The last weeks of May were spent in haphazard shopping sprees, following Alia's merciless fitness routines and giving myself up to Radhika's irregular yet frequent makeover attempts. The two girls were intent on transforming me into my best possible version. I'd be lying if I say that I didn't like the changes. My hair was now shoulder length with light brown highlights and I'd lost about six kgs.

Any kind of physical activity had been non-existent in my daily schedule since the past two years. As a result, I was keen to shed the extra weight which had seemingly popped out of nowhere. Alia was the best and the worst kind of self-appointed trainer. Encouraging in a brutally honest way, she loved bossing me around and glaring at me whenever I asked for a break.

So when I was sitting on Alia's bean bag, basking in the refreshing feeling of having spent the past hour swimming laps, the nervousness in my forever confident friend's voice surprised me.

"Umm...how do I look?"

I looked up to see her modeling a white and gold summer dress for me. It hung loosely over her shoulders and hugged her waist after which it flared around her knees.

"Prettier than usual..." I said, recovering from my shock and quickly typing 'ttyl' on Kian's chatbox, as I was texting him while waiting for Alia to finish showering. "What's the occasion?"

"We're going shopping."

My brows shot up, "are we? How come I didn't know?"

"Shh!" she frantically hushed me as she dashed forward, almost tripping over our unfinished game of checkers lying on the floor. "This is just a cover. You'll help me in getting out out of the house, pretending to go shoe shopping wimme and then you'll go home and I'll go for coffee with Aryan."

"Woah! An entire secret mission for coffee? Are you sure that dress isn't bulletproof?" I drawled, not quietly.

"Shh!" She hushed again before grabbing my hand and dragging me out of her room. Her parents didn't question us as we walked out of the front door and soon went on our seperate ways.

Despite all the covering up I was forced to do, I was happy for Aryan and her, even felt a bit proud if I may be honest, having introduced the two of them in the first place. Yet, there was a tiny part of me which was left somewhat envious after seeing their eager, tentative, young and secretive love turn into a blissful and relaxed (though still secretive) romance.

I knew that I could have that, but reluctance was gripping my arms and holding me back. Yes, I was well aware that anything I'd start with Kian right now would most likely end within a couple of months, given the fact that college was just a few weeks away, though that wasn't it.

I was scared.

Which was an utterly stupid thing to feel. Yes, my only attempt at a 'relationship' was complete disaster, but this time should be different of course. I mean, for starters, I actually liked this guy, have had a crush on him for ages.

Then there was the prospect of asking him out.

Dense as I generally was when it came to being perceptive about the feelings of humans other than myself, I somehow was able to detect Kian's. An unusual hesitance surrounded him whenever we were hanging out with each other, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't get past the nerves.

Obviously I understood why. Confident as he typically was, one rejection could've made him wary, regardless of how valid my reasons were.

I made up my mind to call Radhika by the time I reached home. Going straight to my room, I shooed Aarna away from the study table and locked the door. I called Rads thrice. She didn't answer even once.

Dejected, I threw my Samsung on the covers and unfolded my form to lie down, closing my eyes. Disturbing Alia right now was out of question, the girl would murder anyone who'd disrupt her date.

Adi would've had good advice...

I quickly shook my head to get the morbid thought out and decided to phone Karan instead. He answered on the first ring.

"This better be good Pathak, I was about to qualify the thirty sixth level of Candy Crush!"

Rolling my eyes I dryly answered, "oh this is better than bursting stupid candies alright. Are you free right now?"

"I just told you I was playing Candy Crush. Of course I'm free!"

"OK then." I took a deep breath, "I need to ask you something."

"No Ash I can't marry you, I'm just eighteen..." he said jokingly.

"Shut up doofus! This is serious!"

"Okay sorry, go ahead."

"I still like Kian," I said in a rush. "And I don't know what to do about it."

"Oh," he said, his voice sounding strangely subdued. "Well...you could always start by telling him..."

"I'm pretty sure he already knows..."

