ERIC MAXWELL

My mind unable to erase the indecent scene between Russel and Rachel. That night I can't even sleep at all, waiting he came back. However, the waiting was wasting a time. He did not come back until I checked out from the hotel.

The woman words also stung me deepening. When the last time I tasted the same bitterness? Oh yeah, the moment I was coming out as a gay. When my relatives spitted me with the bad insults. Seeing me as the trash. The woman also is a same species as them. She acted as a perfect woman in front Russel. Behind people back, she even worse than the sly fox.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel greets me with a hateful glare when opening her door on that night.

"Is Russel here?" I am politely asking her.

"If he is here or not, that is not your business. For your information, he valued me more than you faggot." She sneered.

"Rachel, I am asking you again, where is he?" I hardly can contain the boiling blood.

"Lets me tell you something to stop you from trap in delusion forever. Russell never ever can love you in this life or afterlife. In addition, he has promised to marry me instead. A vow he never can break away."

"What?"

"He used you to conceal our relationship from his family due some blood feud over some years ago. That is why he never treats me as he did to Carmen. You just one of his sleeping partners."

"If he really loves you, why he need to find another person to warm his bed? Aren't that only proof you also nothing in his life? Now, I wonder who is exactly in delusion."

"Insolent. No matter how smart your mouth, in the end Russel will be mine. He had promise someone to take me as a wife when that person passed away."

"Who?"

"If you want to know about the person, just find me when you really ready to know."

"Stop being attention bitch, Rachel. I know you are so obsessed with him. However, the end result still in his hand. You can't force someone to love you."

"I returned the advice to you back, Mr. Secretary. You meant nothing than replacement in his eye." She laughed like devil maniac.

No, I am not a replacement. - My mind screamed in hurt. Unconsciously, my hand slapped the woman. Thus, successful stopping her from continuing being a banshee. She wanted to provoke me. And yeah, she did it.

I never felt this kind of rage in my life before. I saw her face with truly hatred and murderous intent. Her word slashed my heart, rubbing the wound with salt.

"Don't think if you're woman I'll let you go easy. The woman like you disqualified to receive people respect. You're an evil reincarnation itself."

"How dare you!!" She glare me with utter hatred. Actually, the feeling is mutual.

"Don't think I'll let you humiliate me like this." I sneered at her.

"I tell you, this is just a misunderstanding on your side. Please hear my reason first." She sudden changed of mood make me feel weird. As the anger control myself, I failed to sense anything else. "You just a replacement and that is true." She whispered like triumphant bitch.

"What's the misunderstanding slut? You should work at brothel instead the company." Insulting her is one way to contain the fear and anger. Fearing what she just say was the truth behind our married prospect.

"Hey, what's going on?" Russel word stops me from giving her a second lap of slap. I almost laughed at the stupid side of myself. Why I let myself eaten her word seriously. The bitch is grand actress. The super pretender.

My chest tightened as if all the air being pumped out from lung when I turned my sight from the bitch to Russel. I cannot believe what presented in front my eyes. Is my eye playing a trick? Of course not. The truth in front my own eye.

That man... the man entitled as my husband still sleeping around with another woman. How long he wanted to deceive me? Why am I so stupid, believing he could change to be a better man? Nothing more hurt that witnessing your lover sleeping around.

Fortunately, I was strong enough to face this state. Without demanding any explanation, l left the 'lovebird', unwilling to be a third party. However, some part of me still wished he would chase after me. The hope only the hope at the end. The said man never back at our room that night. Even the crazy human can guess where he spent the night.

---------------

"Hey, earth to Ricky." Snapping fingers broke the painful memory. Controlling the turmoil inside myself, I faced the demon sister. Her smile actually containing some devilish scheme.

"What?" I asked her.

"Mother told me, recently you always crash here. Did your marriage life hit a roadblock?" I have no intention to share this confusion with anyone. Not her or Alesia. There is no point telling them when I, myself not truly understanding the matter.

"Did he still continue sleeping around?" Amelia interrogated me. In fact, her deduction not far away from the truth.

