why'd you only call me when you're high?

pairing: ethan nestor (crankgameplays) x dollface (fem!oc)

plot/prompt: why'd you only call me when you're high?; arctic monkeys

genre: angst

warning: alcohol, swearing, mild cheating

word count: 2.4k

author's note: i kinda strayed away from the song as i wrote but it's still alcohol related and really sad. i don't write a lot of angst so criticism of this work (and my works in general) is welcomed. i attached the song above.

the mirror's image
tells me it's home time
but i'm not finished
'cause you're not by my side

and as i arrived i thought i saw you leaving
carrying your shoes
decided that once again i was just dreaming
of bumping into you

now it's three in the morning
and i'm tryna change your mind
left you multiple missed calls
and to my message you reply
"why'd you only call me when you're high?"
"hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"

somewhere darker
talking the same shite
i need a partner
well are you out tonight?

it's harder and harder to get you to listen
more i get through the gears
incapable of making alright decisions
and having bad ideas

now it's three in the morning
and i'm tryna change your mind
left you multiple missed calls
and to my message you reply (message you reply)
"why'd you only call me when you're high?"
(why'd you only call me when you're)
"hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"

and i can't see you here, wonderin' where am i
sort of feels like i'm runnin' out of time
i haven't found all i was hoping to find
you said you gotta be up in the morning
gonna have an early night
and you're starting to bore me, baby
"why'd you only call me when you're high?"

"why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"
"why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"

"why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"
"why'd you only ever phone me when you're (high)?"

she threw her head back as she downed her fifth shot of vodka that night. it burned the back of her throat in what she thought was the best way, she would surely regret it the next day but she just couldn't get herself to give a crap right now. having not a care in the world and just being in the moment.

with a cough caused by the sting of the alcohol, she wiped her cherry red lips with the sleeve of her leather jacket as some guy whose name she couldn't be  bothered to remember who she met at her friend's party put his arm over her shoulders pulling her closer to him.

she drunkenly giggled putting her hand over his white tee covered chest and wrapping her fingers around the gold chain that clung to his neck, "i gotta go, i think i've had a bit too much" she pouted up at him.

"alright then, dollface. you should let ol alex turner know you're going, he'll probably get you an uber or something. he's gonna kill me if something happens to you, stay safe." he winked, hand slipping down her back before it disappeared all together.

she blinked before grabbing another red cup from the table, taking a big sip of its contents and looking for her friend and party host.

after stumbling into basically every table she passed, dollface finally found him, back to her talking with his bandmates, quaking with laughter.

"alex"

he turned around, long hair flopping down on his face before he ran his hands through it to put it back into place.

"hey there dollface, you look a little drunk." (a little drunk would be an understatement. she was absolutely wasted) he gave her a charming smile that would make any other person melt on the spot, his english accent a little harsher because of the alcohol he consumed reaching out to hug her which she gladly accepted.

alcohol was obvious in her breath as well when she spoke. "yeah, i'm just about to head out, actually. the mirror's image tells me it's home time"

he nodded before pulling up his phone holding up one finger. "don't go yet. you shouldn't go anywhere outside at the state you're in, dollface."

she obeyed him, leaning against the wall and grabbing her phone from her tight black jeans pocket to check the time.

the numbers "2:49am" greeted her along with her (too bright for her eyes at the state that she was in) lockscreen, her and her longtime boyfriend ethan when they first moved to la several years ago, innocent and naïve. smiles big and bright but eyes even brighter as she clung on to him. him moving to pursue his youtube career and her to pursue her career in music.

they were both born and raised in maine, going to elementary, middle and high school together and being friends for most of their lives. sharing the same love for the arts and unusual jobs that most parents would disapprove of which only made their bond stronger.

they were at the same boat, absolutely starry eyed, just fresh out of high school and knowing full well in their hearts that college was not in the plans and knowing exactly where they wanted to go. they both knew that they needed to go somewhere bigger, as more opportunities waited there for their talent.

