Disclaimer: SOME of the dialogue in this chapter, all characters (but Grace and Philip), the main story line and settings belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare. Grace, Philip and my own story plot belong to me. The Infernal Devices do not belong to me.

Ok guys I know that we haven't seen Philip in a while so he'll be in this chapter for you for those of you who were missing him ;)

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'How do I choose between my head and heart?'

- All Time Low, The Wanted

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-*-*-*-*- Will -*-*-*-*-

"...and Tessa wouldn't leave!" Will finished his raving in the carriage, firing everything he had at Jem about why things went wrong tonight. Grace sat rolling her eyes at everything he said in the corner. Jem had pulled her  into the carriage first and then Will afterwards to get them both away from Gabriel Lightwood, much to Will's annoyance. Although, he couldn't blame Jem for pulling Grace in. But Will? He could have handled it.

"Her brother was manacled to a chair," Jem said. "If the roles were reversed, and it were me or Grace in that chair, you would not have left. In fact, you may have been more of a danger to Magnus Bane than Grace was."

"I admit I regret kicking him in the face," Grace said. "That may have been slightly too much."

"Fair point," Will conceded. "But still, Tessa could have got herself killed."

"Which is why I was there to protect her," Grace sighed. "I told you this, Will."

"You both seem determined to miss my point," Will said in a grump.

"If your point is that there was a pretty girl in the room that was distracting you, then I think I get your point," Jem said. Will was slightly surprised. This wasn't Jem's usual way of speaking.

"I hadn't really noticed," he said.

"Yes you have, you just won't admit it," Jem said.

"Are you boys quite done?" Grace asked. Jem chuckled.

"Over protective sister over here," he laughed.

"I am not," Grace said, tossing her head.

"Liar," Will sniggered. Soon they were all in fits of giggles. It was times like these that Will forgot about Jem's illness and Grace's curse. Anyone looking in on them now would see three normal people mucking about. They both looked healthy tonight, but he knew all too well that anything could change any minute in the lives they lead.

They rattled through the gates of the Institute. Grace looked out of the window and cursed.

"Really Gracey, such language is not befitting of a lady," Will chided.

"He's here again," she growled. Jem and Will scrambled to see.

"Philip," Jem sighed. "They must have called him for you."

"I don't need him," Grace said.

"Just tell that to the Clave," Will said. He opened the door and leapt out, holding it open for Jem and Grace after him. This was going to be a very long night.

-*-*-*-*- Grace -*-*-*-*-

Grace put the heel of her palm against her forehead. She was in the library with Philip after having a quick bath and changed into fresh gear, out of the filthy black dress she had been wearing at de Quincey's. Her thick dark hair was damp and wound up into a bun. Some of it had escaped and was curling at the side of her head.

"I told  you," she said to Philip. "I was given permission by the Clave to go on this mission. Things went bad when we realised it was Tessa's brother manacled to the chair. The job of a Shadowhunter is to protect those who need to be protected and I wouldn't be doing my job if I let Tessa run into a mob of vampires on her own, would I?"

"But your orders were to get out of there," Philip said. He was standing up and pacing, his hands clasped behind his back. "How am I supposed to do my job if you won't listen? What do you think the Clave are going to say when they find out?"

"I had permission from the Clave," Grace insisted.

"And Magnus Bane!" Philip ranted on. "He had no right to tell you what he did. You shouldn't know. Don't even get me started on Camille Belcourt. Both of them swore an oath that they would never make contact with you after their services were completed." This didn't surprise Grace.

"I had a feeling that you might know about that," she muttered. "And you didn't tell me because you wanted to protect me, am I right?" Philip looked at her.

"I can't tell if you're being patronising or not," he said. He stopped pacing. "The Clave are still not going to be happy."

"I had the Clave's permis-"

"I wrote that damn letter!" Philip suddenly burst out. Grace looked at him in disbelief.

"You wrote the letter?"

"Yes, I did," he sighed. "Grace, I know that you want to be the best Shadowhunter you can be. I know that you want to prove to the Clave, to everyone, that you are not what's inside you. I thought that if 'they' gave you a chance then you might begin to listen some more."

"You had no right to trick me like that," Grace yelled. "And now you've put yourself in danger as well as me! For God's sake, Philip, I could get thrown into the Silent City for this! Why can't you just leave me alone for once?"

"Grace-" he started but she wasn't listening. She stood and left the library. Grace was so wrapped up in her own anger that she bumped into Jem and Charlotte.

