"If you're going to make me the third wheel on the sidewalk at least let me stand in front so I can pretend I'm leading my army into battle."

Chapter 63

Third Wheel

Luna's POV

His warm breath fanned my face as he spoke. His hands wrapped around mine, pinning me to the bed as his eyes locked with mine.

"Yes?" My voice heightened in confusion.

Alastair's eyes flashed, mouth pulling into a straight line.

"River...River is there?" His words were slow, voice slipping an ounce of vulnerability.

"I never left, love," River spoke softly.

I nodded.

Alastair's brows pulled, "what is he saying?"

"I never left, love," I repeated.

Alastair swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he took a long exhale. One hand pulled from mine, reaching to brush lightly against my cheek.

"You did," Alastair's voice shook, "I thought...I thought you were gone."

"Never. Together forever, remember? You're stuck with me." I repeated River's words as they flowed through my mind.

Alastair choked a laugh, his lips tugged up momentarily only to fall moments later to lifted himself up to his knees. His fingers unhooked from mine and instead took to wrapping around my waist and lifting me to my knees as well.

"Why can't I talk to you normally?" Alastair's eyes narrowed, "what's happening?"

"I'm not sure...Luna would know better than I would."

I repeated River's words and to this, Alastair nodded and peered at me, waiting with crossed arms.

My eyes dropped to the bed, I wasn't quite sure what to say. I knew why but I was afraid how Alastair would react. He surely wouldn't be pleased.

"Well?" Alastair sighed.

I swallowed nervously, peeking up a look at him. He raised a brow.

"I-I," I took a breath, "I'm sorry," I choked out as tears began to build in my eyes.

Goddess, why was this body so prone to crying?

"Sorry," River mumbled.

"It's okay, Luna. Whatever it is. It's okay," Alastair tried to sooth me, his hand reaching over to pet my head.

My eyes widened and head shot up.

He used my name.

I could barely breathe. He didn't speak condescendingly to me. He wasn't referring to me as an object. He actually spoke my name.

Alastair's gentle touch stopped, his fingers beginning to pull away, "am I scaring you again?" His eyes softened in my gaze.

My head shook on its own, no words escaping.

His lips pulled into a small smile, "so what was the reason? I won't be upset."

I took a deep breath, "at first, I wasn't sure. I was...I was going crazy. My mind was buzzing and my instincts were shouting. I thought there was danger. That maybe River had hurt himself again. Before I could even understand what was happening, I was shifting..." I trailed off as I gazed up at Alastair. His face remained natural so I continued, "I felt so hot. There was...there was so much pain," I choked, "I could barely stand on my own feet."

"You were going through heat," Michael's voice gasped behind us. Both our heads turned.

I'd nearly forgotten about the blond doctor.

I nodded.

Alastair's browed pinched, "but you're not in heat now. Are you?" His eyes roamed my body to which I wrapped pulled the blanket closer.

"No," I shook my head, "not anymore. It only lasted a few minutes. After scent marking you, it left." Alastair's brows pinched tighter but he allowed me to continue. "I know you may be...you may find this strange but I came out to complete our mating. It's why my instincts drew me out, why my body went through heat-"

"You came out so that I could have sex with you?" Alastair's voice grew low, body growing tense. He wasn't finding the idea very appealing.

My face heated up as I ducked my head, "n-not y-you," my throat was growing dryer and tighter by the minute, "w-with my mate," my fingers fisted against the sheets.

I took a breath and peeked up at Alastair to see his reaction. His mouth was in a thin line, fingers digging into his biceps.

"Your mate," he repeated quizzically.

I nodded.

"Meaning my...wolf," the word came out unclear as if he was choking on the word as it crawled out of his mouth.

I nodded again.

"Do you," my fingers began to play with the embroidery in the bedding, "think that maybe..." I swallowed, "maybe I could speak to him?" My words came out pleadingly as I searched his eyes.

He was silent for a few minutes before he shook his head. My head dropped and I bit my lip, containing the tears about to fall.

"Only because I don't know how to."

My head slowly rose under his words.

Alastair's fingers combed through his hair, letting out a sigh, "I've never heard its" he paused when he saw my expression, "...his voice before. Sometimes his presence is practically tangible," he laughed, "he's a big guy. But his voice," he shook his head, "I've never heard it. And ever since the medication, his presence has become nearly nonexistent." Alastair peered over at Michael. The blond doctor nodded with crossed arms.

"That's to be expected," Michael interrupted, "the powder was made specifically to suppress your wolf. Of course, you don't feel him anymore."

"What does that mean?" My voice shook, "what did you do to him?" Droplets of tears ran down my face as my body began to shake.

They're hurting him. What did they do? What did they do to him?

