Freshman Year

Summer shifted everything; at least, that was what I believed. I thought it would contain the signature things I had dreamed about; parties filled with high fashion and expensive liquor, fireworks lighting up the sky with magnetic flourishes, stolen boardwalk kisses, and visits to the Ferris Wheel, its electric red and blue lights visible from miles away. It was supposed to be familiar: warm city nights and carefree days with my family, friends, and Justin.

Except that wasn't what happened.

After the messy truth or dare with Griffin almost kissing me, Justin wasn't the same. His smile was more measured, his love more flawed. While Justin and I distanced, I got closer to someone unexpected.

Natasha.

She was a mystery left uncovered, and I didn't think I would uncover it until our lives crossed that summer. Natasha didn't fit in with most of the girls here; she didn't care about making it to Ivy League schools or having the nicest clothes. We both applied for a summer job at the local country club, and the closer we became, the more I realized we weren't that different after all. We'd spent hours at night talking on the phone, watching silly romantic comedies that we could poke fun at, and sharing hidden parts of ourselves. From being a random stranger I had met at a party, she transformed into a friend that understood me — someone I could share my deepest insecurities with, even certain things I didn't tell Taylor and Luce.

She wasn't as close to those two; I could see a part of her holding back. Likewise, Luce and Taylor weren't the biggest fans of her. I figured it was just because our trio was experiencing a change with a new person. I truly believed that Natasha would grow on them, just like she grew on me.

Despite Justin and I trying to move on from the party, I couldn't help feeling bitter toward Griffin. I didn't know why he was still on my mind, but I couldn't get his cocky smirk out of my head. Or that he had been so close to kissing me and ruining my relationship.

Even though I knew the actual issue didn't lie in him, I needed someone to be mad at and blame for everything happening between Justin and me. I searched for his number in my contacts, ready to tell him off.

Griffin K. (English Lit)

Before I could rethink what I was about to do, I sent the text.

Screw you.

As soon as I sent the message, a small part of me felt freer. It felt good cursing people out, especially people like Griffin.

I texted Justin afterward.

Miss you.

His text came back in an instant.

I do too. You barely see me anymore because of work. I wish you would quit. You don't need to work.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Justin hadn't approved of me working this summer because he said I didn't need to. Just because I had the money didn't mean I didn't want to earn it. I still felt bad, knowing that I hadn't spent enough time with him at all.

I know how to make it up to you. Ready for a little surprise?

It was a spontaneous idea but a foolproof way to bring the spark back to our relationship. I leafed through my closet before finding one of the lingerie sets I saved for special occasions. I undressed and changed into it, deciding a risky text would make him weak. The issue was that sexting was hard.

Technically, it was in lingerie so it wasn't completely out there, but I kept switching angles, attempting to find one that didn't make me look dumb. The first position looked like I was awkwardly trying to hitch a cab, and the other picture looked like I was summoning the devil. I adjusted the sexy black mesh underwire set, trying to make my A's look more like B's, and spread my thighs apart a little, hooking a finger on the top of the lacy sheer bottoms as if I was taking it off. As I brought my finger down to send, the door started to open. My eyes darted to the door and I pulled the covers over myself, throwing the phone and sent image into my comforter.

"Jesus! KNOCK!" I said.

"Hey!" My sister, Tara, paused, eyes widening. "Please tell me you and Justin weren't like getting it on."

"We weren't," I blurted. Could you die from embarrassment?

"Relax, you act like I haven't done it all before." She shrugged, brushing it off.

"What are you doing back home, anyway?" My cheeks burned. "Don't you have class today?"

"Well, I was going to surprise you and get dinner, but if you're busy—" She was trying hard not to laugh, I could tell.

"So not busy," I said hurriedly. "That sounds great, sis. Could you, um, leave so I can?" I beckoned to myself, insinuating I wanted to change.

Tara laughed. "I'll be downstairs. Oh, and Haven? We live in a brown household. Lock this thing." With another barely suppressed giggle, she was out the door.

I shook my head, directing my gaze back to my phone. There was a new text. I clicked on the notification and saw the reply from Justin.

What would that surprise be?

I frowned, scrolling up. Where was my picture? My phone dinged again with another notification, and I practically dropped it, my mouth dropping open.

