Luin

I should have been happy, and I was... probably. Buried somewhere underneath the raging uncertainty and mindless panic, some part of me had to be relieved and glad that my bond mate was on Earth. I was having a hard time reaching that part of myself, though.

I could be with him any second. Either he would find me or I could teleport to him. The bond would guide me there with very little effort. Instead, I was standing in place, frozen by nerves and doubt. Maybe my bond mate would see me and would realize I wasn't worth whatever he had left behind to come here. If that happened, I didn't know what I would do.

With shaking fingers, I pulled out my cell phone and called Lachlan. I needed grounding, and he was probably the most direct person I knew, other than his cousin, Safiya. Her brand of tough love might sting too much right now and anyway, she had no experience with soul mates. Lachlan did. Besides, I kind of just wanted my best friend.

When Lachlan answered the call I put through, his voice sounded strangely distant. It took me several seconds to realize that it wasn't the volume setting on my phone or him actually being quiet – it was just hard to hear him over the sound of blood rushing in my ears. "Hello? You there?" he said when I didn't respond right away.

I cleared my throat, the sound coming out like a wheeze. "Lachlan?"

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Did I sound that bad, that he knew immediately I wasn't okay? Usually I was better at restraining my emotions. "Can we go to your old house? I could... I could use a friend."

"Of course. No one's renting it right now. Want me to meet you there?"

"Okay," I agreed. Maybe I could use the time it would take him to arrive to figure out what was wrong with me. I should be rushing to my bond mate right now, not panicking and holing up with a friend.

"See you soon," Lachlan said, and hung up.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and teleported into his living room. This was the house Lachlan had first moved into when he came to Haefen. It was a rental at the time, but he and Magnus bought the place off its owner since Lachlan liked having a place for his out-of-town family to stay in. Sometimes pack members would stay there, too, when they wanted to have a little retreat from communal living. I was Lachlan's most frequent tenant – as much as I loved living with the pack and being surrounded by people all the time, I was too used to being alone not to need a break sometimes. I usually spent at least a weekend per month here.

I sat down on the couch and looked around the familiar space. It was dark and quiet, and I instantly felt more at ease. Something about this house triggered feelings of home and comfort for me. Maybe because it was where Lachlan and I cemented our friendship, which was arguably the most significant relationship in my life right now? Maybe because it had been a retreat for me for over a year? Maybe it was just the sparse décor that somehow still felt lived-in and welcoming – a blank canvass of a space. I didn't care to question it too deeply. It was enough just to know this place was waiting for me when I needed it.

When Lachlan arrived, I hadn't moved from my position on the couch. Magnus was on his heels, and Lachlan darted a concerned glance between me and his mate. "Magnus was worried about you," he said. "If you want it to be just the two of us, we're totally fine with that."

In fact, before I saw Magnus I had been really wanting to just have Lachlan to myself for a while. Now that I saw him here, I thought maybe he could help. "No, Magnus can stay."

Lachlan studied my expression – searching for a hint I was lying or just trying to appease them – before nodding. He came and sat down next to me on the couch and Magnus sat down in a nearby chair that angled toward us. "What is it?" Lachlan asked, his tone cautious.

"My bond mate is here."

Magnus sat up straighter, his nose raised as he took in deep breaths. Lachlan was a little less dramatic in his investigation, but it only took the two of them seconds to confirm by scent that the three of us were alone in the house.

"Here on Earth, I mean," I clarified. Their confused puppy expressions and sniffing were funny enough that I already felt a little better.

Magnus relaxed and beamed an easy smile at me, but Lachlan still looked concerned. He realized that I wasn't feeling entirely positive about this. Maybe he could help me figure out why.

"That's amazing!" Magnus said. "Have you met him?"

I shook my head. "He hasn't found me yet."

"Why not go to him?" Magnus asked, looking truly perplexed.

