Within Temptation - What have you done

MAXIM

I hope this time Russel would truly smile as he supposed to be. When his parents called me back, I was shocked to see how he has conducted his life after returned from a business trip. He'd turned the company into the abyss. The women who love taking advantage and gossip scared like little chicks. All because the one they admirer turned like a devil, torturing them mentally.

Even for small mistakes costing a high price. Every staffs in the secretarial department prayed they would not be chosen as the next Russel's secretary. A scene you never dream of. After a little investigation, I found the root caused is a man called Eric. He has biggest guts counterfeited Russel signature. Thus, he got an approval to resign without fuss.

Eric, you are truly a man up to the man pride. You have successfully melted the iceberg emperor. Although, the emperor yet to realize it. Well done! Now my fear become true. You gone caused the sanest man turned as a devil, hunting people even in their dream. I will give you a credit for that.

I used all connection I have to locate him but only get a negative feedback. Russel's parents still clueless about their only son married another man again. Resulting, they would never get a daughter in law in this entire life. Serve them right.

Narrow-minded parents shall get their karma too. In the truth, I never hold any begrudge against them. For me they are more parent figure than my own parents were. Mrs. Hendricks always showed me a motherly affection, as she was my mother best friend. That's what I saw with my eyes.

Eric changed Russel to a better man. Honestly, I like Eric more than Nathan does. Nathan unable to changes Russel to this extend because he was too soft and like a puppy. Eric is more like a lion, living as he feels right, free as a wind. Deep inside, I felt Eric is a better matched to cold Russel.

I supported their loves after admittedly the defeated. Accepting the fact Russel just like me as a close friend. There will be no romance between us. However, the recent changes make me confidence with a newfound love of him. He chose the right person.

"Hello." I dialed one of my business collaboration friends after detecting something interesting in his newly posted picture in Instagram.

"Hey, Max, why you call me out of the blue?" I am playing with the beer can in my hand.

"Spotting an interesting person in your newly posted picture." I sip the drink.

"Which one?" He asked.

"The one you took in front a big cat."

"You meant a lion, isn't it?"

"Yes, where are you taking it?"

"Kenya, their savannah park really amazing. The trip is so worthy for your money." Patrick laughed. "Do you know the person?"

"A friend. What he did there?"

"The brown T-shirt or a plain blue man?"

"The blue shirt."

"The man is tagging along with his close friend whom working with a group of wildlife researchers." He said. That is why we cannot detect him leaving the country. He was so clever, camouflaging his track by following a group of researcher.

"Then, do enjoy your holiday, bro and sorry for disturbing." I said to him.

"So cold... anyway see you soon." Patrick end our conversation.

Next, I call a man name Caleb, a tabloid reporter and also Eric's brother in law. At first, the man refused to help me. Seem like he knew Eric whereabouts all along. They must despise Russel so much to not disclosure Eric hidden place. What a beautiful family relationship.

After persuading method failed, I resorted to the threat. I am not a saint person, always used underhanded way if the first option failed. I threatened to put family business belong to Eric's family into dire. The man finally surrenders and follow my instruction to relay the information of Eric's whereabouts to Russel.

Why I take a roundabout route? Because I do not need to claim a credit. I do it to give both foolish friends of mine, their happiness. Russel needs a little push and hint to pursue the one he love now. So, I threatened him that I would take Eric as mine if he is so slow.

As a quick witty man, Russel will get a clear way and treasure Eric without doubt. He is a capable man to love them equally. I think Nathan also will approve and bless their relationship Russel had chosen has the same trait for both of his lovers. Kindness. Gentleness. Forgiving. A trait you never get in one package. How lucky he is.

I glad Caleb gave a call to Russel shortly after I made the threatened. A happiness shone on his face when telling me about the news. He takes five days to get a full information about Eric. Today, I am sending him off to the airport. A charming smile plastering on his face all the way to there.

Man, I really want to eat this man. Maybe to be eaten by this man. I joke inside. If Russel knows what I was thinking, he without doubt will present me with a fist. Seem like Eric easy going attitude also affected me. I waited until Russel flight departed.

This time I did not suffer loss like the day I was attending Russel and Nathan wedding. There is no irregularity in my chest or stormy emotion. Rather, I felt light, getting a peace in mind. Russel happiness has plagued me. I have no more misery than waiting he back. Back to his husband's arms, back to being my chat friend. Come back home soon, bastard.

ERIC MAXWELL

How long I have been running around. Four or five months. I do not care as long as I can hide myself from him. I am unwilling to meet him for a while, afraid my resolve would be useless. If he wanted to marry the woman, let him be. I am tired waiting he returns my feeling.

