"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."

Chapter 7
River's POV

A wave of spices, fresh meats, and exotic fruits filled my senses as I was carried into a majestic room that I could only imagine being the dining area.

It was beautiful. The floors a clean, white marble. The walls were covered in intricate designs that seemed to portray different dishes from around the world. A gigantic sparkling chandelier hung elegantly in the center of the room; placed right above a long wooden table that seemed to be able to house a whole army of knights.

"My mother designed the entire palace." Alastair's eyes softened.

"She must have been very talented," I said softly with a small smile.

"That she was." He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Perhaps reminiscing the past.

'Was'. He spoke of her as if she was no longer. Perhaps she was no longer among the living. I guess that was one thing we share in common.

I wonder how old he was when she passed...

"Your Majesty, is there something you need? Supper is not to be prepared until seven." A short, piggish-looking man asked.

He quite reminded me of my father, with his bear-belly and pig-like persona. Except instead of a five o'clock shadow this man had a thick, curled mustache.

"My love is hungry." Alastair stated, as if that answered all of Curly's questions.

Curly squinted as if that would solve whatever inner dilemma he was facing.

"Very well," he turned towards me, "and what would you like to eat?"

A growl rumbled from Alastair's throat, "You will address my mate as Your Majesty not you, as if he's on equal standing to you, mongrel."

Curly's eyes widened, "I-I apologize, Your Majesty, I h-had not realized he was your mate."

Was he implying that Alastair walking around with someone in his arms was a normal occurrence..?

I whimpered at the thought of another in his arms. Someone else had felt the warmth of his toned arms encased around them. Someone else had felt his soft lips on their skin. I felt as tears began to well in my eyes as vivid pictures of others before me plagued my mind.

"Love, what's the matter?"

No. No. No. No. Why? Why hadn't he waited? Why had he been with another? Had he not wanted me? Does he still not want me?

"Love, why are you crying?" I felt a soft warmth against my skin as he wiped at the wetness beneath my eyes.

Someone else had felt that soft warmth.

"Love-"

I pushed forward, forcing myself from his heat as I ran.

To where? I wasn't aware. All I knew is that I wanted to be far. Far from the one I loved more than the air I breathed.

Why? Why had he done it? How far had he gone with his...conquests?

Am I not-

A hard collision interrupted my thoughts. I felt a set of large hands landed on my shoulders to steady me from face planting into the floor.

"Whoa, careful there--," his hazel eyes widened as he soaked in my drenched face, "Hey, what happened cutie?" He said softly, his face looks just like--

"River!" I spun my head and saw Alastair running in my direction, his face masked one of complete alarm and worry.

I hid behind the tall stranger before Alastair could reach me.

"Brother." Alastair greeted the tall man as he went to reach for me.

The man grabbed Alastair's hand before he could reach me, "Uh uh uh, brother, I'm not going to hand this beauty to you. Especially not after seeing him run in terror from you. What did you do this time? You know I always told you to treat your lovers better." I shuddered at the mention of his previous lovers.

Alastair's eyes widened at my reaction and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head, "That's why you ran from me..."

He went to reach for me again, but his brother stood in his way. Keeping me securely behind his tall, muscular frame.

"What have you done this time, brother?" This time his brother sounded upset, "I understood with the others. Some where quite annoying, bratty, demanding little things. But this one doesn't seem like the usuals. He gives off a pure, innocent persona; someone who definitely doesn't deserve to be played around by you."

Alastair's eyes widened at his brothers harsh words, "This is my mate, brother, I would never play with him." He said it as if the thought of doing so was disgusting.

"Your mate?" He turned towards me then back at my brother, "why is your mate running from you?"

Alastair's eyes filled with guilt.

"Aaah, your past conquests finally caught up to you, huh?" His brother scoffed.

Alastair's eyes filled with remorse as he tried to look at me from behind the sanctuary of his brother's back.

"Love?" My eyes filled to the brim with tears as I turned away from him.

"Please, love, please look at me." His voice cracked.

It hurt. It hurt to hear him in pain.

I peeked my head out, slightly, to look at him. I regretted it as soon as I saw his face. He looked so sad, so broken.