"Woah," Jem said with a laugh. "It's always a good thing to watch where you're going Gracey." When he saw her face his expression changed to one of concern. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

"Ask Philip," Grace literally spat.

"What do you mean, Grace?" Charlotte asked.

"He was the one who wrote that letter giving me permission to fight tonight," Grace said. Charlotte grew pale to the very lips and Jem displayed some rare colour, flushing with anger. Both of their necklaces were glowing a fierce red.

"I'll go talk to him," he said. "I'll-"

"Don't," Grace said. "I've already given him a piece of my mind." She marched off again down the corridor.

***

Grace found herself on the stairs to the attic. This was where Will would often go to hide if he had to drink holy water although everyone knew that so it wasn't much of a hiding place. Anyway, it was often up to her to make sure he didn't leave without drinking the water. He would fight off everyone else too easily.

She sat on the steps, leaning against the banister. Sophie went up and down, fetching pail after pail. They didn't say anything to each other. Sophie knew when Grace really didn't want to talk.

At last, it was Tessa who came up. This time Grace did move to look at her. Tessa seemed surprised to see her there too. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure he doesn't escape," Grace said, jerking her head to the direction of the attic. "And you?" Tessa lifted up the pail of water. Grace softly laughed. "Of course."

"Thank you for tonight," Tessa said after a moment. "I'm sure my brother would have died if it wasn't for you."

"It wasn't just me," Grace replied. "But, you're welcome."

"I think I've figured you out, you know," Tessa said. "You're a lot like Will actually, but just not as good as hiding who you really are. But I think I've figured it out." Grace spread her hands out with a mocking smile on her face.

"Tell me, then," she said. "I've got all night to listen to your theories." Tessa took a deep breath and set down the pail.

"I think you have a demon inside of you," she said. Grace blinked. "That's why your eyes go red when you get angry or when it is trying to take control of you. You never sleep because it's always attacking you and you always have to be on guard, which is why when you relaxed the other day...it hurt you. Jem is always trying to remind you to stay in control of it by not doing the reckless thing but that's not in your nature. The Clave hate you because they hate anyone who is different...but it's not your fault. The reason why Will didn't want you to tell me is because a lot of people judge you for it so you are scared of their reactions which means you are scared of it. It scarred you as a child and it's still scarring you now and-"

"All right," Grace said, interrupting. "I get the idea."

"So I'm right then?" she asked in disbelief. She looked a little shocked.

"Partially," Grace replied. "You're right and you're wrong at the same time. You are correct that there is a demon inside of me. It's part of Yanluo's consciousness, the demon that killed my parents, which only makes things worse because it wants to be whole again. The Clave do hate me but only because I ruin their whole thing about a 'pure' race of Shadowhunters. That's why I'm not strictly allowed to speak to Downworlders because the Clave feel they are beneath Shadowhunters. The Clave always think that Downworlders are at war with them so trusting them with the knowledge of me... Well, it's not in their ability to trust. They fear there would be an uprising."

"There are some things that don't make sense," Tessa said. "Why only part of a demon? How did it do that to you? Why are you so scared of-"

"I'm not scared of it," Grace said harshly although she knew Tessa could tell she was lying. "All right, fine, I'm scared of it. Others are too."

"Then why do you get so sensitive when people talk about it?" Tessa asked. "It puts you in so much pain, reason enough for it to drive you insane. It is a demon after all."

"It's not always it  I'm scared of," Grace said. "Shadowhunters shouldn't be scared of demons. Although I doubt one has ever been through what I'm going through before. No, it's not always it, it's mostly me. But that's something I'm not going to tell you. Ever." She stood up and made her way down the stairs. "I'm not ready for you to know the whole story any more than you are."

"Why keep hiding it?" Tessa called from above. Grace stopped, her hand lingering on the wooden banister, her back to Tessa.

"Everyone has a dark side, Tessa," she said. "Mine is that demon and the shame it brings."

***

Everyone had been asleep most of the day but not Grace. Of course she had got a couple of hours but she woke herself up before the nightmares started.

And she had a lot to catch up with in her sketch books. She had one for Tessa now and Nathaniel. At first, she drew Tessa a bit harshly but now, she was starting to give her a lighter tone. She wasn't the person Grace thought she was at first...maybe she just had to give her a chance.

In her fears book, she drew de Quincey as the Magister with the medallion around his neck. Even as Grace drew it, there was something not quite right about representing de Quincey this way.