What I really need is an official divorce. I wanted to be free again without any sense of guilt whenever I am sleeping with somebody else. Eww, sound like a desperate man. Looking outside the window, I found a lovebird cleaning their feathers together.

"Hey, are you hear what I just said?" Larry shout near my ear.

"What did you say?" I ask innocently.

"Man, I really wanna to kill you." He smacked his forehead.

"No, because you really love me." I laughed. Not really a real laugh. A laugh to cover the broken heart.

"If you still love the man, just go back into his arms. Why you kept torturing yourself like this? Getting thinner and keep commutes between house and hospital." He still nags nonstop.

He is correct. Since the separation, I lost the appetite and been hospitalized for a few times. Although I lost count. The heart begins to be unstable recently. Sometime, I would wake up in the middle of the night while scratching my throat. Like I was disconnected with the air. It sounds absurd, but in a reality, it really happened. The main source of that is the heart in my chest.

Worse case when I fell into depression two months ago. I was almost trying to end myself by drowning in the tub. Luckily, Larry delivered a food to me at that time. After some therapist session, I was getting back on feet. The heartbreak almost caused me the ability to draw. When my cloudy mind get some clear, beginning to transfer all the sorrow in mine into the white canvas.

I immersed greatly in art to run away from the problem. Larry also let me do what I want as long as I did not kill myself. He main concerned when I was repeating get into the hospital. No matter how cunning my mind going, my heart and body still yearning the person presence. Like today, I was again forced to be stay the hospital.

"I don't love him. I'd wake up from faked dream." I still look outside the window.

"You're lying, man." He paused, "If you have already forgotten him, you will try to find a potential lover by now. Don't ever take me as a fool." He snorts.

"I am not a whore to spread my legs to stranger soon after divorced." I rolled my eyes.

"You don't need to be like a whore to find a new lover, Ricky. You just need to open the heart again to find the person." Larry advises me.

"Give me some more time to pass over this." I have learnt my lesson this time.

"Take how much time you need, friend. I wanted the old cheerful friend although he was counting his day to expiry." He patted me before stepping out from the room. Speaking much more easily than action.

I do not know when or how I would recover this time. Obviously, because I knew how much I have put my love to that person. After separation, when my mind a little cooler, I got the answered. This love, this feeling is all mine. I was not being possessed of the heart or whatsoever. It is originally belongs to me.

Two months after leaving the home, I was back to my family. Requesting them to keep secret about my movement from Russel. My parents interrogated and scolded me from being a fool. All my family members extremely nagging me each time they saw my face.

They said I was too conceited. To shouldering the family debt by marrying a cold man. The truth, I never tell them about the real reason behind the marriage. I only used an excuse the marriage happened to ensure we paid the debt. I have never disclosed the fact it was related to the previous owner of the heart.

If I ever tell them the truth, I can guarantee all my family members would attack Russel later. I chose to stay silent. I am not a little kid to log every single complaint. This is one of many trials of life I needs to face.

For now, my heart slowly turned numb and cold. Maybe I had been plagued by Russel coldness. Inheriting without wanting a warmth again. I felt safe staying like this. I can protect myself from being hurt. The most important matter, I need to stay alive no matter how much pain I need to face.

Russel is not the only person in my life. I have family and friend that will be in deep grieve if I take a short cut by ending my life. They would mourn and blaming themselves. That is the last thing I want to do. I need to stay alive for the sake of their happiness. I can continue smile despite suffering the bleeding heart.

Actually, I was at home the day Russel came to check me at my parents' house. I knew he was searching me in and out there. I almost shit in my pants when he dared to inspect the house. The man gut really sharp. I have no choice than using my parent's bedroom as hidden place.

Russel will not simply barge in there as his respect people privacy space. I saw his disappointed face when getting zero results. Walking with slumped shoulder and stop near his car as he gazed straight to my position. Thankfully, the window have dark tinted. I saw how he hopped into the car and sped up.

My parent did not say anything, as they wanted me to decide it by myself. After the incident, I contacted Larry and telling him I would like to go to his place. He thought I was just joking but when I burst into tears, he sensed something not okay. Thus, he let me hopped in with his team to Kenya. The planned successful wiped off my track.

I knew how fearful Russel was. He can get everything he wishes by making a single call. That is a money and power meant for. Once my jet lags over, I need to count my sad story again to Larry. Telling him everything about my marriage, Nathan, Russel and people around me. I felt slightly relieved sharing my burden with him. As if the heavy weight been wiped from my shoulder.

Although the separation caused me breakdown and depression, I still can climb out of it safely. That was due Larry never stopped advising, bringing me met the best therapist here as well never left me alone. He will keep me busy all day.

