Chuuya did text me. He greeted me, sent me puppy stickers, and we chatted for a long time. From then on, I felt like I had him won over. Every day, I went to the vending machine and bought him chocolates. If I had saved that money, I'd be rich by now, but instead, I spent it all on someone who, in the end, wasn't even interested in me.

But, well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Maybe I did have a chance. One time, I was chatting with Chuuya during recess. His friend hadn't shown up, so he was alone. We walked around the school talking, I offered him candy from the vending machine, everything was fine. Then, Dazai approached us.

"Hey, Nikolai," he said to me. "Fyodor is looking for you. He's asking if you can lend him your periodic table."

"Why mine?"

"According to him, mine is no good because it's not updated. Ranpo is mad at him, so he won't lend him his, and Kajii didn't bring his." He glanced at Chuuya. "Hello. You don't mind if I steal him for the rest of recess, right?"

I gave him a reproachful look. Chuuya chuckled.

"No, it's fine," he said, looking at me. "Go. See you later."

I wanted to complain. For once, I could talk to him without his friend around!

"Come on, Nikolai. Fyodor will be mad at you if you don't."

I grumbled.

"Fine," I said to Chuuya. "See you later."

"Yes, later."

I stood there for a moment. Chuuya usually hugged me when we said goodbye. This time, he didn't, he just stood there looking at me.

"Well... goodbye."

I turned and left grumbling. Why didn't he hug me? Maybe he was embarrassed with Dazai there. Damn it.

At the end of the day, I didn't have much time to talk because miraculously, my parents came to pick me up early. But in that short time, the conversation revolved around Dazai.

"Hey, that guy who took you earlier," Chuuya mentioned, "is he your friend?"

"Of course, why wouldn't he be?" I joked. "Yes, he's my classmate. His name is Dazai Osamu."

"Dazai Osamu," he repeated. "Got it."

Then my parents arrived to pick me up. I got very angry and refused to tell them about my day. They didn't understand, but assumed it had to do with teenage stuff and didn't press further.

From that day on, when Chuuya and I said our goodbyes, he no longer hugged me. It bothered me, but I understood that maybe he needed his space. That was fine; I could comprehend that. What I couldn't understand was why Dazai followed us so closely (pun intended). When Chuuya saw him, he would smile and wave at him. That also bothered me.

"Hey, I saw him first," I took the opportunity to tell him once. "I give him more candies. You're not trying to steal him away, are you?"

"What are you talking about? Of course not," he replied with a serious expression. "For starters, I'm not even gay. Not that I have anything against it, of course. I'm just making sure you don't go overboard, you know."

It seemed suspicious to me, but I trusted him. He was my friend, after all.

I talked to Chuuya a lot through messages. He was even bolder that way. He sent me pictures like, "You have no idea how attractive you are" or "your eyes are really beautiful." Once, he sent me a picture of himself without a mask. He asked me through a message, "Do you want to see my face?" And, of course, I said yes.

Then, suddenly, he started ignoring me.

Once, after an art event where I had to dress up (and the costume was really cute), we bumped into each other in the cafeteria. I was with Dazai. He was with his friend, I think his name was Tachihara.

I'm sure he saw me. Our eyes met. And then I wanted to wave at him, but he lowered his head and walked past me, completely leaving me on "read." I was left speechless.

I didn't understand. Did I do something wrong? Was he angry with me? Did I say something wrong in the last letter I sent him? I was dumbfounded. There was no reason for him to ignore me. I gave him candies, letters, sent him sweet messages on WhatsApp. When he missed classes, I asked if he was okay, and if he was sick, I worried about his health.

Was I too intense, too clingy? Had he grown tired of me?

"He probably didn't recognize you in the costume," Dazai commented to comfort me.

"Yeah, that must be it."

Later, we crossed paths again. This time, not only did he have the audacity to completely ignore me, but he greeted Dazai in my place.

And Dazai smiled and greeted him back.

I forgave them both. I asked Chuuya through a message why he had ignored me.

"Did I really ignore you? I'm so sorry. I must have been distracted. I often get lost in my thoughts and don't pay attention."

It wasn't just that one time. It kept happening. He would walk past me, and if I greeted him, he would turn his head. If he saw me approaching him, he would flee. He hardly wrote to me and left me on "read." That hurt me. Until I got tired of him.

I wrote to him, "I liked you. I had told you several times, both verbally and in writing. If you didn't feel the same way about me, you should have told me, so I wouldn't have wasted so much time on you. You don't even know what you want or like. There was no need for you to be so rude and ignore me."

Then, I blocked him.

Chuuya started looking for me, and this time, I was the one avoiding him at all costs.

If I saw him coming, I would distance myself. If he passed by me, I wouldn't even look at him. And if he walked past me, I would turn my head.

"So, are you okay?" Fyodor asked on the last day of classes after ignoring Chuuya again.

"I'm fantastic. I feel like I've lifted a weight off my shoulders," I replied.

"Then you don't like him anymore?" Dazai wanted to know.

"No. Besides, he's not clear about what he wants. I don't want to be someone's trial and error. I want to be with someone who is sure they want me and wants to be with me."

Fyodor patted me on the back.

"That's very well said," he commented.

That day, several things happened. It seemed that Poe also liked Ranpo because our friend's chair was filled with many gifts and sweets, along with a note that said "From Edgar to Ranpo."

I got hit by bird droppings on my head, and it was gross.

Kajii told us he would be changing schools, so we wouldn't see him next year.

We all passed our exams and subjects.

And it was great.

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Thanks for reading!