"Don't assume about ridiculous matter. I just missed mum's cooking and nephew. Also, I need some break from stressful a pile of tasks." I skilfully spewed some nonsense excuses.

"Where is he?"

"He is busy with a new mega project. That's why he has a little time to spend at home and didn't join me coming here."

"Don't try to cover up... you know I have very trustful source to dig up your dear husband bad deed." Mel tried to blackmail me.

"You a free to dig up any information you want, anywhere, anytime with or without my permission, Mel. The Russel you know from tabloid is different from the one that sharing a bed with me. Anyway, I have no power to control people's judgment." I dust my pants when space almost suffocating.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to meddle in your marriage life. I just scared the man will hurt you, little bro."

"I am a grown up adult now, Mel. I know how to handle myself and those around me. Don't worry too much and Russel is not bad as you think. Oppositely, he is a loving husband." I give her a reassured smile.

"Mom and dad also worried when you a little down lately. Are you missing him so badly?" A hint of teasing detected in Mel last phrase.

"Have you not missed your husband when he went away?" I retort her back.

"A lot... that I feel to eat somebody alive." She laughed.

"Good. By the way, I need to go know due an important appointment." I excuse myself. Today, I need to send completed artworks to dealer.

"Ok, have a safe trip and don't dream about your husband while driving. That's dangerous."

"Roger." I climbed down the stairs, meeting mom at the front door. She has some activity with the community.

"Be safe." She shout when I hop in the car.

The song blasting the car and sing along on the current track, Numb by Linkin Park. The favorite band I loved from the first song I heard until now. Their song consists a true essence of humanity, society problem and so on. Every song enough to reveal an issue people think nor worthy to think about.

Reaching the appointed place, Lisa, the art dealer giving a smile while waving the hand. She is a beautiful woman and are obsessed with art. She just has no talent as a painter. From people's view, we might seem as a couple going to date.

"How are you?" Lisa asked.

"Fine." I give the simple answer. The waitress interrupted us from chatting further and once a while throwing a seducing smile.

"Look like someone is an attractive as ever." I rolled my eye hearing uncalled remark.

"A gift from God."

"By the way, many people have complimented your recent arts are changed. The theme more related to blooming love. Has that influenced by your current love life?" I almost spurt the coffee over her pretty face.

"Nonsense." I took a napkin and wiped the corner of my mouth as the woman laughed.

"It really changed, Eric. The past you always used a dark color in an every painting. Like there always a darkness shrouding your being." She studied my reaction.

"No way... I just like the dark contrast. There is no other way." I still deny the fact.

"Painting is its painter dairy, Eric." She said without any intention to go deepen. "When will you send the newest arts?"

"When you need it?"

"As soon as possible. I wished to let it appear in one of the prestigious event in Milan. Is that okay?"

"Alright, I will send it to you by tomorrow night." After that, we only speak about some trivial matter and discussing about the arts related matters.

The meeting ended an hour later. My chest is aching again when I am almost reaching home. Until today the loathing feeling I felt on that night never banish. Like it would forever attach in there as long as I was seeing his face.

What most hurt me, when he kept disclosure the real reason he being kind enough to exclude the girl from his loathing list. I wanted to know his real reason. To learn why the girl is so special in his life. They must be some deepening meaning. What if the woman is telling the truth? Have I really the replacement to conceal their relation.

The intimate scene they showed in the basement also a torn at my part. Why recently they openly show these intimate? Did Russel resolve the problem within his family? Was it related to why he always stayed at his family recently?

Argh, I cannot endure this calmness forever. I need to get a real break from this tension of unanswered questions. In addition, every time he makes love, I felt nothing. The tastiness I craved, slowly and slowly faded. I don't if he ever sense the changed in my behaviour.

Last night, Russel didn't come home. He sent a short message saying that he has an urgent matter to attend to. Urgent enough to make him spending a night outside. The coldness seep in my heart as a seed of doubt freely planted itself in there.

"Hey, where your dear husband?" Maxim knocked my table.

"Don't know." Like Russel said, Maxim is not a bad person. He just has a bit of nasty temperament.