"No he doesn't." Karan sighed, his tone normal again, "he has texted me like, ten times in the past week. Asking me to ask you about your feelings for him since he's too much of a pussy to approach the subject himself."

"Don't call him that!" I snapped as he laughed. "Well can't you just tell him that I like him so that he'll ask me out again?"

"You're right, I can but I won't. Where's the fun in that? Besides, you've had it way too easy when it comes to Kian. He's the one who has always done the persuing. It's about time that you know how it feels to put yourself out there, baring your emotions for him to see and judge, knowing that rejection is a possibility." Karan said, his voice both scolding and encouraging at the same time.

I was speechless.

"You there?" he probed, as the silence stretched too long.

"Yeah I just...thank you I guess, I needed that..."

"You are welcome." He laughed again, "so what are you gomna do?"

Mentally groaning at the thought of what I had to do, I replied, "not something too stupid I hope. Wish me luck."

He didn't. Instead he continued laughing as I hung up the phone.

{[]}

That night I couldn't sleep at all. One half of my mind was still replaying the conversation with Karan while the other half was too excited for tomorrow to shut down. We had to board our train to Surat at ten in the morning and I could really use some sleep.

After forty minutes of restless tossing, I flung the cotton sheets away from my body and stood up, arranging the pillows like a wall beside Aarna to prevent her from falling off her butt if she woke up. My phone told me it was quarter to midnight. Everyone was sleeping.

Dropping on a sofa in the drawing room, I re-read the contents of my chatbox with Kian like the desperate, creepy loser I'd become. Two minutes of staring later, I made a split second decision to pay my neighbour a midnight visit.

Not wanting to talk myself out of following through this crazy idea, I hastily snatched the extra pair of house keys from the empty fruit bowl and stepped out of my flat, locking the door behind me. It took me two long strides to reach his front door. Giving myself a mental pep talk, I whipped my phone out and called Kian.

"Hello?" came his sleepy voice after a few rings.

"Are you awake?"

This felt like time when he'd come to my place a year and a half ago...tormented by his parents' illegal earnings. Now it seemed that the roles were reversed and I was the tormented one.

"Ashiana?" he sounded alert now. "Are you okay? Is everything alright? What happened?"

If I was not leaning against the wall, I surely would've melted into a puddle of love-struck goo.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," I began. "It's not about me, it's just..."

About us?

Nah too clichè.

"You're standing outside aren't you? Kian said, not giving me a chance to continue.

"How do you..." The door opened from inside, revealing Kian in his white t-shirt and blue pyjamas, his hair messed up perfectly, "...know that?" I finished, ending the call like him.

"Come on in," he said smiling as he practically pulled me inside.

"Wh...what about your parents?"

He shrugged. "Not here...they've gone to Amritsar to attend my aunt's wedding."

"Wow...and they left you guys alone?"

"Yeah...it's not a big deal, we're both adults y'know?" he said, chuckling at the way my eyes widened in awe. "Would you like something to drink?"

I shook my head as I took a seat, gesturing for him to sit beside me, which he did almost instantly. I didn't say anything for a while, quietly gathering the courage to get the right words out, not even noticing that Kian had started playing with my fingers while waiting for me to break the silence.

In an attempt to stop beating around the bush, I blurted out the question which was echoing in my mind since earlier that afternoon.

"Would you like to date me?"

His hand stilled as he moved his head slowly to look at me. His mouth gaped open in shock as I gave him a smile which I hoped was cute but in all probability, looked like an ugly grimace.

It dropped as he continued to look eerily astonished.

"Kian?" I asked weakly.

He snapped out of his daze at my voice, "you're joking right?"

"After you reaction, I really wish I was..." I replied meekly.

"No please don't...it's not that I don't..." He inhaled deeply, running a hand through his rumpled hair. "I thought you didn't want to..."

Hope flared inside me, "why would you think that?"

"Well, one bacause that's what you told me when I asked you at the end of grade eleventh. Two because Aryan said that you don't want to date me now given that college is right around the corner..."