When he was hunting the best picture of wilderness, he would make sure me to tag along. He has known my habit when drawing. Thus, when we are in the middle of the savanna, he put me in the big cage. To avoid from animal attacks. Here, I can understand why Larry fell in love with wildlife. They provide him a calmness, relaxes, soothes and many more.

In the cage, I began drawing again, portraying everything I saw into the white canvas. I found new happiness without involving human. If people label me as a loser, heartless and coward, just let them be. They are not the people in my shoe. Never taste the suffering I have gone through too.

I felt all sorts of negative feelings. Feeling depressed and hopeless. Almost killing myself in one night when totally defeated. I swallowed all the bitterness and slowly mustered a courage to rise again. It was not an easy step for me to go through.

The only thing I can't run was a dream. Every night, I have a dream about him. Dreaming about his love and caressing me as a true love. A dream is like a manifesto of what I wanted from him. A useless yearned for someone who never can love me back. I'm tired of getting my hopes up for things that I know will never happen.

I kept myself busy with things to do but whenever I paused, I still think about him. I wish there was one day I do not feel sad or depressed, anxiety or sick. That I can be happy just for one whole day. Freeing from thinking about painful unrequited love. The hardest part in life to watch someone you love, love another person. Sometimes, it really is better to be alone. That way, no one can hurt me.

Here, I am exhausted from physical and mental aspect. I'd a breakdown in a most embarrassing situation in front my only friend, Larry. Seeing my health bar decreasing, he became mad and almost made a call to Russel. I barred him from calling Russel. Or else I would disappear without notice. He back off but still holding the grudge.

After sharing my miserable love story with Larry, my heart felt a little light from the heavy pain. He did everything he can to amend my broken heart. Not in romance way but as a best friend should do. My one and irreplaceable friend. Larry will either keep me busy in his little antics or let his animals comforting me. His efforts bore a fruit when I slowly back to myself.

Additionally, he let me meet the professional therapist. A therapist where I find a trust to reveal everything in my chest. The first two weeks of session, I was always crying whenever recounting my almost two years of marriage. Deep inside I still love him endlessly. I need him as I need the heart to continue breathing.

If I could reverse the time, I would avoid from digging a secret from Rachel. It's better to stay ignorant. At least I have no concrete excuse to leave him. I will not think myself as his lover replacement. Judging from the way he treated me, I could guess he wanted the matter remained as a secret forever.

However, I could not stay ignorant forever. If that's the case meant that I would only get half heartedly love from him. Alternatively, maybe none at all. I believed my current choice is wise. Better, know now than later. Maybe I was designed to be alone.

After a couple of months staying in sorrow and pain, I decided to arise again. At least, I could provide peace to people around me. I'll do what's best for me. Although, I can't erase the memory of him or our almost two years marriage lifespan, I would stay strong to face the future.

I'll slowly bury this love, the memory in deep of my heart. I know I loved him for real. Not because this heart or anything related to his past lover. This is my own feeling. My finger slowly tracing the face of the man on the white canvas. There is no hope I can forget about him when every fiber of myself still yearning after him.

When feeling suffocating in the chest, I used the painting to release all pending emotion. Doing it letting me get the satisfying and relief. I always covered his portrait from Larry. He never touches my private stuffs. Totally respecting my private space.

"Hey, are you done?" Larry voice wakes me up from the dazes. Quickly, I covered the canvas again.

"Almost done." I replied him.

"Okay, I will be waiting you downstairs."

"Got it." I neat the painting stuffs and grabbing one piece of completed art with me. Larry looks bored staring at his phone screen.

"Where we will go first?" He asked when saw me.

"Winny's restaurant. I have an appointment there." He nods when eyeing the bundle in my arms.

It took us twenty minutes to arrive there. The art dealer already waiting me while scrolling his smartphone. We have a small discussion before going separate ways. After that, I followed Larry to his heaven, a savanna filled with wild animals.

A group of new batch tourist already waiting us. They look excited and eager to explore the Savannah. Some were taking the selfie and group photos. Larry regroup them and explain a rule of savannah. The tourists nod in understanding although I predicted some of them would break one or two rules later.

This is not the first time I assist Larry brings tourist around here. Larry always brought me with him to avoid me left alone. Actually, I don't need to do anything to them. Larry is an expert in this area and his explanation enough to draw all attention to himself.

"Hey, I'm Lana from Toronto." A girl beside me introduce herself.

"Eric, how are you feeling?"

"Super excited. I have been waiting this day since a long ago." A dimple show on her cheeks whenever she smiles.

"Don't worry; Larry will be your best guider and worth for your money."

"How long you have been working here?"

"Around four months ago." I really have no mood to speak right now.

