Even the half smile would have slowed down the time
If I could call you half mine
Maybe this is the safest way to go

Jungkook couldn't help but curse internally every time his eyes raked over you. Never in a million years had he thought you would turn out like this.

Why did you have to show up looking heartbroken all over again? Why did your eyes still flood with sadness when they saw him? Why did your hair still fall heavy on your shoulders as if it carried all the pain in the world with it?

Why hadn't you gone and dazzled up your life and allowed him to despise you for doing so?

"You still live here?" your voice broke him from his trance as you both trudged inside. Wiping the raindrops from the shoulders of his raincoat that you had on, you looked around his desolate home, your thoughts playing clearly across your face.

Nothing's changed.

"I do," he muttered and slipped his shoes off before flipping the light on and desperately trying to tear his gaze from you.

He couldn't tell you how he wished he didn't. He couldn't tell you that he hated it too, how he remembered you picking at the ends of the couch as he'd warm up a cup of hot chocolate for you. How he remembered you giggling against his skin as he'd carry you to his bedroom, rambling on about a story he'd told you earlier. How, constantly, your tears had turned into his as they hit the tiled floor of his bathroom, reminiscent of the last day you'd seen each other.

"Would you like anything?" he asked as he took your small tote bag with him to the living room.

The only salvageable items from your apartment had been a couple of clothes you had strewn over your couch and a photo frame housing a picture of you and your family all smiling toward the lens.

"That's fine, thank you, Jungkook," you followed him inside, and he had to clench his fists when he heard his name laced in your voice. How was it that it still hurt to hear you say it after all this time?

"You can use the bed. I'll get you some clothes to wear for the night?" he asked as you stood in the living room. His eyes couldn't miss the way your fingers started to fold the fabric of your trousers and unfold, fold and unfold.

"You don't have to," you finally managed to let out, and he shook his head.

Immediately the memory of you wearing his clothing when you were back in college ran through his mind. How he would always pile your favourite clothes separate from everything else, on the right side of his wardrobe where you'd have the easiest access.

When Jungkook's gaze rose again to meet yours, a bright flash against the window behind you drew his attention instead. However, your little jump and spin to watch the lightning in the corner of his eye made him wince slightly.

You were still so endearing.

"Looks like there'll be a thunderstorm," he said, closing his eyes at how obvious his statement was. But you hadn't seemed to register his words, eyes glued on the ferocious droplets banging the glass.

A chill found its way down his spine, and he straightened, remembering that he was just about to get you some clothes. You were probably cold.

Disappearing into the hallway and his room, he picked up a hoodie and some sweats from the right side of his closet, not stopping for a second as he did before entering the living room again.

"You can take a shower," he told you, handing the clothes over, "I'll get you something to eat."

Your eyes flickered down to the items in his hand, the silence coming over the both of you as you did. Jungkook hadn't considered any of his actions then, but as he watched you stare blankly at his hoodie, the realisation crashed into him.

Yes, his closet was still the same. Yes, his room was still tailored to you. Your favourite clothes, your height, your preferences, your colours, your likes and dislikes.

"Thank you," he could have sworn your voice wobbled a bit when you spoke, but he tried to wave it off, "I'll be quick."

☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

Jungkook had whipped up some pancakes by the time you'd finished showering, sitting down on his couch afterwards. The house felt so strange. The shivers running up and down his arms were nothing new. However, knowing you were within these four walls with him, he felt the reason behind the immense chill was different.

You finally appeared from behind the bathroom door, and Jungkook was sure you'd be able to hear his heart beating in his chest. Sure, the rain was loud, but nothing could compete with the way the organ in his ribcage seemed to be fighting against itself at that moment.

He'd forgotten the way you looked in his clothes. He'd forgotten how they fit you just right. How your fingers could only clutch to its sleeves and how the hem hung over your hips.

