(XI) Apologetic Reconciliation

A/N The amazing cover on the side is made by Shreshthanagar

Love you sis!

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"I can't believe this! So basically, thirty percent boys are born with hollow balls?"

We were starting to attract the attention of everyone in the common area.

"Would you please lower your voice?" I hissed at him, snatching the ice-cream from his hands to  devour the last two scoops. "And it's thirty percent for the baby boys who have a premature delivery. In cases of a normal full term, the percentage is three."

Aditya grimaced, "still, the image is not pretty. So how do they fill their hollow balls? Surgery?"

"Yeah, orchidopexy." Taking aim, I threw the empty plastic cone in the dustbin in front of us. "But please stop saying hollow balls, it is cryptorchidism and the correct informal term would be 'undescended testicles'. Hollow balls sounds too...abrasive. Besides, it is used by many homophobes to claim that homosexuality is a disease. Or rather, is the outcome of this disorder."

That sobered him up quickly. "Yeah sorry," he said, "but I still don't get it...undescended? Are the inner balls supposed to descend on the outer balls?"

I supressed a smile. "Seriously Adi, would it kill you to say 'testes' and 'scrotum' ?"

"Yes, yes it would."

Mentally rolling my eyes, I explained, "all right umm...the testes of a male foetus form in the abdomen and descend into the scrotal sacs a few days before the due date. The instant where it doesn't descend for some reason, leads to cryptorchidism."

He processed my words for a few minutes, a painful expression plastered on his face. But beneath that was there a.....worried frown?

Though I didn't think much of it.

"Okay fine," he suddenly said, "that's just too much uncomfortable information for one day. Remind me why we started talking about this?"

"Well." I shrugged, "you were talking about breasts and I thought it'll be a good idea to share a fun fact about balls."

"Yes breasts!" he exclaimed, again attracting the attention of all the people in a four metre radius. "Imagine this scenario Ash, you approach a guy and ask him out, not that you'd ever do that you emotionless freak," he added the last part in an undertone but I caught it.

And I took pride in those words.

"Anyway," he continued. "You ask a guy out, Kian for instance, and he turns you down. Would you automatically assume it's because of your breasts?"

"This....conversation....is bizzare," I said slowly. "But no, I won't assume that. I guess I'd chalk it up to my face structure or pimple scars or even the possibility that he might not be willing to enter into a...relationship. God I hate using that word to describe these high school idiocies."

"Right! Right?" He almost jumped as he said this, turning to face me fully while crossing his legs, meditation style, on the step he was sitting on. "That would not be your first assumption! So why would Disha think that I said 'no' because of her breasts?"

My eyes nearly popped out.

"Wait, what? Disha asked you out? Wow man you're a stud! She's so hot!"

"Yeah I know thanks." He smirked, "and I'm flattered honestly. But I don't like her, she can be pretentious sometimes...and I need to focus on school. I barely passed last year, it cannot happn again, this is class twelfth!"

"Yes I understand."

"Of course you do." He scoffed, "I believe you said this exact same thing to Kian a week ago?"

My eyes snapped to his. "What? Who told you that?"

He furrowed his brows, confused. "Vivaan did."

"Shit! Who told Vivaan?" I was starting to panic.

"I'm pretty sure it was Radhika."

"And who freaking told Rad__nevermind that was me," I said, mumbling the last four words.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!" I rasped. "Does the whole school know?" I asked weakly.

He was already shaking his head. "No, it's just us. And I wanted to tell you, if you wanted to....talk about it or anything, you can, with me. I'm not judging you, I understand."

"I wouldn't care if you'd judge me, and I don't want to talk about it." My voice sounded snappy. "Thank you though," I said, softening my tone after seeing his shoulders slump.

"It's fine, I get it." He smiled.

We stared ahead in silence for a few moments before he said, in a hesitant voice, "you do realise that Karan and Kian are quite close right? Karan might know as well..."

"Oh shut up Aditya, stop making it worse!"

{[]}

There are a lot of irritating things in this world.

I get irritated after spilling white talcum powder on black jeans and failing to brush it off.

I get irritated after emptying half a bottle of acetone and still being unable to remove nail paint from the outline of my nails.

I get irritated when my pen works on every other surface imaginable except on the page of my notebook.

I get irritated when an itch develops on my nose as soon we stand to attention for the national anthem.

However, nothing could've prepared me for this kind of irritation.

I couldn't fathom why I got annoyed, irritated, when Kian asked me how my day was.

Or maybe it was because I wanted to shout pretty nasty things at him, but I couldn't. Things like,

'Oh it was great! First I got to know that my friends are gossiping about us. After that I realised that you must've spilled your guts to Karan as well__you idiot! Then, I was so distracted for the rest of the day that I spilled my powder-fine salt and broke three test tubes during chemistry practical. Then I felt guilty because both me and Naman had to endure fifteen minutes of  scolding when his only fault was his bad luck to have been assigned my lab partener. And now you're asking me about my day, acting so casually innocent. As if none of it is your fault.'

