Arrowan

When I was sixteen, my bond developed. At first it was just an inkling, the vague sense that I was grasping for something that was just out of reach. From the moment I realized what was happening, I was terrified. I already knew the person on the other end was Seelie, and even though I wasn't yet grown, I knew the ramifications of that. If I felt him in Alterra, it meant he had chosen his people over his bond mate. The Seelie worked different than we did – less viciously, not demanding the lives of those who chose to pursue a forbidden bond, but still brutal in their own way. They kicked their children out early, forcing a choice on them before they could fully comprehend everything they were giving up.

And this was a decision where either choice meant huge loss.

I wasn't sure, as I anxiously waited for the bond to anchor between us, whether I hoped he would be in Alterra or on Earth. If he was in Alterra, he had doomed us both, but the path ahead of me would be far easier and safer – and he would be safer, too. If he was on Earth, it meant hope, struggle, and peril. We would always be in danger, he and I, from the time I went to him. If I, at age sixteen, wasn't completely prepared to face that future, I thought it was forgivable.

That bond sense strengthened over just a couple of days until my soul wasn't reaching for his; they were anchored together. The tether felt unbreakable, though of course I knew some people ripped it out of themselves at great personal cost. And from the day my bond was developed, the person at the other end had already been in the human realm. When I realized that, a potent combination of relief and terror dominated me and I had my first panic attack. It took several months before I could feel the stretch of the bond between realms without being thrown into that headspace, but it did get easier to claw myself back out.

Once I came to terms with the path my life would take - because if he was willing to walk away from his life for me, I was going to do everything I could to make it to him - it was hard to get past the guilt of knowing that someone was waiting for me and I was in no position to go to him anytime soon. Even as the years dragged on, the guilt persisted until it felt like it had always been a part of me.

And now, as the hours somehow both sped and dragged on while I waited to find out of my bond would reconnect or if it was gone, the guilt ate away at me just as ravenously as it had done when I was sixteen. Did I even deserve my bond back? If it was truly gone, would my bond mate have some semblance of a happy life?

I tried to remember the exact time it had disappeared, but of course I hadn't checked the time so I knew only that it was within a couple hours of noon. I held it together – for the most part – throughout the morning, but once noon hit, I wrapped myself up in a quilt, curled into the corner of my couch, and watched the hand on my clock move. Every minute that passed felt like a death knoll, and by the time an hour had passed, I more or less gave up hope.

More because I stopped really believing I could be so lucky.

Less because even then I couldn't convince myself to rip my attention away from the clock.

And then, in the awful void in my soul, came a spark of awareness. Just a little at first. A warmth, a sense of not being quite so alone. A hint of that familiar stretching feeling as the most vital core of my being strained to reach out for the person who would complete me.

My bond.

I had already been curled up as much into myself as I was capable of, but now I twisted so my face was pressed up against my knees as great, heaving sobs wracked my chest and large, hot tears ran down my cheeks and into the fabric of my pants and quilt. I cried so hard, it became almost impossible to catch my breath and I feared the panic attacks of my teenage years were making a return. Between sobs, I gasped in air until I had cried myself out, and by that time, my bond was fully back. It felt just as much a part of me as ever, just as bright and strong and vital. I clung to it with every ounce of my awareness, funneling my magic into it as I tried to detect any change, but it was perfect. It was everything.

And now I was in a unique position, I realized as I sat up and rubbed the remaining tears from my face along with a truly impressive stream of snot. The awful aching and wrongness that had plagued my body since yesterday was gone. The tracking bracelet was gone. My bond was back.

If I could make it to a portal, I stood a real chance of getting away.

I glanced toward the door, where I knew Alistair was still camped out in the hallway outside my apartment, waiting to see whether my bond would come back. Once he realized it had, he would have another tracking bracelet on my wrist before I could plead for mercy. I could dodge Alistair, but what if he had backup? And even if I managed to get past him, he could call in an alert and every portal would go on lockdown until I was apprehended.

If that happened – if I was caught trying to escape – there would be no mercy for me. No second chance.

I should have escaped yesterday.

Yet even as I thought that, I knew I would never have gotten far. Not with my body and my magic reeling like they had been. No, there was a reason Alistair hadn't been sent until this morning.

I stayed there, huddled on the couch, while my mind raced with escape plans, each of which was immediately discarded for being too reckless, too dangerous, or too reliant on luck. But I didn't have long to think. Alistair might know exactly when my tracking bracelet fell off, and who knew how long he would give me to collect myself before he knocked on my door again? I couldn't wait for that to happen, but if he had the slightest inkling I might be preparing to leave, my escape would be over before it began.