"I'm assuming Alia told him that? Gods I hate gossip!" I rubbed my head, contemplating, before abruptly saying, "you know what? That's not entirely wrong, I'm still apprehensive. I don't even know why I asked you..."

He stiffened, "are you taking your words back?"

"No, I'm saying you should consider it carefully and tell me what you think tomorrow." I stood up, intending to leave.

"Waiting another twenty four hours won't change my answer Ashiana!" he deadpanned, getting to his feet too.

"So then recheck your answer and tell me tomorrow once you're sure it's correct," I muttered impatiently.

"This is not a math problem Ash." He looked positively amused.

"Yeah but it is a chemistry problem...God that was so cheesy," I said, chuckling when he threw his head back and let out a deep laugh.

In the next second, he had his arms around me as his lips pressed against my forehead, warmth spreading from the point where they touched my skin. I closed my eyes and sighed happily, returning his embrace while a lazy grin surfaced on my face.

"Are you sure you don't want to know?" he mumbled over my hairline.

"Save your breath Dhawan."

"As you wish babe."

{[]}

The next morning, or rather a few hours later, my mother woke me up and it hit me that last night wasn't a dream. I had gotten less than four hours of sleep yet there was a bounce in my step as I went about my morning routine.

Today we were going to Surat!

Papa pulled over the New Delhi Railway Station at exactly nine am. I insisted on carrying my luggage even though he offered to help me with it, afraid that he'd think I'm not independent enough and would take me back home.

The gang was already on the platform by the time we reached there. The train was supposed to arrive at ten and till now, there was no news of delay.

"Papa you can go to work. I'll be fine, everyone's here."

"I'll go after you're safetly on the train," he grumbled, smiling a bit when he saw my friends waving at us.

Excited chatter surrounded me as I greeted everyone while papa mingled with the parents of Karan, Radhika and Vivaan. The train was on time and I hugged my father one last time before going inside.

"I've sent you ten thousand bucks on PayTM Ashiana, try not to spend it all at once," he said, ruffling my hair as if I was six again but I didn't complain. "Have fun and be careful okay?"

I gave him my most reassuring smile, "okay."

I waved as the train moved till I couldn't see him anymore. Sighing, I turned and walked towards my compartment where everyone else already was.

It was a second class AC II tier train so each compartment had four bunks without any doors. The boys had a compartment all for themselves while Radhika and I had to share with an old couple. Naturally, we decided to avoid their company until bedtime and hung out with the guys.

Theirs was most likely the nosiest section of the train, even though we were playing dumb charades. I was in the middle of guessing a Tamil movie, trying to understand Vivaan's poor acting clues, when my phone chimed with a notification.

Leaving the task of guessing to Radhika, I checked my cell.

It was a message from the guy sitting right across me.

'Meet me at the end of the aisle at midnight, I owe you an answer.'

Trying to play it off cool, I continued acting normal, barely supressing the urge to squeal. Twelve more rounds later, our team with Rads, Vivaan and me as members, won.

We all retired to bed early, since we'd reach Surat at five thirty tomorrow. I waited patiently till Radhika's soft snores filled the air before slipping out of my bunk. It was still eleven forty so I went to pee and brush my teeth.

I stepped out of the washroom and saw that Kian was standing where he had said he'd be. At the end of the aisle, where there was the carriage door, was just enough space for five people to stand.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey..." I grabbed the railing as I almost lost my balance due to the jerking movement of the train. Kian was quick to clutch my side to help me and I nodded once I was steady on my feet again.

Though he didn't move his hand, not that I was complaining.

"So...I had plenty of time to check and recheck and cross check my answer," he began.

"And?" I whispered eagerly.

"And I think you already know..." His face was just milimeters away from mine and his hand on my hip bone tightened.

"I'd still appreciate if you would spell it out for me." I gasped, I could feel my blood pumping furiously and my face was hot enough to boil soup on it. He was way into my personal space now, yet I wanted him even closer.