I looked to Lachlan and I knew my eyes were pleading, begging him to understand. He was chewing his lip, and he glanced at his mate. "Magnus, how did you feel when you realized I was human and couldn't feel the bond like you?"

Magnus' brows drew together while he processed the question. His eyes darted between me and Lachlan, and finally he said, "Does he not feel the bond?"

Lachlan put a supportive hand over mine and squeezed reassuringly before I had to answer. "Please just answer the question, okay?"

Magnus was clearly still confused, but he nodded. That trust – that absolute faith that Lachlan was leading him somewhere good, even if he didn't know where they were going yet – was something I had admired about their relationship since I met them. "It was nerve-wracking in the beginning. I knew we could be really happy together, but I didn't know if we would get that chance."

Magnus' eyes grew wider with realization and he suddenly launched off of his chair and sat down on my other side, flinging his arms around me in a big hug. When he pulled away, he added, "Bonds are scary at first. I don't think it's ever simple to look at someone and know you'll probably spend your life with them when you have no idea what that actually means or how you can get there. You just have to put in the work and stay hopeful."

I looked down at my lap, where each of my friends was holding onto one of my hands now. I knew hope. I was all too acquainted with its darker side – with the way it ate away at you as it took root and burrowed in so deep it started to feel more like a parasite than a virtue. Stay hopeful, Magnus advised, as though it was so simple. As if that couldn't end with my heart in shreds.

"Luin?" Lachlan said gently.

"Yes?"

"The way you're feeling right now – these nerves – they aren't going to get better until you meet your mate and see for yourself what he's like. There's nothing Magnus or I can do or say that will make any of this better for you."

I turned away from him – away from the concern and understanding in his eyes – and looked to Magnus. He nodded, but didn't add anything more. I knew why: he liked Lachlan to handle delicate conversations. It was true that Magnus had a hard time navigating them without stepping on people's feelings, no matter how well-meaning he was.

I sighed looked around the room. The familiar space was a good neutral backdrop for thinking, and it didn't take long for me to begrudgingly acknowledge that Lachlan was right. He couldn't magically fix this or make me feel better. Finding my bond mate and getting to know him was the only path forward, the only way I could soothe these anxieties and insecurities. I just had to be brave enough to take that step.

Lachlan squeezed my hand and said, "Why don't I make some tea?" he offered as he stood up, already heading to the kitchen.

I stood, too. "No, that's okay. You're right – hiding out here isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm going to go find him."

Magnus clapped and hooted joyfully. "Yes! This is so exciting!"

Lachlan looked completely exasperated. "Magnus! Read the room!"

Before Magnus could apologize, I jumped in. "No, it's fine. This is... exciting." I had a hard time getting the word out, but I knew that somewhere deep down, I was excited. "Thank you both," I added.

Before I could teleport away, Lachlan held up both hands in a "stop" signal. "Wait!" I paused and he added, "If your mate just got here, he probably needs someplace to stay. You should bring him here. You guys can have the place as long as you need."

How did I ever get so lucky as to have a friend like him? "No, that's too much," I protested weakly while my mind raced. Lachlan was right, my bond mate probably didn't have a home or money or... well, much of anything. I remembered how hard it was to build up a life from scratch and now that was just one more worry added onto a rapidly-growing pile. I couldn't just take him back to my room at the pack house. Even if I wasn't uncomfortable with being in such close quarters with a stranger, no way would the pack be okay with an unknown fae moving in.

"I insist," Lachlan said firmly. He looked behind me at Magnus and lifted a brow expectantly.

"Right!" Magnus chimed in. "He should definitely stay here!"

I studied Lachlan and could have collapsed in relief when I saw just how adamant he was about this. It was too generous of him, but he wasn't going to let me refuse. "Thank you," I said fervently. I hoped he could see just how grateful I was.

Lachlan smiled a little and shrugged dismissively. "I'm genuinely happy to be able to help. I'll get the kitchen stocked so you don't have to worry about that right away, okay? Let us know if you need anything else."