dollface's mother was actually the one who suggested that they moved together in la, being friends with the nestor family as they were in such a small town and everyone knew each other. dollface and ethan grew up with each other, surely they were both okay with the notion of living together. they were best friends, after all and living together would only help with the cost of groceries, electricity, water and phone bills as well as the very very cheap los angeles apartment rent.

after a few discussions involving both parties, they agreed and off they were to the big city.

they always had a crush on each other ever since they were little children playing in the school's sandbox but none of them ever acted on it, not even during high school where everyone else was getting in and out of relationships, feeling shy and not wanting to ruin the lifelong friendship between them until ethan made the first move to ask her out on a date after a few months together in la.

guilt quickly rushed into her system, flooding it. they've been together for so long, friends for even longer and she trusted him with her life but she just proves time and time again that she could not be trusted the same. she bit on her lip chewing on it and secretly making a promise that she already had made and broken many times before.

this is the last time, for reals, this time.

"you're still at that flat with nestor, right?" alex's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"yeah" she silently replied. he nodded, a gentle smile on his face before getting the uber settled.

"you seem a little sad, dollface. do you want to talk about it while we wait for your car to arrive?" he offered, slipping the phone back into trousers and standing besides her.

she sighed before sipping from her alcohol again. she shook her head although she regretted it instantly as it pounded. she sat down on the floor before clutching it into her hands.

"i'd really rather not. i just figured i'll tackle it head on later and if i talk about it too much i'll probably back out."

he uttered a small understanding okay but he didn't move away, hoping that his presence would help her calm down and just be moral support.

they stood there in silence before alex's phone received a notification. the uber was already outside of the house.

she bid her goodbyes to her friends, stumbling through alcohol stenched dancing bodies and roaming hands before she reached the door.

the car ride to the apartment was unusually quiet, the only sound coming from the cars that passed by them. the driver not attempting to make small talk with the lady in the backseat, eyes squeezed tight and leaning on the car window.

when they arrived at the apartment, dollface just paid him before leaving the vehicle, not uttering a single word.

she drunkenly swayed in front of the apartment door, hand on the doorknob.

she had to apologize to ethan for the things she did. both the things he knew and those that he didn't. she had to.

he at the very least deserves an apology.

she twisted the doorknob and entered, it was deafeningly quiet.

she silently crept through the rooms, not wanting to wake him up if he was asleep which he probably should be seeing as it's three in the morning.

so far, no signs of an awake boyfriend.

she breathed out a sigh of relief. she was way too drunk to speak to him right now, even if she was sobered up by all the guilt in her chest. she wanted to be fully sober when they spoke.

finally she was headed for the bedroom door, although not before she almost knocked down a flower pot, the actual pot being a gift from their friend amy nelson who was the one to actually make it herself. if she shattered that, not only would it wake up ethan but she would also be upset with herself for breaking a precious one of a kind present from one of her greatest friends.

she twisted the knob on the bedroom door, pushing it open expecting a sleeping boyfriend and thinking that she could apologize tomorrow but was greeted by the sight of one very much awake ethan mark nestor, sitting on their bed and staring right at her thru the darkness.

she felt sick to her stomach, wanting to throw up everything that she drank as she tore her eyes away from his, neither of them wanting to speak first.

the calm before the storm

"where were you?"

"i'm sorry" was all she mumbled looking down at her too bright yellow socks, wanting to curse at them for being so fucking happy and cheerful while her relationship was just crumbling right in front if her.

because of her and her actions only but crumbled nonetheless.

he scoffed. "that didn't answer my question."

she felt the tears build up in her eyes as she leaned against the door, looking up and running her hands through her hair.

but this time he didn't get up to hug and comfort her like how he always did when she cried. she was proud of him for not doing that, in a way. he stood his ground staring right into her, intense and angry and most of all, confused hazel eyes boring right into her soul.

