^^What I wrote this chapter to~ It's gorgeous^^

"There's no such thing as not being afraid."
      ~Robert De Niro

*I literally rewrote this chapter for almost 5 hours...and I'm still not sure if I'm expressing it well enough. I guess you guys will be the judge of that.

Chapter 56

River's POV

I awoke to a light clinking beside our bed. My eyes opened, immediately met with a familiar brightness shining through the open curtains. I turned towards the noise and my eyes met with a redheaded maid standing beside our nightstand. She seemed momentarily stunned by my sudden awakened form. Yet, managed to immediately hide it beneath a bright smile.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," she spoke timidly.

"Good morning," my eyes moved to the tray in her hands. Her eyes followed mine only to make a slight jump as her eyes landed on the tray as well.

"Oh," she placed the tray on the night table and removed the top. The sweet smells of cakes and cookies whisked past the opened tray and past my nose as I let out a light groan.

I tried to lift myself from the bed to get to the food, but with Alastair's tight hold around my waist, it seemed indefinitely impossible.

"This is embarrassing," I breathed out, "but I am so hungry and so unable to get to the food. Would you possibly be able to set me a small plate on the bed?"

The maid's eyes widened as she peered anxiously around her and then back at the tray, "There are no plates here but I can feed you if you like?" Her voice rose an octave.

"If that's not too much trouble," I said softly as the poor thing scrambled for a fork.

She finally found one in one of her many pockets and set to feeding me from the tray of food, satisfying my aching stomach.

Her fingers shook as she raised the fork each time to my lips and I felt my heart tighten in my chest. She reminded me so much of myself, my past self. So afraid and so timid.

"It's alright," I heard myself saying.

Her eyes pulled from its deep concentration on the vibrating fork to my eyes with a certain uncertainty to them.

"If this is making you uncomfortable all you have to do is say so. I promise you won't be punished. My word is not that of the Goddess."

A light giggle escaped her mouth and she nearly dropped the fork as she squeaked and managed to save it from its ascendance to the carpet.

She continued to feed me for a few more minutes but eventually, she excused herself to go back to work and I found myself nuzzling back into Alastair's heat and falling back asleep.

My eyes opened, a sudden flash of nausea sparked through my stomach. I felt trapped, an arm wrapped around my chest, keeping me in place as I quivered.

"A-Alastair," I choked. Yet, no reply ensued.

My nails dug into his arm as I shakingly untangled his arm from around me. I was finally freed from his tight hold. I lifted myself from the bed with an unstable shaking to my every step out of the room. My throat felt like a desert on its own, as dry and bland as the sand itself.

Water.

That was all I could think of as I wobbled down the stairs, fingers grasping harshly against the banister as I held myself up by the metallic bar. My legs shook, barely stable enough to get down the stairs as I breathed slowly from my mouth, the nausea becoming almost too much for me to bare.

My feet landed on hard marble and I slowly pivoted around the stairway to the kitchen. One hand pushed against the wall as the other rested against my pounding head. The slender hallway grew slightly horizontal as my fingers brushed against the doorpost of the kitchen. Maids and cooks alike turned from what they were doing to the doorway, locking on my shaking form by the entrance. Their eyes widened and one maid rushed forward to me, hand pressed against my cheek.

"You're flushed," her voice came out rushed as she turned her head to the cooks. "Someone get him water."

One man nodded and grabbed a material-encased flask. He came forward and handed it to the maid who in turn, handed it to me. I tipped the flask back with a sudden hurry, loud gulps ensuring as I guzzled the entire container in but a few moments. The water satisfied my thirst but only continued to feed my nausea.

I felt myself slightly tipping as my leg struggled to hold me up. The maid rushed forward to wrap her arm around my waist and keep me upright.

"You need to rest, Your Majesty. You're not well."

My head turned, peering at the stairs down the hall. Just the thought of having to walk such a distance caused bile to form in my throat. I shook my head and peered forward to which I saw a wooden table seated with five chairs.

"May I just take a seat?" I motioned with my head towards the table. The maid's eyes widened.

"That's the servants' table, Your Majesty," she gasped out.

"That's alright."