I nodded and teleported away before he could offer anything else.

It was pure instinct, letting my magic guide me to the other end of the soul bond. I pulled back just a bit before landing so I wouldn't end up on top of him and landed a few feet behind him.

I could feel sand shifting beneath my shoes and a breeze carried the scents of the ocean to me, whipping my hair out of place. I could feel more strands falling prematurely out of the ponytail I wore, but it registered as a distant annoyance because I was right next to my bond mate.

He laid on the sand, propped up on his elbows. I took in his hair, so pale it was almost white and shaved close to his head. His skin was pale, too, but it looked somehow... wrong. Other. It took several seconds of studying his arms – the biggest expanse of skin I could see from this angle – before I realized that there were shadows on him that made no sense in the direct sunlight.

That was all the time I had to study him before he tensed. He sprang to his feet and spun to face me, moving with more agility and speed than I anticipated, given how big and toned his muscles were. I stared at him in wide-eyed surprise and he did the same to me.

His eyes were the deep, rich blue of sapphires, brighter and more vivid than I had ever seen in my life. The strange shadowing on his arms was on his face, too: alabaster-pale skin with every hollow darker than it should be in such bright lighting. An ear was pierced with a little black spike stuck through it. His lips were full but pale like the rest of him – the only true color on his body that wasn't an extreme of dark or light were those incredible eyes that hadn't blinked or looked away since they latched onto me.

Did I look as strange, as foreign, to him as he did to me? Was that why he was still staring? I didn't know how long I could withstand such intense scrutiny. Already, I could feel my cheeks warming under his attention. Soon I would be full-out blushing. I cleared my throat and straightened my posture. It was a coping mechanism I had developed when I was young and it had given me strength through all kinds of awkward situations.

"Hello," I said. While I waited anxiously and eagerly for his response, I mentally cursed how high-pitched my voice had come out.

The surprise in his expression had calmed some, but he still stared. The corner of his mouth lifted into what might have been the relative of a smile, and he said, "Hello."

My stomach churned as nerves got the better of me. Really, was "hello" all he had to say to me? Yet I couldn't even be upset with him, because I had done the same. "I'm Luin," I said.

He took a few steps closer, though he stayed just a bit farther away than was normal for a one-on-one conversation. "I'm Arrowan. I'm sorry I'm so late."

I was about to take offense at what seemed like a hugely inappropriate joke, but then I really looked at his expression, which was almost pleading in its earnestness. He was truly apologizing. Still, I couldn't accept without understanding what took him so long. It was probably too early to ask about that, though.

Or... wasn't I entitled to answers?

I took too long to respond, and Arrowan's expression shifted from apology to worry. It was strange. When I first met Magnus and Lachlan, I asked them a lot of questions about what mating bonds were like for werewolves as I was trying to help a witch who couldn't detect soul bonds find her soul mate – Lachlan's cousin, Safiya. We never did figure it out, but I learned a lot about werewolf bonds because of it. I knew that right from the start, Magnus felt a deep affection for Lachlan. From the first minute, he had truly and deeply cared about Lachlan's happiness. All it took was catching Lachlan's scent and laying eyes on him.

After hearing all those werewolf stories, I had sort of expected my own bond to feel the same way, if I ever met my bond mate. I didn't, though. I felt the connection, but I didn't feel any more concerned about his worry and guilt than I would for a complete stranger. Was our bond weaker, somehow? Or was this just how fae bonds worked, connecting us but leaving us to build up feelings and a relationship on our own?

I had been too young when I left home. No one explained these things to a child.

I studied him, my bond mate, and tried to decide how to go forward from here. I never thought about what it would be like to actually have him in front of me. For over a decade, my hopes had been pinned on reaching this moment, with no thought of what came next.

He had apologized for taking so long to come, but I couldn't accept when I didn't understand why.

That decided it. Even if it was too soon for heavy conversations, I was going to get some answers.