Thirty-six ~ Currents

When the day of Brent's departure rolled around, I had mixed feelings. Our relationship had progressed more during these two weeks than throughout the whole of summer. He'd let his guard down, and we'd actually had fun—and not just in a sexual way.

However, we both knew he'd have to leave at some stage. We each had an exciting few months ahead of us, and this summer had been a significant turning point in both of our lives.

"Good luck with finding a job," I said as we stood outside the departures gate at Heathrow. "Don't be too mean to people. Chances are they're intimidated by you."

His lips flickered. "Good luck with university. Remember to show gratitude or you might piss off your new flatmates."

"We can compare notes next summer."

His expression of amusement turned serious. "Thank you for these past two weeks. As much as I didn't think I would, I've had a good time."

"Me, too. I hope your flight is okay."

He held up his boarding pass. "Business Class... What's not to like?"

Lowering his mouth to mine, he gave me one more kiss, soft and sweet.

"Take care, Rosalie."

"You, too."

After a final peck on the lips, he turned and strode towards the Departures sign. Despite prolonging the conversation, it was a clear-cut farewell, and though my heart ached, I knew it wouldn't be the last I saw of that rude, but undeniably handsome, lifeguard.

~~~

While most people probably got nervous at the prospect of starting university, I buzzed with excitement. The hardest part was packing—going through my possessions stirred up memories.

I had a bunch of Alastair's stuff to return before leaving. At least it provided an excuse to see him so we could clear the air and move on with no resentment between us.

After transferring everything of his into a plastic container and checking he was home, I slipped on some shoes and made my way out.

His front door was ajar when I arrived, so I kicked it open with my foot and called out his name as I wriggled through with the box full of his belongings. He appeared in the hallway and instantly relieved me of it.

"Wow, I had a lot of stuff at yours," he said, lifting off the lid to peer inside.

Dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt, with a scattering of facial hair that suggested he hadn't shaved in the past few days, Alastair looked more casual than usual. When he leaned to plant a gentle kiss on my cheek, his stubble tickled me and there was no rush of his familiar cologne, either.

"How've you been?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Keeping busy. I'm looking to buy my own place."

"Oh? Still around here?"

"Yeah, don't want to venture too far out of the Royal Borough." He smiled at me. "You all packed now?"

I leaned against the hallway wall, crossing one foot over the other. "Mostly. That's how I came across all your stuff."

"I didn't even realise I'd been missing half of this." He pulled out a hoodie from within the box. "Gosh, it must be a year since I wore—"

The words died on his lips as a slim, gold chain fell from the top, landing on the carpet in a tiny heap. Neither of us said anything as we both realised exactly why it had been over a year since Alastair had worn that hoodie.

After a few seconds, I crouched down and swept up the bracelet. The delicate metal was tangled somewhat now, but with a touch of intricate rearranging, I managed to restore it to normality, letting it dangle between my fingertips.

"You should throw it away," Alastair said.

I shook my head. "That would be petty. I'd rather return it."

Alastair sighed. "I really am sorry, Rosa. It's my fault that your friendship with her has fallen apart."

I wrinkled my brow. "Hardly. You cheated, but she went along with it. She was supposed to be my friend. Friends don't do that." I slipped the bracelet into my back pocket and offered Alastair a reassuring smile. "She lives nearby. I'll head over there now."

"Okay," he said with a nod. "It was nice seeing you. I hope moving in goes smoothly and you have a good term."

First saying bye to Brent, and then Alastair. A chapter of my life was nearing its final pages. A chapter that followed the plot twist I hadn't seen coming.

~~~

Standing at Daisy's door waiting for her to answer my persistent knocks provoked an unpleasant churning within my stomach. I couldn't help but imagine her and Alastair stumbling into the house, laughing and kissing. That only encouraged me, though. I'd done the right thing; time to move on.

When Daisy eventually pulled open the door, her eyes widened. She swept a loose brunette curl behind her left ear.

"Rose. I wasn't expecting you."

"I came to return this," I said, extending my arm and offering her the bracelet that rested in the palm of my hand.

Daisy stared at the jewellery for a long time before her cold gaze met mine again.