She peered back at her fellow servants with a look of complete confusion. They all returned the look equally with a shrug to their shoulders.

"Please," I tried.

She sent a silent plea to her peers to which one spoke up.

"Martha, I don't see why not. It's not as if it's against the law for a royal to sit with his servants."

She let out an exasperated breath and along with the help of another, I was directed to a wooden seat. Nails stuck out at the side and I leaned forward, careful not to puncture myself. Two men sat at the table, each eating a bowl of what looked like gray goop, neither talking.

I opened my mouth to speak just as a steaming cup of was placed in front of me with a soft thump. I peered from the maid who had placed it back to the cup with pinched brows.

"It's tea. It'll soothe your stomach," my brows rose, "you were flushed and you kept clutching your stomach." I nodded slowly, still slightly puzzled.

"Thank you," I said softly.

She sent me a small smile before turning and returning to her work.

I lifted the cup to my lips, blowing before taking a sip. A smile brightened up my face as a familiar cinnamon-touched my tongue.

Chai.

How did she know?

"His Majesty ordered us to always have a kettle of Chai and bundle of your favorite pastries in the kitchen in case you ever asked for any," one of the two men spoke up at the table. A dark wave of hair brushed past half his face, blocking his left eye as the right shone a brilliant blue.

"Really?" He did that?

"You sound so surprised," the other scoffed as he took another sip of his gray porridge. His dirty blond hair laid long, almost falling into his food.

"I did not know that he had requested for something so...sweet," I finished as I took another sip of the fragrant tea.

The dark-haired man nodded as the other remained silent, slurping as if I hadn't said a thing.

"He's here," a feminine voice resounded behind me as hurried footsteps rang through the kitchen.

I turned in my seat, tea still in hand as the servants parted to each side of the kitchen. The footsteps grew closer until out through the white of the maid's attire came a tight-browed Alastair.

"River," he breathed as his eyes locked with mine. An immediate smile pulled to my face as I placed the tea on the wooden table and stood up in time for Alastair to wrap me in his gentle arms.

"Goddess," he huffed against my shoulder, "I was so nervous," his arms unwrapped from around me to thank the maid who had led him to me before taking my hand into his.

"There's council meeting in an hour," Alastair started only to stop once he gave me a once over, "you came downstairs in your nightgown?"

I peered down, equally as surprised by my attire.

"I must not have realized when I came down for water..." I trailed off to which Alastair nodded and took the initiative to pull me into his arms and carry me out of the room as he continued speaking.

"We'll be discussing matters of the civilians and how to solve repetitive issues pertaining to them at this time."

I nodded. During the last meeting I didn't have much to say but with matters of the civilians, there was much that had to be changed and I had a lot in mind. I was actually excited. Though the walls stood slightly horizontally and nausea was still building in my throat, I ignored it. Instead, I focused on the meeting, a meeting that was surely going to change much.

We went back to our room to where we changed side by side, each fixing the other's outfit once facing one another. Alastair's fingers wrapped around my collar, flattening it into place as I smoothed out his shirt before a knock resounded behind our door.

"You may enter," Alastair called as he let go of my collar and turned to face the door.

The door opened with a slight squeak as a maid revealed herself.

"The meeting is beginning in five minutes time."

"Very well," Alastair reached for a fur blanket, swinging it around his shoulder before taking my hand in his.

What with me always being cold, he took the initiative to always bring a fur wherever we went.

His hand squeezed mine gently as we walked out the door together, hand in hand. It was once we were descending the stairs that I felt my legs begin to turn to water and I tripped, nearly falling the stairs if not for Alastair's quick reflexes. His arm wrapped securely around my waist as the other held tightly to the banister.

I let out a couple short breaths, attempting to calm myself as my body began to shake.

What is happening?

"Are you okay?" Alastair lifted me up so he could look over my body.

I nodded.

"I'm fine," I breathed out.

Lie.

His brows pinched, "you're flushed," he pressed his palm to my cheek.

"I'm fine. Don't worry, love," I tugged lightly at his hand. "Come, we don't want to be late to the meeting."