"Oh, I forgot the date of today." Maxim said.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just a fair reminder do not lit any anger to your dear husband. Okay, time to start the work. Don't slack off just because the boss not around." I give him a middle finger causing him laughed as he walking out from the room.

Look like Maxim knew something about it. As a childhood friend, Maxim must knew many secret about Russel. Nevertheless, I would bet he would not say anything behind his close friend. He will not stab Russel from the back and safeguard his secret with his life.

That day, Russel really did not enter the office. His handphone also switched off. I really worried but the worry turned anger when I saw him lazily sleep on the bed. Claudia told me, Russel has confined himself in the room whole day.

I put my hand over his forehead, checking if he has a fever. Soon, a hand grab me by surprise, cause me fall on the bed too. Grey eyes locked with mine.

"Are you not feeling well?" I asked out of the concern.

"I'm fine just lazy to enter office today. My body a little sluggish." The anger in me vanished the moment his lips touched mine. But the doubt still in there.

"Okay, but please don't switch off the phone. You made me worried a whole day." I sighed as I rested my head over his chest. The drumming from his heartbeat calming my own heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to switch it off. The battery was running out and I forgot to recharge it."

"Let me take a bath first. My body is sticky and stench."

"Can I join you?" A hint naughty found in that simple question. I just give a nod.

The bath is not purely just a bath. In the foursquare room, a sound a beating flesh and moaning filled it. I lost the energy to walk out from the bathroom. Causing a muscular hand lifting me from my feet and bring me out from the room. After a couple of weeks of cold treatment, we resumed as a true life as a married couple.

I'd chosen to act dumb about unanswered question as no one can give me a real affirmation. I am tired of thinking about it. Something was better to keep in the dark if revelation only brings a misfortune. Adapting that way of thinking I found some peace.

But the peace is not forever in my control. The woman with a name of Rachel always a thorn in my side. There a few times when I caught the same perfume as the woman wore latched on Russel's clothes. I choose to ignore it. I'd gotten used to it. Even the lipstick stained on his collar shirt can't hurt me anymore. I stopped from question him.

A part of me is slowly dying. And there always has a valid reason for it. A reason I fear to dig it. A reason I forcefully buried in the sea of consciousness. It was because I overheard a rumor, I wasn't his first spouse. Apparently, his previous spouse died in a tragic accident. I am scared to confirm the truth behind it when Kevin also avoids the issue.

REPLACEMENT

Seem the word will be become the truth. I am no more than the replacement in his life. A plank to close the hole in his heart. This is must be the missing puzzle in his indescribable behaviour. One day, I wake up with a new resolve. A resolved to be release from temporary dream.

I watched the man sleeping soundlessly near me. I am sorry, Russel. I never wanted to go behind your back. The tiredness has poisoned me. No matter how bitter the truth, I still want to know it. A missing information you keep from me.

"Hey, good morning." Russel greets me.

"Good morning too." I kissed his forehead.

"It's better if you take the bath now to catch the flight." I grabbed him out from the bed.

"Are you to excite to chase me out?" He faked a sulking.

"No and sorry because I'm not feeling well to accompany you."

"Your health come first." He said before entering the bathroom. A take a big relief sighed when he disappears. I have used a lie as an excuse from accompanying him on a business trip.

I send him off to the airport. He also did not notice the turmoil in me. We chatted about normal issue and he gives me several warnings to take care myself. No clubbing or meeting certain person. I just laughed off. It will be most precious statement if his concern really for me.

When his flight departed, I rushed to another place. A place where I would meet my rival. The woman asked me to meet at a park. She chooses the most hidden spots. I sit on the bench beside her. The woman never throws me any glance.

"What's the important thing you want to speak?" I asked Rachel.

"Divorce him quickly." She bluntly word caused me to glare at him.

"Who are you to decide other people life?" I pause, "Wait, how long you have now we are married?"

"That's not important. I said because I care about you. Like I said he never capable to love someone and you just a replacement."

"What the hell with your brain? What's the replacement are you talking about?"

"The one he loved not you but my brother and he first husband, Nathan. This marriage only torturing him further."

