I often wonder why my generation is so impulsive.

Radhika and Vivaan, after a three-hour long conversation, decided to forgive each other. They still had a lot of things to sort out, like her trust issues and his going behind her back, but they were being civil to each other, for now at least. Sadly, they weren't back together just yet and I was getting really tired of their will-they-won't-they attitude.

On the bright side, however, the next day was relatively peaceful. We explored the city further and even paid a visit to Madhapur, quite possibly the richest village in South Asia. I honestly couldn't believe that it was a village.

No one wanted to do anything but stay in on our third and second-last day in Bhuj. When I found out that Rads was having Vivaan over to talk even more, I couldn't escape from my room fast enough.

"We were wondering when you'd join us," Karan said, stepping aside to let me pass, "come on in."

Confused, I looked around and spotted Aryan mindlessly flicking through channels on the TV, realising that I wasn't the only one fed up with their drama.

"I'm hungry," I announced, dropping beside Kian on the carpet at the foot of his bed, "bored and hungry."

"Well then you shouldn't have missed breakfast," Kian said lazily, kicking Aryan's foot, which was dangling from the chair he was sitting on sideways, and motioning him to stop at Star Sports.

"I don't want to watch Cricket!" Aryan moaned, trying, and failing, to return Kian's kick as he changed the channel again.

"Too bad, I want to watch the highlights of yesterday's match." Kian kicked him again, more violently than before.

"What's the point? You already know who won." I said, gratefully accepting a bowl of cup noodles from Karan as he settled down beside me. "Aryan and I aren't too fond of that game. I'm not fond of any sport to be honest."

"So you guys don't have to watch, it's our room anyway. Karan, back me up."

Karan simply slurped down his noodles. "Don't drag me into this."

Kian narrowed his eyes at his roommate as Aryan punched the air in an exaggerated display of victory. "We're not friends anymore."

"Quit being dramatic space boy."

Kian groaned, finally accepting defeat and stood up. "Alright then, I'm going to get a coke, anyone need something else?"

"Coffee!"

"Chai please."

"More noodles"

"Cool, fetch it yourself." He grinned, stepping out of the room before we could hit him.

                          {[]}

"Can I ask you something?"

Karan looked up from his phone and smiled, waving towards the seat beside him. "Sure."

Today was the last day of our epic trip and despite this being the best vacation of my life, I still felt that there was one last thing I was had to do. A hollow sensation lingered. This was supposed to be, after all, something to remember my friends by, since it would be a miracle if we managed to remain so close once college started. Yet, I felt incomplete.

And I knew exactly why.

Sitting down on the sofa, I turned to face him. "Are you...okay?"

He stared at me, confused. "Am I not supposed to be?"

"No, I meant...do you think about Adi?"

Grim understanding dawned on his face. "So now it's your turn to play shrink? Save it Ash, the others have already prodded me enough."

"What is the matter with you?" I said, losing my temper. "I just wanted to know if...if it's just me who feels so guilty." My voice cracked and I looked down at my fingers.

He didn't say anything and absently stared at the bustling reception table.

"I should go." I started getting up, annoyed by his silence.

"Everyday," he said eventually, so quietly that it would've been impossible to hear his voice if I wasn't right next to him, straining my ears. "But I don't feel guilty. Miserable, at times even angry, but not guilty. I don't see why you do." His voice hardened. "It's not as if you could've really helped a person who was broken beyond repair."

Not waiting for my reply, not that I had any, he got to his feet and joined the rest of them.

My mind was still reeling from this conversation that the thirty minute drive seemed shorter than usual. I blinked when the sight of patrolling army men met my eyes.

It seemed that we had arrived at the best part of Kutch.

We had saved going to the Great Rann of Kutch till the end, since Aryan and Radhika were somewhat reluctant to walk in a desert for hours in the heat of June. But more than five rounds of heated debate later, it was agreed upon that it would be a grave sin to travel all the way to Bhuj and not even have one glimpse of the divine salt flats, regardless of the weather.

So after pooling in whatever money we had left, we had hired a man, Dheeraj, to guide us through the BSF check point. Unlike an average guide, he came with the extra talent of knowing his way around a tandoor.

Even though it was five thirty, the sun was shining over my head, and I was thankful for my pretentious baseball cap and shades, even though I probably looked straight out of a nineties teen flick, wearing loose ripped jeans and a white tank over black sneakers.

"This isn't exactly tourist season," a Border Security Officer said, approaching our cars as we all stepped out.

