One thing I should clarify is that I didn't follow the same academic calendar as most schools in Japan. In my school, we started the year in January and finished in mid-November, unlike other schools that started in April and had July-August holidays.

This timing worked out well for me because, at the beginning of the year, specifically in February, I had the opportunity to confess on Valentine's Day. Although it's common in Japan for women to give gifts to men, I wanted to add a bit of a Western touch to it.

On Tuesday, the fourteenth of February, I arrived at school with a small letter I had written at home. Fyodor and Dazai thought it was silly, but I liked those kinds of gestures, and I wanted to show it. By the way, after a month of classes, I was able to remember his name.

His name was Sigma.

The letter went like this:

"Sigma:

Hello! I know you don't know me, but I want to introduce myself. My name is Nikolai Gogol, I'm fourteen years old, and I really think you're very cute. I'd like to get to know you better, you know, talk and all that stuff.

So, here's my number for you to write to me, and we can chat for a while.

Nikolai"

And I included my number. Then I bought a chocolate from the vending machine and put it in the envelope.

"I think it's a nice gesture," Fyodor said. "A bit silly, but nice after all."

"I think he'll find you weird," Dazai opined.

"Thanks for your kind comment, Dazai," I muttered.

During the break, we sat where we always did. Ever since I became interested in Sigma, I started noticing that we had actually crossed paths more than once. He sat on a bench next to the library, and we sat a bit further ahead. I did vaguely remember seeing him before, here and there, but I didn't pay much attention.

It was like, "Oh! That guy has interesting two-toned hair." Then I'd forget about it.

But now I could really see him. And I saw him quite well.

"Are you sure about giving him the letter?" Fyodor asked.

"If I don't do it now, I'll miss the chance," I replied.

Honestly, I was nervous as hell. What if he found it really weird? My friends were absolutely right in saying that if anything went wrong, it would be super awkward because we were in the same class. But still, I wasn't going to back down.

If there's one thing I learned after my romantic disappointment with Chuuya, it's that I'm not here to wait for anyone. I don't have time for that. Chuuya didn't know what he wanted, whether he liked guys or girls. I asked him once through a message. Maybe that was a sign to give up, but I wanted to believe that he would realize I was a good option. And it didn't happen.

If I don't take the risk of telling him I like him, I won't know if he feels the same or not. If I wait for some sign that he's interested, it would take centuries to have a romantic relationship. If the person knows you have feelings for them, they can say whether you have a chance or not. If Sigma isn't interested, I'm sure he'll tell me.

If he's not clear about it, I guess I'll have to look for someone else.

The recess bell rang. We left the classroom, and I swear my legs were shaking. I was about to have a panic attack, but I wasn't going to back down, not going to give up.

We sat where we always did, and I waited for Sigma to appear. He came down the stairs slowly and sat on the bench. I swallowed hard and stood up.

"Wish me luck," I requested, and I walked towards him.

"Good luck!" Dazai and Fyodor exclaimed behind me.

I got closer. And closer, and closer. And suddenly, I was in front of him. He looked up.

"Yes...?" he asked, obviously confused.

"Hello," I said. Then, my tongue got stuck, and I didn't say anything else.

"Hello," he greeted. "Do you need something?"

I took a breath.

"I... Well, I wanted to give you this," I offered the letter. "It's for you. You know, for Valentine's Day."

He took the letter, with a confused smile.

"Oh, well, thank you very much, I suppose."

"You're welcome. Goodbye."

I turned around and walked away. My heart was racing, my chest even hurt, and my breath grew heavy. I felt the urge to run back, tell him it was a joke, tear the letter into a thousand pieces and flee so he wouldn't find out anything, but there was no turning back now.

My friends approached me.

"Hey!" Dazai exclaimed. "How did it go?"

"I don't know," I confessed. "I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack."

Fyodor smiled a bit, but I sensed a hint of sadness in him.

"Come on, cheer up a bit," he said. "Everything will be fine. You're a great guy, and you gave him a nice letter. Not everyone gets letters. I've never received one."

Ah, so that was it! Fyodor was a bit sad because he would like someone to give him a letter. That meant Fyodor did want a partner, no matter how much he denied it. Everyone, including him, likes to receive gifts and nice gestures.

"Don't worry about that, someday someone will give you a letter too," I said. He frowned.

"Well, if you say so..."

We walked aimlessly, not talking much. Suddenly, Dazai jumped and turned around.

"I have to go!" he exclaimed. "See you in the classroom!"

We found it very strange, but when I saw who was approaching, I felt a bit resentful. I pulled Fyodor by the sleeve of his uniform and dragged him to a spot where Chuuya couldn't see us.

"What's going on?" he protested, but his expression softened when he saw who Dazai was running from. "Oh. I see."

I swallowed hard.

"Hey, Fyodor," I called to him. "Do you think Dazai and Chuuya...?"

I didn't know how to continue, but he must have figured out what I meant. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Listen, Nikolai," he said. "I'll be honest with you. You have very good taste. Chuuya is very attractive, I admit it. And Dazai is a bit of an idiot, you know he fell out of the crib when he was a kid," he furrowed his brow. "But he's not the kind of person who would stoop so low as to date the guy you liked."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I can vouch for it."

I clicked my tongue.

"Fine. I believe you," I conceded. "But it still seems weird to me..."

"And you think I don't?" he smiled faintly. "Hey, no one knows what goes on in other people's heads, and Dazai is very different from everyone else. But even if he's interested in Chuuya, I'm sure he would repress that feeling out of respect for you."

The bell rang, interrupting our conversation.

The thought that Dazai might be interested in Chuuya made me feel a bit guilty for thinking he might betray me. But I couldn't argue with my friends over such trivial things.

So, with doubts and all, I decided to forgive Dazai.