Oh. My. God.

My picture certainly had gotten a reply.

The only problem?

I had accidentally sent it to Griffin Keely.

--

The best part about my summer job was people-watching.

I loved doing that, especially on days when the pool wasn't busy. A family of four entered, the mom looking tired as she tied her fiery red hair into a ponytail, the husband in a yellow polo shirt. Then, a young couple, ice cream in their hands, sneaking kisses. And then the third one; a boy with messy brown hair. He had the shiniest blue eyes and a smirk that played on his lips.

Griffin Keely.

I froze. I hadn't seen or talked to him since a week ago, the day I had accidentally sent him my explicit selfie. My cheeks burned, remembering the embarrassment of that day, and I knew he knew exactly what was on my mind. He looked at me for the slightest second before continuing into the pool.

It's fine. He can't swim that long. Soon, he'll leave.

I brought my sunglasses down to cover my eyes, the sun warm on my face.

"Hey, lifeguard," I heard a voice after a few minutes. I ignored it, but he came out of the pool until he was right in front of me.

"Hi," I finally said, looking at the dripping boy in front of me. I tried not to sound like an asshole that judged people, even though if I had to admit, that was what I exactly did to Griffin.

"Regardless of the reputation, I don't cheat," he said. "I mean, I've gotten offers, but even I have to draw the line somewhere."

"Okay?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "So, that's good. We're both not cheaters."

A flicker of confusion crossed his face. "So if you weren't trying to hook up... why'd you send me that picture the other day?"

My cheeks burned, remembering the conversation; texting him screw you and then accidentally sending an explicit selfie, which earned his cheeky response.

So the screw you ... pun intended?

I mentally groaned. "Look, it was an accident. I was texting you both at the same time. Please don't mention this to Justin because he'll freak out. And can you delete that picture?"

"I deleted it the day you sent it to me," he said. "I get pictures from girls I actually want, Grey."

Point taken.

"And girls who want me," he added. "It would suck being with someone who didn't like you."

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know. Justin and I are good together."

"Yeah, I can see that." He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

I sucked my cheeks in, looking at the pool. It was pretty empty today, so it wasn't like I could use it as an excuse for avoiding Griffin.

"Why'd you ignore me when I called you from the pool? What if I needed help?" he said curiously. "Aren't lifeguards supposed to save people from drowning? Or is that just a suggestion?"

"Then I wouldn't ignore you," I said. "But you looked like you were having a great time and seemed super safe to me. Besides, you were in the four-foot area. Nothing would've happened there."

Griffin cracked a wry smile, knowing he towered over me with his six-foot frame. "So you noticed me," he said, ridiculously wagging his eyebrows. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it.

"Listen, I know you hate me. I see you avoiding me in school, ever since that stupid Shakespeare project," he said, after a beat of hesitation so quick that I almost missed it.

Did he notice? Seeing Griffin Keely look uncertain for once was funny, considering he was confident about everything. But of course, I avoided him. Everything about him screamed bad news, and there was also the fact that Justin hated him. I didn't think he even remembered me or the Shakespeare project.

"You're one of the few girls that aren't trying to get with me, so I'm intrigued," he continued. I didn't think Griffin could carry a serious conversation — everything needed to be a joke.

"You're not my type," I said, repeating what he had told me the night of the party.

He smiled this time. "Fair, but I meant I could see us being friends, lifeguard. Or does calling you lifeguard prove the point of me being a douche?" He stopped for a second, as if he was considering it. "I'll just stick to calling you, Grey. Miss Haven Grey."

"Well, unless you can't swim, I doubt you'll need to talk to me at all," I said.

"And suddenly, I can't swim," he said, earning another laugh from me.

"So, should I text you if I need a lifeguard soon?" He raised his eyebrows, and I flushed.

He let out a throaty chuckle, tilting his head back a little. "Okay, I see what you mean. Anything I say makes me programmed to sound like a jerk, but there's a lot more to me. And some people find this odd coping mechanism endearing and hot. Definitely hot."

I bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn't smile, but then a thought occurred to me.

"If this is because of the picture —" I started cautiously. Justin always warned me about people's ulterior motives for getting to know you, and it kept me on guard. He was right — sometimes people only wanted to get close to you for the wrong reason.

