RUSSELL HENDRICKS

I don't know how to respond when he was saying three precious words 'I love you' on that day we celebrated first anniversary. His confession shifted some feeling in me. The familiar feeling I buried long ago. A feeling I scared to admit loud and clear.

To my dismayed, he looks so disappointed when I did not give the right response. Totally, feeling like a big jerk. With conflict feeling, somewhat I have given him a false hope. Why I can't get to do a correct thing since married him. I'm unable to forget how bright his eyes by the surprise planned but going dimmed because I didn't reply his heart properly.

Honestly, I was quite in trouble how to conduct the rest of the night. However, Eric is quickly maneuvering the mood from going to spoil. He stashed his hurt deeply in his heart. His sacrifice managed to preserve the celebration mood. I don't know how the rest of the night going because the conflict feeling. However, one thing I knew Eric really a special man that night. A man I wanted to protect with my life. It may sound stupid, as I was the one repeatedly hurting him.

Aside from the heart issues, I did treat him with honesty. No faked smile or hurting word. I carved his smile, the twinkles in his eyes and all the things about him in my mind. A memory I can't throw away just because a guilty. I even think about impossible possibility. Like, what if I meet Eric first instead falling to Nate?

Would I never meet the pain of losing someone precious in my life? Would my life will changed completely? Rational thinking, if I never fell in love with Nate, I would never meet Eric afterward. The one that lead me to meet Eric was Nate's heart. Without the heart, the one buried six feet under will be Eric. No, I cannot permit it from happening.

Shit! What the hell is wrong with me? No matter who buried underneath the soil, both are person I can't bear to lose. They were precious to me. Slowly by slowly, Eric had found his way to unlock my frozen heart.

Nate, you are right about this matter and I can't deny it anymore. Eric meant a lot to me than I was expecting. In silence, he had been a part of myself. I don't know how he did it caused I never have a time to analysis it. Damn! What I should do now? It looks like my heart have divided to two, one still loyal to it first love and another has worship new name of person.

A person I have taken as my husband due the heart. How cruel I was offering a hope in a half hearted way. I just can't separate an old loved and new one. What will Eric respond if he ever know the truth? There is no solution or an option to reverse this matter anymore. All doors already closed, leaving me with option only to march ahead.

Meantime, in avoiding the conflict emotion, I am just pretending everything is okay and follow the flow of life. Eric also bounced to his self, while his eyes showing a new resolution. My intuition told me his resolution have related to myself. Or, something I can guess right away without need to ask him. I spent my day with him like normal and put the feeling aside for a moment.

Today, we attended a team building program for two days. I watched Eric with his small circle of the group. He managed to dig up valuable friends among the pretenders. I don't know what have made him laugh nonstop over there. Feeling slightly annoyed, I turned my sight to my own group. Maxim gave a chuckled when caught me staring the spot.

"Attention please...." Ruben shout using the loudspeaker. All eyes on him now. "Lady and gentleman, please line up and take your number from this thing. After that find your group partner and you will be together until the end of event."

All staffs begin line up while we let them choose first. All numbers written on folded paper. Therefore, no one can plan anything ahead. I entered the line up at the end of the line. Eric only smiles when our eyes meet for a second.

"Okay, open the folded paper and start moving to your group at marking place. We have marked the area with a few numbers there."

The place a bit noisy with staffs chatting with each other when finding their partner. For those lazy asses, they just move into marking place, waiting their group on there. Actually, it's quite a smart move and save energy. I spotted Eric moved to 8th lane with a few members. Damn, we are in a different group.

"Now, we will see who is lucky to get our big boss in their group." Ruben winks and women stare me with high hope. "Now, please show your number, Mr. Hendricks."

I lift the paper to Ruben, "Six." I told him and walked to 6th Lane. Rachel also same group as me.

"Seem like my luck not too bad today." She greets me. After previous quarrelled, Rachel turned better than she was.

