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I HAD HEARD OF KARASUNO HIGH'S BOYS VOLLEYBALL TEAM. 

two years ago, bokuto had told me about the team's triumphant victory and their spiraling descend back to the beginning. falling back to the ground just after they reached the warm, azure sky. 

the clipped crows.

the flightless birds.

but looking at the team now, playing against seijoh in a tight volleyball match, with their prodigious setter, agile libero, excellent captain, powerful spikers and that one kid who never seems to stop flying, i don't think that the title 'clipped crows' fit them anymore. 

for they have wings now.

and then it clicks that karasuno's setter is the naturally talented, prodigy-like underclassmen oikawa had fears about. fears that all his hard work would be drowned and washed away by pure talent.

and though i sympathize with karasuno high falling from the sky, i hope for seijoh's victory.  

and i'm not the only one. when victory does come to seijoh, the team barely managing to escape from the talons and wings of karasuno, a cluster of fangirls await for seijoh outside in the foyer. 

i'm seated on a couch near seijoh's locker room that gives me the perfect view when they emerge, grinning. though hajime looks like he can't be bothered to deal with the fans, oikawa sucks up to them, winking and smiling. 

hajime breaks free of the gaggle and walks towards me, oikawa joining him as he waves towards me. "yoohoo! ki-chan!"

how on earth is this guy broken inside? 

[ but then again, he's a good actor ] 

some of the fans peer curiously at me. "are you oikawa-kun's girlfriend?"

"no," i say and some of them turn away in either disappointment or rejoice. 

oikawa slides in next to me. "do you want to change that?"

"don't make me punch you again," hajime says grumpily, pushing him so that hajime has space to seat in between oikawa and me.

"iwa-chan," pouts oikawa. "i need to sit next to ki-chan! remember, we're going to break things off with nakamura-san!"

"fine," hajime relents, swapping seats with him. 

oikawa grins impishly at me before asking, "so, how do i start?"

"from the beginning," i reply. "just tell her that you never was serious. and make sure to apologize."

"alright," his eyebrows furrow as he looks for gokana's contact in his phone before pressing call.

gokana instantly picks up. "i've been waiting for you to call me for ages, oikawa-kun."

"right, sorry about that," oikawa rubs the back of his neck. "uh, look, i think we should stop talking."

"what?" gokana demands. "wait, you're with kichona right now, aren't you?"

"well," oikawa shifts uncomfortably. "yeah."

gokana exhales heavily. "i knew it. kichona somehow seduced you with her supernatural powers and got you to break up with me, didn't she?"

"what?" oikawa repeats, frowning again. "break up? we weren't even dating. and it's not ki-chan's fault. or yours. it's mine, i messed up and i'm sorry. and what do you mean by supernatural?"

hajime and i exchange glances and he reaches over to end the call. i can imagine gokana, back in the fukurodani, running through the hallways on her way to the bathroom, taking her anger out on the other students. 

 oikawa gazes at me. "are, by some chance, an alien?"

i nearly laugh at how absurd this question is after the serious situation. "no."

"don't worry about the supernatural thing," hajime says. "it's probably just nakamura-san making some stuff up just to continue your relationship...if you can call it that."

"you're right," oikawa yawns, resting his arms behind his head. he stares at the ceiling.  "at least it's over."

is it really over?

although she's known for playing boys, when gokana gets rejected, she spends weeks in a slight depression. part of me feels guilty for playing a part in breaking apart their relationship. but then another

 [ darker ] 

part of me feels triumphant.

i try to tell myself that if feel triumphant because the relationship was beginning to get toxic, but i know that i feel triumphant that gokana's crying because i'm not over how she ended our friendship so easily. so effortlessly. 

but then oikawa stretches his arms and proposes an idea that distracts 

[ and perhaps, save me ]

from my thoughts.

 "want to go grab an afternoon snack?"

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summer is officially here.

i know this by the few insects sprawled out on lush trees, the lack of cherry blossoms and flowers, the popularity of skirts and shorts and shirts (i wonder if i will get judged for wearing black jeans and a black shirt) and the overall feel in the atmosphere. 

and to be honest, i hate it.

i long for the chilly breeze and icy bite of winter, the swirls of snowflakes after rain is dropped from the heavens above.

so when we ('we' refers to oikawa, hajime, me and the other third years, makki and mattsun) order drinks from a small, hidden cafe, i am tempted to order my winter favorite (strong black coffee). but then i think about the hot weather and i decide to get the closest thing - an iced coffee.

the five of us reside in the corner of the room where the colorful striped walls meet the wall-length glass window that reveals the outside streets, bustling with passersby. 