I took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to spit those words out.

Instead, I said, "it was fine."

I didn't ask about his day, I didn't care. Leaning against the window frame, I observed the trees and houses blurring past the moving bus, playing the mental game of identifying the most beautiful bunglow.

Pity he failed to get the message.

"Well mine was great!" He grinned, "we identified our entire salt in only one period."

"Yeah I saw you two jumping," I muttered moodily, barely refraining from adding "like morons"  at the end of the sentence.

No, that'll just be rude.

Besides, I had no right being rude, no matter how much it irked me to remember the way he and Karan had spent the second half of the double-period chemistry practical. Skipping from station to station and gloating at everyone's miserable faces.

Wait, was I being jealous of Karan?

Great! Now this was another new level of low point for me.

I was missing Aryan. Atleast he'd have helped in breaking the ice of awkardness. As it was, however, the idiot conveniently decided to fall sick when, for once, I needed his obnoxious self around.

Because no matter how much Kian tried, my rejection had successfully managed to wedge open a gap of uncertain hesitance between us. I didn't know about him but I felt uncomfortably guilty while trying to keep up this act of normalcy.

This was what I was afraid would happen.

"But it would've been the same had you said 'yes'," my subconscious gently reminded me.

Grateful she was taking my side on this one, I resumed my mental game of beautiful bunglow. Since, fortunately, Kian had given up on our already dead conversation.

Fifteen minutes passed before the bus lurched to a stop in front of pur society. Climbing down the bus, I speed-walked towards my tower without waiting for Kian to join me.

I couldn't be more relieved that it was a day off at our coaching centre. Dropping down on my bed upon reaching home, I happily slept my headache away.

{[]}

Whoever claimed that air pollution was only visible in winter had clearly not experienced the summer of Delhi-NCR.


As April moulded into May, the mercury rose up to forty degree celsius, if not more. Dust clouds became common and construction sites turned into rhythmic coughing recitals.

And NCR boasted a construction site every five kilometres. So, pretty much entire Noida was a coughing recital.

But as my luck would have it, the weather was still not the biggest pain in my backside.

No, instead,  between six hours of school, four hours of coaching, two hours of daily travel which included home to school - school to home - coaching to home and  three hours of compulsory self study; I couldn't fathom how I managed to find time to fuss over Kian.

We had managed to drift even further apart in these three weeks. This was a bit strange considering that we spent a lot of time together during the weekdays.

Go to school with Kian? Check.

Share five to six classes with him everyday? Check.

Come back home from school with him? Check.

Go to coaching with Kian? Check.

Yet all the conversations we had revolved around homework, unit test syllabus and who's turn it was to pay the auto fare.

Today was no different. Like the loner loser I had become, I was sitting in the back left corner of empty classroom.

My thirty four classmates were in the ground, happily enjoying their, mine, games period. The remaining two__Vivaan and Radhika__were probably leisurely strolling along the limited number of unmonitored corridors. And lastly, I had decided to devote my time to Sheldon Cooper's adloscent wet dream__a forty question worksheet on capacitance.

Yes, I was aware that my existence was a sad excuse for a life, as I was spending my free time doing something I hate, physics. But one should keep in mind that the combination of science and class twelfth and zero friends could do that to a person.

All right, the zero friends part was untrue, I still had friends. But they were pissed at me.

It was so because I had grown even more snappy than usual.

And that is saying something.

Staring at a problem, stuck, I clutched my head, trying to cease the continuous throbbing.

Q34. There are two identical capacitors, the first one is uncharged and filled with a dielectric of constant K while the other one is charged to potantial having air between its plates. If two capacitors are joined end to end, the common potential will be,

(a) V/K-1
 

                  (b) KV/ K+1

(c) KV/K-1
(d) V/K+1

I was so busy reading the question for the seventh time that I didn't notice him entering the classroom until he settled on the seat beside mine.

"Need help with that?" Karan asked, nodding towards my notebook.

"Nope, I'm good. Get lost."

I had expected him to get offended by my retort. I was ready with my comeback to his remark, which was sure to be scathing. Heck, I even expected him to storm out of the door, which was his special talent. But I hadn't expected to hear the words that came out of his mouth next.

"Guess I owe you an apology." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

My hands froze in the middle of an ugly doodle. I didn't dare meet his eyes, incase it was a prank.

"Are you high?" I said, focusing on the wall behind his head.

To my surprise, he chuckled. "No Ashiana, I am perfectly sober. I guess I finally realised that I was being stupid..." He pulled my notebook towards himself and started solving the question, without paying much attention to his work.

My eyes widened as he arrived at the answer within two minutes, underlining it twice before pushing the notebook towards me.

V/K+1

"Thanks." My voice sounded hoarse, uncertain to my ears.

No one said anything for a while. Eventually, I got annoyed and clicked my tongue impatiently.

Karan got the message and started speaking.

