Stay alive for us, for me.

What are the odds that a person's heart can beat the same rhythm as someone else's? That a heart frozen by time can actually melt within a minute of warmth?

I didn't think it was possible back then. Until now. Hindi ko inaasahang mapapalapit pala talaga ako sa kanila... sa kaniya.

Hearing those words from him reminds me of all the times I wished them death. Kinaibigan ko si kamatayan para sa kanila pero ngayon, all I can do is to hope he got home fine. Kahit 'yon lang para makabawi naman ako sa pagligtas niya sa 'kin.

"Oh, the little princess is crying."

Kaagad kong pinunasan ang luha ko. Funny. Akala ko nakalimutan na ng utak ko ang pagluha, hindi pa rin pala.

"You miss your boyfie?" pangungutya nito.

He's the guard assigned to watch me ever since they moved me to the main jail of all of Zarsothia — the Zhantla Prison. It's a series of conjoined stone towers in the middle of an ocean.

Hindi ko na maalala kung paano ako napunta rito. I passed out as soon as they pushed me inside the chariot. Pero base sa malawak na karagatang naaninag ko sa maliit na bintana, I'm definitely at the top of the tower. Iilan lamang kami sa palapag na 'to. Every cell has one prisoner only but all prisoners are free to interact, and each one of us has our own guard.

"Alam mo, sayang ka. You look beautiful. Mukha ka ring matalino. How did you end up here?"

At sadyang minalas akong makatanggap ng englishero't tsismosong guard.

"Pake mo?"

"Ah, I get it. That, that's what brought you here." Umiling-iling pa siya at nanghihinayang akong tinignan. "Matabil ang dila mo. Napaaway ka at nakapatay ka, gano'n ba?"

"Yes. Do you want to be next?"

"Really? Look at you, you're a mess. Look at me, I am perfectly abled plus you're in our turf kaya umayos ka. Kaya kitang itulak sa labas para pagpyestahan ng mga bakunawa."

Napairap ako. Kung hindi lang kami nandito sa lugar na 'to, I would think he's just a normal person. They way he speaks reminds me of Genesis's childishness.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Why am I being sentimental?

"Miss mo 'no? Miss ka rin no'n."

Napaangat ang kilay ko nang muling nagsalita ang lalaking nakaupo sa labas ng selda ko. Ano ba'ng trip ng lalaking 'to?

"Miss, I'm trying to talk to you."

"Ang ingay mo."

"Ang tahimik mo kasi. 'Yung last na binantayan ko rito naging kaibigan ko pa bago siya sinalang."

"Sinalang?" I asked.

Umarte ito na parang nagulat. "Don't tell me hindi mo alam?"

"Magtatanong ba ako kung alam ko?"

Nanlaki ang may kasingkitan niyang mata. "Lahat ng nasa top floor ng tower na 'to ay nasa death row. That means you better start counting your remaining days before the executioner comes."

Natigilan ako. I tried to find words to conceal my shock but I ended up staring at the cold floor beneath my feet.

Ngayon ko lang pinagsisihan na hindi ko pinag-aralan ng maayos ang mga librong pinahiram sa 'kin ni Rhysan. I never knew this kind of law exists.

"I know, I know. Mahirap talagang tanggapin na baka bukas deds ka na, pero that's the good thing about death you know." Sinubukan niyang tapikin ang ulo ko  mula sa labas ng selda pero umiwas ako. Kumibit balikat lang siya. "The days before your death is the most wholesome yet excruciating thing you can ever experience in this lifetime. Diyan mo makikita kung sino ang totoo sa 'yo. Ang masakit lang, wala ka nang mababago."

Not that I have someone to stick with me until my death day though. I was never the good and sweet little girl who everyone would regret to lose.

"In my case, death's not a big deal," I replied. I've faced death before. He's not so scary like what people want us to believe.

"You never know. Alam mo bang 'yung dati kong binantayan dito, ganiyan din ang nasa isip. But when his execution happened, two people took their own lives due to grief. You see? Hinding hindi mo malalaman unless it happens to you."

Hindi ako umimik. I've heard enough from him. Ngayong alam ko na na ganito ang kahahantungan ko, I'd better come up with a plan.

"Oh siya, kakain muna ako ah. Huwag kang mag-iingay riyan. Dalhan na lang kita ng pagkain mamaya."

