"The worst thing in the world is watching the one you love in pain when there is nothing you can do to stop it."

             ~Vanessa Wilhoit

Chapter 42

River's POV

I fell back with a huff, heart beating fast against my chest as Alastair pulled me on top of him.

Two, zero.

Two, how many times I had cum. Zero, how many times Alastair had cum.

I pouted.

"One more time," I declared as I rolled up, straddling him as he peered up at me with a look of exhaustion.

"Love," he breathed out, "I know much you feel the need to...pleasure me, but there's no need," he reached his hand up, brushing lightly against my cheek in a feather-like motion. I felt my heart tighten as he peered up at me with eyes filled with undeclared adoration. "There's no greater pleasure than pleasuring you."

Heat swirled in my cheeks as I peered down at him silently, watching him as he brushed my cheek.

"And I the same," I managed, my heart rumbling through my ears like beating mantra.

His face brightened, lips stretching upward in a motion that made my heart beat that much faster.

I love him.

I loved him more than I had ever loved anything and the thought, in itself, frightened me. Made me afraid of the day where I may not have him. Where he will be mine no longer.

His hand dropped, rubbing soothing circles into my lower back as I fell down onto his chest, ears to his beating heart as I closed my eyes. His heart beated gently against his chest, playing my most favorite of songs.

If only not for looming anxiety playing in my chest, this may have been the perfect moment.

"Do you think Michael will be able to help?" I questioned, breaking the comfortable silence.

It was silent for a few moments, "I'm not sure." He finally managed as his fingers brushed through my hair.

I hummed at that, allowing my mind to wander as I soaked in his gentle touch.

"Would it be rude of I to ask if we can shower?" His voice whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, remaining on top of him, unmoving.

He broke out into laughter, "Love, that requires moving."

I pouted, "but I'm comfortable," I whined.

"In your own fluid," he choked in laughter.

I let out a high pitched whine as he lifted me from the bed and into his arms.

"No," I whined.

"Yes," he declared, kissing me on the nose.

I burrowed myself into his shoulder, eyes falling closed as he carried me into the bathing room. The sound of running water followed by the sloshing of water filled my ears as I felt myself being lowered into warm water. I kept my eyes closed, leaning against Alastair's chest as he cleaned me with a meticulous-like concentration.

"Alastair," I let out a light laugh, "you don't need to be so careful about this. I'm not made of glass, pinky promise," I opened an eye to look back at him as he peered down at me with a cheeky grin.

"Of course not."

I let out a sigh, "Good."

"You're made of porcelain."

I groaned, pumping my head against his chest as he laid a soft kiss between my eyes.

I pouted.

"That's cheating. You don't get me upset and then kiss me. That's not allowed."

He rose a brow, "Oh, is that so?"

"Yes."

We silently stared at each other, unwavering as I crossed my arms.

His lips rose in a slight smile as he bent down and kissed me on the shoulder.

"You're so beautiful." He breathed out, nose gliding against my shoulder blade as his fingers rested just above my waist.

I ducked my head as my cheeks heated up.

Lies.

My eyes burned, tears welling up as I bit my lip. I thought I was past this, past the insecurities but just when I thought they were gone they'd return and nip me.

My head remained downcast as I was pulled from the water and wiped from head to toe with a plush, white towel.

My face was lifted with a single finger as a small towel brushed through my wet, tangled locks. His hands froze mid-way as he eyed my face, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head as my teeth bit harshly into my lip.

His thumb brushed against my cheek as his eyes narrowed, "Stop that. Stop hurting yourself. I thought we were past this."

So did I.

He took a breath as I released my lip and instead began sucking the inside of my cheek.

"What's bothering you?"

I was silent for a few minutes, searching for the answer he requested before shaking my head.

"I-I don't k-know," I managed.

He nodded slowly, drinking in my expression with his searching eyes before continuing on with his previous drying. I peered downwards, attempting to collect my thoughts as he brushed softly through my hair as if he too were silently thinking. Finally, he lifted the towel from my head with a resounding puff of air.

"I think now would be the right time to go to Michael," my eyes widened as I pivoted my head to face him. "Perhaps he can help with my...problem," his fingers found their way back onto my heated skin as he brushed his fingers down my spine, just above my lower back before lifting me easily from the ground and into his arms.

"How does that sound?" He asked softly, eyes pinning mine as my legs dangled lightly in the air, arms wrapped tightly around his neck in a vice-like manner.

I nodded quickly, face reddening as I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck.