Suddenly realization dawned on me. That meat from earlier, they were going to do the same thing to me.

"I'm sorry," Michael started but before he could finish I was off the bed and in the nearest corner on the opposite side of the room.

I was still in plain sight yet somehow I felt safer this way. I was farther away from them and the small space made me feel almost protected. I crawled into a ball, resting my head on my knees as I watched them from across the room. Their eyes were on me, both whispering quietly across at one another before Alastair nodded and stood from the bed. I tensed.

The closer he got, the tighter I wounded into myself, my only defense mechanism being to make myself smaller. Alastair stopped when he was nearly a few feet from me, to which I was grateful.

"Luna?" He bent down on his knees to see me.

I didn't answer. Instead, I silently watched him.

"Your fear is practically tangible," his eyes softened, "we haven't harmed your mate. He's still here," he pointed at his head, "still safe and sound, merely sleeping. I've talked to Michael and we've decided on slowly lowering my dosage. I can't completely stop but I can work my way to it."

My brows pinched. I was confused.

"What I am implying is I'm going to try to stop the medication so that you two can...talk," he seemed unsure with his words.

"Why?" Didn't he hate wolves?

He took a breath, "for River. You came out to complete the mating." Oh. "So by doing so, everything will return to normal," his hand lifted in my direction.

"Do you detest my presence so?" My voice shook as I spoke, "our souls may not be tied as River's is to yours but we're connected nonetheless."

"You're my wolf's mate, not mine," Alastair's eyes narrowed, "I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a connection but that's merely my wolf's connection to you flowing through me. What you're feeling is not a connection to me. It's to my wolf."

I shook my head.

Could that be? That what I'm feeling, this emotional connection, is merely because he hosts my mate's soul within him?

"Can I speak to him?"

My brows knitted.

"To River," Alastair clarified.

"Please," River voiced.

I nodded.

To this, a bright smile lit Alastair's face and he stood up, stepping forward to sit down beside me.

"This feels a bit strange. I'm speaking to your body yet your presence is so concealed, love," Alastair's fingers ran through my hair as he spoke.

River's laughter chimed through my head, "now you know how I feel when I try to speak to you before your meetings. Head so in the clouds."

I repeated his words to which Alastair cupped his mouth in laughter.

"Sorry, love," his lips brushed against my cheek to which I froze. Alastair tensed, pulling away with a jump.

"Hmm, naughty naughty," Michael quipped from across the room, sipping nonchalantly from a cup of tea.

"Sorry," Alastair's eyes met mine, "it was out of habit."

I nodded.

"Again," River whined.

I choked on air.

Are you not upset?

"No, surprisingly enough. And I can be quite the jealous lover," River laughed.

Oh, trust me, I know.

"Maybe it's because I've gone so long without him," River's voice grew sad, "I'll take just about take anything at this point just so I can touch him. Even for a moment."

I peered down at Alastair's hand, playing with a strand of my hair.

You're not the only one.

"Can you tell him I miss him?" River's voice cracked.

Of course.

"River misses you," I said softly. His eyes lifted to my face. "A lot actually. He wasn't even upset that you kissed me. That's how much he misses your touch."

"Well, that's a lot more than 'he misses you'," River grumbled.

Alastair's cheeks lifted into a sad smile, "I miss you too, love. More than words can express," his fingers grazed past my cheek, "I miss touching you. It's not the same without you."

"This body's mine."

Alastair shook his head as I repeated River's words.

"The skin and bones may be what encase you but they aren't you, love," Alastair's fingers pushed my hair from my forehead to tap lightly against it, "it's you in here, love. I miss touching the real you."

River was silent for a few moments before speaking,

"What a romantic," he playfully cooed.

It was awfully embarrassing to repeat River's words, the tone practically setting me on fire.

Alastair's lips pulled into a tight smile, "I love you, River."

"I love you too, Alastair."

My head dropped as I repeated his words. I couldn't help but feel like I was imposing on an intimate moment. I wanted to get away, to run and hide under the sanctuary of anything that could cover me. River's passion flowed through my mind, practically drowning me as they both spoke sweet words of love to one another as I stood in the center, awkward and out of place beneath their passionate declarations. I wanted nothing more than to return back to my past position, hidden away in River's head though my primal need for my mate kept me sanctioned.

My eyes lifted to peer through Alastair's eyes. Beyond that golden glow, beyond those eyes that have thrown more disgust at me than I'd ever been exposed to, did my mate truly reside within?

More than hiding, more than running, in that brief moment as I gazed into those hazel eyes, all I wanted was a sign, a stir of a sort to prove that he was really there, that I really did have a mate.

That there really was someone who could love me.