"I gave that to you. It's yours."

"I don't want it anymore. It was meant to be a symbol of friendship. We're no longer friends."

She rolled her eyes. "You came here to tell me something I already know?"

I scowled, unimpressed by her callousness. "I came here to give you the bracelet because it meant something to you."

"Yes," she said. "It was my grandmother's, and now it's yours. I gave it to you because at that time in our lives, you were important to me. If it brings back bad memories, hide it somewhere. But I'm not willing to just take it back as though that erases everything that's ever happened between us."

Sighing, I closed my fingers around the bracelet and let my arm drop to my side.

"Fine," I said, "but I find it ironic that you're insistent on me keeping this as a reminder of what our friendship used to be like, even though it clearly meant nothing to you."

Her brows knitted together. "I fucked up, all right? That doesn't mean our friendship meant nothing to me."

"You can't sleep with your best friend's boyfriend—twice—and expect everything to be fine."

"You know what, Rose? You're right. I can't. But I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset that everything was fine between you and Alastair, yet you were quick to ditch me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I said, "but it doesn't change anything."

She shrugged. "I'm not expecting it to change anything. I know I've done irreparable damage, but it's double standards to forgive only half of the guilty party."

My fist still clutched the bracelet as I stared at her perfectly made-up face, her silky hair and immaculate skin. However, for the first time in a while, I saw something beyond the beauty; I saw the girl who I used to trust with my life.

Unfortunately, Daisy was right. Irreparable damage had been done. People changed. All three of us had changed. Although heart-breaking, it was the closure I needed.

"Enjoy uni," she said, her tone icy.

She stepped back and closed the door without another word. Like me, she knew our friendship had ended a long time ago—just for a different reason.

It had been a cold winter's night when I found out. I'd returned from a holiday in Dubai, and Alastair and I were cuddling on my bed, laughing about something one of his friends had done. To keep warm, he'd given me his hoodie and kept talking about how great it looked on me, complaining about the unfairness of his own top suiting his girlfriend better.

Flattered by the compliments, I'd kissed him, and we'd begun to fool around, still laughing together with that comfortable familiarity.

Just as I'd started to undo his shirt buttons, he'd pulled away. At first, he wouldn't talk. He wouldn't touch me. He wouldn't even look at me. But eventually, he cracked. He told me everything.

It had happened so recently, and I'd had no idea, still basking in post-holiday bliss. Every time I tried to speak, or ask him something, my throat constricted. I felt sick and weak, humiliated, ashamed, betrayed...

All I could do was tell him to leave so I could grieve in peace. I didn't want him to see me so upset.

Mum assumed I'd caught a bug, and that was why I kept throwing up. I didn't correct her. I had to deal with it alone.

What I did do, though, was take off that fucking hoodie, tear Daisy's bracelet from my wrist—the one she'd given me four years ago as a symbol of our friendship—and shove both of them under my bed. I'd never be able to look at either of those objects again: they represented painful reminders of that awful, heart-breaking night. The night that turned my world upside down.

If I'd have known back then that there'd be a time in my life where I was truly happy again, no longer crying myself to sleep every night, then I'd have wished away the days until it arrived. But without those experiences, maybe I wouldn't have grown into the person I was now.

Alastair and Daisy, the two people I loved the most, had broken me. They'd torn me apart and turned me into someone who craved power, needing to be on top all the time, unwilling to show any weakness.

Despite the desire to appear strong, I was anything but. Afraid, insecure, and weak-willed on the inside, I became determined to spend my days faking confidence. Only Alastair knew the real me, the one who'd spent many evenings screaming at him until my throat was hoarse.

Today I'd closed two doors on my past, shutting away two people who'd caused me so much hurt and anguish. I had a brighter future ahead of me, full of different doors, and I hoped something more positive lay behind them. Even if it didn't, at least I felt prepared to deal with it.

I'd come to learn that relationships are just like currents; the wrong ones will drag you down and cause you to suffer, but the right ones will give you a push towards the path you're destined to travel down. Finally, I was on the right path, ready for that journey.

~~~

Thank you for reading :) xx

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