"Good," his voice came out light as his fingers brushed against my side.

I breathed in his scent, allowing myself to merely doze off as I watched water droplets drip down his shoulder and disappear down his robe.

He spent so long drying me, yet none at all on himself. He stepped out of the tub and merely wrapped himself in the nearest robe.

"You need to dry yourself. You'll catch a cold," I commented as I watched another droplet fall from a wetted strand of hair down his robe.

"I'm fine, love."

Fine with prancing out of a tub of water completely drenched in water and just throwing a robe on top. As if that suddenly changed anything at all.

"You won't be when you catch a cold and are forced to remain in bed for the day," I pulled away from his neck to face him.

"Forced?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," he seemed to find the idea humorous as he flashed me a crooked grin, "by you, my love?"

My eyes narrowed, "perhaps."

"Am I witnessing the first fight of the beloved royal couple?" A dramatic voice declared as Michael covered his mouth with a hand and let out the fakest of gasps in the middle of the hallway, raising brows from passing maids.

Alastair scoffed, "Is that what you hope?"

Michael let out another dramatic gasp, "Why have I ever."

I covered my mouth, containing my laughter as Alastair rolled his eyes.

"Are you two lost? I believe your room is on the other side of the palace-"

"We came to see you," Alastair interrupted.

"Hmm," a devilish smirk painted Michael's face, "Come, follow me," he ushered us to his room.

Alastair looked around with a quizzical look, "why are you taking us to your room? What happened to your office?"

Michael let out a light laugh, "Why, your father is insane. He began changing things the moment you left and out of fear of what he'd do to my office when given the chance...well, you know how he distastes of me," Alastair nodded as sat in the nearest chair and placed me in his lap, "so I moved all my equipment out, back into my old place in case he ever decided to dispose of it while I was out. Now that you're back I'll probably move it back but I haven't really gotten around to it yet what with you arriving mere hours ago."

Alastair nodded, "So you have none of your medications here?"

"Not yet," Michael cleared, "Why?"

Alastair cleared his throat, lifting himself from his seat, "Nothing, I'll return when your office is back in order."

Michael's eyes narrowed as his voice hardened, "Why?" Alastair lifted me back into his arms as he completely pulled himself from the chair and stood up, "Why did you come all the way here?" Michael peered up at Alastair, arm blocking the doorway, "What happened?"

Alastair peered between the doorway and Michael's arm before finally speaking, "I've begun to experience a...problem."

"What kind of problem?" Michael pointed to the chair, allowing Alastair no choice but to return to his seat.

"I've been having a difficult time controlling my wolf."

Michael's eyes widened before returning back to its previous, narrowed gaze. "How long has it been since your last shot?"

"A little over a week ago. A few days before I left."

Michael remained silent for a few moments before standing up and reaching into his dresser. I watched as he pulled out a small article of paper and returning back with it. He unfolded the small square, revealing a small pile of white powder in the center.

"Your brother uses this sometimes to help."

Alastair took in a sharp intake of breath as he eyed the paper, "What is that?"

"Powdered suppressant. It's stronger than the liquid, much stronger. It has...side effects that ward most off from taking it but for some, there's no other choice but to." Michael folded the square back up and handed it to Alastair.

"Only take the size of a small olive. It should only be once every couple days. Just for when it becomes too much to handle on your own."

Alastair nodded as he peered down at the piece of paper as if transfixed.

"How often does my brother take this?"

Michael's eyes locked with Alastair for a few seconds before standing up and dusting off his pants, though there was no dust to be seen.

"Is that all you needed?" His eyes remained almost blank, unwavering as he watched Alastair.

"Yes, that's all," Alastair managed as he said his thanks and continued down the hall. I walked by his side so he could carry the small square as I watched him from the corner of my eye. He appeared tense. He was trying to cover it up with the occasional smile in my direction but I was quite good at reading his body language by now to be able to pick out his tightened fist and stiff posture.

We reached the room and I watched as he dropped his robe and walked to his closet, leaving the small square on the bedroom table.

I remained in my robe, watching him dress but this time not through heated eyes but through eyes of worry. He seemed off, nervous even. I walked from the door, shutting it softly as I approached him from behind. I glided my fingers up his spine as he finished buttoning his pants. He tensed for a moment before continuing on his task for a shirt, unmentioning of my sudden touching. I let out a sigh as I ducked beneath his arm as he searched his cabinet, standing in front of him as his eyes landed on everything but me.

