On May twenty-fourth, they took the photo for the group "mosaic" and our ID cards for this year. The thing is, it took us by surprise because a teacher had told us they wouldn't be doing a mosaic this year and that they would only take photos of the new students. And we believed it completely.

But no, it turns out the teacher was a gossip, and they were going to take photos of all of us. If I had known, I would have prepared a bit more. In the photo, I looked like a dead man; a dead man who had had way too much coffee to stay awake, combined with three different energy drinks.

A lot of things happened on that day, many of which I'm not particularly proud of. But let's go in order.

They called the group to the library to take our photos. We lined up according to the class list, which was great because I was right next to Sigma. His last name was Fujiwara. Honestly, Sigma looked really good. The last name didn't fit quite as well.

Although, honestly, Sigma Fujiwara sounded better than Sigma Gogol, which depressed me a bit.

But regarding his last name, he seemed to agree with me.

"I hate it," he said to me while we waited in line. "Can you imagine it for a moment? Why should I carry the last name of a woman who abandoned me right after I was born with a man who refused to give me his last name because he didn't want me either? I think that if having children is not in your plans, it's best to abort. You're not going to take care of him, after all. You won't love him either; you'll always have some resentment because you feel like he 'ruined your life.' Besides, this world sucks. So, if you don't want him, you won't take care of him, the conditions are not optimal, and the world is shit, why force him to be born? He won't even notice. And when he grows up, he'll resent you for not taking care of him."

I stayed silent. He made a very valid point.

"Is it selfish to say that I'm really glad you were born?" I asked shyly. I might have blushed a bit.

The good thing is that he blushed too. I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"Fujiwara!" they called. He made one of his gestures and went to take the photo.

Is it possible to be so in love with a person?

I would have liked to stay in that moment of the day, and that nothing else had happened. But life is not fair, and to be honest, it was partly my fault that later everything would go to hell.

"Nikolai, you're bleeding."

I didn't realize that until Sigma mentioned it. We were standing in line to buy something from the vending machine. I instinctively brought my hand to my nose. The blood was warm.

"Hmmm."

"Nikolai, you're bleeding!" Sigma repeated, and pushed me. "Come on, go to the bathroom and clean up. I'll wait in line, and then I'll come with you."

"U' sur?" It's hard to speak with blood flowing from your nose to your mouth.

"Yes! Go!"

I rushed out. Sigma didn't like blood. When I reached the bathroom, I entered a stall, sat on the toilet, and grabbed some tissue. I was bleeding quite a bit, but it wasn't too severe. Lately, the weather had been hot, but then it suddenly started thundering and raining. All these weather changes caused various nose problems for me. It wasn't surprising that I was bleeding now.

But my luck was lousy, and as the bleeding was slowing down, I heard familiar voices arguing in front of the stall I was in.

"What the hell is going on in your head, Dazai?" That was Fyodor. "I already knew you were an idiot, but now you're going too far."

"It's not a big deal!" Dazai protested, aka, the damn traitor. "He doesn't even talk to us anymore, and he's in love with Sigma."

I quickly realized they were talking about me.

"Does it matter? Dazai, Chuuya broke his heart!" Damn, that sounded very cheesy, but it was true. "Not talking to us isn't a reason to betray him like this."

Thank you, Fyodor! That's exactly what I was thinking.

"But it doesn't make any sense! I love Chuuya, and Gogol likes someone else! Why should I have to give him up?"

"Because he's your friend!"

"Oh, is he? Because, as far as I remember, he traded us for Sigma months ago."

"That doesn't mean you have to be a jerk."

"I'm not a jerk. But I don't understand why I have to put him first before myself. It's like if I wanted to get into a university, but because he couldn't, I couldn't either. That doesn't make sense!"

"You're an idiot, Dazai!"

"Of course, call me an idiot for having common sense!"

"That's not..."

I have to admit I'm quite dramatic. In fact, I'm in theater class. I like scenes, scripts, dramas. Although that doesn't justify what I did next.

I left the stall. I scared the hell out of those two.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said, with the calmest voice I could muster. Inside, I was seething with anger that Dazai would pretend to keep Chuuya. "I don't care at all. You can have him."

I walked over to the sink and washed my hands, which were covered in blood from my nose. The silence from both of them made me realize they were in internal conflict. It seemed Dazai came to his senses.

"Uh, hey, I'm sorry about all this," he began. "Forget it; I'm an idiot. I won't keep talking to Chuuya if you don't want..."

Then I messed up.

Why do I have to be like this? He was apologizing to me. That meant Fyodor would also apologize. Then I could apologize to them. Then everything would be resolved.

But nooooooooooo.

I turned off the water tap. Dazai was still in the middle of his apology and touched my arm. In an instant reaction, I turned around in half a second and punched him square in the face.

And, damn, I know it wasn't right, but it felt so good.

All the fury I had contained since the first time they started ignoring me came bursting out, just as I had predicted before. No matter how much we wanted to deny it, the resentment was there, waiting to explode. This was the moment.

It was exploding right now.

"Regret it? Regret it? Go to hell, Shūji Tsushima!"

His face twisted, and as fast as I had hit him, he hit me back.

"Shut up! Don't you dare call me that again in your life!"

I lunged at him, and we collided with the wall. He grabbed me by the hair.

"You damned, damned, damned!" I yelled. I landed a right hook, and he released me.

Dazai fought back, circled my waist with his legs, and turned me over. The pain I felt when my head hit the floor is indescribable. I let out a painful moan, and he grabbed me by the hair and started pounding me into the floor.

"Enough! Stop, Dazai!" Fyodor screamed. "STOP, YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"

Indeed, it felt like I was dying. With every blow, my vision blurred more and more. My nose bled as if it were an endless fountain. My thoughts swirled and crashed against each other. I couldn't distinguish what was real and what wasn't.

"Nikolai!"

Clarity returned to me for a moment.

"Get up, Nikolai!"

It was Sigma. His voice was trembling.

Drawing strength from who knows where, honestly, I rose and grabbed Dazai by his hair, throwing him against the wall. Those who were watching exclaimed in surprise and amazement.

Once again, I had the chance to stop there.

But no.

With Dazai cornered, I got even angrier, and I got really angry. Dazai had nearly killed me, slamming me into the floor. Why shouldn't I do the same to him?

I beat him again and again against the wall. Both our faces were swollen, and our noses were bleeding. The onlookers around us stared. I wasn't going to stop until I had vented all my anger on the one who had betrayed me so shamefully.

I hit him once, and then again. Each hit was fueled by my fury, by the feeling of being wronged. I couldn't control myself anymore.

It was when my strength was faltering that Dazai seized the opportunity, pulled scissors from his pocket, and attacked me with them.