Dheeraj went up to him, greeting him as if they knew each other, which they probably did. "That's what I told them Sen, but you know how stubborn kids can be."

"Well..." Officer Sen smiled, "they're not the only ones."

He proceeded to check our ID before giving us the all clear and warning us to not stray too far beyond. This area had been declared a no vehicle zone and so we had to travel on foot towards our camp which, given the fact that this wasn't tourist season as Officer Sen had remarked, only consisted of two canvas tents propped beside a tandoor which Dhiraj had set up earlier this morning.

The walk wasn't too bad. Or at least that was what Dhiraj said, for I had started sweating profusely after just the first five minutes. Though thirty minutes in, the sun started sinking and it began to cool down, only slightly.
"My mother had been so worried when I told her we were coming here. She was afraid I'd end up crossing the border and the Pakistanis would think I'm a spy." Radhika huffed, chuckling lightly. "It sounded so far-fetched since—"

"—you're too unsexy to be a spy?" Aryan cheekily offered.

Rads laughed, "That and also, it feels as if Pakistan is light years away. Heck, India feels light years away. We're in the middle of nowhere."

She was right. Wherever I looked, miles upon miles of miles of snow white ground stretched till infinity, beyond even the unattainable horizon. But unlike snow, this earth was hard and radiated heat even after sunset.

Speaking of sunset...

"Vivaan you need to click a photo of this," I elbowed him, gazing at the patterns of pink, red and orange reflected on the endless white canvas.

That was the extent of all conversation, and we continued walking towards the camp as dusk moulded into nightfall and the cold wind, characteristic of deserts, started blowing.

"Finally!" Kian exclaimed as we reached the camp.

It was a cosy little set up, with two white tents perched next to the portable oven. Twenty minutes later, a dazzling flame had been lit inside it and our guide was busy cooking tikka paneer.

Wiping my face and settling down between Aryan and Kian, I was the last person to join the merry circle. "How long would we stay here for?"

"Not more than three hours I hope, our train would arrive at twelve tomorrow so we'd have to check out by ten," Vivaan answered, nibbling on a paneer.

"Thanks," I told Dheeraj as he handed me my own stick of roasted spicy paneer and capsicum. "So what are we supposed to do now?"

"I don't know I just wish we had chicken..." Karan trailed off, looking at his food longingly.

"No no! No meat in this tandoor," Dheeraj said in his usual, gravelly voice, his tone hushed. "But you should've visited during the Rann utsav, ah I love festival time! There's dancing and singing and nice food, no meat though. And the kites, the kites are my favourite!" He broke off, as if lost in his day dreams.

He was a cool fellow but could be a bit weird.

Aryan cleared his throat, rudely ending Dheeraj's dramatic effect and earning a scowl from him. Not paying any heed to the older man, Aryan spoke up, "Well, since we don't have any dancing and singing going on right now, how about we play a game?"

"Which game?" Radhika asked.

"I don't know, you decide."

"Okay then..." She pondered, "how about never have I ever?"

"I can't see alcohol around. There's none in this entire state!" Vivaan muttered.

"C'mon! It'll be fun, babe." She mocked Viv, making him narrow his eyes while the rest of us released a collective sigh of exasperation.

Considering no one had better ideas, we ended up playing the cliché game using Pepsi. The rules were that who-so-ever ended up finishing their drink first would have to carry the tents and tandoor back to the cars. As Radhika was the one who suggested the game, she went first.

"Never have I ever had feelings for a girl." She laughed with me as all the four boys groaned before raising their cups to their mouths.

"Never have I ever broken up with someone," Aryan said, gleefully watching me, Radhika, Karan and Vivaan take a sip.

Vivaan thought for a moment before finally giving me a smirk and saying, "never have I ever failed a test."

"Asshole," I mumbled, sipping my Pepsi along with Aryan.

We played like this for almost another twenty minutes and by the end, everyone except Karan had not more than a couple of sips left. It was my turn and I decided to be a little unfair. "Never have I ever been a boyfriend."

Radhika giggled, as Aryan tipped his cup back one final time, losing. Vivaan and Karan also sipped from their cups for the sake of formality. But it was Kian who surprised me.

"I think it would be fair if I take half a sip," he said, eyes twinkling as they met mine.

All the blood in my body rushed to my face when everyone else hooted at that.

Unofficial boyfriend doesn't sound too bad. The irritating voice in my head commented.

I paid her no heed and we continued chatting about everything and anything under the moon. After a while, we decided to lie down in our tents to rest before we'd have to start our journey back through the Rann. It was supposed to be a short respite, given that it was already eight thirty. We agreed to leave at nine, as Dheeraj needed to rest his feet as well.

