*Extra update because it's Lie Until You Laugh's first birthday aww*

“So your family is actually flying all the way across the country to see you?” A girl in my honesty circle wonders with wide eyes after Jake had basically forced me to give them my input on my weekend plans.

I awkwardly chew on my lips and then nod, not understanding the big deal with what I had just said. “Um. Yeah. I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“I haven’t seen my family in fourteen months but I’m not boo-hooing about it,” She mumbles and I can’t tell if she’s irritated at me or just jealous. She’s actually probably irritated because she’s jealous but it’s not my fault that her family doesn’t come see her. I don’t see why she should be angry with me at all. “And they live in Texas.”

“I’m sorry?” I mutter, confused as to what I should say now. “I don’t think that I’m ‘boo-hooing’ about anything either. He asked me what I was doing and I just said that my family was coming to visit.”

“Lydia, I think that you’re more upset with your family than you are with Ana’s situation. You’re redirecting your anger when you should be addressing it. Have you asked your family to come visit?” Jake wonders and then, luckily, everybody’s attention goes to the fuming girl who is sitting on the other side of the circle, right beside Shayla.

“Yeah,” She sighs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. “My parents can’t even look at me without remembering that I almost killed my mom and little sister when I was driving to a restaurant with them in the car and I had a panic attack, driving us off of the road.”

“It’s important that you maintain open communication in your family, even if it may seem impossible at times,” Jake informs her with a firm nod. “Ana, since you’re on the other end of this, do you feel that your family feels comfortable talking to you?”

Disappointed that I’m not out of the woods yet with this questionnaire, I just shrug and think of a quick and painless way to end this conversation for myself. “I don’t know. The only person I’ve ever tried to kill is myself. My mom kind of hates me, I guess. I think that she still thinks that I’m faking it for attention. But other than her, I tell my brother pretty much everything and I tell my dad most things. So yeah, I guess so.”

“Does anybody else feel like at least one person from their family blames you for your illnesses?” Jake asks, looking around the group. About half of the patients raise their hands, which I find to be very sad because family isn’t supposed to do that to you, they are supposed to help you get through whatever it is that you’re going through, not make it worse.

“I haven’t talked to my dad in years,” One of the guys in the group says, feeling obliged to now tell everybody his sob story which isn’t something that I understand. It isn’t anybody’s business- it isn’t mine or Jake’s or Lydia’s or anybody’s- so why does he feel like he should tell us? Does it make him feel better about his situation? That makes no sense but I guess we all heal in different ways. To me, talking about my sob story wouldn’t solve anything- it would make things ten times worse. “He left when I tried to put a bullet through my skull. Just ditched town, left my mom, everything.”

The rest of honesty circle goes on like that, everybody starts telling everybody else about their home life. Some people have it good and other people tell us how they’ve gotten the crap beat out of them by the hand of one of their parents. I think I’m on the good side of the scale considering my dad loves me and my mom… well, she loves me too so I should be grateful for that much. She just doesn’t talk to me that much because she’s just so embarrassed of me. It sucks but hearing all of these stories, I realize that as far as parental figures go, I really do have it good.

It’s the Fourth of July but around here, that means absolutely nothing except for the fact that we had red, white and blue Jell-O cups with our lunches today. Exciting, isn’t it? And then there’s a butt ugly festive sign hanging up in the common area that Quinn and her people put up on Wednesday. It’s made on a long piece of blue paper and in red and white letters, it reads “Hapy 4th of Jully!” I’m not sure of the horrendous spelling is because of somebody’s lack of education or if it was meant to look cute but either way, the misspelling of both ‘happy’ and ‘July’ bug me to no end. To make it worse, there’s blue paint decorating the edges of the paper (blue paint on blue paper is another thing that bugs me about this art piece) and then it looks like when they were finished painting it, they invited Kesha over and she vomited glitter all over the damn place. The whole thing is covered in glitter and if you walk too close to the poster, then so are you. The glitter has been raining off of the paper hanging on the wall all week but I only had to make that mistake once for me to learn that if I even look at the poster for too long, I’ll come out looking like a Stephanie Meyer vampire.

“It is atrocious, isn’t it?” Mia wonders, approaching me as I’m standing in the common area after Honesty Circle, staring at the big blue pimple in the room.

I shrug. “Well, it’s the only festive thing I’ve seen at all, so I guess that’s something. It looked like she worked really hard on it.”

“Oh, she did,” She nods in agreement. “Honestly, I think that’s the sad part.”

“Well, I’ll give her some credit at least,” I stand up for Quinn because she may not have an artistic bone in her body but at least she’s trying to brighten this place up a little bit. That’s more than I can say for almost anybody else around here.

“Sure,” Mia chuckles. “Anyway, you should come watch the fireworks tonight.”

“Fireworks?” I echo in shock. “You mean, they’re letting us within close proximity of something flammable?”

“What? No, don’t get crazy there, Ana,” She jokes but I’m not sure if she really understands how ironic that statement is, telling me not to go crazy when, obviously, I already am. “They put off fireworks in this park downtown but we can see them from the courtyard. I haven’t seen the Fourth of July ones yet but I was here for the New Year ones and they looked really pretty.”

