It’s been a month since I woke up. I have undergone treatments and am now ready to continue my life, I guess? Doctor KZ gave me printed basic information about myself to be a guide in gaining back my memories and helping me live a normal life. She has been very on hands with helping me out despite the attitude and suspicion, I gave her at first. She’s no doubt a good doctor.

Having this so-called “traumatic amnesia” is so messed up and such a hassle.

I observed my surrounding after being dropped off by a taxi in front of a high-rise building. I am currently in the heart of Cebu City’s business park. This place is the exact replica of my false memory. Standing beside Parade Perez Line is their rival company—Rodriguez Clothing Apparel. The one thing I am grateful for is; I may have lost my memory about who I am but anything related to work and surviving this world is still something that I still remember.

I held tightly the journal Sebastian had before he died. It is written in this journal that this is where they first met, I mean we first met but this journal is the only memento I have of him.

And sadly, I still don’t feel anything for him or remember any memories of him. Muli kong binasa ang iniwang journal ni Sebastian sa akin.

“Remember when I told you on our first day that from that day forward, I promise to love you even when you don't find a reason to love yourself? You warned me multiple times that you're a mess but I still pursued you saying that I will love you extra more to reciprocate the love that you can't give yourself. Patawarin mo ako dahil kinain ko ang sinabi ko. I’m sorry that I got tired of trying and I’m sorry that I gave up but please give us another chance. Pinagsisihan ko lahat. Please, huwag mo na sasaktan ulit ang sarili mo o magtangkang patayin ang sarili mo. Mahal pa rin kita, May. Magsimula tayo ulit.”

These were the last notes he had written in his journal. My prayers weren’t answered. I can still vividly remember the time when I was still freaked out and thought the hospital was messed up, the hospital hostage, the thugs, and Sebastian.

I really was in a total mess at that time. I still don’t remember anything related to May Gonzales but I know some of her, I mean my story through Sebastian’s journal.

He really loved me but unfortunately, he died without me remembering my memories with him and my love for him. He left too soon, we haven’t even started again. I have to get myself together.

Don’t worry Sebastian,even though I still have no memories of you, the new May Gonzales will value her life.

Today is finally my first day at work. I tidied up my white slacks with a gray dressy blouse before I entered the company building.

“Wow! Buhay ka pa pala?” A girl in a very short pink pencil skirt yelled the very moment I entered the building where I work according to the data the doctor gave me. “Masamang damo ka talaga, ano.”

I scanned her from head to foot trying to remember who she is. She flipped her re-bonded long straight black hair before mockingly gazed at me with her chinita black eyes. Three more girls came closer to us. They also have that mocking, disgusted look in their eyes. Am I hated here? Did my past self offend them?

“Excuse me?”

Naasigaw ako nang bigla na lamang hablutin ng babaeng sumalubong sa akin ng buhok ko.

Is bullying still in trend? What are they? A bunch of high school bullies? I jever thought I’d meet barbarians in Perez Parade Line’s uniforms. When will they grow up?

“Nandidiri ako sa pagmumukha mo! Ba’t kasi ’di ka pa natuluyan? Or why don’t you just resign? Or gusto mong maulit muli ang nangyari sa ’yo before the day you committed suicide?”

How did they know I committed suicide? Maulit muli? Are they the reason I committed suicide before? If they really did bully me before then they have to think twice now. I am different from the girl they once knew. And this woman won’t allow anybody to mistreat her.

“Miss Elena!” I instinctively turned to the person who called me.

Wait, I’m not Elena.

I mentally slapped my face, I am May Gonzales, not Elena. I need to separate this false memory, this is really inconvenient. And again, I am reminded that Doctor KZ was right all those times. To think that I even gave Doctor KZ an attitude. Well, I did realize I was wrong when I tried to contact the Perez residence.

I gaped as Elena Perez elegantly walked towards us wearing an above-the-knee sophisticated red body-con dress paired with 6-inch red high heels which showed off her slim body. Her medium brown hair danced along with her every move. Breathtaking.

“Ano pong problema Miss Elena?” Asked the bodyguard beside her.

