Perhaps surprisingly, preparing for that first Friday night shift was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do in my short life. I wanted the job to an extent, needed the money, and was going to do my damnedest to make it work out well. I just wasn't convinced that I was cut out for stripping. Perhaps, if I asked my supervisor nicely, I could just work behind the bar instead; serving drinks all night wouldn't be so bad, even in that place. If I failed miserably to meet expectations during my first show they might want to hide me back there anyway; if they didn't just sack me on the spot that is.

The day passed like a nightmare, and at breakneck speed. Whatever food I ate churned in my stomach and threatened to spill back over my lips with every minuscule bite I tried to choke down; butterflies and knots were a serious understatement for what I was feeling in my stomach. I couldn't concentrate on my classes. My mind kept wandering and creating every awful scenario that might possibly occur that coming night. I was going to get up there and freeze, wasn't I? A total deer in headlights incident, and it was going to be completely humiliating.

 I must have been positively green with anxiety when Beth managed to catch up with me that afternoon. But she just grinned and elbowed me, jovially, in the ribs. I wasn't sure how such a gesture was supposed to cheer me up, or ease my fears; didn't really need to add possible visible bruising to my list of worries.

"First night jitters?” she asked me, knowing the answer even before I'd nodded. I couldn't speak, fearing what might have spilled out of my mouth at that moment.

 “Everyone gets them. You'll be fine once you're up there." Beth tried to tell me, always the bright ray of sunshine that was confidence. The job seemed to be nothing to her, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

For me, however, confidence wasn't exactly something I had in abundance. I had enough to get me by, but I wasn't exactly the most outgoing of creatures; this I knew could cause me issues when the time came for me to get up on that stage and dance in my underwear.

 Being sexy was also becoming somewhat of a pressing issue. I'd never thought of myself as outwardly sexy; not in the in-your-face, flamboyant way the girls I had seen on the night of my 'interview' had been. I thought it was something a person just had, something they were born with, and I just hadn't been one of them blessed with the gift. In the privacy of my own home I could, perhaps, try to pull off that kind of sexy with little to no embarrassment factor, but on a podium, in front of a slavering room full of half-drunk, ageing and lonely men? I wasn't sure I had it in me, and unfortunately if I wanted to be paid I couldn't really refuse to do it.

It felt like the day had passed in barely the blink of an eye, and I stood in front of my smudged, old bathroom mirror in some futile attempt to look over my chosen outfit. Beth had helped me to pick out something 'appropriate'; spending money I had yet to earn on the flimsiest bits of cloth imaginable. They were layered on, carefully, to show just enough skin from the get go, and leaving them easy to peel off one by one in some kind of seductive manner until I was down to nothing but my stockings, heels and a g-string so tiny I could have swallowed it with a sip of water - not that I was in the regular habit of eating underwear you understand.

 I'd promised to pay Beth back for the clothes as soon as I got my first wage; for their total lack of substance they certainly had cost a pretty penny. I was hoping the money really was as good as she had promised me it was, or I'd be paying her back in small instalments for years to come. Rent, bills and food were my first concern, but I really didn't want to be any more in debt to Beth than I already felt.

I stood in my dark bathroom, lit only by a small table lamp I had set beside my bed. The overhead lights had tripped out earlier that night and my toying with the fuse box had done nothing to resolve the problem; not that it mattered too much, I supposed, it saved on the electricity bill. In the half light, I toyed with the floating dress of red chiffon Beth had picked. It seemed to require draping more than actual wearing, and I almost hated to admit that I liked it. It wasn't exactly the huge confidence boost I needed to ease away the nerves that had my hands shaking like I was high on too much caffeine, but it helped a little. At least I looked good in it.

I was waiting for Beth to pick me up and drive me over to the club. She was working too and I was thankful knowing that there would be a friendly face there on my first night. I heard the car pull up, the idling of the engine and then three sharp beeps on the horn. She wasn't going to come and knock, not wanting to give me the chance to pull out or make her late I figured.

 What if I didn't just go out there? I wondered. Would she sit and wait for me? Would she come to the door to drag me, kicking and screaming, into the passenger seat of her beat up old Ford. Or would she just drive off and leave me there, thinking me a coward, and never speak to me again for letting her down?

I didn't want to think about it too much. Thinking would lead to lingering, and that little voice in my head that was telling me this was a stupid idea, and that I was going to make a total fool of myself, would start to get louder and more persistent.

 One deep breath and I turned from the mirror in a flurry of chiffon. I shrugged my long, black leather trench coat over my shoulders as I headed for the front door. Normally, unless it was pouring with rain, the coat felt like overkill, but that night it seemed to be fitting; not to mention the scraps of fabric I wore scarcely did a thing to keep out the cold.

I checked, just to be sure, that I had my phone, keys and all the other essentials a woman needs when she is leaving the house, in my bag before I headed to the door. I took a breath and held it as I breezed from my tiny flat, slamming the door a little too hard behind me. I didn't breathe again until I was sat in the close confines of Beth's car, the heaters blowing wildly to try and warm the thing up against the cold autumn chill that gripped the air. It was failing, badly.

"You really need to get a better car." Was all I could manage to mutter in greeting as I shivered into my seat. "This thing isn't going to last much longer, you know."

"Well hello to you too!" she replied sarcastically, shoving the resisting Ford into gear and taking of at rather dangerous speeds considering the narrow and busy streets we were travelling. "You don't like my car? I won't give you a lift in future then."

"The way you drive I don't think I'll be wanting one," I quipped back, managing to crack a small smile as our friendly ribbing managed to, for a moment, cast the nerves out of my mind.

"So, how're you feeling? You excited yet?" she asked me, brightly.

 My face fell as the nerves crashed back with vengeance. "You just had to go and ask didn't you!" I said dismally, "Excited really doesn't figure in anywhere. I believe terrified would be a far more accurate description."

"Oh come on Sarah it'll be fine. You wanted to do this remember!" Beth cajoled.

"Yes. I remember all the digits they suggested to me, which made it all seem far more attractive than it actually is. Beth I can't do this! How in the hell am I supposed to get up there and…and… you see I can't even say it."

I saw her shake her head at me, rolling her eyes as if I were being much too dramatic about the whole thing. I refused to believe that she hadn't been in the least bit nervous on her first night. It had to have made her feel sick with terror too, hadn't it?

"You'll be fine trust me. Once you're there, and up on that podium, the music will be too loud and the lights too bright for you to be aware of anything else that's going on. Just tune it all out and go with the flow. It'll all come naturally, I promise."

I scoffed. I failed to believe that just because I wouldn't be able to see or hear any of the jeering I would be subject to would mean I wouldn't be able to sense it. Nor would it make the fact that I had to take my clothes off, in a room that I would know was full of people, and dance and try to be sexy at the same time. It just wasn't possible. I'd be lucky if I even remembered how to dance.

"Yeah, well, we'll see. I guess the worst that can happen is that they'll sack me after only one night," I said with a sigh.

"That's the spirit," Beth replied. She seemed to know that was the best she was going to get out of me that night and I was grateful that she did not continue to press the subject.

That night, total humiliation was my greatest fear. I could be sacked and be too embarrassed to ever show my face out on the streets of Cambridge again. That was surely the worst that could happen to me. Wasn't it?