Endir was crumbling under poverty and corruption.

When Kat removed the Steward from office, she thought she would find his stockpile of resources and gold which he refused to share with his people. As it turned out, the man consumed everything he received and had nothing saved for a rainy day.

All days were rainy, figuratively speaking, but Endir was in the middle of a drought which had lasted over three years. Food was scarce, as was the game now that the forests started to dry out as well. She had no idea what she'd expected to happen after she took the throne, but it wasn't endless paperwork.

What made it even harder was that nothing was presented to her. The people in power were all close to the Steward and she guessed whatever she would find would make all of them look bad, so even if they recognized her reign, they did nothing to aid her in untangling her kingdom.

The only people lending a hand were Leila, and Keith, the newly appointed commander of her personal guard. She'd left it to him to draw up reports regarding the state of the army and navy and whatever other military force Endir had. Meanwhile, she and Leila searched the Steward's office and the entire castle in Corosa to try and get an idea about what they'd gotten themselves into.

"Don't worry, Kat," Leila kept saying. "We'll figure it out and then you can start fixing what needs to be fixed."

"How?" she asked. "I can't conjure food out of thin air."

She'd tried, but her magic refused to do that. She'd even considered freezing the ground over, but the soil needed snow, not ice, and without rain clouds it was impossible. She couldn't control the weather. A fleeting thought crossed her mind, like a fragment of a dream. Rainmakers. Irrigation systems. The words left behind longing and confusion and were gone before she could make anything of them. She'd never felt so in over her head.

"You're not responsible for producing food," Laila said with a shake of her head. "Your sole responsibility is to do the best that you can do to offer your people the opportunity to do it themselves."

That didn't answer anything, so Kat kept searching. She hated it. With every hour she spent reading various administrative documents, she felt like she was failing her people. They'd rejoiced when she'd appeared, convinced that she would bring Endir to its former glory. A glory she knew nothing about.

It didn't matter that she'd assimilated the language with such ease, that the customs there felt natural to her. She was born and raised in Iride, and it felt like a constant boulder on her shoulders. It made her an imposter.

"This is taking much too long!" Kat slammed the book in her hand on the desk. "The people won't be patient until I learn what I need to learn about my country!"

Leila heaved a sigh and dropped the ledger she was holding. "Look, Kat. I'm going to be honest with you. I love Endir, it's my kingdom and I am one of her people. But more than half of the people here can't even read. Why do you think they'd expect you to change everything after only a few weeks?"

"Because I have magic," Kat said miserably. "And magic was supposed to fix everything." She glanced at her hands, at the snowflakes dancing between her fingers. That's what she'd thought, anyway, naive as she was.

Her determination could only get her so far. Thanks to Lucille's help, she had moments when she was very focused, and what she needed to do would simply pop up in her head. That was how she knew to give out orders and what needed to be checked. But there were times when she felt small and insignificant. A fraud who would only disappoint her people.

And there were times when her chest hurt so much, she found herself crying in the middle of the night. It felt like a part of her was missing and even if she functioned without it perfectly, its absence sometimes took her breath away.

She'd mentioned this to Leila and her friend had spent the following nights in bed with her, hugging her until she fell asleep. Kat appreciated it, but as much as she'd come to care for Leila, it felt invasive. As if she were about to lose a little more of herself by avoiding the pain. She craved different arms, ones she couldn't even begin to remember.

A lot of things were confusing. For one, she was so entranced by what she had to do to rule her kingdom that she hardly spared a thought to who she used to be before coming to Endir.

Sometimes, when she couldn't fall asleep, she tried to summon memories. They were there, she knew that, but in the form of general information rather than feelings or images. For instance, she knew she used to live in Iride, but she could hardly remember what it was like, or even what her father looked like.

Then there were memories concerning a ship and fire. People who she used to know but couldn't picture or name. It was just her and Leila struggling to do what was right in a place filled with strangers.

As the weeks passed, she became accustomed to Keith and her staff in the palace. She knew the names of her maids and of the newly appointed master of the castle who took care of everything. Most of them had also been in the Steward's staff so they knew what they had to do. The new ones learned fast.

The palace was functioning properly. The rest of the kingdom, not so much.

"Any other issues except the shortage of food?" Kat directed the question at Keith who'd come to her council chamber to deliver the news regarding the army.

"The army is short staffed, your Majesty," the man reported. "We will need to begin drafting people immediately."

"Short staffed compared to what?"

Keith raised his eyes, throwing her a wary look. "Compared to the numbers necessary for war."

War. The word had been drifting on the outskirt of her mind ever since she came to the conclusion that her people were starving. Unlike the rest of the matters taking her attention, this wasn't something she could fix by changing kingdom policies. It was a lack of resources that would never change.

So she had considered it. War with Iride. Iride was rich and wasteful, its borders closed from fearmongering and greediness. The thought of taking what she needed always filled her with a strange exhilaration, as if it was what she was meant to do. However, she'd fought the impulse to outright declare war. Her people were starving and a war would consume resources that they didn't have.

"Are people still willing to join the army?" Kat asked.

"Of course. It's the greatest honor for any Endirian."

She raised her eyebrows. "How is the pay?"

