For the first time in my life, I am relaxed and happy when I get up in the morning. And I mean actual morning. I get up at six AM from Hayden's texts every single day, and I smile so, so brightly when I read them.

Good morning, Lucky. I don't know about you, but I slept like a baby last night. Even though I would've loved to wake up next to you.

Ever since that first evening, it's been continuous nights of sexting, heated phone calls, or very sexy pictures. It seems like we're so desperately craving the other that even though it's Thursday already and I'll see him in two days, it still feels like I need to see him now to survive.

Good morning, Cash. I had a great night too, actually. And I wish I could've woken up next to you, as well. I take my phone with me when I sneak into the kitchen to start my morning coffee, feeling energized already.

I'm surprised you're up already. There a reason?

Well, there's this guy... I can't help but grin when I start the coffee machine, the heavenly smell immediately lingering in our kitchen.

What guy?

You know... Just thinking of him makes my heart swell, and I couldn't stand lying in that bed without him next to me, so I'm giving this early morning a try. For once.

It takes a few minutes for the next message to appear on my phone, and I'm patiently sipping my coffee by the time it rolls in. I really fucking hope you're talking about me, here, Mila.

Who knows...? I catch myself grinning as I send the reply.

That's not even remotely funny.

Sorry, I didn't think you'd need confirmation of that, Mr. Cross. I seriously didn't. He demonstrated his possessiveness already, which was mind-blowingly sexy in itself. But never in my life did I think a man looking like him would worry about other men in the life of a woman like me.

Hell yes, I fucking do. I have a heart too, you know. His reply makes me smile, because I already know Hayden has a soft core.

I know. But there's nothing to worry about. It's not like the men are lining up on my doorstep to go out with me.

I don't think you know what kind of effect you have on the straight male population. Again, he just knows what to say, knows what I feel. Never in my life have I felt so beautiful, so seen, so appreciated.

Maybe you need to teach me, Mr. Cross.

Fucking hell, Mila. I'm on my way to the morning show. Could you not give me a hard-on ten minutes before I get there?

I take a sip of my coffee, the heat of it nothing compared to how hot I feel again, already, for this man. Sorry... Well, not really.

You're learning, Lucky. I like it.

You're an excellent teacher, Mr. Cross. I'm full-on blushing when I send the reply, though I can't deny that teasing him is a lot of fun.

Oh, you have no idea what you just did.

Maybe I do. Have fun with that interview.

Please don't leave me if there's a scandal about me going on live television with the biggest boner ever.

I don't even know if he realizes what he just wrote there, but his words wake up all those butterflies within me as I type my reply. Promise.

***

"Okay...so you're saying this is real now? Hayla is official?" Jasmine sips her coffee with a grin.

"Did you just say Hayla?"

"Yeah, Hayden and Mila...Hayla."

"Oh my God." I can't help but groan.

Jas shrugs before she leans back on the couch. "So? Are you two official?"

"No, nothing like that." I sigh, trying to make sense of my emotions. "I don't know. We're exclusive, I guess?"

"Well..." She leans back over to place the mug on the table. "That's like being official to me. As official as it gets, at least."

She shoots me a smile, and even though I usually hate when people look at me with this specific sympathy in their eyes, with Jas it's different. She's been through it all with me—went to every single one of my dad's court dates, chauffeured me around when I needed it, and basically she's been the best friend one could wish for.

"Ohh, look!" She points at the TV. I follow her glance while she turns the volume up, and there he is. This beautiful, beautiful man, walking up to Annie Knipp, who looks as stunning as always when she shakes his hand.

"Shit, Mila. It's like I forget how hot he is every time I see him." Jas giggles.

"Yeah... Imagine how I feel."

"Fuck, I need to get laid." She shakes her head, and I can't help but laugh again as she stares at this man—my man?—on the screen, watching as he gets introduced, making small talk like the ever-living charmer he is, always knowing exactly what to say and how to react to anything that's thrown his way.

"So, Ice..." Annie smiles brightly, her eyes glimmering with interest. "What are your predictions for this season? I heard part of your team had to come here early."

"Yes, that's right."

"And why is that exactly?" She leans forward now, resting her elbows on her knees as she acts like she's super interested in whatever he has to say.