Did I just see surprise in her hazel orbs as she intently stared at the group of girls in—fear? Lumapit sa kanya ang isa sa mga babaeng nakapalibot sa akin kanina pero laking gulat namin nung umatras siya at napaupo sa sahig.

I don’t know if my memories are real or not about Elena I am claiming to be but the Elena in my memory is different from what I am seeing now. The intensity of her aura is different, she is less intimidating, and instead of a strict businesswoman, her image shows off a damsel in distress.

“Hindi! Hindi! Layuan niyo ako!” Hinampas niya ang ulo niya habang humahagulgol. “Hindi na mauulit, pangako. Tigilan niyo na ako.”

Sinubukan siyang alalayan ng kumonpronta sa akin pero lalo lamang siya umiyak at nagwala. Hindi nagtagal ay nakuha namin ang atensyon ng mga tao sa paligid dahil nasa gitna pa kami ng lobby. Loud buzzes from the bystanders enveloped the place.

“Si Miss Elena ’yan ’di ba?”

“Anong nangyayari?”

“First time kong makitang magkaganyan si Miss Elena.”

I bet this going to be posted in a tabloid if a reporter sees the celebrity of the business industry—Elena Perez—going crazy like this. This is wrong, it just feels wrong.

It’s like seeing myself being pathetic in front of many people.

Elena Perez is supposed to be sophisticated, strict, and perfect—she shouldn’t act like that in front of this crowd. Gusto biya ba talaga maging headline ng mga diyaryo?

I can’t help but get irritated. Tanga ba siya? Nung ’di ako makatiis ay lumapit ako sa kanya at inilahad ang kamay ko para tulungan siyang makatayo.

“You shouldn’t be acting like that in front of your staff, Miss Elena,” I whispered to her before facing the crowd. “And for you, people. The show’s over. Get back to work.”

Someone suddenly grabbed my shoulder forcing me to face her. Oh, it’s the psycho from earlier. I almost forgot about them.

“Who are you to order us around like that b*tch?!”

I was about to answer her when Miss Elena pushed me away and ran in terror after seeing me closely. What is wrong with her?! Abnormal ba siya? Calm your horses, Gonzales. That is your boss here, don't start giving her the attitude. I slapped the psycho's hands away from my shoulder and glared at her.

“What is this all about?”

That voice... Luke. I can’t get that voice wrong. It’s him.

I felt the butterflies in my tummy flutter along with my racing heart. I miss that voice so much that these feelings are suffocating me.

Shaking my head, I turned to face him. I already cleared to myself that everything I saw in my memory is not real, it was all false but how can I make this heartbeat wildly understand that not because my memory is in love with him, I already am? I might be just in love with the thought of loving him but why does it hurt so much?

“Babe!” Miss Elena exclaimed in a very dramatic tone

She ran towards the dashing man in his navy suit—Luke Javier—the man Elena Perez in my memory loves dearly. Napairap na lamang ako sa inis ng mapansin na naman si Elena.

Looking at her feels weird specially when you have a memory that shows you are her. At first, I was claiming I was Elena Perez so seeing her face felt like looking through a mirror but seeing Luke with Miss Elena pained me too that I’m secretly wishing I was the woman he is embracing.

He caressed Elena’s cheeks lovingly.
“What’s wrong, babe? Why are you crying?”

In my memory, he is also a sweet and thoughtful man. It sent mixed emotions seeing him with Miss Elena.

“Ayoko na dito. Uuwi nalang ako sa bahay,” her voice trembled. “Ayoko na dito, Babe.” She then looked at me, and her hands trembled even more. “Umuwi na tayo.”

“Babe, it’s alright. I’m here. Look me in the eye.” He held her cheeks and met her eyes. “Wala kang dapat katakutan, andito lang ako.”

Yes, that’s right. In my memory of Elena, his mesmerizing green eyes always calms her down. He kissed her forehead and smiled sweetly at her.

I don’t know why but seeing Luke this way to a woman that is not me felt like I can hear my heart shattering into pieces. Why am I hurting myself by looking at them?

“May!” I turned around and saw an unfamiliar face standing in front of me.

“Kanina pa kita tinatawag pero ’di mo naman ako pinapansin,” pagrereklamo niya sa akin.

“Who are you again?”

Surprised by my question, she smiled bitterly at me.