"So let me get this straight," said Radhika's high pitched voice over the phone, "Kian asked you to be his girlfriend and you told him to give you time to think over it and now you've called me. Talk about Deja vu."

'Deja vu'  yes, that described this situation accurately, or as accurately as possible.

I had done the exact same thing little over a year ago, but at that time, we were discussing Karan. I had kept him hanging for a couple of days during which Rads had convinced me to say 'yes' to him, in order to keep the group intact.

"So what are you gonna do?" She probed.

"I have no idea. What would you do?"

"If I was in your place?" She laughed, "you know Ash, the minute he first stepped into our class, I almost wished I didn't have a boyfriend."

I chocked on my saliva.

Coughing slightly, I wheezed out, "what?"

"Lol! No I was joking. You know I love Vivaan."

No I didn't.

"You love him?"

"Yeah, sort of. I don't know how to label it really. I love being with him, spending time with him and  I cannot imagine maintaining just a simple friendship with him. But I don't think of him twenty four×seven."

"Oh kay....well, I must say, that your non-platonic love is really convenient." I laughed.

In her usual fashion, she let out a loud laugh, so loud that I had to pull my phone away. It was almost a minute later before she was moderately quiet again.

"I know right?" she got out, still chuckling lightly. "I don't get why romantic heroines whine so much. If you use your brain the right way, then love won't bring you agony, infact, it would be, like you say, convenient. "

"But you haven't experienced that sort of love right? The whole so-called true, deep, all consuming passionate love. The love which makes it impossible to live without the person that love is subjected to."

She laughed again. "Subjected to? God Ash! How technical are you? And no I haven't. I don't think I would ever want to experience it to be honest. Why tangle yourself in a love so devoted that you forget yourself? Especially when you can happily be in love with a person while being aware of yourself and loving yourself more," she mused.

"True," I agreed. "I often feel that love is subjective to your experience with that emotion. I mean, everyone needs basic family love. But after that, if you don't experience explosive love, chances are that you'd still be happy as you'll love a person to your best potential, without losing yourself in the process. Maybe that's why arranged marriages work so well."

My subconscious was, for the first time, admiring me. Even I had no idea that I could be so.....philosophical.

"Yeah, okay, I get it. Though I am now starting to lose track of this conversation."

"Right, me too," I said. "But talking about marriages, are you gonna marry him? Vivaan, I mean?"

"What? No!" she almost shouted. "I'm just seventeen Ash, marriage is almost fifteen years away! I just love him enough to not break up with him anytime soon. Convenient remember?"

"Oh cool!"

"But why are we talking about me and Vivaan? I believe the current crises is about you and your oh-so-hot neighbour."

I groaned loudly, considering my god awful voice, it was a pitiful sound. "I don't know what to do Radhika. I really have no idea. There is no good answer to his question."

"Uh huh...have you made a pros and cons list yet?"

"Yes." I sighed, "and it is a tie. I have exactly five pros and five cons."

"Care to share them?"

"Pro number one, I have had a crush on him since the past ten months."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Yes well, I keep track of these things. And mind you this is a record! I got bored of my last crush in less than four months. And he was the longest before beautiful eyebrows came along."

"Right...." she said, "what's up with you and eyebrows?"

"Nothing really. Pro number two, he's so very genuine. Number three, he's a physics genious so he could help me with that."

"He does that already...."

"Yeah but then he'd actually enjoy helping me."

"Oooohhh..."

"Oh shut up! That's not what I meant. Pro number four, I'm not nearly as awkward around him as compared to others. So I guess I'd be able to handle romantic situations."

"Uh huh...and last one?"

"Lastly, if I say 'yes' to him then I won't have to reject him."

She said nothing to that.

"Radhika?" I probed.

"That's not a very good reason Ash." She sighed.

"Yes, but I think it's the most important one."

Silence followed my declaration.

"Anyway," I continued, "moving on to the cons. Firstly, I don't have time. Between school and coaching and homework, I couldn't possibly handle a relationship. Do you realise that we're finally in class twelfth? The last and most important year?"

"Yeah, exactly one year from now, we'll be preparing for boards."

"Ugh! Don't remind me. So coming back, the second con is that we're neighbours. If either of our parents come to know about this, then we're screwed. Thirdly, like you said, we have to give boards this year. Not to mention the enterance exams. I cannot afford any kind of distraction."

"It's only a distraction if you allow it to be."

"Fourthly," I said, ignoring her, "high school relationships are stupid. No offence to you Rads but I truly believe they are. I mean, you yourself said that you're with Vivaan just because you like it, not because you think it'll end up somewhere in the future."