Kian didn't humour me though. For at the next moment, he slanted his lips on mine, kissing me finally.

During the initial three seconds, I thought I'd explode due to an overload of sensations, but then they died down slowly.

I stood there. He stood there. We both continued to stand there for ten whole seconds (yes I counted), before breaking apart.

Well that was awkward.

"So umm..." Kian said, "I'll uh...see you in the morning I guess." He was observing the dusty blue walls behind me while shuffling in his pockets.

"Yeah, goodnight."

Not lingering even for a second, I turned on my heels and walked towards my compartment, directing all my energy to not break into a run. No, that'll be extremely insensitive.

I pulled the curtains and saw both the lower berths occupied by the old couple, their snores and the faint sound of the wheels filling the silence.

Radhika had taken the berth above aunty, leaving the one beside her empty. Mentally chanting a prayer, I put my foot on the first rim of the ladder, which was at level with my abdomen. Gripping the edge of my berth, I heaved my weight up as quietly as possible before pulling my other leg and crawling over the opposite end, pulling the blanket with me.

Leaning against the curved wall, I stretched my legs in front of me and let out a breath. The climbing process was one of the main reasons why I hated top berths. I had barely started replaying the events of the past few minutes in my head when my supposedly asleep friend whisper-yelled.

"Where were you?"

Jumping slightly I squinted at her face, suddenly illuminated by the light of her phone.

"Why are you still awake?" I whispered back.

"Answer my question first."

"I uh...was in the washroom."

"Uh huh, before or after your rendezvous with Kian?"

A sweat broke out on my neck but I forced myself to act indifferent. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She clicked her tongue impatiently.

"Ashiana please, don't give me opportunity to be a bad cop, you know very well I'll love it. Spill it put for Gods' sake!"

I sprawled on my berth before turning my back towards Radhika, successfully blocking out the flashlight of her front camera. "Go to sleep Rads, we need to be up early tomorrow."

"You're digressing."

"You're annoying," came my muffled retort.

She went quiet after that and I allowed myself to relax, finally, until,

"Tell me what happened between you two," she whispered in my ear.

"Eeeeek!" I shouted, scooting away from her. That insane girl was hovering over my roof-facing ear. Her legs were flat on her berth and she had perched her chin on her hands casually--the elbows of which were digging into my berth-- as if her torso was not hanging in midair.

I quickly turned to face her, half amused, half mortified. It didn't help that the old uncle sleeping below my bunk started coughing continuously for three whole minutes.

Anxiously waiting for his coughs to subside, we both sighed in relief once he started snoring again, a tad bit louder than before.

"Okay he's quiet again. Now talk."

Inhaling loudly I said, "well yes, I did bump into Kian when I was returning from the washroom."

A little lie couldn't hurt her. Besides, if she knew that he had actually texted me, she'd yell it out for the whole train to hear.

"Of course, then what happened?"

My God this girl didn't know how to give up.

"Then we...talked."

Even in the dim light of her phone (she had thankfully turned the flash off), I could spot her exhasperated expression.

"All right Ash, let's jump straight to the point. Did you two kiss or not? Please tell me you did, I've been waiting for years!"

"I...m...uh...I...yeah..." I cleared my throat, "yeah, my oral end was in contact with his for a relatively short amount of time."

She moaned in mock despair, "great Ash, just squeeze all the romance out of it, why don't you?"

Despite my current predicament, I smirked, "yes honey, that's my style." I winked, "are you satisfied now?"

"Yes, for now," she said, "I guess I'll sleep now."

She moved back with some help from me and settled on her bed. I was about to close my eyes again when she announced, "okay, no I can't sleep. I need details."

I bit my tongue to keep the flood of abuses, which had suddenly filled my mouth, in.

"Radhika please, lemme sleep."

"Was it good?" she asked, ignoring my request.

"I guess..."

"You guess?"

"Yeah..."

"Why aren't you sure?"

"Well...I don't have any similar experience to compare it with..."

