"Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel."

A/N: Hey guys, this chapter is going to be much shorter than the last one due to my lack of stamina at the moment. I have an ear infection and I legitimately feel like my eardrum is having an orchestra in my canal.  I literally can't think right now. I super apologize for any incoherencies in this chapter. I'll be sure to edit it the moment I become more coherent.

Chapter 44

River's POV

His tepid, vile breath swept past my cheek as my hands tightened against the bundle of food. I stood, mouth agape, silently. No words, no sound would escape my mouth as my mind went blank.

A large grin seized one side of his face, pulling in a dark, malicious outstretch. I felt my palms to sweat, feet beginning to shake on top the dirt paved floor beneath me. His feet scraped against the flooring as his long, dirty nails outstretched past his toes, skimming against the hard floor and emitting a high-pitched screech. His dark, oily hair drew an ominous curtain over his face but through the cracks of knotty locks, a  pair of bright blues shone through, locking directly on mine.

My breath hitched in my throat, pulling at the cords in my throat and strangling me with all the strength it muster.

I couldn't breath.

His grimy hands wrapped around the metallic bars which contained him. His face pressed forward, dirty nose against rustic metal, as his mouth opened.

"Is that for me?"

My eyes followed his, locking on the bundle in my arms.

No.

Unconsciously, my arms tightened, locking around the food.

His gruff voice rang through my head, venomous little sounds that chipped at my sanity as he mocked me through his prison bars.

'Worthless.'

No. No.

My feet took flight, turning and running before I could process what was happening. Harsh words rang behind me, high shrilling sounds that cause my feet to move quicker. My breath pulls tight, gasping and tugging on my lungs as the walls begin to pull and contract along with my unsteady breaths.

The world felt like it was spinning as the heat around me intensified. The sound of laughter pulled through the cells. Hands reached through rustic bars, pulling at my legs as I tumbled to the floor. The food scattered, rolling from the bundle and into the hands of many as arms grabbed and tugged, fighting one another as I watched with wide, horrified eyes.

A hand stretches in my direction, latching against my ankle as I let out a shrieked cry. I jumped from the ground, kicking through fits of historia until the hand let go. I ran, feet moving faster than I thought possible as I choked against my harsh breathing.

No more. Out. Get me out.

I turned a corner, rushing past isles of cages like the plague. I wasn't keeping track of turns or movements, just running wherever my feet would take me. My mind spun like a top, unthinking, just merrily spinning, landing on sides on random.

I made a sharp turn, eyes unfocused as I rammed into a tall figure. A sharp cry escaped my mouth as I wrapped into myself. A choked breath escaped my throat as my body locked.

No. No more. No more.

"Your Majesty?" A voice rang above me.

I removed my hands from my face, squinting through my tear-stained vision.

"What are you doing down here?" Another rang as a tall group of guards stood above me. Each expressing as much concern and confusion as the next.

My mouth opened, words coming out rushed and disheveled as my breath tighten in my throat.

Their eyes narrowed, confusion plaguing all by my incoherency. They whispered among themselves before I felt my feet lift from the ground and a pair of strong arms wrap around me. I didn't even bother fighting it. My limbs felt week and sore, throat raw as my eyes fought to keep open.

What little energy my body contained had been utterly drained, leaving but a broken shell in its wake.

I squinted against the sudden light as the man carried me up a flight of stairs, light becoming more and more strong as we grew closer and closer to the exit.

A weak smile pulled across my cheeks as the exit become completely visible, though dropped the moment a familiar figure blocked the source of light, standing by the entranceway with crossed arms.

Tears filled my visible, sprinkling down my face as I was pulled from the man into a pair of arms that felt more unfamiliar than they ever had.

"Thank you for returning my mate safely back to me," Alastair's voice rang past my cheeks, pulling all my color with it.

The image of the dark, metallic door pulled across my vision, filling my mind with Alastair's name, red dripping paint across thick metal. Marking that dark, monstrous room as his.

His. Those horrid, sharpened weapons across dirt covered walls. The dark looming cage at the end, containing my worst nightmare. His.

Bile pulled up my throat as my nails dug into his shoulder. A loud hiss escaped his throat as my body fell, like a bundle of bricks, to the cold, marble flooring. A zap of pain ran up my spine but I chose to ignore it as I picked myself up and ran. Deja vu filled my mind. However, this time was different than the rest. The others were to escape the thought of losing him but this time...I was afraid of him. Of what he was hiding from me.

I felt myself choking. The air felt stale, vile.

Air. I need air.

My eyes locked on a familiar door. My arms pushed the door open as my legs scrambled down the steps. The sweet scent of floors filled my every pore as I fell to my hands and knees, gasping for air like a dying fish. Choked sobs escaped my throat as everything came crashing down around me. Amongst the roses and dandelions, I couldn't help but venture backwards, remembering Alastair's stunned expression as I pushed against his gentle arms.

My heart pulled in two. Fearing the man I loved hurt, shattered me, and I had no idea how to deal with it, so I ran. I ran from my problems, shut myself from the world. Hoping, perhaps, amongst the rustling wind and soft pedaled flowers, I'd find peace somehow.

I finally caught my breath as I slowly sat up, resting my hands on my knees and just soaking in my surroundings. The flowers shone brightly beneath the rising sun, petals of red and pink glittering brilliantly. However, among the red and pink one white rose stood out. A flower that somehow felt familiar. I crawled across the bush to get a closer view and my knees grew more brown by the moment.

My eyes widened as it laid on the rose. The side visible to me was as white as fresh snow but the other side, hidden behind the thorns of neighboring roses, were a splattered red pedals. The red was dark, deeper than the other roses. My eyes flashed back to my previous venture in the garden when I had nipped my finger and dripped against a nearby flower.

A white flower. Just like this one.

My fingers pressed lightly against the stained petals.

Had I done this?

"River!" My head turned, eyes widening as Alastair appeared from behind the door I had come from.

His eyes locked on mine as he let out a relieved sigh. My body froze, hands tightened against the bush as he grew closer by the minute. I contemplated running but came to the realization that with his body, he could easily catch up and carry me away if need be.

He stood above me. His black hair flowed in the wind as his bright hazels refused to leave mine. My heart quickened in my chest as he bent down to sit next to me.

"I thought we had gotten over this whole running coping mechanism."

I nodded, focusing on the grass by my feet.

A light touch brushed against my cheek, pulling my attention to his nerve-filled face. I swallowed.

"I never want to wake up to an empty bed again," his voice pulled tight, "Waking up and not knowing where you were, were you had gone," he paused as he peered up at the lightning sky, "only to find out you had decided to venture into the dungeon." He turned back at me with pressed brows, "Then when I had finally gotten you, had you safe in my arms...you pushed me away." His voice cracked.

My heart tugged against my chest, struggling to pull free and cradle him as he had done for me more times than I could count.

My body was split in half. My heart whimpered under his saddened eyes, wanting nothing but to hold him close and forget all that I had seen in the dungeons yet my brain screamed, demanded I get answers.

"River?" His soft voice whistled past my cheek as he pulled my hand to his lips.

A sharp shiver ran down my spine as his lips brushed angelic little patterns against my open palm. My heart raced, mind spun, breath thickened.

What was I to do?