Ngumiti siya na mas lalong nagpasingkit sa kaniya. Sumaludo pa ito bago umalis.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Mukhang kailangan ko na talagang kumilos.

A familiar pang of pain woke me up from my deep slumber on the cold floor. The pain felt exactly like the palace dungeon guard did to me.

At hindi nga ako nagkamali. I tried to move my fingers only to realize how weak it has gotten.

I glared at the guard holding the syringe in front of me. He's surprisingly inside my cell.

"Don't look at me like that! Hindi ko gusto 'to 'no. Kailangan ko lang sumunod sa utos."

"Fucker."

"Hindi ako fuck boy."

"Who told you to do this?" I asked, almost whispering, yet firm.

"The Chief. He received an order from Forthmore's king. 'E wala naman akong magagawa kundi sumunod."

Hinayupak na Zuri talaga. He's using all his connections against me! And if I know, sigurado akong siya ang may pakana kung ba't ako nasa death row. He fucking twisted everything.

"Ano ba kasing nagawa mo at pinag-iinitan ka ng hari ninyo?" he asked before casually picking his nose.

Napaismid ako nang pinahid niya ito sa pader. Damn this guy. Nakakadiri.

"You wouldn't wanna hear my story."

"Hah! Try me."  Umapos siya ng upo. Tinaas baba niya pa ang makapal niyang kilay.

I spent a couple of seconds staring blankly at him and he did the same kaya pinagbigyan ko na.

"I was framed or maybe I wasn't? I don't know."

"No way!" Napasinghap siya, then went back to his normal expression. "Not new to me. Continue."

May saltik ba ang lalaking 'to?

"This bastard used a kid's body to kill me and my friend, and in my attempt to defend, I ended up killing both my friend and the kid, or so I thought. I mean, I was completely hazed with everything that's going on at that moment. I only realized later on that they're both dead and this bastard fulfilled his plan."

I don't even know why I'm explaining. Nakapagtataka nga na nakakapagsalita ako ng maayos kahit na nanghihina.

"What a coward. He should be ashamed!"

"Yeah," sang-ayon ko at tinuon ang pansin sa paligid.

"Alam mo, my older brother used to oppose the execution of every prisoner he guarded. Nalaman niya kasi na hindi naman totoong masama ang mga taong 'yon. May mas makapangyarihan lang talagang  tumutulak sa kanila kay kamatayan."

Mapakla akong natawa. "No one's born evil at heart. All criminals are once innocents who got fed up with the world's bullshit."

Several images suddenly flashes in my mind — my heartless mother, coward father, and my treacherous twin. It's always those you love who end up breaking your heart, and you can't do anything about it but despair.

And I have done my despair. Twelve years of it. Hindi na dapat ako bumalik do'n.

"You got some wisdom on you. I really wish I can help," seryoso niyang sabi.

"Why are you here?" Hindi ko inasahan ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Since when did I became nosy?

"Para bantayan ka?"

"You are not meant to be here. You're different. You don't seem—"

"Bad?"

Tumango ako.

"I'm a replacement. My brother was sentenced to death due to treason, and I had to do this in his stead. Sinubukan niya kasing pakawalan 'yung isang matanda kaya ayon." Tinuro niya ang matandang lalaking katapat ng selda ko. Saglit na sumilay ang lungkot sa mukha niya pero agad niyang tinakpan ng ngiti.

I fell silent. I can't help but feel sorry for him, but of course I can't say that. Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko.

"Naaawa ka sa 'kin 'no? Hays, as usual."

"Hindi. Iniisip ko lang kung ba't ang salaula mo. Kung saan-saan mo pinapahid 'yang kulangot mo."

Natawa lamang siya pero natigil iyon nang may dumating na dalawang lalaki. May dala itong makapal na kahoy at isang sako.

It happened so fast. They dragged the man outside my cell and locked him out. Binuksan ng lalaking kararating lang ang sako at mabilis na sinuot sa ulo ko. Hindi na ako nakailag dala ng panghihina.

I screamed when they tied the sack around my neck while my head was inside. Nahihirapan akong huminga. Sa bawat singhap ko ay dumikit ang maalikabok na sako sa aking ilong na mas lalong nagpapahirap sa 'kin.

"Fuck you!" I yelled in anger. Tinawanan lang nila ako.