"So, we have a lot to catch up with...."


"Oh really?" I snapped, "And what makes you assume that we're suddenly friends again? Have you forgotten your snobby silence which lasted not one, not two, but fourteen months. You made me feel guilty when I hadn't done anything wrong." I fumed.

"Nothing wrong? Are you sure Ash?" He asked, quietly.

"Oh please! Don't act as if I had murdered someone. It was a mistake. Yes, I know I shouldn't have lied but I apologised. I was genuinly sorry and I felt bad for real. But you continued to be an asshole! And what was worse? You forgave Radhika...or rather you were never angry at her in the first place. When it was her idea as much as it was mine. I know I'm sounding whiny but it pissed me off to no end. Admit it Karan, you're not as easy going as you appear to be, that's just an act. The truth was that your invisible, truck-sized ego couldn't face me. And for what? That relationship we had? Are you serious? We're in high school! Grow up for God's sake!"

I inhaled deeply, speaking those words out loud was like relieving a heavy weight off my chest.

"Do you really think that my truck-sized ego would've allowed me to be friends with the guy you so obviously like? No. It was not about ego, or lack thereof. It was because I was hurt that you had lied. Yes, you said sorry but I couldn't let go of that. I wouldn't have minded if you'd refused to be my __ for the lack of a better word__ girlfriend." He smiled, "but I felt like the biggest idiot when you said that it was only because you didn't want to hurt my feelings (nevermind the fact that you ended up doing so anyway), and because of keeping the group intact. Seriously Ash, grow up," he finished, jokingly throwing my words back at me.

A fresh wave of guilt hit me again, I couldn't believe I was so inconsiderate.

"I'm sorry."

"I know, same." he smiled again.

We worked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, me finishing the last two questions with a little help from his part. At last, once I had slammed my notebook, he spoke again.

"So...now that we both have spilled our, totally platonic, feelings out in the open, it's time for some gossip. What exactly happened between you and Kian? Tell me everything, I want to hear your side."

His giddiness brought out an involuntary laugh bubbling from my lips. Just like that, I had gotten my friend back.

And, just like that, I told him everything. How he had asked me to be his, girlfriend. How, I had kept him waiting for a week, during which I had made a pros and cons list, how, after much pondering, I had eventually said 'no'....

"No, I'm sorry Kian I can't."

Before he could reply, the metro came speeding and stopped at the platform. The doors slid open and immediately thick crowds of people from both the sides started moving. People pushed each other to get inside or outside the train. Kian and I did the same and pushed our way in. Thankfully, we managed to snag two empty seats before our fellow contenders and quickly settled down. Once the train started moving again, Kian turned to face me.

"So, umm...okay, it's not a big deal, I'll just...deal with my one sided crush..." He let out a humorless chuckle.

"No, Kian, I like you, really. I mean, have you seen yourself?" I tried very hard to not cringe at my words, which were honest but cheesy as fuck.

"Ohkaaay..." he drawled out, "that makes sense..."

"Hey, don't go sarcastic on me! I'm doing this because I cannot afford a distraction, and believe me, you would be a major distraction. So yeah, that's basically it. Also, well, we both don't have much time to...spend with each other."

"Yes, because we already spend a lot of time with each other."

I didn't miss his sarcasm, but I did ignore it.

"Yeah, but I'm sorry, I can't"

His eyes softened, "no, please don't say sorry, I should respect your decision. It's just, I sort of expected this but I still went ahead and put myself out there. And you're right, we should focus on our studies right now."

Was there bitterness in his voice?

"Okay...so we good?" I tentatively asked.

"Yeah." He smiled a small smile.

"And that's what happened. Now I don't know how to get past this," I finished my narration.

"Don't worry, Kian is much more mature than me, he'll come around, give him some time," Karan reassured me.

"I sure hope so..."

The bell rang some moments later and my fellow peers started entering the classroom, bringing with them the smell of sweat and dirt.

"Don't you think it's strange," Karan asked, his tone amused, "that you said 'yes' to me when you didn't like me but rejected Kian even though he's your crush?"

Radhika had walked in, followed by Vivaan, both of them looking confused to see Karan talking to me. I indicated that I'd tell her everything later.

"Yes," I addressed Karan, "life is strange."

{[]}


Hello fellow muggles!!

Another overdue update huh? I am sorry but I can't, for the life of me, stick to a schedule.

So, how has life been for you all in these past three weeks? For me it has been really busy. I was not very active here on WP for two reasons. One school, and two, this book,

Sita's Sister by Kavita Kane. My friends are probably sick of me gushing over it but that ain't gonna stop me.

I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH!!

Seriously, I would recommend it to anyone who likes mythology, a bit of fantasy, a stronger-than-stone female lead and a romantic interest who's capable of turning your intestines to mush (pity he's a God).

AND THIS BOOK IS DIVINE!

Phew, now that's outta my system.

How did you like this chapter? Do tell me.

Till then, please,

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