Sleep evaded me as I fell into bed soon after Ethan left, my head spinning in circles.

After he'd declared his feelings for me I'd gone into zombie-mode, unable to reply to him or even comprehend what was happening.

Fortunately for me, he didn't wait for a response. Instead, he leant over, pressed a kiss to the top of my head and then left immediately. I lay in bed awake for hours afterwards, wondering how I'd gone from boring, nerdy little Isabelle who'd never so much as been looked at by a boy to this; an eighteen year old amateur writer living in LA, torn between her high school sweetheart (whose best friend was about to become her step-brother) and a savvy businessman (whom she lives with) whilst her comatose mom remained in the hospital. 

My life had more drama than freaking Serena Van Der Woodsen's at the moment.

Eventually I got sick of the silence in the house and decided to head back to the hospital, wanting to be there anyway in case they found out anything more about my mom.

I pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and an old, oversized Princeton sweatshirt that for some reason hadn't made the cut to move to New Jersey with me and had remained tucked away in a drawer here. A quick glance at the microwave clock informed me that it was 1pm Saturday afternoon, so I walked a few blocks down to the bus stop and made my way to the hospital via public transport.

It was a mere 45 degrees outside and the hospital was warm, if not comforting, as I walked down the bright white hallways towards my mother's room. Only my father and Darla sat outside of her room, holding each other tightly.

Darla looked up as I approached, offering me a warm smile. My dad was snoring loudly into her ear. "Hi sweetheart. Did you manage to get any sleep?" She greeted me quietly as to not wake dad.

I shook my head. "Not really. Where is everyone?"

"Sam and Kiely went home to get some rest, Noah and JC are in the cafeteria and I'm not sure about Ethan-- I haven't seen him in a while."

I peered through the window at my mom, who was still sleeping peacefully, her heart rate monitor bouncing up and down consistently.

"I, uh, think I might hang out with Noah and JC for a bit." I told Darla, who smiled.

"That sounds like a good idea, sweetie. You should eat something too, you look a little pale."

I trundled off back in the direction I had just come from, pushing open the double doors that led to the cafeteria. There were only a few people inside, munching on apples and chatting to others. I spotted JC instantly, who then nudged Noah and motioned towards me. Noah spun around and smiled gently, pulling the chair out beside him.

I quickly bought a bottle of a water and made my way back to the table, sitting down in my allocated seat.

"Hey Issy, we were just talking about you." JC said with a smirk, glancing at Noad who shot him a dirty look in return.

"You were?" I asked in surprise, shifting my gaze between the two handsome males.

"Actually, we were talking about you and Ethan." Noah corrected, popping a french fry into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

I glanced down at my water. "Oh."

"Where is he, anyway?" JC asked curiously, looking around as if he might have been here.

I bit my lip and wrung my hands together. "I don't know." I admitted. "We kind of had an argument, or something like an argument."

"What happened?" Asked JC.

I laughed humourlessly. "He, uh, asked me to stay with him in LA after my internship finished. And he told me he loved me." I informed them quietly, not looking up from my bottle of water.

Both boys fell silent, Noah refusing to meet my gaze and JC unable to stop looking at me.

JC cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm going to get more food." He said after a moment of more silence, his chair scraping noisily against the floor as he removed himself from the situation.

Noah watched JC leave and then fiddled with the cap of my water bottle, twisting it between his fingers. "What... Uh... what did you say?"

I sighed and shrugged, just the slightest tip of my shoulders. "That I couldn't. That I needed to be here for your trial even if we weren't together." I stared into his dark eyes, feeling something familiar sweep over me that I definitely did not want to feel. I tore my gaze away. "And uh, for my mom, of course. She's going to need a lot of help when she wakes up."

Noah nodded at me, a small smile on his lips. "Thank you, for sticking by me, Issy. Through all of it."

My heart started pounding in my chest as his words sunk in. He could thank me and smile and be cute all he wanted, but it didn't change the fact that he'd hurt me numerous times. I wrapped my arms around my torso, as if I could stop myself from falling apart. "I'll always be there for you Noah. But that doesn't mean that what you did to me is okay."

Noah closed his eyes and ran a hand through his dark curls, his body tensing. "I know I should have told you what was going on-- I just..." He sighed. "Whenever I drag you into something with Sabrina, you're the one who gets hurt. What if this time she tried to convince everyone that you were involved somehow? She hates you just as much as she hates my father and I, and I didn't want you to get hurt. That night when I asked you not to go to LA, I was lying. I wanted you to go and live your dreams more than anything, but I knew that if I asked you to stay, you'd hate that I didn't support you and end up leaving. I figured if I could get you out of town and away from Sabrina, you'd be safe. I thought I was protecting you." He looked at me under heavy lids, as if he were about to fall asleep from the stress of the whole thing. "I can see now that I was just pushing you further away from me, not Sabrina."

My mind flitted back to high school, when Sabrina had made my life a living hell. "I understand why you did it." I confessed, "but I don't agree with it."

Noah glanced down at his hands as we tried to figure out what we wanted from each other and what to say to make things how they were.

But maybe things just couldn't be that way again.

"If it makes any difference," Noah told me after a few seconds, "shutting you out was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. That night on the phone when I broke up with you almost killed me, and then seeing you on MTV and in magazines with Ethan just made it hurt so much more. Even when I thought you hated me, I never stopped loving you Isabelle. And if Sabrina hadn't come back to town, I would've followed you to LA in a second. I still would."