"you're never here anymore. you never spend time with me anymore. i'm not a clingy boyfriend but god dollface. all you do is go to your studio, record music and go out fucking god knows where at night. you return in the morning while i'm asleep, then leave before i wake up. this is becoming a cycle and i'm so fucking sick of it! why!" he glared at her.

"what the hell happened to you? that sixteen year old i fell in love with? the one who always made sure that her friends were okay and actually fucking spent time with them. did la change her too, the way it does to everyone? the way we both promised each other it wouldn't? did she become of a victim of this-this moving to la disease is-is that it?

what happened to the girl who would run around with her friends at the park or anywhere because anywhere was enough for her and she was already having the time of her life having really fun stupid fucking ideas that would just make everyone laugh.

the one who motivated everyone just by being around because she was a ray of sunshine.

the one i met in maine when i was five in school who sat and ate lunch with me when i was all alone, the girl i wanted to spend my whole life with because she was just so fucking caring and nice and inviting.

can you tell me where she is because i can't find her anymore under all this partying and drinking

god you fucking reek of alchohol and sweat, dollface. what happened to you? i can't recognize you anymore." he finished off.

at this point she was crying, fists rubbing furiously into her eyes.

everything hit so hard and she wished that she knew where that dollface he was talking about was too because between the worldwide tours and meeting new people that probably weren't good influences, she lost that dollface, the best version of dollface.

"i don't think she's here anymore, ethan i'm sorry" she quietly whispered. "i-i don't know where she is either."

ethan chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling as tears welled up in his eyes quickly wiping it away.

this was the end. somehow they both knew it was coming someday but a part of him wished that she would stop, and she wished that she was able to stop. holding onto some kind of hope, hope that was slowly vanishing as each second passed between them.

"yeah. yeah i figured that much. do i at least get an explanation? of why and what the hell you were doing while i was blowing up your phone just wondering if you were okay because you wouldn't fucking answer?"

her voice was monotone and breaking every other word. "oh y'know, drinking, flirting with other people sometimes when things got out of hand, i'm a fucking cheater-" she shook her head at the things she have done, disappointed. she peaked up at him to see his reaction, remembering one of the conversations they had when they were teenagers.

they were hanging out in ethan's house sitting on the sofa in the living room. his parents and brother was out and they had the whole house to themselves, something they thoroughly enjoyed.

her legs was perched on his lap and his hands were on top of them, heat radiating off of them as they watched some trashy romance movie that was just so bad it's good.

"yeah i don't understand why people cheat" dollface huffed, mouth full of popcorn.

"me neither!" ethan expressed. "like if you don't want to be in a relationship with your partner anymore then just break up with them, it's not that hard! don't leave them hanging like that! what a douchebag this guy is! girl, girl get a better boyfriend" ethan said, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

and now here she was, being the thing she hates the most when she was younger and ironically, wiser.

he had such a sad, pained look on his face and it made her chest hurt. he didn't even look angry at her, just disappointed.

she scratched at her arm "honestly, i get so shitfaced that i don't even remember half the things i do-"

he interrupted her "-yeah i think i've heard enough. get out. stay at a hotel or maybe one of your hookup's place i don't fucking care." he laughed. he was full blown crying now and all she wanted to do was to lay next to him and make him feel better. wipe his tears away and kiss him the way she did all those years ago, with all the love and gentleness in the world but she knew that it would do none of them good.

this was the end and at this point, there was nothing else that they could do about it, its had a long time coming and now they had to face it.

there was nothing else she could say. no explanations, no excuses so she just said something for the third time that night, talking the same shite.

"i'm so sorry ethan"

"i really don't give a single shit anymore dollface. just pack your things and i hope to not see you here tomorrow, or any other day for the rest of my life to be honest" he said as he laid down the bed, lip quivering.

she nodded in full understanding before moving to her closet and beginning to pack up her things, dragging out her suitcase and pulling out her phone and texting alex.

"we just broke up. i need a place to stay over and a drink. a lot of drinks."

she just never learns.