The rest of the car journey we do in complete silence. Charlie looks out of her window, and for the most part I look out mine. Though I occasionally look round at her. Desperate to see her face, or her eyes, to see if anything in them can help me figure this mess out. There's also a part of me that's just desperate to see her.

I hadn't properly considered how I'd feel seeing her again. What emotions might be dredged up from the freezing cold pit that was my heart. I had only prepared for anger but that hadn't happened. I text Gideon to tell him we're on our way back - to which I get the response: well this should be fun.

When we stop at the hotel, Angus lets Charlie out and I come around to meet her on the sidewalk. She tilts her head back and takes a deep breath as she stares up at the building. When she turns to look at me she's biting her lip, looking pensive and tense.

"A lot of people know me in this city Christian," She says. "And lots of them spend a lot of time in places like this. It may be best we go in separately. I'll meet you at the elevators." I give her a look of wariness, which earns me an eye roll. "I'm not going to run. You can trust me."

"Can I?" I ask, the words heavy with intent.

She nods. "Yes. You can." Her voice is soft and her eyes wide and from nowhere an image of her kneeling in front of me, head bowed, palms resting on her thighs flashes in front of my eyes. The surge of demand in my c*ck is strong and immediate. I clench my fists together as need courses through me.

"You run and this whole thing ends now." I tell her in a calm tone. "It was never my intention to make any sort of deal with you. I will not be blackmailed." I want to add not by you, but something stops me. "This was about an explanation Charlie, not a negotiation - do you understand?" My voice is low and firm. The one I use for business purposes to show I won't be fucked with. The one I use in my playroom.

She stares at me a long time before speaking. I find that looking into her eyes doesn't in fact offer any clarity on what the hell is going on. All it does is fill me with a long lost kind of warmth. It felt familiar, like an old friend. Also, I wasn't used to women I wanted to dominate looking me directly in the eye. If we were where I wanted to be I would punish her for looking at me like that. I would punish her for a lot of things.

"I understand. "She nods. "I'm not going anywhere." When I finally nod back she moves. I wait until she's a few feet ahead before I follow her. Up the front steps and towards the large brass doors, which are opened for us by immaculately dressed doormen in black suits who politely tip their pilot style hats to us and smile. It occurs to me then that if she did run, there wouldn't be a whole lot I could do about it. I'd draw far too much attention running after her. And even if I caught her - what then? Drag her up to my suite kicking and screaming?

No. Right now she held all the power.

It was not situation I was used to.

But true to her word she doesn't run. She walks, back straight but with her head down slightly through the lobby to the bank of elevators on the far side of the bustling foyer. There's a small queue waiting and so I come to a stop just behind her, glancing again down at her neck. It's masked mainly by her high collar, but I notice a light brown freckle just below her right ear standing out against her pale flawless skin. I hadn't known about that. She'd always worn her hair down back then so I'd never have known about that. Gideon would have. I have the sudden urge to graze my tongue across it.

When the doors spring open she gets in first, followed by an older couple, a single guy in business dress tapping furiously on a blackberry, and then me. The elevator operator asks for our floors and I tell him mine first in order for Charlie to do the same. It's all a bit cloak and dagger. Ridiculous really since no one in the elevator knows either of us. Eventually, as people vacate, we are left alone - except for the operator who keeps his gaze fixed on the panel of buttons. Bizarrely, the cooped up space seems to heat up as it empties, and though there is more than enough room, Charlie stays so close to me that I can feel her heat and smell the faint feminine scent of her skin tingle my nostrils. It takes a high proportion of my control not to touch her. My cock is semi hard and my breathing rapid and heavy. To be honest, I've never had a more arousing experience in an elevator. I'd never even considered elevators to be arousing.

When we finally step out on the 51st floor I calm instantly. At least if she decided to run here it would be a whole lot easier to stop her. After a few moments of walking in silence I feel the weight of her eyes on me and when I turn my head, i find her gaze curious and soft.

"You've barely changed." She says almost in wonderment. "You're exactly like you were then. Though you do seem a lot more comfortable in your own skin." She smiles, her soft husky tone grazing my ears.

I want to disagree with her. I had changed. I'd changed a lot. I'm nothing like I was then. At least not on the inside. The submissive boy I was 8 years ago is long gone. Though she was right about the other thing - I was a lot more comfortable in my skin. Of course, I'd still trade if for someone else's but at least I knew who I was now. Or rather, what I was.