I hate it.

"Well..." Hayden seems bored by her. "As you know, a team isn't worth a dime unless every single member in it is prepared for the season. We brought in the key players to talk over some changes that might spice things up a bit. Because we all know you guys want an exciting game."

The audience cheers, and Hayden shoots them a quick wink, absolutely playing his role. I know he doesn't like those interviews usually, but he's superb at it. I mean, I'm not surprised—he's the most charming person I've ever met.

"Does that mean..." Annie's voice is so seductive, I might vomit any second now if I have to listen to her for much longer. "Does that mean you're glad to be here early? Do you think it'll give you a better chance of getting another one of those rings?"

She taps her fake nail on Hayden's finger, where one of his Super Bowl rings is located, and instantly I feel my blood boil. I'm not used to this. She's just a show host, and there's no reason to be jealous right now, anyway.

My heart soars when Hayden quickly leans back to avoid her skimpy hands, that amused grin on his face as he answers, "I think it might give us an advantage, yes. And I wouldn't say I'm happy to be here so soon, but it is what it is, and we have to do what we can to win the championship."

"Oh, and why aren't you happy?" Annie asks further, her finger now tapping her chin dramatically.

Hayden looks straight into the camera for a second, and I feel like his green eyes are actually aiming right at me for a moment. "Because there's someone waiting for me back home. And I gotta tell you, Annie, I can't wait to finally see her again."

The whole audience awes and oohs, and my heart pounds when I watch a very flustered Annie trying to compose herself.

"I'm sorry, does that mean...you're officially off the market? You'd break a lot of hearts here, Ice."

"Well, sorry, Annie. But I guess that's what it means," he says, his fiery eyes again focusing on the camera, still aiming for my heart.

"Wow. I'm actually speechless. Hayden Cross, infamous quarterback and playboy bachelor, settles down. That's going to make the news tomorrow."

And I really, really dislike the way she speaks about him, like he was the ultimate playboy before he met me. From what he told me, that's not the case, but I guess the media paints you the way they want you.

But Hayden seems used to that. He simply smirks at Annie before he leans forward, his elbows on his knees as he conspicuously waves her toward him. "Let me tell you a secret, Annie."

"Oh, alright." She winks into the camera, and damn, I want to throw my phone into that TV with how satisfied she looks.

"There comes a point in life where you realize you've been so..." he glances at the camera for a moment, that crooked grin playing on his lips, "...so incredibly lucky that you just have to take a chance and live it." His eyes still pierce through the TV in our kitchen, and my heart races from the sight of him. It's that predatory gaze, laced with an avalanche of promises. "And so, Annie..." He redirects his attention to the host next to him. "I don't give a shred of a fuck about what's going to be in those nasty tabloids tomorrow, let me assure you. Because real life is no different than football. Just like on the field, I know how to avoid being tackled to the ground by someone who wants to see me there."

Annie looks absolutely gobsmacked, just like I probably do, and Jas almost spits out her coffee as she stares at the TV. "Did he just swear on live television?"

I don't even know what to say. All I can do is study how Hayden's eyes glimmer in amusement, watching the situation unfold right in front of him while Annie tries to regain her composure.

"I, uh... That's not what I..." she stammers, but then clears her throat before she asks, "So, who's the lucky girl?"

Hayden shakes his head with a laugh in response. "Want to know another secret?"

"Oooh, yes, please!" This obviously makes her happy, but the grin on Hayden's face tells me he's just about to start—this woman has no idea who exactly is sitting in front of her.

"That, sure as fuck, is none of your goddamn business." Before we can even hear the audience's reaction, the show switches to commercials, and Jas starts laughing, slamming her palm on the table when she exclaims, "Oh my God! That was brilliant!"

I'm still dumbfounded, looking at that screen with thousands of thoughts running through my head. I feel anxious somehow, and it takes a while until I figure out why. Watching this, seeing the audience react to him, how he behaves on camera, what exactly it is his name stands for...it's scary.

This situation, his celebrity status, it all leads to one thing. A shit-load of attention, and I'm beginning to think I might've underestimated the amount of press coverage Hayden Cross actually gets. He's up there, with all those other fancy, rich people. And I know he's not like them. But that doesn't mean he's not where they are. In the spotlight.