He nodded slowly, following after my tugging hand as I led him to the council room. My legs felt ready the cave. My feet felt numb against my boots but I didn't say a thing. I didn't want to miss this meeting. I had so much to say, so much that I wanted to change and I wasn't sure how much of it would be done if I wasn't there to protest on the citizen's part.

Our feet tapped against the white marble floor as we walked across the large council room to our thrones on the other side. Alastair held my hand as he helped me up to my throne before sitting on his own. The velvet felt like ice against me and I already began to feel myself shivering. Alastair cast me a knowing smile and pulled the fur off from around his shoulders and bent to the side to wrap it around my small form. I found humor in the fact that for him it was a shoulder wrap. Yet, for me, it was a blanket.

Yet, another example of our size difference.

"You may begin," Alastair's voice bounced off the walls, filling the whole room with his deep voice.

The scribe in the center dipped his quill into the ink beside his paper as a man stood up and began to speak.

"The people are demanding for protection against the rebels and for a voice in the nation. There has been an increase in uprisings across the colony in the past month, coinciding with the rebel attacks in the Southeast."

The room grew silent as they awaited Alastair's reply.

"And what happened with the soldiers we sent to the Southeast?" Alastair replied.

"They are still on there way there, Your Majesty," another man stood up to reply. "They just departed last night."

"Very well," Alastair breathed, "what have you all considered so far?"

Their eyes widened momentarily before they looked to the scribe who began ruffling through his papers.

"I have it," Isaiah stood up and lifted a bundle of papers from his designated desk. The scribe stopped what he was doing, head pivoting towards Isaiah with a relieved smile- thankful to be able to stop searching- as the other council members seemed oddly confused.

"Go ahead, Isaiah," Alastair rose his hand in his direction.

Isaiah nodded and peered down at his papers, "for the protection aspect there was a disagreement. Either we could send more soldiers into the land to protect the cities or we could send a select elite to train those of the city to protect themselves."

"Interesting," Alastair's head tilted, "and in this second opinion, how would we find people to train? Are people willing to give up their sons like that? Their husbands?"

"Yes," Isaiah stated, "I spoke to Hyde earlier and he stated himself that there are dozens upon dozens of citizens more than willing to fight against the rebels have they the ability and training to do so."

Alastair nodded as he cupped his chin, "And who would these elite be?"

"Those chosen by His Majesties, of course," Isaiah looked at both Alastair and me with bright eyes.

He really wanted to do this. It was quite obvious that he was the one who had come up with such a plan. After all, he was the only one standing and demanding for its enactment while the other councilmen sat, crossed armed as they watched it play out. All but Derek who stood beside Isaiah, hand perched beside his as Isaiah spoke animatedly to Alastair.

"Very well," was all I heard as I was pulled from my thoughts.

Isaiah's mouth widened as he took his seat with a cheerful grin. I saw Alastair begin to stand from his chair and I grew confused.

Wasn't there a second part to the demand? What about their voices?

"Wait," my voice came out before I could stop it.

Alastair's head turned to mine with a raised brow, "Yes, love?"

I took a breath, tightening the fur around my shoulders, "What about their voices? Did our civilians not ask for a voice?"

Alastair sat back down with a released breath, "They did but they already have that. That's what their governor is for. He speaks for the people in his village. Each man cannot simply come and speak to the king. That's where the governor comes in. He along with all the governors from each village comes and speaks for his people."

"But the people are saying they don't have a voice so there must be something wrong with that system," I exclaimed.

"So what do you presume then?" Alastair sat back in his chair.

The room grew silent as I thought.

What was wrong with their system? To anyone, it sounded like a good one. Yet, our people were complaining, meaning there was a hole somewhere.

"Who chooses these governors?"

Alastair brows pinched slightly by my words, "Whoever is king during the time a governor is to be chosen."

All the governors ruling our land now were those chosen by Alastair's father. It was all starting to make sense now.

"A man is appointed to speak for people who neither chose nor want him? Should a man not be able to choose for himself who he'd like to represent him? How could one man choose for thousands of others?" Alastair brows grew closer and closer together the more and more I said.

"Are you saying a king is not fit to choose a representative for his own people?" Alastair's voice was growing dangerously low.

"No, but I am saying that it is only fair for our people to make such a decision alongside their own king."