[ passersby who don't stare ] 

the four seijoh third years relieve their muscles from the karasuno match and their stress about the upcoming shiratorizawa match by cracking bad jokes (makki), laughing (oikawa and mattsun) and fondly telling them to shut up (hajime).

i rarely join in the conversation, but their combined auras subconsciously relax and make me feel comfortable. 

it's strangely nice watching the four of them talk and banter and laugh. 

[ for a moment, i wish gokana was still my friend. ] 

then drinks come, iced coffees in tall glasses with patterned straws and iced teas with pretty pink and turquoise parasols complimenting sliced lemons.

the waitress, beautiful with hazel brown eyes and willowy hair, slightly blushes as she asks oikawa for his number. 

oikawa, seemingly used to this, reaches for her phone in her outstretched hand until he glances at me. and then i know that he's only going to use the waitress to overcome any losses he experiences in the volleyball season.

and then his hand falters and he rubs the back of his neck, apologizing, "sorry, i'm not looking for a relationship right now."

"oh," the waitress blinks before getting herself together. she shakes her head. "don't apologize, i'm sorry for bothering you."

she politely nods before leaving, retreating back into the tiny kitchen. mattsun glances between me and oikawa, misinterpreting our exchanged glances. "ooh, i knew there was something going on between you two."

"sad," makki yawns before joking slinging his arm around my shoulder. "kichona-san's seems perfect besides me."

i stifle a laugh.

"well then," oikawa grins. at this point, i'm used to his artificial smiles. "seems like you're going to get heartbroken, mak-kun."

and then he swats makki's arm off and squeezes my hand. this sudden motion of the most intimate skinship i've gotten somehow subconsciously activates something, and suddenly, i'm in the middle of oikawa's worst memories.

i see him being threatened by that karasuno setter, right in middle school. i see his spot as a regular being replaced once. i see him in the middle of a panic attack, reaching out to attack the setter, the cause of his distress and trauma. 

and i see him on the floor, being towered by ushijima wakatoshi over and over again, from when they were middle school until last tournament as a second-year. 

despite being accidental, this is the biggest glimpse of the past i have ever experienced.

i will for the painful memories to go away, and thankfully, they dissolve. 

hajime misinterprets my discomfort. "makki, oikawa, knock it off. don't make claim her as if she's an object."

"we were just joking!" makki protests.

hajime clenches his jaw, strangely serious. "i don't care if you are joking or not."

"maybe us two should leave now," i leave a wad of cash on the table and stand up, ready to leave to avoid an argument.

"i agree," hajime glares. 

with a small goodbye, we depart the café. we're halfway back to our house and the sun is beginning to wan amongst other ethereal colours when hajime mutters to me. "i don't want to be overprotective, but i don't ever want you to date oikawa."

then he picks up speed and walks ahead, watching the crows and eagles battling overhead. 

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i don't want to be overprotective, but i don't ever want you to date oikawa.

that statement, along to the firmness accompanied with it, has been lingering around for hours. even when it's midnight with all of the shining stars of summer and hajime and i are alone in the house in the middle of an action movie and exhaustion from seeing the past is beginning to creep into my body, the question continues to probe at my mind.

overcome with restlessness, i impulsively reach over to the remote and pause the movie. hajime, despite being tired from matches, scowls at me. "what was that for?"

"tell me," i begin. "why you don't want oikawa and i to date."

his eyebrows inch towards his hairline. "do you have feelings for him?"

"of course not," i say impatiently. "we met just yesterday. i'm just wondering why you feel so strongly about something that might not even happen."

"i suppose you have a right to know," hajime tiredly runs a hand through his hair. he hesitates, "i don't want you two to be broken again."

"explain."

so he continues, "you have been broken by your parents, a story that you know all too well. oikawa, as i'm sure you know from your supernatural abilities, have been broken by his failures and constant need for perfection.

"so let's just say you date. and then something goes wrong because you're both severely unlucky. you both end up broken again. and i...i don't want to see my cousin and my best friend broken. not again. not when i could've prevented it."

"i can deal with my own problems," i say much more rudely than i intended.

however, this doesn't affects hajime. "i know you're more than capable of that. but do you really think oikawa would be able to, on top of the pressures that come with volleyball?"

this silences me. 

because i know, despite only having met him yesterday, that this would absolutely shatter him. the flickering light overhead illuminate's hajime's face, harshly grim.

and he's right. 

i lean back on the couch, beginning to fade and fray at the edges. hajime, sensing how drained i feel from accidently glimpsing the past, asks, "do you want a blanket?"

because exhaustion has begun to take over and i'm too lazy to walk to the guest room, i nod. he hands me one, coincidentally knitted by my own mother, and i drape it over myself. 

"thank you," i whisper as my eyelids droop.

thank you for being like a sibling more than gokana ever could and being like a parent more than mother and father ever could. 

"thank you for everything."