"I'm so sorry, beautiful, can we please talk about this?" He looked at his brother, "in privacy."

Should I? Would hearing him out make the pain lessen?

"I think you should at least hear what he has to say, cutie." His brother whispered to me from over his shoulder, slightly crouching down.

He really looked so much like his brother. They both had the same hazel eyes and black hair with defined cheekbones. Except Alastair's brother was a bit more muscular and a few inches taller.

I nodded my head.

It can't hurt right..?

I turned towards Alastair and nodded.

He smiled a small, pained smile before reaching his hand out to me.

I didn't take it.

It hurt too much, knowing who else he must have touched with that hand.

He nodded in understanding, the pain blatant in his eyes.

It hurt.

I followed him in tense silence as he led me back to his room.

My thoughts wandered as I trailed behind him, most of it bad. Images that made me want to lock myself in a closet for all eternity and cry my eyes out till there were no more tears to shed.

The locking of the door interrupted me from my horrible images as he signaled me towards a cushioned chair beside his bed.

I sat, curling into myself as if holding myself together, which was exactly was I was doing. Holding myself together.

"I don't have an excuse," I looked up at him, "It would be immature and prideful of me if I was to claim what I did was excusable or okay. It wasn't."

"W-why?" my voice cracked.

"I didn't care," his eyes filled with remorse as he crouched down till I was looking down at him, "I was stupid. I was trying to be rebellious against my father, against society. I was so angry, so full of hatred towards everyone for being unable to save my mother. I thought I was getting back at them by doing everything that went against them. They told me to be kind, I was cruel. They told me to be humble, I was prideful. They told me to be faithful," He looked up at me, "I was...not."

I looked down, feeling the tears begin to well again.

At least he's being truthful.

"I'm so sorry." His voice cracked. I looked up and saw as a tear glided down his cheek.

He's crying.

I couldn't stop myself as I launched myself from the chair and into his arms.

I straddled his waist as he cried into my shoulder, arms wrapped around me like I was his lifeline.

Maybe I am.

I was silent the entire time, not knowing what to do. In all the situations I've been in I was usually the one crying, not the other way around. I softly rubbed his back and laid small butterfly kisses on his neck as he whimpered against my neck.

"I-I'm so sorry, beautiful." He choked.

I didn't answer, as I didn't know what to say. I couldn't saying 'it's okay' because it wasn't and I couldn't say 'I forgive you' because I hadn't quite reached that point yet. So instead, I just placed a soft kiss on his neck before pulling away. A sign of not forgiveness, but acceptance.

He looked so broken as he peered into my eyes, "I'll never touch anyone again, no one but you. I won't even look at anyone else again. If that's what it'll take for you to forgive me." His voice getting desperate.

"No," I peered up at him through my wet lashes, "I'm not going to keep you from looking at others. That wouldn't solve anything," I sniffled, "but just promise me something?"

"Anything." He immediately answered.

"Promise me, if you were to ever bore of me," I put a finger on his lip when his mouth opened to interrupt me, "promise me, you'd kill me before being with anyone else," his eyes widened in horror, "I-I couldn't bare to see you with another." I felt as a tear cascaded down my face as I released my finger from his soft lips and covered my face as tears began to pour again.

Strong, warm hands covered mine and pulled my hands from my face, "h-how could you say that?!" he demanded, "how can you think after everything I just told you, after I cried in apology for my disgusting acts that I would then seek another?!"

I choked on a sob, "I-I always knew," his eyes widened, "I always knew my mate wouldn't want me. That he would seek another to replace the disgusting mate he was placed with-"

"No," he interrupted, shaking his head, "no, you're not disgusting," he held my face as if it was a precious gem, "you're beautiful, the most beautiful person in the entire world. I want you more than anything in the world and I would give up anything if it meant having you. Only you."

I shook my head.

"You think I'm lying?"

"I think you're being deluded by the idea of mates. If I were but a regular peasant, one you weren't forced to be with, you wouldn't want me." I choked.

"That's not true. If you weren't my mate, I would still want you. The second I laid my eyes on you, I knew I wanted you. Not because my wolf declared you as my mate, but because the second my eyes connected with yours my world stopped and began to move along with you," he took my small hands in his, "without you my life has no meaning, I'm nothing without you."