“That sounds cool,” I comment. “I do love fireworks.”

“Awesome,” She grins. “Anyway, how was honesty circle?”

“Depressing,” I mumble. “Yours?”

We sit down at one of the small tables that only seat two people and she pulls out a deck of cards. It’s really hard to find a card game to play with only two people but since it’s only us two now, we’ve made it work by recreating games to fit just two players or just playing Go Fish. That’s basically how our week has gone- playing cards or even resorting to doing a puzzle or something just to pass the time. I’m not complaining though, because spending my time being bored with Mia is way better than spending my time being bored completely by myself. I missed having her around for the whole week that she’d been in solitary and I really miss Renée too but they still haven’t told us anything new about her situation, which isn’t surprising.

“Boring,” She answers my question as she shuffles the deck. “Some girl spent the whole time crying about her long distance relationship. Your boyfriend didn’t answer his phone once? Boo-freaking-hoo. I haven’t had a boyfriend in two years. If that isn’t ‘forever alone’ status then I don’t know what is.”

I could trump her by confessing to her that my only boyfriend was a whole three years ago but I don’t say that because I feel like she’d want to know details about that relationship that I don’t want to tell. I do consider Mia my friend- she’s my closest friend right now, actually- but there’s still stuff that I don’t want to tell her. Everybody here just expects me to share everything about me though and they just always ask so many curious questions and I don’t want to unleash that damn, so I keep my mouth shut. “That does suck,” I say instead.

We play a few games of cards before changing the game and deciding to play Battle Ship instead. It’s not the most exciting way to spend an afternoon but like I’ve said many times before, there is no exciting way to spend an afternoon in this place. Just like our routine almost every single day, we play games and talk a lot until it’s dinner time and then we go into the cafeteria and eat, which today, consists of lasagna and asparagus and more festively colored Jell-O.

The only way that this day differs from the rest is that, after dinner, we go out to the courtyard with everybody else instead of staying in the common area and playing more Battleship. The benches are all already taken but the nurses are handing out flannel blankets for everybody to sit on in the grass so that we can watch the fireworks tonight.

One of the nurses is announcing that we have twenty minutes before the fireworks start as I start lying the blanket down on the grass near the fountain and I sit down beside Mia.

We are talking about how underrated the Fourth of July is around here when I hear the nurse’s start counting down toward the fireworks. Mia seems to be bouncing with excitement beside me but I’m not really that easily excitable. The fireworks are extremely pretty as they light up the sky in patriotic colors but it’s just not my favorite thing in the world.

About ten minutes into the show, I find my eyes wondering around the area. I look at Mia, who is grinning like an idiot as she watches the colors in the sky, and then I look up towards the building. I’m not sure why, I’m just kind of bored. Fireworks are only interesting for about five minutes and then I think they get kind of old after that. Something catches my eye as I’m looking around, and it’s that familiar leather jacket standing by the door.

As politely as I can, I stand up from the blanket and wave off Mia’s curious look before walking away towards Niles. When he sees me walking toward him, he offers me a small smile. “Hey, Ana.”

“Hi,” I say quietly so that I don’t disturb the people around us who are still watching the fireworks.

“I haven’t heard from you,” He reminds me. “I was beginning to think that you were avoiding me.”

“No, it’s not that,” I say honestly. “I just wasn’t sure.”

“Sure of what?” Niles wonders.

I shrug. “If you would answer. I don’t know when you have practice or when you sleep so I wasn’t sure that if I called, you would answer. I wasn’t even sure if you wanted me to call you at all.”

“I wouldn’t have given you my number if I didn’t want you to call me, Ana,” He counters with a small laugh. “And as for my practices, I only have practices two times a week from eleven to three. I’ll probably answer any other time. And if I don’t answer, you can just call again.”

“Okay,” I appease him with the ghost of a smile tugging at my lips. “I’ll actually think about calling you then.”

“Good,” He says quietly. “I will answer. Promise.”

“But your sister was right about me, you know,” I tell him as if I think that he’s actually going to listen. He seems to be too stubborn to actually listen though but I feel like I have to at least try. “I’m not good for you.”

He looks over at me with raised eyebrows, looking completely surprised by what I just said. “You heard that?”

“Darling, of course I did. Eavesdropping on other peoples’ conversations is the only way that I get straight answers anywhere.”

“You don’t have to worry about Sophie,” Niles assures me.

“I know that. I’m not worried, I’m just telling you that she was right. You don’t really know what I’ve been through or what the hell you’re trying to get yourself into by being my friend. It’s a slippery slope and I’m just saying that it’s not too late to step back and walk away before you fall. Down the slippery slope, I mean, not like the love kind of fall. That could have been a very awkward miscommunication,” I explain in just above a whisper as I absentmindedly watch the fireworks, which are now exploding into little smiley faces.

“You don’t have to worry about me either, Ana,” He says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Unless you don’t want to be friends, then you can just tell me and I’ll back off.”