"I am." Is what I say. We gaze at each other for what feels like a long time before she lowers her eyes from mine. "Charlie there's something I should have mentioned before." I say as I slide the keycard into the lock. "It wasn't my intention to mislead you. It's just that-," I don't get the chance to finish as the door is opened from the other side. I hear her surprise as a small light gasp of air escapes from her throat and her whole body tenses a fraction. "It's just that Gideon's here." I say pointlessly.

"Char," He says staring at her, suspicious, angry.

"Gideon." She replies in a strong voice. "You're looking well."

"So are you." He says pulling the door open wide. I don't move right away. Deciding to wait for her to go first again. She looks as though she's debating something - running maybe.

"We just want to talk," I offer softly.

"I know you do. Thats what I'm afraid of." She says taking a deep breath before stepping forward into the suite.

I follow on her heels and Gideon closes the door behind us. As she surveys the room I glance round at him and watch him look at her. Trying to gauge whether there is any feeling there for his ex girlfriend. Whether he's coping. Whether he's coping better than me. I see nothing of note in his gaze - he's just standing tall, and dominant, hair slightly dishevelled as he drinks her in. He looks sexual. He always looked sexual. Like he's just had sex, or like he's just about to - the guy oozed it from every pore. When he meets my eye he raises his eyebrows a fraction before turning his gaze back on Charlie.

She drapes her coat and purse down over a chair before something catches her eye, and she slowly takes a seat at the dining table. I study her face as she picks them up, one by one, shaking her head. She pauses fractionally longer on one photo than the rest, a soft look warm look in her eyes. That's when I know without a doubt, that my fears about what she felt that night were completely unfounded. What the fuck was going on?

"Can I get you a drink?" Gideon asks.

She nods, "Yes, scotch too please. You remember how I like it?" she smirks.

"I remember." He says smiling back inspite of himself. He lifts the bottle from the table and carries it back to the bar and I hear him begin pulling open doors and drawers.

"These really were quite cleverly screen capped," She says quietly. "It looks.... bad."

"I imagine that was the intention?" I say as I take a seat on the sofa.

"Yes. I imagine it was," She says. With a sigh she stands up from the table and comes to take a seat across from me on the armchair Gideon was slouched in earlier. He returns, holding out a glass of scotch, ice & lemon to Charlie, and then takes a seat next to me.

"Talk Char. What the fuck is going on?" He says brusquely.

She raises her glass to her mouth and sips daintily as she looks around the room. The silence is heavy as we wait for her response, for her explanation, for something. She savours the taste of the scotch before nodding her approval, the ice tinkling as she lowers her glass to her lap.

"Why are you doing this?" I say softer. "Despite how those pictures look, it's nonsense Charlie. We never..." I find I can't say the word. "It was consensual. We all wanted the same thing." From the corner of my eye I see Gideon staring hard at her. As though the weight of his stare will crack her wide open.

She looks uncomfortable, afraid even. The thought unsettles me. I don't want her to be afraid. After all we had a very intimate shared history. Talking should be a walk in the park compared to what had happened the last time we were all in a room together drinking Scotch. Her body language makes me want to protect her. Though I didn't know what from.

"Ok, since you're clearly in a chatty mood, let me ask you something else." Gideon says. "Exactly how many times did you film us fucking? Or was that the only time? A little visual reminder of the best night of your life?" His voice is ice cold. As Charlie meets Gideon's eyes, something passes between them. Something that makes me feel like I'm missing something - again. I'd lost count the number of times I'd felt like that this afternoon.

"I didn't know we were being filmed." she says shaking her head.

"You're a fucking liar." He snaps, loud.

"Watch your tone, Gideon." I growl, whipping my head round to glare at him. "And lower it." I don't like the way he's speaking to her, and I don't like the fact that anyone passing by our door might hear his booming cursing voice coming from my room. Maybe I should have stayed at his hotel. I imagine his booming cursing voice was part of the decor over there.

He holds my eyes a moment before turning back to Charlie.

"You knew I'd be up for it, didn't you?" he asks her, softer now. "You knew I'd do it and you wanted the visual reminder of it actually happening. The only time you got to have what you really wanted." He chuckles coldly.

"Don't be so ridiculous, Gideon." She shakes her head.

"You always were an awful liar, baby," he retorts.

"I'm not lying."

"It's the only thing that makes sense."

"I can assure you it is not the only thing that makes sense because it's not what happened."