She pondered over my reply. Then, "so were you loyal to your Indian values or did you go French?"

Silence.

One minute passed, two minutes passed, three minutes passed before,

"Ashiana?" she persisted.

I rapidly blinked to get over my shock. "We're not having this conversation anymore," I said, barely managing to form a coherant sentence.

To make make matters worse, the old aunty below Rads sharted her marathon, which was a slightly feminine version of her husbands.

But unlike last time, Radhika didn't bother to lower her voice after the woman started snoring.

"Alright Ash be honest with me," she paused, "how bad was it?"

I was surprised, more so at myself than at her. I guess I should've seen it coming.

This girl knew me too well.

Deciding that my need for a girl talk was higher than my need for dignity, I sat up in the centre of my berth and crossed my legs. Wordlessly, Radhika did the same seconds before her face was illuminated by a flash light.

This time I had switched on my front camera flash.

"Okay well it...I don't know it was..."

"Go on Ash, I won't judge you. Promise!"

"Yeah okay," I said, trying to ignore her keen face. "Yes it was bad, pretty bad. Not to forget, awkward as hell. I was quite lost after, well, y'know. I had no idea what to do with my hands, so I was just standing there with my arms hanging limp at my sides. He was just standing there with his hands awkwardly on my waist. Well, at least one was, the other was gripping the railing to maintain his balance. And don't even get me started on the lips part, it was so bad and...why are you smiling?"

At first I thought it was a trick of the scarce light supporting my vision but no, she was actually smiling. Grinning, infact.

"I..." She snorted, "I'm transported back two years ago. Your words remind me of my first kiss. Man it was pathetic!"

I blinked, unable to process that piece of information for a moment. I never imagined the possibility of the love birds doing something more than hand-holding and feeding sandwiches to each other. Though I should've figured that that wasn't true. They've been together for almost three years. Still, all I said was, "how come you never told me?"

"Right...as if you would've appreciated that conversation." She chuckled incredulously, "I'm pretty sure you hated Vivaan back then, not to forget that you were the biggest prude on the planet. Yeah you're still prudish but it has lessened considerably, all thanks to Kian of course."

"Okay I won't deny the 'hating Viv' part but I wasn't prudish c'mon! You could've told me."

"And endured one of your famous 'focus on your career lectures? No thank you."

"Well then, tell me now..."

She stared at me for a long moment then, "it was back in tenth grade, at the end of the session, on the day of our last exam, Hindi. We were talking about cricket and I remember I was angrily ranting about the under representation of the women's team. Did I mention that the classroom was empty? Yeah well there was no one except us, sitting on the corner most desk. My voice was getting louder with each word when he all of a sudden leaned towards me...and tada! Kissed me! Only, unlike what happens in movies, his nose didn't cutely brush against mine, no. Infact, our noses had painfully collided but that wasn't the end. We both ignored the pain and continued keeping our lips pressed. Both of us didn't do anything, we just sat there with our lips touching for like, twenty seconds. Then, thank the lords, you entered in all your distracted glory and we pulled apart. After that, we discussed the question paper." Rads inhaled deeply, having said that in one breath.

"So...um..." I cleared my throat again for the upteenth time, "how did you move past that?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, "when you came we just started normally talking to you. When alone, we never spoke about the kiss. This lasted for a week but then the day of our first career counselling, do you remember? On twenty seventh March?"

"Yeah," I said slowly.

"Yes! Remember I sneaked out of the auditorium when the speaker was talking about humanities?"

"Nope."

"Oh nevermind. I had sneaked out because I had seen Vivaan sneak out. Since he was looking amazingly cute in black half sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans, I decided to follow him."

"My God! You even remember his outfit!"

"I remember everything. Anyway, he walked out of the washroom, wiping his hands in a pocket towel and I couldn't control myself. You know most guys don't wipe their hands after washing them but he did! And it was so cute! So I jumped on him, literally not sexually, and kissed him. He was caught off guard but didn't complain. And it was good! Better than the first one. The third one was even better and the fourth kiss was simply amazeballs! I stopped counting after the fourth." She inhaled again when she finished.

