⊱ ───────── ⊰

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR CARE."

the receptionists behind the front office of the local hospital politely bow their head and i move on after giving my thanks, dragging mother by her hand to leave and exit the building.

it's a sunny day, the type that's perfect for going to the beach and drinking fruity smoothies. that's what etsuko, oikawa and hajime are doing right now, and what i had also planned to do, joining them, had it not been for mother getting released from the hospital after the doctors confirmed she is now in a stable condition. 

we sit down at the near bus stop, waiting for the bus to pull in in empty silence. it's not awkward nor comfortable, it's just empty. this silence is something i have grown accustomed to with mother, so it surprises me when she speaks.

"kichona."

her hand quivers in mine and i can feel even more trembles when her other hand reaches over to clasp mine. i glance back to find, in greater surprise, that mother is crying, her tears cascading down her pale cheeks silently.

before i can say anything, mother whispers, "i am so sorry."

unsure of what to say, i remain still and ever so silent.

"how could i ever think that you were a monster?" mother cries. "it was your father and i who chose to have you born out of darkness. you never even had a choice."

"that's not what father thought," i mutter. 

mother sighs heavily. "i admit, that's true. but it was only true in his last hours before death. he loved you kichona, he truly did. it's just..." her voice falters. "it just wasn't enough to save him from satan's corruption."

i don't know what to say. 

be happy that my parents' love wasn't a lie? be angry that their love wasn't enough to outpower the corruption?

if love triumphs over everything, why didn't theirs triumph over darkness?

it's a petty thought, implying that my parents are in the wrong for not having enough love. 

[a very human thought.]

"his spirit doesn't seem to think so," i finally say. 

mother looks taken aback. "you've been talking to his spirit?"

"only when i go to his grave," i admit. 

we fall into a silence again before mother squeezes my hand, "i love you."

i flinch.

and i stare at her.

it's so sudden, so soon and so bizarre to me that she claims she loves me even though her actions for years contradict that. 

she's the woman who gave birth to me, but she's also the woman who refused to acknowledge my existence and left me to grow up on my own without any parental guidance. she doesn't even know who i am right now. we're just strangers, connected by bloodline and dna. 

i continue to stare at her.

uncomfortable, mother doesn't say anything to continue the conversation other than, "i just wanted you to know that."

and silence takes over our conversation again. 

it remains there for the whole bus ride home, but it vanishes once we reach the house. for mother cannot hold in her confusion and i am not capable of holding in my surprise as i see oikawa, hajime and etsuko standing in front with warm smiles and holding several chunky plastic bags. 

"are these your friends?" mother asks me quietly. "who's the pretty girl with the silver hair and the handsome boy with the brown hair? and what is hajime doing here? and...what happened to gokana-chan?"

"even your mother knows that i'm handsome," oikawa winks, his chest proudly swelling.

i roll my eyes and ignore him, replying to mother. "the pretty girl is etsuko. the stupidly arrogant boy is oikawa. they're good friends of hajime from miyagi, and they just happened to drop by while they were holidaying in tokyo. and gokana...she's not exactly my friend anymore."

mother gapes, surprised that i've dropped my oldest and supposedly closest friend. i ignore that too, turning to address the three. "what are you doing here? aren't you supposed to be at the beach right now? and what are those plastic bags?"

"you once mentioned to me that you hated how plain and empty of life your house was," oikawa begins.

my heart nearly stops.

he remembered. 

even more so, he remembered from a conversation that can't have been less than a month ago. 

"so we're here to decorate it," he cheesily smiles, holding up the bags he's carrying. "of course, you and your mother tell us what you want and we'll follow you."

"you didn't have to do this, you know."

oikawa shrugs, "i couldn't help it. i'm just an extremely kind person."

"it's a shame that you can't be more humble," i raise my eyebrows and walk over to grab some of the plastic bags from him. "c'mon let's get started. and hajime, next time don't give out my address so easily."

"oikawa was insistent, okay?" hajime grows an irk mark before turning to talk to mother. "oba-san, how are you feeling?"

while hajime talks to mother (clearly as shocked as i am that mother's actually talking) and oikawa starts to unpack everything they've brought, i turn to talk to etsuko. "i thought you guys were going to the beach."

"we planned to," etsuko says before a sly smile takes over and she nudges me with her elbow. "but your boyfriend really wanted to surprise you with this."

"etsuko, you know he isn't my boyfriend."

she pokes at my cheek, which is burning a bright pink. "your face says otherwise. come on, wakara, you two have been talking for ages now. its obvious you both like each other. just date already!"

i laugh at her adamant exclamations but shake my head. "i'm not sure if i'm ready. oikawa's one of my best friends, and i don't want to do anything to ruin that. also...this is going to sound silly, but i'm also kinda scared that oikawa isn't looking for anything serious like i am. because...i do know that i'm not the only girl besides you in his life and volleyball will always be his top priority."

etsuko's face softens. "i'm sorry. i don't know how to help you with that."

she walks off to explore the house, her yells of how big it is fading as she walks further and further away.