"Maybe." I answered her. She introduced me to staff I rarely saw before excluding three top management. The bastard Maxim is truly the lucky one. He able to get into the same group as Eric.

The first games we have is a beach ball. I was wary when the sport a little rough for Eric. However, the stubborn man still entering it. He shows the sport spirit and showing no hint any of his unhealthy body. When we faced off, Eric's group won the competition with one point differential. Maxim is an ace in their group.

The day filled with many games actually like swimming, Jet Ski racing and so on. The winner will get their big reward waiting for the last day. The tiredness quickly assault my body when I get out of the bathroom. I move the sprawled Eric to the left side. He grunted a little dissatisfaction before turning his body closer. Not wasting even a second his hand latched on my body.

I know he really tired beyond word. If this his usual self, a small touch was able to wake him up. Inhaling his hair, I also hugs him too. Lately, I had become addicted to hug this warmth body every night. It's becoming a habit. Without him on the same bed, it will be very hard to sleep.

"Good night, Eric." I kissed his head.

"Mmm." He mumbled incoherent word.

Second day, we stepped into a theme park. We need to hunt treasure here and completing all giving tasks before proceeding the closing of the event. What irate me to murdering someone when watching Eric too friendly to his friend, Kevin.

Although, I know Kevin already engaged in a serious relationship with someone, but it's not enough to put down the annoying fire burned my heart.

"Why you look so solemn?" Rachel chirped beside me.

"Nothing." I gave a short reply.

"Hmm, somebody is jealous." She chuckled.

"Nonsense."

"The last time I saw you wore this same face when my brother deliberately dance with some stripper in one party. At that time, you already can murder someone with your glare." Admittedly, that was one of memories triggered me to lock Nate in a cage in the past.

"You're wrong." I said.

"Aw, always try to avoid it." Rachel's laughter attracted a few gaze over us.

"Whatever, now let planned how to be the winner of this challenge." I glad as she shifted the topic. We discussed the plan in detail after taking everyone's opinion.

At the end of the day, team Eric is a winner. Some staff thinks their win is unfair because Maxim in their team. Maxim gave me a smug face to rub shit on my pride. Tonight we are having a closing party. Eric and me is heading to our room for changing the clothes. He speaks nonstop about today exciting experience. Totally ignored the obvious how annoyed I was. Seeing how much happiness shone in his face extinguished the bad feeling in me.

That night we have chosen to wear a casual attire and sit at the same table. I forced him to ignore people scrutinized eyes because he is my secretary and need to sit beside me. The night goes a bit wild a staffs losing their head over alcohol.

"Please go back to the room first. I need to send Maxim to his room." I escort Eric to outside the ballroom and placing a kiss on his seductive lips hidden from people's eyes.

"Hmm, will you go back to the room later?" An odd emotion flash in his eyes.

"Yes." I urged him to go back.

"See you later." He walked away with slumped shoulder.

I returned to the ballroom and dragged Maxim out from the still going party. His eyes already red as the alcohol have controlled his mind. I bring him to his room, staying there for almost half an hour to ensure him sleep in correct place instead the bathroom.

On my way back to the room, I saw Rachel sway from right to left and waiting anytime to kiss the hard tiles. I approach and support her to her room. Her high heel already gone.

"Than...ks you." She thanks me with half lids open eyes. The scent of alcohol too heavy around her.

"You should restraint from taking too much alcohol." I told her.

"They put a bet..." She speaks in between hiccups.

"Whatever." I said because it is no use to argue against the drunkard. She shakily rummaged inside her handbag. When fed up, she just throws out all containers in her beg.

I found the key and open the door, letting her sit on the sofa. I give him a bottle of plain water. She stares at my face for quite long before averting her eyes. "Do you want to take bath first?"

"I'll drown myself if I take it in current state."

"Just take it. I'll wait until you finished taking it." Rachel nods. She gets up and trip over me. I groan when her head bumps against me.

"Sorry...sorry." She panic. The most annoying thing when she suddenly pukes over my head. I pushed her aside.