"Totally new guider." She smiles. "Single or taken?" Her eyes swept over my finger.

"Taken." I replied. "I am a gay." Gladly, my honesty stopped her from asking further. A few who overheard also did not disturb me after that. Leaving me a space for sketching. Putting the earphones in my ears, I concentrate on sketching.

"Seem like today tourist didn't disturb you so much." Larry tapped my shoulder and whisper in a low tone, afraid alarming the wild antelopes.

"They are gay haters." I told him. "Maybe later your boss will get a complaint and need to replace me on tomorrow sightseeing.

"Damn, why some people still behave like a prick."

"Never mind. They are the source of your income, so treat them as you should be." I give him a reassure smile.

I continue sketching about the view in front me. Once a while, these people will scream in awe when spot the adorable cheetah and its two cubs. Larry gives us a signal to keep silence as the cheetah brings her cubs passed our jeep. The cubs seem curious and playful. The naughtiness they show brought a smile on my face.

Larry is right. Mother Nature healed you effectively and never hurt you. Oppositely, it helps to amend your heart as well as soothing the pain. I learnt it very well from the expert. That was explained why Larry never meets any setback in his life. Even when he has been disowned by family and defeated in an unrequited love. He found the great therapy to channel all negative feeling, washing them like it never exist.

I proud with Larry inner strength. My parents and I only provided him a little support, and here he was standing among top tier expert in wildlife encyclopedia. I am proud to be his friend. His simple life style actually providing a lot more peaceful than my urban style.

"Will you stay tonight at a tourist inn or back to home?" Larry was asking me.

"Inn, I think. The cub so cute. I really want to caress them for once." I tell him.

"If we touched the cub, the mother will discard once it found the strange smell on its babies." Larry repeat the same information from the first time I told him about the wish. "Anyway, I can bring you to my friend little wild park after finishing this job."

"Really? Can I touch the cute babies?" I said with a mountain hope.

"Yes, you can." Larry smiles.

"Thank you." Forgetting where we are, I hugs him for dear life.

"Ahem." A coughed causes me parting from Larry. An earlier girl scrutinizes us with disgusting looks. Like we care. Larry ignore the looks and asking if she need any help.

Of course, the rude girl left us without any word. Larry shrugged his shoulder and continued supervising the group. On the next day the new guider coming to replace Larry, Apparently, the tourists have logged the complaint saying they feeling uncomfortable being around us.

"I am so sorry, if you feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied with my services. Thanks for coming and enjoy your sightseeing. Kuende will take my place from here and onward. He is local and one of the best expert we have. Thank you." Larry was giving a parting speech.

"Hi all, I may a local but my knowledge not at the same level as him." Kuende said while patting Larry's shoulder. "You have lost a gold chance to be led by an expert as him." There are hints of sarcasm in these words. Serve them right.

"Oh yeah, the next batch of researches had reached to their lodge place yesterday. You have around three more days for vacation." Kuende wink an eye to Larry.

"Thank you so much for reminding me, Kuende. I really forgot about them." Larry waved a hand before start the engine. It takes us almost one hour to get out from the park.

"I like Kuende." I said.

"Yes, he always fights for his colleagues without any fear. Anyway, let me bring you to cubs place." My smile widened hearing his suggestion. Finally, I could hold one of these fluffy cubs.

Larry left me with four cubs playing around. Oh gosh, they are so adorable. Hundred times adorable than what you watch on television. Their naughtiness also distracts me from the broken heart. I saw Larry cheerfully talking with vet doctor. There are some odd too, if I watched them carefully.

The hell! Because of sorrow, I failed to detect it. Larry and the doctor have a secret affair. The way they interacted looks intimate. Thank God, if what I think now is correct. I returned my attention to the little cub nibble my finger. They are harmless at this stage. However, in the future, they will turn as a predator in the food chain.

Just like a love, it is so sweet when it bloom but, if it turned another way, the bearer will be inflicted by unmeasured pain and sorrow. In conclusion, everything happened would have pros and contras consequences.

After a whole day in the park, the exhausted swallow my whole being. I sleep in the jeep until we reach home. Larry left me alone as he needs to meet the researcher group. With limpid steps, I climb the staircases. Deciding to take a bath after sweating day.

Once taking the bath, I returned to a routine schedule. Uncovering the half-finished painting, a smile crept into my face. If Larry healer is Mother Nature, then for me the healer is a painting. Covering my ears with earphone, I play the track of countless songs. The music cuts me off from any sound in the room. I took the brush and oily paint begin to complete the half painting. In a second, I was in my exclusive world.

A/N

Hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Thanks a lot for voting and comment in previous chapter. See you in the next chapter.