“It’s not that,” I sigh. “I do want to be friends. I think. I’m not going to stop you from talking to me or being my friend as long as you want to. It’s not my job to protect you and it’s not your job to protect me. However, before you get caught in the web that is my life, I think that it’s only fair that you get a warning ahead of time.”

“I can take care of myself,” Niles assures me, being stubborn which was exactly what I thought that he would do but I would feel guilty later if I hadn’t just warned him again. “Would you like that in writing?”

“No,” I decide, even though I’m pretty sure that he is just being sarcastic. “I trust you.”

“Good,” He comments, looking over at me just as a particularly loud firework goes off and it makes me flinch a little bit involuntarily. I look away from the bright and smoky sky to look down at the grass beneath my shoes. “Not a fan of the fireworks?”

I shrug. “I think that they’re beautiful. I’m just not a fan of loud noises.”

“Oh,” Niles responds which is a universal response when people have no idea how to respond which means that I feel obligated to continue speaking.

“Did you know that veterans experience major PTSD? Much worse than my case. It gets so bad that if they hear a loud noise such as these fireworks then they will just like immediately snap back to that thing that traumatized them? Saw it on an episode of Criminal Minds once. It was crazy,” I tell him.

“Really.”

“Really,” I confirm. “I don’t do that. I mean, the noise freaks me out a little bit but I don’t snap into a loop of just reliving the trauma. I’d be dead by now if I kept reliving it like that.”

“Well, it’s fortunate then, because it’d really suck if you were dead,” Niles tells me, glancing over at me with a small smile on his face.

“Right,” I mumble. “Well, anyway, I should get back to my blanket before your sister sees us and starts chewing you out for talking to the bucket of nails. I’ll… maybe call you later.”

“I look forward to your maybe-call,” He says with a small laugh as I start stepping away to go back to where Mia is still watching the fireworks. I don’t know what to say to that so I just offer him an awkward smile before turning around and going back to my spot, ending our conversation like that.

When I sit back down, I don’t think that Mia really realized where I’d gone or that she assumed that I just had to pee. However, that assumption just goes out the door when she glances over at me before looking at the fireworks again and asking, “What was that about?”

“What was what about?” I play dumb even though I’m pretty positive that it’s useless.

“I saw you over there talking to that guy,” She tells me with a small chuckle. “Nurse Sophie’s brother. His name is Nickel or something weird like that, isn’t it?”

“Niles,” I remind her. “But it wasn’t anything, we were just talking for a minute.”

“About what?” She prods. For a moment there, I almost forgot how open these people are and so comfortable with prodding into other people’s stuff.

“Uh. Just the fireworks,” I tell her. “And I told him that I’d talk to him later.”

“Really? So, are you guys close or something? What did I really miss while I was gone?” She jokes without taking her eyes off of the mini explosions of color in the sky.

“Nothing,” I assure her. “We just talk sometimes. It’s really no big deal. We’re not really that close. We’re friends, I guess.”

“Wow,” She comments. “Look at you. It’s cruel irony that just earlier today, I was complaining about not having a boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I squeak, feeling a little panicky at even the suggestion of it. “Like I said, we’re just friends. And it’s a miracle that we’re even that. I don’t do well with anybody that is male, let alone a boy like that. But I don’t know, he’s nice I guess. As a friend. That’s it, Mia. I swear.”

“Okay, okay,” She chuckles. “Calm down, I was just teasing you.”

“Right. I know that,” I lie, shrugging it off by lying back down on the blanket instead of sitting up. The finale of the fireworks presentation start going off as colors start flying in every single direction and the sound is really bothersome but I just keep my eyes focused on the beauty of the whole thing and just try my best to stay calm without letting the sound get to me that much. The finales are always the best part because of how crazy and chaotically beautiful they can get. So the conversation ends there as we both lay back and watch the last part of the fireworks.

And I start to think about how beautiful the fireworks are. Not just the colorful explosions but how they live and then how they die. The life is short and bright and beautiful and then, just before the show dies, they become even brighter. The finale. And then, with brightness and beauty, they go out with a bang.

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I'd just like to say really quickly that I think that all of the comments on this story have been truly amazing. I've worked really hard on this story and I feel like it's one of my favorites and it makes me so happy that others are agreeing that they think that it's one of their favorites of mine too and I really appreciate that so thanks you guys you're perf

Song: Lousy Truth by Never Shout Never
Picture: Amy Jaclyn Gumenick who plays Sophie

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT

Title: Rainbow Sherbert 
Author: blondeambitions
Genre: Teen Fiction
Summary: Alison Debber knows from the second Ben Carson walks into the frozen yogurt shop she works at that they wouldn't get along. Cocky, arrogant, and stuck up. Ben is the exact type of guy Alison is trying to avoid. Especially after a bad breakup left her picking up the piece of herself and trying to move on. Alison can't believe her bad luck when Ben applies for a job at Rainbow Sherbet, and ends up getting it. Forced to work side by side, Alison realizes that there is more to Ben than he lets on. They might have more in common than they first thought... Forever a hopeless romantic, Alison is torn between acting on her growing feeling for Ben or keeping her distance from him. She's just not ready to move on from her old boyfriend. But then again, Ben might just be the remedy she needs.