Shifting his gaze back to the window, Jungkook tried to settle himself as he watched the grey clouds that filled his view. He tried to let the lashing rain fill his ears and take over.

"Jungkook?" despite trying, he picked up on your voice. He knew he always would. His body was made to find yours. In every situation. In every place.

Forcing a small smile, he turned to you. "I made pancakes. Let's eat."

You nodded, shuffling to the dining table where the stack lay in the middle, two plates on either side.

The truth was that he hadn't wanted to make pancakes. They were the go-to food for you both whenever you'd meet at his place. The last thing he wanted was another reason to revisit the past with you right there. But this was all he knew how to make.

As both you and he took your seats, Jungkook tried not to think about how you would always continue to sit in the same spot when you were at his place. Closest to the window, furthest from the couch, the best view of the television.

Tugging on the ring hanging from his earlobe, he tore his gaze from the space above your head and down to his food. Ever since you had come in earlier, he'd been trying to avoid eye contact. He'd been trying to fill his ears with the sloshing of water spraying from beneath cars, the rain beating against the windows, the monotonous tones of the traffic lights outside. He'd been trying to count the tiles on his kitchen floor, the panels on his ceiling, the pebbles sitting in the decorative bowl on his window sill.

Perhaps if the two of you could stray from the topic of your past, you could pretend none of that had ever happened.

He felt his heart ache at the thought, bending slowly at its edges. Is that really what he wanted?

Reaching out to pick up a pancake for his plate, he froze when you had done the same thing, fingers stopping inches away from each other.

Immediately retreating his hand, he busied himself with the fabric of the table cloth in an attempt to wait for you.

But the sound of an exasperated sigh made him quirk his head up.

"Please look at me," your tired (and somehow still beautiful) voice let out softly, and he could have sworn that heart that had been starting to bend at the edges cracked. "Jungkook, please."

The eyes that had been dancing along the wall space behind you zeroed in on your gaze, the myriad of emotions reflected in it earning a slight hiccup.

Just then, a megawatt spark glinted through the glass behind you, illuminating your features shortly before the darkness started to dissolve back into the room. But in that breath, Jungkook saw the dark line nestled in the corner of your forehead, one that involuntarily threw him back into yet another memory.

"I was holding it like this," you stood on the tips of your toes as you gripped onto the umbrella in Jungkook's hand, "And she tried came around like this-"

You and Jungkook were walking back to his place after college, after he had complained endlessly about not wanting to get his hair wet but finally caving when you'd done your trademark pout. In the middle of your demonstration on what had happened earlier that day, your foot got caught in something on the gravel.

It all happened so fast; your body had fallen forward with your head meeting the ground before anything else did.

Jungkook's eyes widened as he immediately let go of the umbrella and dropped to the floor beside you.

Your name fell from his lips in rushed tones, concern painting itself along his skin in the way he reached for your arms, your face, your back.

However, this all washed away with the rain as your body shook slightly when you turned, a smile pulling slightly at your lips.

He let out a frustrated sigh, trying not to show how worried he'd been. But there was no use in hiding it. You knew him too well.

"I'm okay," you said softly, "It wasn't even that much of a fall, Jungkook."

Despite trying to reassure him, he still found his fingers trembling as he reached for your forehead, swiping at the small trickle of blood staring back at him. He knew you weren't thinking then. Neither was he, in all honesty—especially not when your hand rose to cup his against your cheek. Or when your gaze dropped from his furrowed eyebrows to his eyes, and then further to his lips.

And definitely not when he'd clutched to your jaw and pulled your lips to his.

"Maybe it's time we go to sleep?" a soft, hesitant voice diffused into his focus, and he finally looked up. Meeting your eyes.

And he didn't know if it was relief or disappointment he felt when he realised that both of you had decided to dance around your past without bringing it up.

☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

hey beautifuls! i hope you're liking the story!!

and i hope ur all well!

please remember to be gentle with yourselves! ur amazing and i love you and am so proud of you!