. Please." She slowly sank back down again in the armchair, squeezing his hand.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said. Jem sighed. She didn't know it yet but she was going to leave him. He had to make sure of it.

"Are you sure you're not in pain?" She asked him, her eyes filled with worry.

"I'm fine," he said. She bit her lip but didn't say anything. Jem closed his eyes and just listened to the sound of his rattling breathing.

He had lied to Grace when he said he wasn't in pain. He was. His chest and lungs ached and his head was heavy and woozy. Every bone in his body felt like a tonne whenever he tried to move. He was struggling to think straight as the mist threatened to take him under a sleep that he feared he wouldn't wake up from.

He couldn't tell her any of that. He had to be as strong as he could for her. But that didn't mean he couldn't spend as much time as he had left with her before he had to go.

"I brought something for you to see," Grace said. Jem fluttered his eyes open.

"One of your sketch books?" He asked softly. She placed the blue book on his lap and flipped open the first page.

"Don't you remember?" She said with a smile. "This is the very first sketch book you brought me all those years ago." Jem looked down at the page and a tear came to his eye.

"Oh Gracey," he whispered. It was a picture of the first day they had met Will, and Jem had taught him to throw knives. As he went through the pages, waves of memories hit him. He could see it all happen again; it was as if the pictures were moving.

He and Will running through the streets of London with Grace on the rooftops, laughing and smiling.

The three of them in the library, meant to be studying but doodling rude pictures in the ancient books instead.

Their hands joined together after Will had been injured by the exploding automaton in the warehouse.

"These are beautiful," Jem told her. "They really are." She smiled but then it faded.

"I was going to give this to you for our eighteenth birthday," she said softly. "I had it all planned. But now..." Jem squeezed her hand.

"I know," he said. He took a deep breath. He knew that she had to leave now. The Silent Brothers were going to arrive in an hour, and Grace had to be gone when they did.

"Why don't you go and get some sleep," he said. "You look tired."

"I'm not leaving you," she replied curtly.

"You're exhausted, Gracey," he said. "It's just a few hours." She pursed her lips, obviously not that convinced. Jem held his breath. Please leave, he thought. Please don't make me watch you being dragged from this room.

"All right," she said finally, standing from the chair. "But only a few hours. I'll be back soon."

"A few hours," Jem whispered. Grace walked to the door and opened it. "And Grace," he called. She turned around.

"Yes?"

"I love you. Always remember that." She gave him a puzzled look.

"I love you too," she said then left, closing the door quietly behind her. Jem knew that that was probably the last time he would ever see his sister, for what he was about to attempt would surely kill him.

He closed his eyes and let a solitary tear slide down his cheek.

-*-*-*-*- Grace -*-*-*-*-

When Grace entered Charlotte's office, she was surprised to see that both the Lightwood brothers and Magnus were also there, spread out across the room either in chairs or standing. Charlotte herself sat behind her desk as usual, her reading glasses on her nose.

"You wanted to see me, Charlotte?" Grace asked tentatively, shutting the door behind her.

"Yes, Grace," Charlotte sighed, placing her reading glasses on the table on top of various files. "I just wanted to talk to you about something. Please, take a seat." Grace looked around the room suspiciously at the others who were there but nevertheless, she went forward and slid into the seat in front of the desk.

"Grace," Charlotte started. "I have been speaking to Jem and he has told me that he wants everyone to stop searching for a cure." She paused, as if expecting a reaction from Grace but she remained silent. She was never hopeful of a cure anyway and she knew Jem wasn't either. It was just a matter of time until he made the call.

"In these occasions, it is often the duty if the Head of the Institute to go through the will of a Shadowhunter with the closest relative," Charlotte continued.

"You want me to go through Jem's will with you," Grace said in disbelief. "Right now? He hasn't even died yet!"

"I know that this may seem insensitive, Grace, but Jem has asked me to go through it with you now," Charlotte said.

"Why?"

"It is just his wish, in case there is anything amiss," Charlotte reassured her. Grace bit her lip but nodded. Although she was still unsure why Gabriel, Gideon and Magnus were in the room, she decided to ignore it for now.

Charlotte cleared her throat and picked up a single piece of paper. "It seems Jem has left everything he owns to you and Will, to do what you wish with," she said. "However he has requested that you keep his crystal."

"All right," Grace said. "Is there anything else he wants us to keep?"

"Jem would like Will to keep his silver box," Charlotte said. Grace didn't say anything. It seemed rather cruel to make Will keep the source of Jem's pain. But if he wanted to limit Will's pain, then perhaps it was a smart thing to do.

"Can I ask why Gabriel, Gideon and Magnus are here?" She asked, the curiosity getting to her.

"I asked them to be here," Charlotte replied.

"Why? They have nothing to do with Jem's will, do they?" Grace said. Charlotte sighed, closing her eyes.