Radhika and I's tent was quiet. She had her headphones on and was listening to music while I texted ma, sending over a hundred pictures. After five minutes though, I got tired of that and bid her goodnight. Slipping away from the tent silently, I told Rads I'd be outside, who absently nodded to indicate she heard me.

Outside, the air had turned quite cool, somewhat chilly in fact, if the goose bumps on my arms were any indication to go by. There were still a few embers left burning in the tandoor and I approached it, seeking its warmth.

My mind was restless as I sat down on a stool. My thoughts wandered to what Karan had said earlier. His words, which had been forcefully pushed aside throughout the day, rang loud and clear in this eerie silence of the desert.

"It's not as if you could've really helped a person who was broken beyond repair."

A gust of moving air hit the exposed flesh of my arms, making me shiver.

"Hey..."

Startled, I looked up, seeing Kian take a seat on a bamboo stool beside me, not before moving it as close to mine as possible. Like always, I stared at him unashamedly. As creepy as that sounds, I could never get tired of looking at him.

Thinking that my stare was questioning, he smirked and defensively explained his actions, "what? It's cold. The closer the cosier remember?"

I shook my head. "No I was just...never mind..."

His usual toothy grin replaced his uncharacteristic smirk. "Too lost in my handsome face?"

I scoffed but didn't reply.

We continued to sit there in silence as he texted his mother and I again surrounded myself with thoughts of Adi, like I done for the past few months. He was always at the back of my mind.

"You're thinking about him aren't you?"

I didn't bother to say anything, completely aware that he won't accept any lie I'd try to feed him. This boy knew me far too well.

He sighed and lifted my jean-clad legs, draping them over his own jean-clad thighs and shifted closer, wrapping his arms around my sides. His chin rested on my shoulder and his mouth was right beside my ear, warm breath fanning the surface of my neck.

A shiver went down my spine again, but this time, it wasn't the desert wind.

"You need to stop blaming yourself," came his deep grumble. "You're not responsible for his actions."

"Ki...I..." My voice shook with barely suppressed sobs.

"Shh..." Lightly, he kissed the shell of my ear, then the hairline above it and then the corner of my eye, lingering there for a while, as if wanting to prevent any tears from falling. His butterfly kisses felt comforting. They were warm. They were calming.

His lips continued to press lightly all over my face until my sobs died down. Silence enveloped us, broken only by the crackling of flames.

"Have you checked your e-mail yet?" he asked.

"No, I'm afraid it'll...I'm afraid of what it might contain."

"I understand," he said quickly. "But waiting for another five months won't change his last message for you. Reading it now, however, might make it easier to move on."

The truth in his words was so loud and clear that it was almost impossible to deny. It was perhaps that glaringly obvious fact which made me reach out for my phone in my pocket.

Kian nodded encouragingly and it gave me enough strength to stop shaking and open my rarely used G-mail inbox. Beneath the notifications of my long-forgotten Facebook account was the e-mail from Adi. Clicking on it I saw the words, which appeared a bit hazy at first and then became clear. I scanned his last message, their message hitting painfully hard in the gut.

"I'm sorry I cannot be fine anymore."

Eight words. Eight simple words yet they wrenched a sob from me. They but brought back another memory. A memory of a promise. Adi's promise made on a day less than a year ago that felt much more far away in time. Yet, I could almost feel the wet patch of tears on my shirt. Aditya's tears.

"No matter what happens, I will be fine. I'm determined to be fine."

It wasn't my fault. I believed that at last.

But that didn't stop my tears.

Kian held me. I wept like a baby and he silently held me without complaint. I was more than grateful for that.

It took me a while to gather myself and when I did, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There was a lingering hollow ache inside me still, but I finally accepted that he wasn't coming back. In that moment, I had truly made peace with the reality of Adi's death.

I remained quiet when it was time to pack up and leave. I remained quiet on our walk back. I remained quiet on the ride back to our hotel.

And throughout, he didn't let go of my hand.

Parting at the lobby, I nodded at him in reassurance and simply followed Rads to our room.

Hitting the pillows at one AM, sleep came to me instantly.

                           {[]}

Namaste readers!!

Felt like giving y'all an Indian greeting.

This was a short but pretty important chapter, what with Ash's closure and everything.

The bit about Adi's promise of being "fine" was from chapter 17 (Farewell Finally), if anyone's wondering.

Well then, hope you enjoyed reading, and please, 

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