"Okay one or both of you had better tell me what the fuck is going on here. Now. A reminder of what finally happening? A three-way? And what exactly is the only thing that makes sense? Because so far nothing makes sense to me. I'm still completely in the dark over here." I glare between the two of them.

"Seriously Christian, for such a smart guy you're really fucking slow sometimes." He shakes his head and takes a long gulp of his scotch.

Charlie is staring at me with a strange soft smile on her face. It's a little out of place given the current level of tension. I recognise that particular smile. It was a lot like the one she used to give me whenever Gideon pretended to fall asleep during one of her 'monologues' as he'd called them. It was the smile that used to make me think she could see inside my soul and wasn't afraid of what was in there.

"Tell him," Gideon says. "Now's your big chance."

She shakes her head again. "It doesn't matter anymore. It hasn't mattered for a long time."

"I disagree. Everything matters until we get to the bottom of what the fuck is going on here." He snaps.

She looks up. "Seriously? Why would that have anything to do with this? It was years ago Gideon. And I hurt you enough back then. Jesus Christ." She shakes her head on a sigh.

"Okay that's enough!" I roar. When I'm certain they have no intention of going at each other again I continue - this time in a more measured tone. "I have no desire to be caught in the middle of your ex lover - ancient history - unfinished business bullshit. Whatever your issues are with each other then I suggest you air them now. And let me be clear, if these issues have somehow brought this nonsense to my door then you'll both regret it."

"Caught in the middle?" Gideon snickers "Oh, so you do have a sense of humour...?"

"He's mistaken, Christian. The issue Gideon is referring to isn't related to this. That's another type of irony entirely..." She mutters, shaking her head.

"One of you had better tell me what the fuck is going on. Now. I will not ask again. I'll decide what matters."

She closes her eyes, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. "You, Christian." She says. "You were the issue. You were the reason Gideon and I broke up."

I look between them both. Charlie looks at me, Gideon looks at the bar, and I just look confused.

"What about me?" I ask. He shakes his head and turns to give me a withering stare.

"Jesus fucking christ, seriously?" He glares. "Because she was in love with you. Want me to have it done in skywriting? Barbershop quartet?? We," he motions between himself and Charlie, "were in a relationship and it turns out she was in love with you. Fucking hell."

Time slows down for a minute as I process this.

"This doesn't make any sense." I say sitting back down. Nothing makes any sense quite frankly. Gideon sighs loudly, but I choose to ignore him. In fact I barely even hear him. "You were in love with me?" I ask her.

"Yes." She says with a nod and an awkward kind of smile. "I was."

The knowledge as it settles over me is almost heartbreaking. She was in love with me and I'd disappeared. Maybe it was for the best.

"Don't worry man," Gideon says. "I didn't know either. At least not until the day she told me it was over."

"You broke up with me Gideon," Charlie corrects.

"Oh really?" He chuckles. "That's not exactly how I remember it going down Charlie."

"Well your memory never was that great," She retorts

"Well neither is yours if you think what happened that night was rape sweetheart," He snaps.

Charlie flinches, visibly. Yes. That was the real issue here. Her recollection of what happened that night 8 years ago. That she was in love with me was a seperate issue altogther. Was. Past tense. It was from another time. Like she pointed out, it didnt matter anymore. We had more important things to discuss now.

Though it occurs to me that I'd disappeared back then partly because I hadn't wanted to cause problems between Charlie & Gideon. But they'd broken up because of me anyway. I wasn't sure if that was ironic or just very very unfortunate.

"I know it wasn't rape, of course I know that." She says quietly, deeply uncomfortable. The air in the room seems to stop existing for a moment. And there it was. The truth. From her own mouth.

"Then why are you doing this?" I ask, finally. When she pulls her head up, her eyes are sparkling. This time I know it's with unshed tears.

She stares at me a long time before shaking her head softly. "I'm not. I'm not doing this." Her voice is wafer thin. Fragile.

What?

When I look at Gideon he is equally baffled.

"But that video was recorded in your room,' I say. ' There were only 3 of us there. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense."

"I know, " She nods, gulping back the rest of her drink and sliding the empty glass across the table to Gideon. "You still make them better than anyone." Her mouth tilts into a half smile. "Top me up and I'll tell you everything."

As Gideon moves to obey her request she looks at me. So much in that look now that I couldn't have fathomed before. She was in love with me. So why the fuck didn't she tell me so 8 years ago? Maybe it was for the best.

What would I have done if she had?

