PART I

MONDAY.

It was raining cats and dogs outside and I automatically having a bad day when I found out that the weather was not good. The reason was I couldn't watch Zandro doing his morning routine at the back of their house. When it’s sunny, I love watching him cutting all the woods by his axe. I don’t  know why I was entertained watching him doing that man stuff. He doesn’t know that I am consistent watcher of him.

He’s my neighbor, he barely know me because, well, I ain’t  popular in school. I always got bullied because of my short temper but I excelled in my class. I know him since grade school. This is the last month of school before the summer kick off next month. He is popular in school not because he is a jock, he doesn’t play any sports, but because he is calm and intelligent. Because of that fame, he can easily build relationships with other people. I know that I’m  kind of stalker or something but that’s the only happiness I can find in my high school life. Any moment now, I will be a college student. I have no idea what course I’m  going to take but one thing for sure, I will graduate this year without any problem.

Zandro is the only person that has a guts to have a conversation with me. I don’t know why he's making conversation to me, maybe because we’re  neighbors? Who knows?

We are both seventeen years old. He’s Leo and I am Sagittarius. Many girls falling in love with him and I can’t blame him. Look at his face, he has sweet smiles that can make my heart beat faster than coffee. He has hunter eyes that can melt an iceberg faster than the global warming. He has a great stature and body composition.
I’ll  admit, I’m  attracted to him. Can I blame him?

***

“Dude, it was a fun game, you missed it,” one of the guy said those words behind our lockers, “Bakit ka kase hindi pumunta?”

Zandro just gave him a grin and he continued to look something inside his locker.

“Lagi ka nalang ganyan, hindi makita kahit anino mo sa galaan, you should take some break sometimes,” the guy continued. As far as I remember his name was Eric. A sporty guy in the circle of friends of Zandro.

His friends composed of two girls named Sabrina and Pauline. Three boys named Eric and Michael, including Zandro. Most of them are well known in our school because of their faces. Hindi sila masyadong nakikipag-usap sa hindi nila kagrupo.

Seems like they are being picky with people. Hindi ako masyadong nagsasalita kapag nasa loob ako ng school. In my defense, it is a waste of saliva and time to have a nonsense conversation with someone. In that reason, I am struggling to connect with people. Next week is our Final Examination. I realized that after our examination, we should have to apply to some colleges in our town or outside of our town. I’m scared to be a college student next semester.

“You,” tawag ni Eric sa akin nang napadaan ako sa kanilang gitna, “It’s Courtney, right? Are you available next week?”

“Huh?” the only word I responded.

“We’re having a party next week in my house. You know, last bonding nalang namin ng mga barakada ko bago kami magkakahiwalay sa college, are you available next week on Friday?”

“Are you inviting me?”

He laughed softly and said, “Hindi ba obvious?”

Bigla akong nagtaka kung bakit sa isang iglap ay nagkaroon sila ng interes na imbitahan ako sa kanilang party. Napatingin ako kay Zandro na naroong hindi pa rin tapos sa kakahalungkat ng mga gamit niya sa kanyang locker.

“Are you in?” pagtawag sa akin ni Eric.

“Y-Yeah—um… I’ll  try,” ang tanging naging sagot ko sa kanya.

Pagkatapos kong masabi iyon ay narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto ng locker ni Zandro. Dahil sa kanyang ginawa ay naagaw nito ang aking atensyon. Nakita niyang medyo nagulat ako ng kaunti at bilang pagpapaumanhin niya sa akin ay binigyan niya ako ng nakakalusaw na ngiti. Hindi ko na nakita ang kanyang mga mata dahil sa kanyang ginawang pagngiti. Kumabog bigla ang aking dibdib sa kanyang ginawa. Mabuti nalang ay mabilis siyang maglakad kaya nakahinga na ako ng matiwasay dahil hindi ko na siya nakikita.