"Don't make up the story so that you can make us divorce."

"I'm not lying. My brother died in a car accident and his dead had given someone else the hope to continue to continue living."

"I'm not understand anything you just blabbering." Or it just my part to deny everything she just said.

"Nate has left us but one part of him still in this world. That part is here, underneath your ribcage." Her slender finger jabs my left chest. "The beating heart in you belongs to him. The main caused why Russel took you as a husband." Rachel's tears running down her face, ruining the makeup.

I felt like the world collapsed on me. The weight of pain is so unbearable. Is this consequence going behind him? Why can't I just continue faked the ignorant? Why am I so stubborn to learn the truth? It is too late to reverse the time.

"You're lying?" The tremble word leaves my lips.

"You can find the proofs here." Rachel put a key on a piece paper in between us and walking off. Her petite figure looks so lonely and sad.

The unfamiliar address scribbled on the paper. I shoved the paper and the key in my pocket. The weightless paper felt like a mountain weight in my pocket. The real proof is there. Would I still dare to go there? Going to place holding all the answers itself.

I am so fucking tired today. So fucking painful by the piece of the truth. My heart is slowly breaking waiting to completely shatter. Wait a minute, this heart never be mine. It belongs to someone else. The former lover of my husband. Maybe the loved I felt also not mine. It might be triggered by the previous owner memory.

I'm confused. Where is my real stand in this love? Is the feeling real or not? I cannot think which one is true. The delusion world end now. His caring and affection never to me from beginning. It was belong to this heart. In other word, I never exist in his eyes.

On the next day, with some courage I could muster, I stopped the car in front a luxurious house. The gatekeeper seems wary after spotted me lingered outside the gate.

"Hello sir, what can I help you?" After a while, the man approached me.

"Sorry for stopping here without giving any notice. I am Eric... Eric Hendricks." The man seems puzzled with my introducing.

To convince him, I show a photo taken in our marriage day. The man nods and welcome me inside. There is nobody else here. I follow behind him and enter the big house. The guard nods and left me alone. My body stiffened when spotted a smiling Russel was hugging one man.

Getting closer to the picture, I knew it was taken on the wedding. The man always appeared in countless dreams or when I was dozing off. Sometime, I was unconsciously drawn the man's face in the white canvas.

My heart beating loudly and I walked around as if the house is familiar. Summoning a courage, I climb the plight of stairs. With one glance, I can detect which one their room. With heavy steps, I reached the room, opening it to reveal a neat bedroom.

The dozens of pictures decorate the wall. The picture captured the side of Russel I have never seen yet. He looks happy and free from coldness. Or, he only can be happy staying beside the man. The room smelled familiar. The familiar latched on his body whenever he came back from staying outside. That meant this was the place he was hiding himself.

One of drawer caught my side. Without thinking twice, I open it and found several documents. I sit on the fluffy carpet, reading one by one of those documents. I felt my world truly shattered. I even found my own signature on one of them. A signature for operation. I don't know how he can get it easily.

Everything was in his calculation. He investigated my background and found an opportunity to trap me. This was the answered for his suddenly taking me as his groom. He wanted to secure the heart laying in my chest. The only heart belongs to his lover. The only one remaining part of him.

Russel, you're so cruel! I shout to nobody, wailing like a child losing his parent. Why you heartless breaking my heart? How I want to fight the ghost resided in your heart. Do you know it more painful being a rival to a dead person than a living one? Without this heart, I bet you will never spend any glance to me.

No, I am the one should be blamed. He has never replied my confession nor saying he loves me. He stood on clear line. I was the one staying in delusion. Delusion to get a heart beyond my grasp. Rachel never lied. It was me who blindly follow the heart.

Speaking of it, I wonder does I actually love him. Or, this feeling solely belongs to the previous owner. I don't know. I don't care anymore. Who love whom, is not important anymore. The breaking heart like a breaking crystal. Once it crashes on the hard tiles, it will shatter beyond repair. No expert can amend it again.

What is his reaction if I stab this heart?

A/N

Guys, hope you would enjoy this chapter. See you on the next update.