Would I really have screwed over the only person who'd been a friend to me during the misery that was my time at Harvard? Could I conceivably have had a normal relationship with a girl like Charlie given that I was letting Elena dominate and fuck me every other weekend? Maybe it was for the best. The answers to all of these questions are actually fairly straightforward yet still, running through my head is an alternative history where Charlie and I had been together. In it we'd visited art galleries and museums and talked for hours in coffee shops and bars about art and literature and music before going home to fuck like college students did. Like normal college students did anyway. Not broken ones. So maybe she was right.

Maybe it was for the best.

Gideon comes back and hands her the refilled glass, which she thanks him for with a tilt of her pretty mouth. She shifts position, slipping out of her black heels, and reaches up to unclip her hair so that it falls down about her shoulders in thick waves. I wonder if it still smelled of summer and coconuts. The two of us watch her transfixed as she settles deeper into the chair and runs her hand through her long dark hair.

As I study her, I decide that though she looks like the same Charlie from 8 years ago, there seemed to be something missing from her. It could be that she now held herself with the reserved maturity of a woman and not a young girl - but I'm convinced it's more than that. Gone was that innate wildness that used to emanate from her. She looked tired. Maybe even a little broken. Which if true was the real tragedy, because of all of us, she had always been the unbroken one.

"Who has the film, Charlie?" Gideon asks impatiently.

"I have the film, Gideon. I've always had the film." She flares. I think she may be trying to toy with him now, and I think maybe it's because she feels cornered. With my eyes, I gesture for him to stay calm.

"Charlie, you just said you're not doing this? That you agree it was consensual. How can you have the film? None of what you've said so far makes sense." I say calmly.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I guess I should start from the beginning." She says with a sigh.

"Yeah that'd be fucking nice," Gideon snaps. I look round at him imploringly. Cant he ever just do as as he's fucking told?

"You know what Gideon," she snaps, eyes on fire. "I used to really like your mouth when it was whispering in my ear, or when it was between my legs. But if you wouldn't mind closing it for the duration of what I'm about to tell you it would be a great help. This isn't easy for me either." She gives him the look. The one that used to turn me on. I'm not surprised to find that it still does. Gideon makes a 'hmph' noise under his breath but doesn't retort. When it's clear we're both listening she takes a breath and begins to speak.

"Do you remember my roommate back then? Sara-Lynn? The weird one from Tennessee who had like 12 sisters?" She asks. I cast my mind back, vaguely recalling that Charlie had a roommate but nothing specific.

"Yeah. The one who could never look me in the eye when she spoke to me." Gideon grumbles.

Charlie smiles. "Yes, because she thought you were terrifying and sexy and because she'd never spoken to any guy who wasn't her cousin until the age of 15. She thought you were sooooooo hot." She says in a southern accent as she waves her hand in front of her face in a fanning motion. "She only shared rooms with me a few months before she transferred to life sciences. I think she became a botanist or something. Anyway that's not relevant, just context." She says before taking another deep sip of her scotch.

She seems agitated. Talking quickly. Something I remembered her doing when she was nervous, or excited. Gideon is sitting forward on the edge of his seat beside me, tense, the deep thrum of his body almost audible.

"Well Sara-Lynn was convinced someone was stealing some of her things. Which I thought was almost impossible because she had nothing that anyone would want. The girl owned a pair of lime green cowboy boots for gods sake. But according to her some things had gone missing, jewellery, clothes - I think she thought it might have been me. But I didn't know how serious she was about it. Not until after." She says meeting my eye, then Gideon's. I'm not sure if we both get there at the same time but I'm the first one to speak.

"She set the camera up to catch a thief." I state. It makes sense. The only thing so far today that did.

Charlie nods. "Yes. Without telling me. She filmed our room the whole weekend while she was back home. Which was pretty boring for the most part - me walking around in my underwear, reading, masturbating, the usual really. Boring." She lifts her eyes to meet mine, then Gideon's before settling back on me. "Well.... until Saturday night around 11pm. Then I guess we all know what happened then.."

Yes I knew what happened then. Gideon and Charlie knew what happened then. And by the looks of it a complete stranger also knew what happened then. A stranger who for some reason had now decided to blackmail us with it.

The dull ache in my cöck roars loudly as the memories come flooding back all at once. The music, the warm air of the room, the scent of her skin - even the scent of his skin was imprinted on my senses. More vivid was the sound of my hand as it struck her, and the look of her pale smooth skin as the pink blush appeared straight after.. The sheer intoxication of control and sexual submission. It was the night the switch flicked. It was the beginning.