Wala akong ibang makita kundi ang puting sako at iilang gagamba sa loob. Some of them came sprawling around my face making me shut my eyes.

"Nakakapagmura na ang isang 'to. She deserves a good beating!"

Then a wood whacked on my head. Umikot ang paningin ko. Nalasahan ko na ang sarili kong dugo mula sa ulo. The two guys started beating me up. No seconds wasted. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi tiisin ang bawat hampas at palo nila sa buong katawan ko. Pero kahit gano'n, pinigilan kong dumaing. I can't give them the satisfaction.

Dumudugo na ang labi ko sa sobrang diin ng pagkagat ko rito. I couldn't care less kahit na tingin ko'y mawawalan na ako ng hininga anumang oras. The spiders started crawling inside my ears and my mouth.

I lost track of time when they finally stopped beating me up. Tinanggal nila ang sako sa ulo ko. The ceiling above me started swirling. They are too, those two men holding a bat. Hindi ko maramdaman ang katawan ko. Nanlalabo ang paningin ko. Umiikot ang ang paligid. Nakakahilo.

"Pera na naman 'to!" rinig kong wika ng lalaki saka sila nagtawanan at iniwan ako sa loob.

Kaagad na tumakbo papasok ang tagabantay ko. Nanlulumo niya akong tinignan. He guided me to the corner of the wall. Pinasandal niya ako rito. He even tried to perform first aid pero pinigilan ko siya.

"Y-you're planning to mummify me? Idiot," nanghihina kong sambit.

Sa dami ng sugat na natamo ko, he can't put enough bandage on me, pwera na lang kung balak niyang balutin ng tela ang buong katawan ko.

"Nabugbog ka na nga, ang sungit mo pa!" Guilty siyang tumingin sa 'kin. "I'm so sorry hindi ako pwedeng tumulong. I'll be damned if I do."

Tinanguan ko lang siya. Seems like the liquid he injected has worn off now. I can now feel my body. Dahil dito ay mas lumala ang sakit ng buong katawan ko. Fuck this!

NAKATULOG ako sa ganoong posisyon. Napaatras ako sa gulat nang makita ang guard na natutulog din sa tabi ko. But I instantly regretted it when pain enveloped my body. It's piercing me like somebody just poured alcohol in my wounds. Umaabot ang sakit nito hanggang sa kalamnan ko.

Nagising ang guard sa daing ko. Agad niyang sinilip ang maliit na bintana sa itaas bago muling bumaling sa 'kin.

"It's night time. Ang tagal mong nagising!"

Napakunot ang noo ko. "Ikaw kaya ang bugbugin ko. Tingnan natin kung magigising ka pa."

"No, I'm serious!"

Napaseryoso rin ako when his face spasm with panic. Pabalik-balik ang tingin niya sa bintana at sa hallway sa labas.

"Hindi dapat ako nakatulog! We should move. Hurry!"

Mas lalo akong naguluhan sa inasta niya. He tried to get me up pero muli kaming natumba. I can't support my weight.

"What the heck are you planning to do?" I asked.

"Hindi pa ba obvious? You have to escape! You have to see your boyfie again. You have to clear your name!" natataranta niyang paliwanag.

"You're going to risk your life?" hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

Pilit siyang ngumiti. "My brother died doing this. Hindi ito ikakababa ng pagkatao ko."

Pinigilan kong manubig ang mata. This man is really something else.

I tried to stand up. Buti na lang at walang pakialam ang ibang guards sa amin. Inalalayan niya ako papunta sa pinto nang biglang may dumating na isang lalaki.

I thought he was another man sent to beat me up, pero wala siyang dalang weapon. Sa halip ay may bitbit itong dalawang tray ng pagkain na binalanse niya sa magkabilang kamay.

The guard beside me gulped. Nabitawan niya ako. "We're too late."

Pumasok ang lalaking may dalang pagkain sa selda ko. Nilapag niya ito sa sahig. He even brought utensils. Pagkatapos niyang ayusin ang sandamakmak na pagkain, sinenyasan niya ang guard sa tabi ko na sumama sa kaniya.

"I'm sorry."

"What the fuck is this?" bulong ko.

"Your last meal," aniya bago nag-aalangang sumunod sa lalaki.

Blangko akong napatitig sa samu't saring pagkain sa harap ko.

Well... putang ina.