"Grace, I didn't actually call here today just to discuss Jem's will," she said softly. Grace went very still in her chair, her hands gripping the edges and her knuckles turning white.

"What do you mean?" She asked, looking around the room. None of the others met her gaze and they all suddenly found the carpet very interesting. "What's going on?"

"While you were asleep, Grace, Jem spoke with me and made a decision," Charlotte said quietly. Grace stood abruptly, her chair falling over. She ignored Gideon and Gabriel stepping forwards towards her cautiously.

"What did he say to you?" Grace demanded. "What has he done?"

"Grace..."

"Tell me!" She shouted. Charlotte took a deep breath.

"A few hours ago, Jem went to the Silent City," Charlotte said. "He's going to try and become a Silent Brother...or die trying." Grace heart was thudding into her ribs, her head spinning. Why would Jem try that? He knew that he would have to wait until the last possible moment when all the yin fen was purged from his blood. But that would cause agony that would most likely kill him.

"How could you have let him do that?!" She yelled. "You know that he can't survive the runes!" Charlotte stood from her desk, holding out her hands in a calming gesture.

"Grace, please calm down," she said. "It was Jem's choice. He asked us to make sure you let him do it."

"I've got to stop him," Grace whispered. "He's making a terrible mistake."

"Grace-"

"Just shut up!" She shouted. "Just please..." She backed away from Charlotte and started towards the door. Gabriel moved in front of her, blocking her way. She looked up in disbelief.

"Get out of my way, Lightwood!" Grace growled. Gabriel shook his head.

"I can't do that, Grace," he said. "We promised Jem."

"You what?!"

"Jem asked us to make sure you didn't try and stop him," Magnus said, standing from his chair and holding out his hands. Grace was pretty sure that her eyes were glowing red, but at that moment all she didn't care about pushing it down. She needed Yanluo's anger. "This is his only chance, Grace."

"But he can't live like that!" she yelled.

"To stay with you, he would do anything," Gideon told her. 

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way," she warned Gabriel. "Or this will go very badly for you." She swung her fist towards Gabriel who blocked it and pushed her arm to the side.

"Don't make me hurt you, Grace," Gabriel said. Grace didn't even bother replying. Her fists burst into flames and she dropped a low punch into Garbriel's stomach. He doubled over and Grace was about to push past him but she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She dropped and swept her leg round, knocking Gideon from his feet. She felt slightly guilty by hitting his almost healed leg but the guilt was replaced by pure rage. How dare they think they knew what was best for Jem. They had no idea.

Next it was Magnus who tried to restrain her but she ripped free from his grip, rushing past Gabriel, who was still recovering, and out into the corridor.

"Grace!" Magnus yelled but she ignored him, sprinting down the corridors towards the great doors.

Now she understood what Jem was saying earlier. He was saying goodbye.

She had to get to the Silent City before it was too late. Even if she couldn't get Jem to change his mind, she had to be there for him. She promised Will that she wouldn't leave his side. She promised herself that she wouldn't abandon Jem to die alone.

She would run all the way to the Silent City. She would tear down the walls if she had to.

Grace reached the front doors and yanked them open. It was raining outside and the clouds above were a swirling black mass, the wind wailing at her and tearing at her clothes. She jumped down the steps and splashed through the puddles pooled on the cobblestones. The gates loomed ahead and-

Suddenly there was a sharp tug around Grace's neck and she stopped short. There was another tug and she fell to her hands and knees, smashing into the ground. Her crystal swung free of her gear and she finally understood.

The glass was flashing all sorts of colours. Red, black, green, pink, blue, yellow. They were all mixing together. There was so many that they merged into a bright white glow. The light filled the entire courtyard as it increased in intensity, getting brighter and brighter. A sharp ringing sound filled Grace's ears and she was sure she could hear Jem crying out-

Then her crystal shattered.

For a moment, everything Grace saw went white as glass was spread all over the cobblestones. "No! Please, God, don't do this to me!" She could hear herself screaming and sobbing. She could feel someone's arms go around her, hugging her tightly and whispering in her ear.

But there was something else too. A vision shot through her head of another courtyard far away from here. She watched Will tumble out from an inn and fall to his knees, vomiting into the mud. A dark red stain was spreading across his shirt and she could hear him screaming when he saw his parabatai rune turn to silver.

Then the vision was gone and she was back in the Insitute courtyard. She was on her knees and sobbing, screaming out Jem's name and straining against the person holding her, completely out of control.

"I've got you, Grace," they said. With a jolt, she realised that it was Magnus. "I've got you. You're not alone. I'm not letting you go." He scooped her up, soaking wet from the rain, and carried her back into the Institute where Charlotte and Sophie stood waiting, their faces tear stained.

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Very emotional chapter there for you. I hope I have not damgaged any fangirl's heart too much.....

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Love y'all!