"ki-chan?"

i nearly jump when oikawa speaks from right next to me. i turn to see him frowning in concern. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine," i smile before gesturing to the supplies they brought. "let's get started."

oikawa grins and as mother watches, we transform my house into a home. 

we do everything i've always wanted to do. 

we hang up all kinds of things, from led lights to vines and other plants, paint the kitchen sage green and make a poster wall full of the places i want to go.

they even manage to make the black crack in my room look extraordinarily beautiful, not once asking me how it got there as gokana would've and instead focusing on painting and making it seem as though a universe with galaxies with dozens of constellations of stars is bursting through the once plain white walls. 

and it's oikawa who comes up with that infuriatingly pretty and clever idea. 

there is only one room that we do not touch, or even enter. 

father's study room. 

nobody has been inside it since he killed himself. his corpse was taken by the police for a proper burial hours after his death, but nobody bothered to clean up the blood. so it remains, dried up on all the papers and carpet. 

[but it doesn't bother mother or i since the smell isn't strong enough to stink, so the blood lays forgotten.]

we do, however, change the hallway that leads to the study room. on my request, it is filled with handprints of mother, etsuko, hajime and oikawa in their favorite colour so i can forever remember and cherish them, this day, and all of the memories.  

"why don't you add your handprint too, ki-chan?" oikawa appears by my side, grabbing my hand and leads me to the line of paint buckets. "what's your favorite colour?"

i consider this before replying, "dark blue. like the shade of the ocean."

"perfect!" oikawa grins before getting a paintbrush, dipping it in paint and gently using it to stroke my hand until it's completely covered. "it's a perfect shade of blue to compliment my hand."

and then he begs me to place my handprint right next to one of his handprint, the one right on top of the door that leads to do the study room. [not so] reluctantly, i relent to his whines and stand on my tip-toes to press against the wall.

"perfect!" oikawa repeats again with the same level of enthusiasm. "now even when we're in different cities, our hands will always be together."

i roll my eyes. how cheesy. 

but still. 

oikawa's being so perfect, it's irritating.

⊱ ───────── ⊰

i barely see any of them for the next few days, but whenever we do, we make sure to explore tokyo. it's the city i live in; i ought to know more about it. 

gokana catches wind that oikawa's in tokyo, so of course, she brings it up at school, calling me a whore without any morals that spreads her legs just because i was 'jealous' of gokana. the times oikawa has been pestering me about putting an end to gokana's rumors have increased, and if i'm honest, i am more than a little annoyed that she has not stopped after months. 

so on saturday, instead of going to a shopping center like i had initially planned to with the others, i am at gokana's house. 

it's one of those traditional modern japanese houses that are extremely expensive and lavish. a fitting house for gokana, whose very name means luxurious. 

mrs. nakamaru opens the door and doesn't bother to conceal her shock and disgust when she sees me. her lips waver and she dashes inside after a second, calling gokana, who emerges wearing a pale blue skirt that complements her hair and a similar expression to her mother. 

"what are you doing here, kichona?" gokana instantly drops her shock and replaces it with boredom as she picks at and inspects her nails. "are you here to apologize for everything i've done."

"actually...yes," i nod before politely bowing my head. "i would like to sort things out between us and end our friendship on good terms. before we do so, i would also like to say that i'm sorry for any wrong doings i've done over the years."

gokana clenches her fist, no longer paying attention to her nails. "do you apologize for seducing oikawa-kun?"

"no," i lift my head up. "because i didn't seduce oikawa at all. so why would i apologize for something at all?"

"are you kidding me?" gokana seethes. "you're making yourself sound like you're the good person in this situation. as if someone like you could ever be good."

[for a moment, i see the person i was months ago. the person that would've always dreamed, but never planned for happiness.]

i smile bitterly. "i thought you might've said that. well then. if you really want to end things on a bad note, then i'm afraid to tell you that i cannot be bothered to persuade you. gokana, goodbye. hopefully forever."

she glares at me, her eyes burning bright with rage. perhaps i should be agree. but really, i'm disappointed at how weak this friendship was.

"ki-chan!"

the familiar voice makes my mouth dry and gokana's glare strengthen.

this is bad.

i told him not to come. he's just going to make everything worse-

"you were so badass in that last part," oikawa giggles, oblivious to what he's done simply by being here. he grabs my hand and prepares to leave when gokana's suddenly in front of us, her arms outstretched.

"i knew it," gokana raves, her eyes darting to our hands clasped together. "i knew you were dating. kichona, what a slut you are-"

"nakamura-san!" oikawa shouts and gokana flushes with renewed anger. "don't you dare insult ki-chan again!"

gokana snaps, "oikawa-kun, stay out of this. you don't even know that this witch here was cast some sorcery on you."

my blood freezes.

"witch? sorcery?" oikawa scoffs. "you really have gone crazy, haven't you, nakamura-san?"

gokana doesn't answer him, but rather smiles slyly towards me. "you haven't told him, right, ona-chan?"

she says the former nickname with so much mockery it aches. she says it so threateningly it aches. everything aches at the thought of my darkest and deepest secret being revealed before i'm ready. 

"ki-chan, what is she talking about?"

i ignore oikawa too. "gokana, don't say it. don't. i'll tell him when i'm ready, just please. don't."

"do you want to know?" gokana ignores me, stepping towards oikawa with a glint of mischief in her eye. "do you want to know why kichona's father's suicide is known throughout the whole neighborhood, why everyone's scared of her and why at times she has such a supernatural and dark aura around her?"

no.

no.

no. 

"oikawa, let's go. let's go back to etsuko's hotel or my house, okay?"

he doesn't answer me. because oikawa, too is a human that falls prey to curiosity. 

gokana, knowing this, giggles in triumph. "alright, i'll tell you why you should stay away from kichona.

she's the child of the devil."

[ a/n 

thank you for reading this book,, please drop a vote!

and the next update may take a little longer as i'm going on a holiday :) ]