At about eight o'clock time, Jem, Will and Charlotte came into the drawing room (Grace always found that ironic considering this was where she did most of her art). Jem sat next to her with a smile and picked up a larger blue book that was sitting at the top of her gigantic stack. It was the one she had on Philip which was pretty...mixed up to say the least.

"This is really good," he whispered to her. Grace smiled at him warmly as he squeezed her hand. "I know I may have seemed angry at you before, but I understand now. It can't be easy for you just to stand by. Being the protective older brother I am, I can't help but get a little angry sometimes."

"Just because you were born twenty two minutes before me doesn't mean you get to use the 'protective older brother' thing against me," she said. They chuckled a bit then.

"How are you feeling about Philip?" he asked in a more serious tone.

"Look at the last page and you'll find out," she said. Jem looked at her suspiciously but curiosity won out.

"Grace Emma Carstairs," he said, laughing. "That is very rude."

That was when the argument started up.

"Tessa's brother shouldn't be here," Will said. "He's just a mundane that got himself into a whole world of trouble."

"But he might know something, Will," Jem said, his voice very calm but with an edge of warning. "Mortmain claimed that Nathaniel worked for de Quincey so he will most likely know something that could be of use to us."

"And he can't be treated in a mundane hospital," Grace said, not looking up from her drawing of de Quincey's town house and the battle there. "We can't just abandon him, Will. There's too much at stake."

"Who knows, Will?" Jem said. "He may even know something about why the automatons went after Grace that night and who was the person who stopped them from killing her." Will was silent.

"Call in the Silent Brothers again then," he said finally. "Let them claw through his head and find out what we need. Then he can go."

"That will most likely kill him which wouldn't be good for anyone involved," Grace pointed out.

"Not to mention he is suffering from a fever," Charlotte said. "We wouldn't be able to tell what is real and what is his delusions. It would probably damage his mind permanently."

"Not that he had much of a mind in the first place for meddling with Downworlder," Will said in disgust.

"You don't even know him," Grace said. "Who are you to judge a book by it's cover?"

"You can actually tell a lot about a book by the nature of it's cover," Will argued. He practically snarled it at Grace.

"All right, that's enough," Jem said so coldly Grace could imagine the windows frosting up. "I can't imagine what's driving this foul mood of yours, Will, but don't direct it at our  sister."

"I know that you are upset about how things went, Will," Charlotte said. "It's my fault, if I'm honest. I pushed my plan onto the Enclave."

"It isn't your fault, Charlotte," Jem and Grace said at the same time. "We saved Tessa's brother and countless more mundanes," Jem continued.

"If you hadn't insisted of tying the entire success of my plan on one of Henry's ridiculous inventions then we wouldn't be having this conversation," said Will. "Admit it, Charlotte, your husband is a useless bumbling fool."

"Will! " Jem exclaimed. Grace stared at Will in utter shock.

"That isn't fair, Will," she said quietly. "None of us would be here if Charlotte and Henry hadn't of taken us in out of the goodness in their hearts. They could have thrown you out onto the streets if they wanted to, but they didn't. So I suggest that you show some gratitude for once in your miserable life."

"I wish they wouldn't love me," Will spat. Charlotte made a pained noise.

"You don't mean that," she said.

"I mean every damn thing I say," Will declared. "If you are too sentimental to sift through Nathaniel Gray's mind-"

Suddenly Tessa burst into the room, her eyes filled with cold fury. "And things just get even better," Grace mumbled to herself.

"How dare you!" she yelled at Will. "How dare even say such things about my brother! This is not my fight and it never was. You just want to use me like the Dark Sisters, like the Magister! It's not my fault that you're doing a rotten job!" She stormed to the door. "Stay away from my brother and don't follow me!" Then she was gone.

Both Jem and Grace looked at Will with accusing expressions. "What?" he asked. "All I said was the truth."

"And you managed to hurt everyone on the way," Grace said. She stood up, leaving her books piled up and made her way to the door. Jem wasn't far behind her.

"Where are you two going?" Will asked.

"After Tessa," Jem said. He and Grace both left the room, walking down the corridor together.

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Hiya peeps!

Next chapter is not one I'm looking forward to writing...if you truly love Jem Carstairs you will understand...:'( :'( :'(

So, we are nearing the end of Clockwork Angel and I'm wondering how are you finding my fanfic so far??? Comment your feelings in the comments below. I love all your lovely advice and support. If I'm honest, you guys make this book, not me!

So see you next update!