I still remember the first time he talked to me. It was cloudy day while I heard the bird’s chirping around the forest as I walking towards to the beach. The beach wasn’t that good. The seaside of it has a tall grass and the sand wasn’t white but it was kind of gray or something. I was peacefully walking at the side of the road, Zandro suddenly appeared out of nowhere with his bicycle. He gave me a sweet smile while greeting me.

“Your are Courtney, right?”

“Y-You know my name?”

“How can’t  I? You’re  my neighbor and my classmate. Where are you heading to?”

I appreciated his effort when he stopped his bicycle in front of me just to have a little conversation with me.

“Just down at the beach,” I said as I tried not to stutter.

He gave me again a cute smile and an innocent look and he said, “Can I go with you?”

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon ay nataranta na ang utak ko kung ano ang sunod kong sasabihin sa kanya. Wala akong mahanap na sagot kung bakit bigla nalang niya ako kinausap.

Sasagutin ko pa sana siya nang biglang umihip ang napakalakas na hangin at sumayaw ang mga hibla ng kanyang buhok nito at doon na nga ako natalo ng aking nararamdaman. Agad akong tumalikod sa kanya at sa hindi ko inaasahang pangyayari ay bigla nalang nagkaroon ng sariling pag-iisip ang aking mga binti at tumakbo ito palayo sa kinatatayuan ni Zandro.

That was so embarrassing. After that event, I locked myself on my room because of what I did and I just watched him doing his machismo stuff at the back of their house. How I wish I can buried myself six feet underground because of the embarassment.

***

Napupuno ng kuwentuhan ang buong bulwagan ng cafeteria. Hindi na bago sa akin na laging nag-iisa sa lamesa ng cafeteria habang ang ibang mga estudyante ay nagtutumpukan sa kani-kanilang mga lamesa. Napapaisip tuloy ako kung mayroong mali sa aking sarili. Why I can’t make people love me? Maybe there’s  something wrong within me that pushes people around me. I can’t connect with people and I can’t  build relationships with them. I was like air floating around their atmosphere without noticing my appearance. They call me weird and ugly. They said those words because I am good with class but I have short temper.

I can see myself in front of the mirror that I have a face to compete with other girls in school, the problem is my behavior. How can I fix it? Maybe I need someone to fix it?
My whole life I felt like I was isolated in this world. I have a curse carrying at my back that I am allergy with some human touch or something. I want to be like the other kids playing around with their own stuff. I want to be like somebody, a somebody who can express her emotions without worrying what’s going to happen next. I want to be like normal people.

“You okay?”

Agad kong inangat ang aking ulo upang tignan kung kaninong boses ang aking narinig. Hindi nga ako nagkakamali sa aking iniisip. Boses iyon ni Zandro. Nakasuot na naman ang kanyang mukha ng ngiti na pinapatibok ng mabilis ang aking dibdib.

“Are you sharing this table with someone?” he continued to ask.

“Are you joking me around?”

Hindi niya maintindihan ang aking sinabi at napakunot siya ng kanyang noo sa pagtataka kung bakit iyon ang aking nasabi. Hindi niya ba alam na buong high school life ko ay wala akong naging kaibigan.

“I-I am so sorry, I thought this table—“ hindi niya napatapos ang kanyang sasabihin nang bigla akong tumayo at niyaya siyang umupo kasama ko.

“This chair is not taken. I was trying to say was you don’t know that I am always in my solo and you asked me if this table was occupied by someone else.”

Hindi na ito nagsalita pa at mabilis siyang umupo at nilantakan ang kanyang biniling pagkain. So, I’ll  admit it. It was kind of awkward. The intensity of what I’m feeling right now increased. I know that there’s  something in this guy that can make my whole system glitches but when he’s close to me, I felt like I am about to burst.

“Are you alright?” he asked me again and I bet that he noticed me that I’m sweating pretty hard, “About Eric said. Are you going, right?”

“O-Oh sure. I’m going.”

“Good, so I’ll see you there,” he said and he finished his lunch by sipping every precious drop of his chocolate juice drink.

Thank you for reading :)