Keith gave her one of his rare smiles. "The best among any other profession."

"We should enlist everyone," Leila said. "If war comes, it would be better for people to know how to defend themselves."

Even if Kat's first impulse was to dismiss the idea as too taxing, Leila had a point. Enlisting and training people was different from outright sending them to fight. She wanted to offer them their best chance in case something happened.

Because there was another matter. Iride could be the one to initiate the hostilities.

In her muddied mind, Kat could remember that the king of Iride was a hateful man who feared magic above all else. This memory came with strange flashes of monsters and castles hidden in the woods. She wished she could dive deeper into it, remember more than just shadows of roses and giant wolves.

Cusith.

A magical creature drawn there by a curse. A curse which floated among the streets of her city, wrapping its claws around unsuspecting citizens. Around her. She'd had something to do with this curse, and yet, she couldn't remember what that was.

"Your Majesty?"

The sound of Keith's voice drew her back from her thoughts. "Yes," she said. "Training everyone is a good idea. You can take care of that. After the army is ready, I will request a meeting with the king of Iride and offer them a chance to avoid war."

Keith didn't seem too happy with her attempt to avoid war. Something inside her wasn't either, but her logical mind knew that war could cost them more than they could afford. She's studied it somewhere. In a large library with floor to ceiling bookcases. Surrounded by roses.

"Are you alright, Kat?" Leila whispered as if sensing that something was wrong.

"Yes, of course." Her mind continued spinning, but she knew she had to return to the present. "The state of the navy, I recall, is deplorable. Could we do anything about that?"

Keith shook his head. "Unfortunately, most of our fleet was destroyed by pirates. At this time we do not have the necessary materials to build more warships."

Pirates. Ruthless cutthroats. A Jolly Roger floating above stormy sails. Ship-like buildings off the face of a jagged cliff. Death. Pain. Fire.

Kat shut her eyes tightly, forcing herself out of the memories. They never had any rhyme or reason. "I see. I know for a fact Iride has a powerful fleet."

And a competent Admiral. Blue tunics with golden buttons. A room spinning in complicated dance patterns. Dreams of wolves and ballrooms. The hole in her chest ached harder than ever.

Leila placed her hand on Kat's shoulder. Warmth radiated from it, calming her down, and the phantoms of her past finally left her alone.

"So we've heard from those stationed in Yarik," Keith said. "But our shoreline is closer to the coves, so we were always the first line of defense against the pirates. Iride could just stay back and watch us get pummeled."

"True," Kat growled.

Iride always took. Hoarded. Kept. Punished anyone who went against their rules. The more she saw the effects of that, the more she wanted to go to war. Or at least take from them and teach them a lesson.

"I want to meet with the noble houses," she said. "They will need to fund our army. And I want informants in Iride."

Keith looked startled at this. "Do you mean sent spies across the border, your Majesty?"

"That's exactly what I mean." A sudden memory flash before her, information lacking any feeling. "Their crown prince is dead. I want to know the current state of their country." She hoped Fherras was choking on the information. Had he even received it? Once again she drew a blank as to how, but she was aware someone was out there who could deliver it.

"The... The crown prince is dead?" The commander's eyes widened. "How... No offense, your Majesty, but how do you know?"

"None taken. I was there when it happened. Prince Ferdinand was murdered by Wolfbane." Another piece of objective information she had.

"I will send a few trustworthy people across the border right away."

She nodded in acceptance and dismissed him. Once he left the room, Leila turned to her.

"You're not well."

"I'm fine."

"I can sense when you're troubled."

Kat opened her mouth to point out that she'd be troubled too if she couldn't remember her past, but closed it. She wasn't sure why, but this was something she didn't want to share with Leila. Even if the woman was her closest and only friend, there were things she felt like sharing with someone else. That someone else, however, remained a mystery.

"Maybe I should come over and spend the night?"

"No, it's fine."

"Kat..."

A wave of repulsion overwhelmed her. "You know, I find it strange that you keep calling me that."

Leila tensed and pulled away. Her face turned stony and her eyes cold. "Pardon me, your Majesty."

As soon as it appeared, the negative feelings faded and Kat found herself facing a best friend that she'd hurt. Her heart tightened and it felt as if she were suffocating. This was hard enough without her moodiness.

"I'm sorry. Of course you don't have to call me that. Just... Maybe when other people are around?"

Leila still glared, but finally released a deep breath. "You're right. There is no need for anyone else to know how close we are. They could use me against you."

Kat hadn't thought about that. She hadn't really thought herself in danger from anything, but that was mostly because she had magic and because she had begun training in swordplay with Keith. Not even Leila was aware of that. Sometimes, however, it was easier to exhaust herself before going to sleep. It kept the hollowness away.

⚜⚜⚜

We are back to Kat! I know you haven't seen her in forever and you were probably wondering what she's doing. Well... It appears Lucille was a lot more ruthless in the feelings wiping department. She wiped most of her memories as well, or at least made them very hard to access. At least Cage remembers he loved Kat, even if he can't feel it anymore.

And yes, Leila is still a thing. Would this mean Lucille is actually cheating? 😅 I don't think that would surprise anyone.

Thanks so much for reading and leave a vote and comment for support!