"Wow..." was all I was able to say. "This is way too much information to digest at one am. in the morning." To my horror, I giggled, "now I don't know whether to gush, be grossed out or just go to sleep."

Radhika laughed, "I knew you'd say something like that. But all I'm trying to say is that...well...don't fret over it, that'll just make things worse. Since, according to my experience, it'll get better with practice. Yikes! I sound as if I'm talking about sex!"

"I know right?" I said, laughing with her. "Though I can't help but feel a tad bit disappointed. As in, after all the fuss surrounding first kisses, this just proves that they're...overrated."

Radhika nodded sagely, "yep! Too over-fucking-rated!"

"Ridiculously overrated!"

"Yeah," she continued nodding. "Can I ask one last question?"

"Go ahead."

"What was Kian's reaction?"

"He was..." I paused for a minute, "he was blushing you know, looking more embarassed than I felt. And Gods I was such a bitch! I walked away! Without even trying to say anything, words of reassurance, a freaking joke, nothing."

"It's alright, happens with everyone..." Rads tried to console me.

"No actually, it's not okay," I mumbled dejectedly. "I'm incapable of saying the right things at the right time. This resulted in the cold war with Karan, it resulted in you not being able to tell me about your first kiss all those months ago and Adi..." My voice broke at the last two words, "I could've done so much more..."

"Don't Ash," Radhika said, sounding close to tears herself. "We promised ourselves we wouldn't cry at this trip. There's no point in saying all that, we all could've done so much but that doesn't mean we should hate ourselves. That doesn't mean you should hate yourself. You're a good friend Ash, you're a great friend. I, everyone, loves you the way you are. Your personality is what resulted in our friendship in the first place, prudish attitude included, and I won't change that fact for the world."

"Tears were rolling down my cheeks by the time she finished. Maybe Rads had sensed this for she had swung her legs and leaped onto my berth while talking. Engulfed in a tight hug while sitting cross-legged, both of us cried our eyes out. Five minutes later, as our sobs had died down, I said, "look at us! Who expected us--the legendary loud ladies--to cry like babies!"

"Hey that rhymed!" Radhika sniggered.

"That was my intention," I retorted, unknowingly wiping my nose on my sleeve.

"Eeeew! Do you realise what you just did?" she almost shouted, shuffling away from me.

"Yeah, be thankful I didn't use your sleeve."

Within seconds, she was back on her berth. "Yuck Ashiana! Stay away from me you unhygenic monster!"

Laughing at her antics, I settled down on my bunk, pulling the blanket over me and snuggling in its comfortable warmth. "Goodnight Rads, sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Ash, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, 'cause that's Kian's job."

"Shut up idiot! Go to sleep."

"Yes ma'am," she muttered, yawning loudly.

"Goodnight Aditya," I whispered, too low for Rads to hear. "Be happy wherever you are"

And maybe his spirit was lingering in the train at that time. For when I was half-pulled into temporary oblivion by my sleep, the uncle below me let out a loud cough which sounded oddly like, "kids these days."

If I wasn't too deep in slumber, I would've sweared his voice sounded like Adi's.

{[]}

Hello awesome peeps!

*sighs* they kissed! OK, not their best moment but I still feel like a proud mum. My babies are now all grown up! *cries*

Anywho, how was this one? Sorta cute or comeletely yucky?

Lastly, I wanted to dedicate this chapter to my favourite girl Gracie aka TheSwiftSinner . Thank you soooo much for being such an amazing friend, reader and for always supporting this book...to be honest, I don't think I would've been able to write anything beyond chapter ten if it wasn't for your encouraging comments.

Go check out her works people! Both her book 'Chasing Scars' and her poetry collection are just AHmayZing!! Love ya gurl! ♥♥

OK then people, time for me to sigh off, I'm waaaaay too sleepy. If y'all liked this chapter then please,

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