My heart squeezed anxiously in my chest as I stood on my tippy toes to lay a kiss on his neck. He let out a sharp breath as my lips brushed down the slope of his cheek.

"Love, what are you doing?" He managed through a choked breath as kissed the edge of his lip.

"Trying to get your attention," I chirped, arms crossed behind my back as I smiled up at him.

He pulled a shirt off a hanger, pulling it over his head and buttoning it before letting out a sigh and peering back at me.

"Are you going to at least try it?" I asked, peering back at the folded square sitting on our night table.

He followed my eyes back to the folded paper before turning back to me and running his fingers through his hair, "I should."

"Yes, you should."

I followed after him as he picked the square off the night table and poured some into a nearby cup of water. I watched through widened eyes as he leaned his head back and tipped the white liquid down his throat.

He placed back the cup with a slight shiver, "Disgusting," he said, mouth upturned in a scowl.

I opened my mouth to respond but none escaped when a sudden hiss escaped Alastair's mouth, body contorting in weird angles as he fell from the bed and onto the hard floor with a loud thump and resounded groan.

I jumped from my place and ran to his side.

"Alastair?" My hands pulled his face upward, facing me as I searched his body. "What's wrong?"

A flurry of panic pitted my stomach as his head turned in my hands as a sudden shout escaped his mouth. My heart pounded heavily in my chest as he cupped his face as if holding himself together as blood trickled down his lip and onto the marble floor.

My eyes widened, heart pulsing as I kissed his hands covering his face. A choked sob escaped my throat as his hands pulled from his face and an anguished expression painted his face. My chest tightened until it was painful to breathe. Short, ragged breaths escaped my throat as words of incoherency escaped Alastair's throat. My throat grew sore as I cried and cried, calling for the maids outside our room as I cradled him to my chest.

His fingers dug into my sides as he ground his teeth together, but none of that even came close to the pain in my chest as I watched him groan and hiss, unable to do anything but weep and kiss him repeatedly on the head as I screamed and screamed until a flurry of maids rushed into the room with blown up eyes and ragged breaths.

"Call Michael," I choked out as Alastair's nails dug into my sides.

They nodded as they quickly eyed Alastair and hurried out the door.

"It's okay," I repeated over and over as I rocked his head to my chest and wept into his dark strands.

"River," he choked against my chest.

"Shh," I cooed as I ran my fingers gently through his hair, "don't speak."

His head shook against my chest as he choked out a couple more words, though they came out so mumbled and full of agony that I couldn't make them out.

"It's okay," I repeated as kissed him on the crown of his head.

"Ri-Ri," was all he made out before the door flew open and Michael rushed in.

"So stupid," Michael announced, plopping beside me and popping open a small veil of yellow liquid. "I had completely forgotten to warn him before-" He broke mid thought and shook his head, "doesn't matter," he announced. "Here, River, face him toward me." I complied, turning his head slightly so he could pour the liquid into Alastair's mouth.

The moment Alastair swallowed, the shaking stopped. I let out a sigh of relief as he grew limp in my arms.

"What was that?" I managed as I peered down at the now sleeping form of Alastair.

"After effects of the powder. Shaking, nausea, migraines, you name it, all in one package," Michael mumbled out as he closed the veil and placed it on our night table.

I grew silent.

Was this going to become something he'll have to experience all the time?

I shook my head, ridding myself of such thoughts.

"Help me lift him," Michael said, nodding towards Alastair's form.

I nodded, taking his shoulders as I helped Michael lift him into the bed.

"It doesn't get any better," Michael declared. "Those with blood like theirs have no other choice but to take this. They all did."

"They?"

"Their ancestors, grandparents, great grandparents," Michael trailed off.

"How...?"

"My family line has been doctors for the royal family for a very long time," Michael noted.

The room grew silent for a few minutes until Michael cleared his throat, "I'm going to head back to my room. If you need anything...just ask, okay?"

I nodded.

"Good luck, little River," he smiled as he made his way out the door, closing it behind him.

I let out an exasperated sigh as I collapsed onto the bed beside Alastair.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" I sighed, brushed my fingers down the lines of his face.

I turned slightly to lean against him only to hiss as a sharp pain ran up the side of my waist. I lifted my shirt, holding my breath as deep, clawed outlines ran horizontally across my waistline.

"Goddess," I hissed as I pulled down my shirt.

Hopefully, it'll heal before morning. I don't want Alastair to see it.

I nuzzled against his chest, letting out a last huff of air before darkness engulfed me.