The room was growing frighteningly silent. The councilmen sat silently as Alastair and I debated back and forth.

"And how is that to happen? How will they all be able to make the decision alongside their king when there's thousands upon thousands of them? Are we to open our gates and allow them to pile on into the courtroom to choose alongside us?"

I grew silent. I wasn't sure. I didn't know how it would happen but what I did know was that it should. In some shape or form, our people should be able to choose their own governor. They needed a voice but how could they have one with men who were clearly muting them?

"This meeting is adjourned," Alastair's voice rang through the room. "We'll continue this at a later date."

Alastair stood from his throne and began down his stairs as I lifted myself from mine. Though as my feet touched the ground, I felt nothing. I felt paralyzed as I fell to the ground with a resounding thump.

Alastair rushed to my side, immediately pulling me into his arms as he pushed my hair from my face.

"A-Alastair," I dug my nails into his shirt, "I can't feel my feet."

His brows pinched, "What do you mean?"

"Exactly that," I sucked in a breath as attempted to move my toes in my shoes. Yet, nothing.

"Maybe your shoes are on too tight," he tried.

He placed me back on my throne and began untying my shoes. He pulled my shoes from my feet and began massaging them. Though as I saw the movements of his hands, I felt nothing.

"What's wrong? Is he okay?" Isaiah rushed to Alastair's side, above me.

"His feet have no feeling. Call for Michael," Alastair's voice came out chipped.

Isaiah nodded and immediately raced out the door.

"Should I get anything?" Derek asked.

"Get him some tea from the kitchen. Chai tea."

Derek nodded and ran out as well.

The other councilmen stayed in their seats, unsure whether to stay or leave.

"You're all dismissed," Alastair called over his shoulder to which they all nodded and left.

Only a few minutes went by before Michael and Isaiah came rushing in, followed by Derek, walking slowly in with a steaming cup of tea in hand.

"What's wrong? What's happening?" Michael demanded as he rounded around Alastair to see me.

"His feet have gone numb," Alastair replied, "he can't feel them."

Michael nodded and then turned to me, "When did this start?"

"It began to feel a bit strange this morning but it only went fully numb when I was getting up a few minutes ago," my voice shook.

"I'm going to press my fingers against each foot and I want you to tell me what you feel anything, okay?"

I nodded.

I peered up at the ceiling as he went to work and everyone crowded around me.

"River?"

"Yes?" I peered up at Michael.

"You didn't feel any of that?"

I shook my head and I saw Alastair biting his lip beside me.

Michael turned to Alastair, "His feet are paralyzed. How? I don't know. I need to go back to my office and look through my journals. It can either be a momentary thing or it could last a lifetime depending on the illness."

My heart rate picked up as the room began to slant along with Michael's words.

What was happening to me?

"What should I do in the meantime? Until we figure out what this all means?" Alastair's fingers wrapped around mine with a gentle squeeze.

"He should rest. Sometimes these type of things are stress related, caused by big changes. You two did just have your mating ceremony," Michael's fingers raked through his blond curls, "it can be from that."

Stress related? Our mating ceremony? I was happy. Happier than I've ever been. I haven't been feeling any stress at all.

...Have I?

I felt myself being lifted from the velvet throne as Alastair cradled me to his chest.

"Come to me the minute you find anything," Alastair demanded as he descended down the stairs.

He stopped, causing me to peek my head up from his chest. Derek stood in front of him with the cup of tea.

"Does he still want this?" Derek lifted the cup.

Alastair peered down at me to which I shook my head.

All I wanted was to bury myself beneath the covers and just...forget. To just lose myself in my dreams and forget all the bad.

"No, I'm sorry, but thank you for getting it, Derek," Alastair said.

I pressed my face against his chest and buried myself beneath the fur, eyes already beginning to shut.

Derek nodded, "Well, I wouldn't want it to go to waste," was all I heard, followed by a loud gulp.

A light laughter filled the room as Isaiah laughed and Michael snorted.

It felt as if all my energy was sapped from me. Though I found the act funny, I couldn't find the energy to laugh with them.

All I heard as my vision turned to black was the soft sound of Alastair's voice against my ear.

"Don't worry, beautiful. Everything is going to be okay."