"This guy is just perfect, Mimi. I swear to God," Jasmine mutters, but I don't really listen to her.

I'm so caught up in this spiral of thoughts, anxiety, and fear, that I almost don't hear my phone ring in my hands. For a split second my heart jumps, hoping it's him, but it plummets straight into the pits of disappointment when Meredith's face appears on the screen.

"Hello?" I pick up with a sigh, not at all in the mood to talk to her of all people now.

"Mimi! I'm glad you answered. It's been so long since we spoke!"

"Yeah, sorry, the book has been keeping me busy."

"Ah, you got rid of that writer's block? That's great!" She sounds so fake that I can't help but roll my eyes at Jasmine as I put the phone on speaker. "Listen, I just wanted to say..." Mer rambles on, not even giving me a chance to say anything, "I'm sorry. For everything. And also sorry you had to see that."

"See what?"

"The show with Hayden Cross just now? I know Jas and you love to watch it, and I know you've been on a date with him and hoped it'd turn into more."

And only then do I realize she doesn't know about Hayden and me. I mean, how could she? We haven't really spoken since it's all started.

Jas is about to open her mouth to protest, but I place my palm on her lips, not wanting her to interfere. "Oh yeah, no, it's alright," I answer.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure his PR agent fabricated that stunt anyway, you know. I've heard his social media ratings have plummeted, and he needs some attention, so I'm sure there's probably not even a real girl there. It's just an act to get the media to cover his ass."

I have to admit—even though I know nothing about social media or media itself, this is a logical explanation. I'm ninety-nine percent sure this isn't a PR stunt, and still, there's this shred of doubt pulling at my anxiety, already sending me into an overthinking spiral I won't get out of any time soon. "Yeah...probably. Good for him, I guess," I mutter as soon as I find the words.

"Okay, Mimi, I just wanted to catch up with you. Listen, we should hang out again, the three of us, or you and me."

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Bye." I hang up, unable to stop the blaring train of thoughts plowing through my mind.

Jas immediately reads my emotional state. "You don't believe what she said, do you?"

"No, I don't...do I? Ugh. I don't know, Jas."

"Seriously, Mimi?"

"What? It makes sense..." I hate myself for thinking it, but it's possible. I knew I was out of his league when we started this. I also knew who he was, what his celebrity status entailed... It's my own fault, really.

"No, it doesn't. That guy is crazy for you, Mimi. I've seen the way he looks at you. Believe me, he's not hiding that he wants you."

She's right; I can see it as well. Hell, these last nights felt more real than anything I ever had, and they weren't even real, to begin with. "I don't know, Jas. This is all so much."

"Don't go running away now, Mila. Everything he said in that interview was perfect, and it just showed that he values your request for privacy."

"He didn't have to make a show out of it, though," I retort.

"Does he swear a lot usually?"

"Constantly...I don't think I've heard him say more than two sentences without the word fuck."

"See? It's just who he is. And you like him, right?"

"Way more than I should."

"Then just give him a chance to talk to you. Maybe call him."

"He's probably—"

"Mila," she interrupts. "Call him. He'll see you called and will call you back if he's busy now."

"Ugh, fine." Damn Jas for always making so much sense.

After I dial Hayden's number, it doesn't take long until the voicemail picks up. "This is the voicemail of Hayden Cross. Please leave a message, or even better, call John, since I usually don't listen to those messages anyway. Bye."

I hang up the phone before I can leave a message, suddenly absolutely frustrated and confused...

"You need to stop overthinking this." Jas must know what I'm thinking again.

"I'm not..."

"Mimi." There's that warning tone in her voice when she crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Fine. What am I supposed to do?"

"My advice? Lie low for today. You called him. Wait for him to call back. The ball is in his court. His performance was more hilarious than anything, and I'm sure he didn't plan it. It's unfortunate he'll be getting a lot of attention from that, but we'll see how he handles it, alright?"

"Alright."

"I'm serious, Mimi. Don't overthink this." She gets up and presses a kiss on my head. "Go and write a bit—keep your mind off this. It'll be alright. I promise."