"I'm very sorry." She apologizes. The slimy stench puke running down my face. So, I decided to take a bath here.

"Stop drinking again." I shot her a glare. She lowers the head.

Without fucking delay, I get under the rain shower. Stripping off all the clothes and washing the dirty puke. Half of me regretting helping Rachel. I used shampoo and soap to wash my body. After an hour or so, I get out of the bathroom. The sound of people arguing greet my ears follow by a crispy slap.

I am quickly going toward the sound and found Eric standing in front of Rachel who caress her cheek. A fury aura covering Eric's figure.

"I tell you this is just a misunderstanding on your side. Please hear my reason first." Rachel sobbed while begging for him.

"What's the misunderstanding slut? You should work at brothel instead the company." He snarled at her viciously.

"Hey, what's going on?" I interrupted when detected Eric went to his second slap. Eric turned his face to me, securitizing me from head to toe. Without any word, he left without giving the place. I caught his eyes almost to tears.

"I'm sorry, Russell. I tried to explain properly to him but he has rejected my attempted." Rachel turned around with tears decorate her face.

"Don't worry, I'll explain to him later." She said sadly. "Today I am a bit emotional because it is my birthday. Usually, Nate will give me a surprise party despite his busy time. I missed him really crazy. That is the reason I was taking a lot alcohol."

Yeah, that is correct. Today is her birthday. In the past, Nate has always been very busy and planned everything he could afford to celebrate it. "Happy Birthday, Rachel."

"Thank you." She throws herself on my body as she was sobbing louder.

"Why God so unfair? Why He'd taken someone precious to me in a blink of eye." Rigidly, I stood when digesting her word. In the past, I also always thought God. Taking someone dear without any warning.

"What have Eric do to you?" I ask when she calms down.

"I should not change clothes. Seeing you and me wearing a bathrobe caused him misunderstood. Maxim told me everything about you and him. So, let me explain to him." She earnestly said.

"Don't worry, he will come around later." I separate our body, "Good night." Just I wanted to take another step, Rachel grabs my hand.

"Could you accompany me tonight? I'm tired to through it again alone." Rachel's eyes glassy and ready to shed another batch of tear.

I am battling inside when think the first I need to do is comfort my husband then staying here. However, in the same time, I could not leave this woman alone. Nate had made me promise to protect his sister.

I have confidence Eric would understand when I explain to him later. If not, what should I do? The night passed with my mind in elsewhere. I just nodded or replied with 'mmm' or something similar to that. I just can't concentrate with conversation.

When morning greeted and Rachel has finished packing her luggage, I get back to my room. Only the empty room come to my view. I open the door when hearing a knock. Hoping the person is Eric. To my disappointment, Maxim stood there with a smug face.

"Trouble in the paradise?" I rolled my eyes.

"What cause you to appear so early?" I asked him.

"I saw your husband hailed the taxi without you, so I'm here to check if you still alive or not." He leans on the door with a triumphant smile.

"Bullshit." I took the already packed luggage and dressing in casual clothes.

"Friend, don't be so dumb. I don't know what really happen, but I can vaguely guess the matter is related to Rachel, right? I knew you have promised to protect her, but bear in your mind she is not two years ago. She is over twenty-ish years old. Old enough to be a mother."

"... Your top priority now is your current husband. He has a full right to get your attention and love. Are you still blindly trap in the past? If one day, you lose him in the future, then it's solely your fault. Nobody like to be someone else replacement. Ciao" After bombing me with some words, he left.

I slumped down on the bed. Why everything so complicated? Has this resulted by half-hearted feeling? Grabbing the luggage, I get back to home. Unfortunately, the same silence meets me in our bedroom. Eric was not here.

According to Jaime, Eric did back to drop his luggage and get out again. He did not require where he has gone. I cannot blame him either. Because by right an employee cannot question their employer too much.