"Yes, I understand. Just an opinion right?"

"Yeah, just an opinion," I said, relieved, "and lastly, if we get together and then break up, I don't want another episode like Karan's."

There was silence after that. I was worried I had crossed a line. It was no secret that I was not a huge fan of high school relationships, but I always made sure to avoid talking to Radhika or Vivaan about that.

A few more minutes passed before Radhika said, "look Ashiana, this is your decision, I can only support you. My only advice would be to remember that every person is different, every situation is different. Past experience is useful, it helps you to be cautious, but it should not define your every choice. Kian is Kian, Karan is Karan, they both are different people. They have different attitudes, different ways of looking at things. You can't judge one on the basis of your experience with another."

"So, now what?" I asked quietly.

"Now you do what you want to, what you know you can handle. Not what you think is right, or what you think others would expect."

"Yeah well, I have to figure this out fast. School and coaching both would resume tomorrow. It would be rude to avoid him after leaving him hanging for a week."

"Woah! You've kept him waiting for a week? That's mean Ash."

"I know sis, I even feel guilty."

"You should. Anyway, I have to go, see you tomorrow."

"Bye." I hung up.

{[]}

The next morning I convinced my father to drive me to school. He was skeptical of course, since the last time I had begged him to drop me off was in fifth grade, due to my ugly haircut.

Though thankfully, he couldn't resist my sugary sweet voice accompanied with a promise of watching the next cricket match with him.

Hastly hugging him after he said 'yes', I pushed back my chair in the dining room and rushed to pack my bag. Smiling in relief while shoving all my registers inside, I thanked all Gods since I wouldn't have to face Kian in the bus this morning.

For I still hadn't figured out my answer.

The drive to school was uneventful. Both of us weren't paying attention to the songs blasting from the radio. Twenty minutes later the car stopped in front of my school. I was about to step out when papa said,

"Wait a minute Ashiana."

Confused, I turned to find him shuffling through his wallet before he took out an old fountain pen.

"Here." He reached out for my hand and closed my fingers around it. "Your dadi had given this to me," he said, in explanation.

"She told me that this was a symbol of her dreams. Of what she always wanted to achieve and eventually, did achieve. She gifted this to me when she had first visited my hostel during my university days. The thing is though, I never had a dream. I just followed the path laid out for me like a sheep in a herd. Thinking it was expected from me. Not that your grandparents ever pressured me, no. I'm pretty sure they'd have supported me had I announced I wanted to be an actor or something." He chuckled.

"But my point is," he continued, "that I'll support any decision you make. It would be fine if halfway through you decide to not persue medicine, or even now. Don't...don't do something because you think it is what you should do. Otherwise, like me, you'd end up working as the head salesperson for a company which had initially hired you as a tech guy."

"Do you not like your job?"

"Well I don't hate it." He shrugged, "and it pays well."

"Yeah, but it's never too late to start your business. That's what you want right?"

"Yes sweetie, I know what I want and I know what I'm doing and I know what I have to do. The question is, do you?"

I've always thought that my father is a cool person and of course intelligent, like fathers usually are. But right then as his chocolate brown eyes, identical to mine except with crow's feet at the sides, probed me, I felt as if he was the wisest person on the planet.

"Yes," I said, more to myself than to him, "yes this is what I want. I want to cut, cure and stitch people up. That's my ambition," I finished, meeting his eyes.

"Good." He smiled, "now off you go, you're getting late."

"Right."

I climbed out and waved as he drove away.

Clutching the pen tightly between my fingers, I started walking towards my new classroom. I let out a heavy breath when I noticed that Kian wasn't there yet. Maybe the bus was late. Thank God for that.

I walked towards the corner-left desk, Radhika and I's official seat and looked at her meaningfully. She nodded and shoved Vivaan away from my chair. Muttering a quiet 'sorry' to him, I settled down. Sensing my mood, Radhika decided not to question me and started reading her economics book.

I stared at the antique pen in my hand and thought back to the love story of my grandparents.

How my grandmother was only eighteen, barely out of school, when she was married off by her parents to my twenty-four year old grandpa. How she was only twenty when my father was born. How my grandfather insisted her to persue college. How she eventually opened a primary school for girls in her village which grew to secondary and then senior secondary. How she was the principal of that school for forty years before she retired.

I smiled slightly while carefully keeping it away in my bag.

God I love how corny my family is.

{[]}

The rest of the day went by normally. We all were welcomed to class twelfth by our oh-so-wonderful teachers. Those angels didn't waste a second in lecturing us about the importance of class twelfth board exams, and how the reaults would affect our college applications, jobs, lives, our children's lives, our grandchildren's lives, the lives of the people of the post-apocalypse generation and so on and so forth.