He groaned. "Grey, it's not about that at all. I'm trying to call some truce, so you don't have to act like I'm some criminal, and I don't have to act like you're this perfect annoying princess."

"I'm not a perfect princess," I said, offended. "And we're not on a last name basis."

"I didn't know we were on any basis," Griffin said casually. I saw he was teasing, and he leaned back a little, his arm muscles flexing. "Why are you even working here? Doesn't the rich and famous lifestyle let you skip the day job?"

I stared back evenly. "If you think I'm like that, you don't know me at all."

"Okay. Then let me get to know you."

He moved closer to me, his dark eyes trained on mine. There was a pause where we just looked at each other until he broke the silence, his voice thick with raspiness. "If you're not scared, that is." He smirked, and I could see him waiting for me to push away.

I leaned closer, closing the gap until our faces were inches apart."I get paid to help swimmers. Not talk to FBI's Most Wanted."

Griffin looked at me with a hint of surprise, and I cracked a smile to let him know I was teasing.

He backed away, shrugging unapologetically. He didn't look disappointed — instead, his eyes shone with the accepted challenge. His lips pulled into a lazy grin as he said, "See you around, Haven Grey." He threw his towel around his shoulder and walked away. 

I watched his retreating figure with a twinge of curiosity. I knew boys like him didn't fit into my life or in my group of friends. We were people who cared about what others thought about us — people that others secretly watched and wished to be. It seemed better that way, even though a part of me always wished I was on the other side.

Unknown. 

It seemed a lot more free.

I honestly didn't think Griffin would come back. Why would he? Nothing was exciting about this country club. But he did return, and this time it was when my shift ended.

"So, I get you don't find my becoming charm irresistible. But can you say no to free ice cream on me?" he stopped. "Wait, I don't think that came out the way I wanted it to. Not literally on me, but—"

I shook my head, throwing him a pointed look. "Keely, will you bother me until I say yes?"

"Depends; what are the chances of you saying yes? My ego can't take getting shot down that many times, but I'm willing to try at least three times."

I laughed. Natasha approached us, her eyes darting between Griffin and me. As she got closer, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Griffin, you know Natasha from school too, right?" I said.

"We had chemistry together," she mumbled. She chewed her lip, shifting her weight from one foot to another, eyes barely meeting Griffin's. I had a wild thought she had a crush on him, but that couldn't be the case. "With Mr. Patterson."

"We did?" Griffin's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, and Natasha's face fell, her cheeks tinged red.

"Shit, it's nothing against you," he added. "Patterson hated me, and I missed half of his classes. I don't remember anyone in that class or any class. School's a blur."

So why did he remember AP English with me?

I could tell he felt bad because his eyes softened. "Sorry, Natasha. Hey."

"Hey," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He gave her an awkward smile before turning back to me, taking his bottom lip between his teeth before releasing it. "See you around, Grey."

I felt a smile on my lips and a fluttery sensation in my stomach that I tried to ignore. I glanced at Natasha and noticed her jaw clenched, eyes strangely empty.

"What?"

"I thought you were working on fixing things between you and Justin."

"Yeah," I said slowly, treading my fingers around my lifeguard whistle. "Why?"

"The way you and Griffin talked... it seemed a little friendly." There was an edge in her usually reserved voice, and I could see what she was implying.

"Griffin and I are just..." I trailed off. I didn't even know if I could call us friends yet. "I was just being nice."

"Okay, good. I'm just watching out for you, Haven. I don't want you to do anything you'd regret." She smiled, but it wasn't a kind one.

I tilted my head in confusion. Even though her voice was sweet, there seemed to be hidden meaning behind her words, like she was implying something darker. I was too much of a pushover, though. All I could think about was smoothing out any tension between us.

"I know," I said finally.

She returned to her spot at the juice bar, fiddling with the blender to make a smoothie. As she poured the red juice into the cup, I tore my gaze away, turning it back to my phone. Griffin had texted. I looked down, feeling myself smiling again, but the smile wavered when I thought about Natasha's gaze, icy cold. I always thought Natasha had walls up because she didn't trust others easily, but maybe that wasn't it.

Maybe it was because she didn't trust herself.