I opened the message after hearing a notification. It is from Eric, saying he would stay a night at his parents' house due his nephew have a high fever. I knew how much he loved the boy. However, in this situation, my mind told me, he just used this excuse to get away. This development caused me a slight frighten. The first time he runs to overseas with his boyfriend. I afraid next time I may lose his track completely.

On the next day, I parked my car in the office basement, hoping Eric also been here. But, hope only a hope. The said person has nowhere in my sight. Neither his car too. Maybe he hadn't arrived yet.

"Good Morning boss and thanks for accompanied me that night. It was absolutely embarrassing breaking down in front you." Rachel greets me.

"It's okay." I said.

"Oh no, your tie a little crooked. Let me neat it." Without waiting me replied, her hand quickly neat it. I stood there with slight annoyed feeling.

"Done." She patted my shoulder. I sensed a heating glare and turn around.

A shadow passes me like a hurricane. A very familiar hurricane. Damn, he appeared on the wrong timing. I left Rachel without any word, hoping to chase Eric. My attempt failed when the elevator door closed before I reach there.

Reaching the floor, I didn't see Eric anywhere including my office room and pantry. I tried reaching his handphone but it switched off. I had no choice instead waiting in his office room like an idiot. Later, I saw him walking in with Maxim.

A little smile decorates his lips. Since where they become closer? Lately, I seem outdated. Eric's figure froze a moment before he composed himself again. Maxim sit beside me with a mocking smile.

"No wonder you like breakfast at the rooftop. That man had improved his services again. Thank you, Eric for inviting me there." The last part seeming to provoke my patience.

"You're welcome. If you need any companion to eat there just give a call." Eric replied him while giving me a side gaze.

"Have you breakfast?" He asked me.

"Yes, already full." I reluctantly answered him.

"Guess so." He switched on the laptop, "Here is the list of problematic projects." He turned the laptop to face us. Maxim used the cursor around the failed project and we get into the serious business.

It took two hours for us sorting the root causes and providing a temporary solution. We divided the failed cases and concentrate on a high profile project because the project will damage the company profit if we did not manage very well.

When the discussion over, I faced Eric seriously, "You're misunderstanding."

"Argh, what?" He question.

"About me and Rachel. I swear I have nothing serious with her." He let out a heavy sighed.

"Where are you spending that night?" He lean at the chair.

"I..."

"In her room, right?"

"Yeah, that night she was having a little breakdown. I have no choice but stay at her side to prevent her from doing stupid things." I defend myself

"Why you're so concerned about her? If we follow the logic, her breakdown has nothing with you. You can just call somebody else to watch her. Why it must you?"

"She just don't trust anybody else."

"So every time she has a breakdown, you need to stay by her side?"

"Eric, please calm down. We do nothing wrong to accept your wrath."

"Nothing wrong?" His laughter filled the room, "The crumbled bed, the scattering clothes and both in bathrobes? There really nothing going on there? How come the predator run away from it meal?"

"Eric, there is a reason why I can't abandon her. I really didn't touch her in a sexual way. That night, I assisted her to get into her room. Unexpectedly, she puked on me and have a little breakdown."

"Really? Then, why not you share it with me? Why she seems so important to you?" He glares at me.

"You're the one important to me now."

"I would flattered if the word really true. By the way, we are in the office so it will be inappropriate to discuss personal matter. You pay me salary for working, right. " That is his clue to avoid the matter.

"The matter is not over yet." I get up from the chair.

"It will be over is you telling me the reason." He shift his eyes to laptop's screen. Sensing my patience is running out, I walked out from his office.

Getting in my office, I smashed the vase nearing and loosening the tie. His stubbornness so unbearable. Yeah, the solution is simple but I just can't bring myself to tell the truth. The matter will be a lot worse later. Like Maxim said nobody like to be someone else replacement. Moreover, in this whole case everything really began from replacement standpoint.

A/N

Guys, sorry for two weeks missing. I have outstation task and the Internet coverage on the site not really good. Also, I have no time to write anything in between these period. Again, sorry for didn't give a proper notice. See you next chapter.