They also didn't bat an eye before assigning us with a pile of homework higher than Mount freaking Everest.

It was easily not my favourite first day. Thankfully, it was the last.

On the bright side, however, I had successfully managed to avoid Kian during the six long school hours. But in order to continue to do so, I'd have to dip in my measely savings and hail an auto instead of taking the bus, where I knew he must be ready to confront me.

So I quickly rushed out of the lab after the bell rang, indicating the end of bio, which happened to be the last class of the day.

However my deeply ingrained hindu values were chanting one sentence over and over again in my head.

'Karma always catches up....Karma always catches up...'

And sure enough, I collided head on with Kian in the corridor, who was coming out of the boys' washroom.

So much for avoiding him.

"Ouch," I mumbled, rubbing my nose which had suffered the impact against his clavicle.

He did the same with his chin that had hit my head before crouching down to pick my textbook.

"I didn't see you in the bus this morning," he said, standing straight again.

"Yeah, papa drove me to school," I replied in a low voice.

"Right, so is he going to pick you up too?"

No

"Yes."

"Are you telling the truth?"

I sighed, "no, no I'm not."

"Right." He looked down, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His bangs were long enough to touch his eyebrows.

Damn those eyebrows...

'Girl you seriously need some therapy,' my subconscious chirped, 'why the eyebrows?'

Kian cleared his throat loudly, diverting my attention from all the weird thoughts.

"Okay Ashiana cut the crap," he said, looking at me, "Radhika told me what's going on and if you need more time then that's fine, no issues. But let's not act childish okay?"

I slowly nodded, still not looking at him. "Okay."

"Good. So we're going to coaching together like usual this evening right?"

I smiled slightly while meeting his gaze. "Right, yeah."

"Great! I'll see you in the bus room." He grinned widely before walking past me, to the math lab.

Shaking my head, I headed towards the staircase leading to the bus room.

'Oh lord why is he so damn perfect?'

{[]}

"Last year you studied for your parents, to keep them happy as the marks of class eleventh don't really matter. This year, get ready to study for yourself."

This was how our new zoology teacher greeted us on the first day back at 'Wings - the coaching centre'.

"You work hard now children, study with everything inside you and once you get into a good medical school, then you're free!"

Yeah right! 'Work hard now" my foot! Is her aunt going to study for me in college?

But I was in no mood to snap back at my teacher, who had spun around and carefully started drawing an amoeba with five different coloured chalks.

C'mon woman! It's freaking amoeba, just draw any bizzare shape you want. There's no need to go all Da Vinci over it.

I was too tired to protest, however. My brain had hardly stopped buzzing since last class, chemistry, in which it had been dumped with an overload on information regarding unit cells, space lattice and crystal lattice.

And this was only the first day.

Sighing tiredly, I started copying down the diagram in my notebook. Subconsciously making it as beautiful as my teacher's.

Two hours later, Kian and I stepped out of Wings and began the one kilometre long walk to the metro station.

Halfway through, he addressed me.

"So....how was your day?"

"The usual." I shrugged, "yours?"

"Same, it was bad and tiring." He laughed a hollow laugh.

We continued walking in silence after that and reached the station where we had to stand, waitung for the metro for another ten minutes.

"So Ash, I know I said I'll give you time but...have you given it a thought?"

His bag was hanging low on his shoulders as he kicked a non-existent pebble on the marbled platform. His hands were deep in his pockets as he looked fixedly at his sneaker clad feet.

Honey, that's all I've been thinking about recently.

"Yeah..."I said instead, leaving the word hanging after that.

"And?"

I looked up to see him staring at me already, chewing on his inner cheek, his face a mask of nervousness.

A stream if voices flew through my mind as I stared back.

"...this is your decision, I can only support you. My only advice would be to remember that every person is different, every situation is different..."

" ...I know what I want and I know what I'm doing and I know what I have to do. The question is, do you?"

"...Last year you studied for your parents...this year get ready to study for yourself..."

"...It's only a distraction if you allow it to be..."

Inhaling loudly I let out the dreaded words.

"No, I'm sorry Kian I can't."

{[]}

Hello fellow muggles!!

*hides behind my mother*

Down with the pitchforks, down with the pitchforks people! This is not the end, the ship hasn't sunk yet!! I repeat, the ship hasn't sunk yet!!

So anyway, apologies for the late update and also, I am sorry in advance because there are going to be even more inconsistant updates. School's starting on monday and yeah, priorities....

But anyway, for the non desies,

Dadi-  paternal grandmama

Well that's it, if you liked this chapter, then please,

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