I shook my head.

His eyes filled anger, but it didn't seem to be directed towards me, "I don't know what monster instilled in you whatever insecurities you might have, but whatever they are I will demolish them. I promise you this, I will spend my whole life making up for all the fûck ups I've committed," his eyes softened, "and I will spend my whole life showing you how unbelievably gorgeous and amazing you are." He eyes filled with determination.

I turned away. This was too much, too emotionally draining.

I crawled off his lap and climbed into his large king sized bed, pulling the soft furs on top of me and curling into a fetal position.

"Love?" I felt a shift in the bed as Alastair's weight appeared by my feet.

I ignored him. I know it was mean, probably even immature. But the conversation was too emotionally draining and I knew if I'd talked any longer with him and peered at his sad laced eyes, I would have ended up saying I'd forgiven him without giving myself enough time to actually process and deal with everything. I needed time to metaphorically lick my wounds and recover, because right now, I was emotionally injured. I needed time to heal.

After many minutes of silence, Alastair finally peeled himself off his bed, understanding that I needed space.

"I'm going to go visit my brother in his wing, if you need me tell one of the maids and she'll take you to me," I remained silent, "I'm going to send someone up with food, you haven't eaten yet, love. Is there something you particularly fancy?"

Silence.

"Okay, love. I'll tell them one of everything," he joked.

I heard creaking as his footsteps grew closer to me. I held the fur closer to me and shut my eyes fiercely.

I felt the blanket get pulled down a little, then a soft pair of lips on my head. Just as I was enjoying the soothing warmth, it was gone.

More...

"Goodbye, love."

Before I could say anything, I heard the rumble of the door as it shut behind him.

He's gone.

I felt stupid as the warm tears began to slip down my face.

Of course, he's gone you, idiot! You sent him away!

I curled into a tighter ball as I bawled my eyes out.

I knew it was my fault. I knew it needed to be done. I needed time alone, time to think. However, that didn't stop me from missing him, from missing his soothing heat.

I heard a knock on the door, "Your Majesty?" A girl's voice called from behind the door.

I wiped my face of stray years before emerging from the bed and opening the door.

My eyes widened at the amount of food that was presented before me, all neatly set up on golden carts.

I moved out of the way as a train of women, all dressed in a black and white uniform, pushed a cart full of food into the room.

"S-so much." I stuttered.

One maid, a freckled girl with bright orange hair and brown eyes, turned to me, "His Majesty wasn't sure what you fancied, so he said to bring one of everything."

My eyes widened.

He wasn't joking before, he was being serious when he said he'd ask for one of everything.

"Is there anything else you need, Your Majesty?" The freckled girl asked.

"No, thank you, I'm good." I put on a fake smile.

It hurts.

They all smiled and curtsied before filling out of the room and closing the door behind them.

It hurts.

I rubbed my chest, hoping to erase the burning pain there, but it wouldn't go away.

'Worthless.'

'Ugly.'

Go away....

'You don't have a mate and even if you did he will reject you the moment his eyes lay on your disgusting form.' My father's voice cackled in my head.

No! You're wrong! He didn't reject me!

'Maybe not directly, but he's slept with others. He's rejected the idea of you before even meeting you.'

That was before he knew me! He was doing it as an act of rebellion towards the ones he resented not me!

'No, it was towards you as well. Why else would he go against the principal of virginity until meeting one's mate? If it was really only towards those he resented he wouldn't have done what he did. He might have turned bad even evil but he would have remained a virgin for you. Clearly you were part of those he resented. As he remaining untouched would be important to no one more than you!'

I-Is that true..? Was I part of those he resented? Was he being with others his way of showing his hatred towards me..?

'Unwanted.'

Stop!

'Worthless.'

Stop! I'm not. I'm not. He said I'm beautiful. He said--

'Ugly.'

Tears fell freely from my eyes, I felt weak. I no longer had the energy to even wipe my own tears away.

There's no point, I'll just end up crying more.....

I looked at the golden carts filled with food before me.

I've lost my appetite.