The months that followed my weekend back home were filled with the same routine; wake up, go to my internship, work at Kerri's, go out somewhere with Ethan, go to sleep and then do it all again the next day.

It was an easy, albeit tiring, routine that allowed me to forget my woes and focus on my new life in LA. I had gotten somewhat used to being photographed and mentioned in gossip magazines, and I'd also started to get used to the partying scene. People were, for better or worse, beginning to recognise me and my association with Ethan Black and Courtney Conway. Everything that I had never wanted to happen was coming true, and I couldn't even find it in me to try and stop it from happening.

Things between Ethan and I were also... different.

"You ready to order?" Ethan asked, brushing his fingers over my cheek to push my hair behind my ear. We were sat on my bed in Ethan's apartment, watching a random movie that was on TV and studying the menus that we had plucked from the foyer.

"The veggie laksa please!" I chirped, placing the take-out menu down on the floor. Ethan recited our food orders to the Malaysian restaurant employee, thanking her and hanging up a moment later.

"You know at some point we're both going to have to learn how to cook. We can't live on take-out forever." Ethan informed me with a smile, causing me to pout.

"Sure we can. There's hundreds of different restaurants around here to try. We could eat at a different place every night and no one would ever know." I grinned mischievously.

Ethan chuckled and made himself comfortable beside me on the bed, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head against his chest and sighed.

"You okay?" He murmured, his gaze flickering from my eyes to my mouth.

I nodded and and ran my thumb over his plump bottom lip. "Yes."

He leant forwards slowly until there was less than a hair's width between us, and then his lips pressed gently into mine.

This had happened on numerous occasions now, and every time it did I felt the need to overanalyse everything. Kissing Ethan was sweet and warm; like being wrapped in a blanket on a cold winter's day.

It was... comfortable.

He deepened the kiss and tugged at my waist, flipping me over so that I was on my back beneath him. I tangled my fingers into his hair before allowing my hands to explore his toned abdomen beneath his shirt. He broke the kiss for a moment only to pull his shirt over his head.

My breathing quickened and my heart raced in my chest as I suddenly became overwhelmed with panic. The feeling of comfort quickly dissolved and was replaced by something far more sinister, and I pushed Ethan away gently, gasping for air as I tried to stop the walls from closing in on me.

"Wait." I muttered, and instantly Ethan's weight lifted from me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them quickly, turning to find Ethan staring at me with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered quietly, earning myself a frown from Ethan.

He wrapped his arms around me, creating soothing circles on my shoulder with his thumb. "Don't be, Isabelle, that was my fault. I completely misread the situation, didn't I?" Ethan brushed his tan hand through his hair and sighed.

"No, it wasn't your fault, I just..." I smiled gently and felt my cheeks burn scarlet, "I've never..."

Ethan's eyebrows shot up. "You're a virgin?" He asked in surprise, looking at me like I was a rare species of bird found only in southern Antarctica.

I nodded, squirming in discomfort and pulling the blankets closer to my body.

"Oh." Ethan said. "I just assumed that you and Noah..."

I shook my head. "No. Never."

"Oh."

We sat in silence for a moment before Ethan settled back down onto the bed and kissed my forehead. "I'll wait as long as you want." He promised in a whisper.

I smiled half-heartedly and rolled onto my other side, closing my eyes quickly. It was early still-- only 7:30pm, but I squeezed my hands into fists and tried to slow my breathing enough to appear as if I had fallen asleep. Ethan's hand settled around my waist, and I found myself relaxing once again into the cocoon of his warmth.

***

I woke up the next morning to find that-- what had become--Ethan's spot in the bed was empty, and the smell of eggs and toast lured me out into the living room.

Ethan was stood shirtless in the kitchen, frying up eggs and potatoes and making toast. "Good morning." He greeted me when he noticed my presence, sautéing the potatoes in the pan.

"Hi." I smiled, narrowing my eyes and lowering myself onto a bar stool. "Since when do you make breakfast?" I asked dubiously as I leaned over to steal a potato slice from the pan. Ethan slapped my hand away and I surrendered the potato with a pout.

"It's an enticement, of sorts." He informed me, using a spatula to slide the fried food onto a plate, handing it to me a moment later.

"And what, exactly, are you enticing me to do?"

Ethan stared at me for a moment, his eyes quizzical. "I guess," He hit a button on the stove top, "I want to know how you feel about... us."

I froze. "Us?"

"Me." He clarified.

I gulped. "Uh..."

"I know it's only been three months since you and Noah broke up, but I really like you Isabelle." He stated, resting both hands on the counter top and leaning towards me slightly.

"Oh." I responded weakly.

"I'm not asking you to marry me or anything I just..." He sighed. "I guess I just want to know where I stand. After Noah, do I even have a chance with you?"

I looked up into his hopeful eyes and wondered, could anyone stand a chance against Noah?

But Noah had made his choice months ago when he'd ignored my voicemail, and sooner or later I was going to have to find a way to move on. So why not sooner? Ethan was sweet and funny and intelligent and extremely attractive, and above all he cared about me.

I tried to visualise myself in an alternate universe where Noah and I had never crossed paths; I'd found someone else to write my recommendation to Princeton and still been offered the internship in LA. Could I imagine myself, in a Noah-less world, standing in this very place and falling for Ethan?

I could.

Surely that meant that I could still?

I glanced up at Ethan, who was still staring at me in anticipation. "Noah is my first love, Ethan," I said slowly, "he'll always have that piece of me. But just because he's my first love doesn't mean he'll be my last. As of right now you are the only thing making me happy and, maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to let go of that. Of you."

Ethan reached over to brush my hair behind my ear gently, a soft smile on his face. "You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that."

I smiled. "You have no idea how hard it was to figure that out. With Kerri's and the internship and all of these social events you're taking me to I barely have time to think anymore. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head that I can barely keep track." I admitted sheepishly, taking a bite of my breakfast.

Ethan pursed his lips. "You're a writer, why don't you write about it? Get a journal or a blog?" He suggested. The atmosphere between us lightened immensely, and Ethan went back to serving up food onto his own plate.

"A blog?" I mused, tapping my fingernails against the table.

He shrugged. "You could use a pseudonym to keep it private, but maybe it'll help you if you write down your feelings."

I considered this for a moment before a grin found it's way onto my face. "Ethan," I shook my head, "you're a genius."