I glance up at my best friend, the one who's always been there, every step of the way, and I can't help but believe her just a bit as I run a hand through my hair. "Yeah, you're right. I love you, Jas. You know that, right?"

"I love you too." She shoots me a warm smile. "Keep your head up. I'm always free for cuddling if you need it."

Jasmine has always been that way. She's so perfectly clear about everything, so calm, understanding...whereas I'm the queen of overthinking things, of letting emotions blurry my thoughts and rationality, and even though I'm fully aware of it, I can't turn it off.

Anxiety is always there. It lingers in the dark, scratches on the back of my mind like nails on a blackboard, and it's impossible to block out the sound. It's so goddamn exhausting to always have to keep it together, to be the clumsy little girl, and not the one who can keep it together when needed.

Hayden makes me forget all that. It's why I can literally feel how hard I'm falling for him. Whenever he's with me, I'm safe, desirable, eloquent, like I'm the goddess of "keeping it together" because that's just what he shows me. And I miss that feeling so much, already.

It's not until the evening that I realize just how much Hayden affects my writing too. The entire day I watched my fingers glide over the keyboard, but my gaze flicked to my phone every second I got, hoping to get a text, a call, anything at all. But I didn't. Instead, I'll have a ton of editing to do in the morning. Maybe I'll just start all over again...

"Mimi! Pizza is here!" Jasmine's voice rips me out of my thoughts. Sheer laziness and comfort made us order in, and as soon as the delicious scent of quattro-formaggi pizza invades the apartment, I jump up from the pillow I was sitting on and shuffle into the living room.

We shamelessly devour our dinner, and only now do I realize how hungry I was.

"Gosh, I swear, if pizza was a man, I'd marry him." Jasmine moans out loud, cheese dangling from her lips.

"I thought you didn't believe in marriage?"

"I do if it's with this pizza."

Laughing, I stuff another slice in my mouth and continue Parks and Recreation on the TV in front of us. Only the vibration of my phone a few minutes later makes me look away from the screen, once again hoping maybe Hayden is finally calling me.

But I frown as soon as I notice it's not Hayden, but Meredith.

Hey, Mimi. I just wanted to give you a heads-up. I'm sorry...

Jas glances at my phone and raises an eyebrow, her fingers still laced with garlic oil as she wiggles them in front of me, asking me to type out an answer.

What do you mean? I ask.

My boss wanted me to write this article. It'll go online in fifteen minutes. Attached to her message is the pdf of an article about the one and only man I've been waiting for all day.

"Breaking the Ice? Hayden Cross and newfound love spotted in exclusive Las Vegas casino."

Beneath it is a picture of Hayden and a tall blonde in high heels and a short dress. She hangs on to his arm as they walk up the stairs, her head tilted, looking up at a happy Hayden.

"Give me that!" Jas rips the phone out of my hands. "This can't be real, Mila. There has to be an ex—"

"An explanation? For what? He's the one who pushed for exclusivity. I don't even know why I agreed to this."

I'm suddenly overwhelmed, my mind racing at a hundred miles per hour for the third time today. Is this a setup? Is she just a friend? Maybe she's a fan? Or is he actually going out with someone there? He didn't call me back all day—maybe that was enough time to forget about me...

"Mimi, stop. I can see you're thinking too much again. This is probably not what it looks like."

"Yeah, probably. I think I just need to sleep."

"Mila..."

"No, Jas. I just need...room to breathe. Think." I clear my throat to hide my brittle voice, and my friend instantly grabs my hand, probably knowing what's going on inside my mind, as she always does.

"Okay. Come in if you need anything, alright? Don't do or decide anything drastic before talking to me. I don't want you to do something you might regret later on..."

"Yeah, alright. Goodnight, Jas."

I give her a quick hug before I disappear into my room. After I turn my phone on silent and grab Mathilda, I settle in my bed with her in my lap. For a second, I look at the blank piece of paper in front of me, not knowing what I can or want to do right now.

Maybe writing will numb the ache deep inside my heart. That's what love does to you. First, you're full of spirit and happiness, and then, in a matter of seconds, all that gets blown away like a hurricane, wreaking havoc on your life and everything you thought you could control...until you fight back.