My eyes landed on the closed closet door that concealed a full-length mirror on the back wall. It had taken me years to get my hands on it, and then years more to smuggle it safely into my apartment without anyone seeing it. I still hadn't managed to find another that was big enough for me to step through that I could purchase without setting off alarms and getting myself arrested.

See, these were contraband for someone like me – someone on the Unseelie's watch list. The Seelie might have a lot of shiny tricks up their sleeves, but my people specialized in reflection magic. It could come in many forms, but mine included a particularly strong gift for mirror magic. I could use mirrors as portals, so long as they were big enough to step in and out of. I could always escape my apartment... but where could I safely come out?

Somewhere near a portal would be ideal, but of course no one was stupid enough to keep large mirrors where people like me could jump out and make a break for freedom. So where could I jump out and make it to a portal before the manhunt for me began?

Because as soon as Alistair realized I had gone, he would raise the alarm. He'd have to, or he would be considered an accomplice. The law would come down almost as hard on him as it would on me. Any escape plan I came up with could rely only on myself.

I wracked my brain for anything that faintly resembled a good plan, but my only real idea was to get into the mirror and jump out as close to a portal as possible. Minutes ticked by and I waited for the knock on my door that would signal my time was up. If that knock came, my timeline got even shorter and any plan I carried out became riskier. I needed to be gone before that happened. This was the only head start I would get.

My eyes flicked around my apartment and my heart raced as I realized that this was it – after so many years of planning and dreaming, I was finally going to try to make it to Earth. Either I would succeed or I would be caught and executed. Either way, this was the last time I would be in this apartment. I had a go bag in the closet with the mirror. It had bottles of water, a few changes of clothing, a couple of knives, and strips of jerky I replaced every few months so they'd be fresh enough.

It also had a small sculpture I had made as a gift for my bond mate – the one thing I always meant to take with me that wasn't strictly needed for survival. It seemed fitting to me. He was my hope for transcending mere survival to actually live.

Every minute that passed at this point lowered my chances of making it, so I carefully unwrapped the blanket from my body and walked as quietly as I could to the closet. The doors slid open silently and I was glad I had always kept these hinges well-greased just in case I ever needed to make an escape through here. With trembling hands, I picked up my go bag – wincing as the fabric rustled – and stepped into the closet until I stood in front of the mirror.

Once I was inside, my magic would propel me through the mirror realm. The longer I spent looking for a way out, the lower my magic would run – and I would need my reserves as full as possible for what came next. I didn't have much of a plan, but I quickly ran through it in my head anyway. Get into the mirror, find an exit, and run like hell. Broken down like that, it sounded deceptively simple.

Before I could overthink it, I cloaked myself in magic and stepped through the glass.

It was always disorienting for the first few seconds, and I stood still so I wouldn't go running off in the wrong direction before I got my bearings. When I had a handle on the shadowy pocket realm I was in and the many portals out of it, I let my magic pull me toward the first portal to Earth I sensed. It wasn't the one closest to my home or to my work, so it was good enough for me.

Especially since there was a puddle big enough and reflective enough for me to jump through just a mile away from the portal to Earth.

I recklessly burned extra magic to get to the puddle faster. I could run a mile in five minutes, maybe less if I really pushed myself. Would Alistair sound the alarm and get the portals shut before then?

The thought spurred me on, and soon enough I was woozy with magic loss, stumbling through the puddle and out onto a paved road. The street looked deserted and I almost couldn't believe my luck. There was no time to dwell on that, though. Not when I needed to run.

I staggered forward into a jog, but quickly lost my balance as my head reeled from magic loss. I really shouldn't have pushed myself so hard in the mirror realm. Magic always came at a cost, especially if you pushed it too hard, too fast. I knew better, and now I could barely get my feet to work.

My five-minute mile was starting to look like it could stretch into a half-hour mile, which was definitely too long. They would catch me before then, and I was in no condition to fight. Even if I were, I had always planned on my speed getting me through the portal. I always thought that if I was just fast enough, I would make it. Fighting would only give them time to bring reinforcements.

As I jogged down the street, I stumbled less and less as my magic recovered. I might have pushed it too hard, but it wasn't for very long and I had shocked my system rather than really draining myself. Two minutes in, I was able to kick up to a respectable running pace. Three minutes after that, I was sprinting. I still didn't make it to my top speed, but that didn't matter because I could see the portal in front of me.

It was a simple wooden archway full of faint, swirling colors like a soap bubble. They rippled and billowed almost like fabric in a breeze that didn't exist. Standing in front of it were two guards with long staffs I recognized. One side ended in a sharp point that could be used to impale or gut a man without much effort thanks to the spell work embedded within. The other end held a small orb that looked like it was made of glass. All they had to do was funnel a tiny bit of magic into that orb and an alert would trigger. Backup would be here within minutes. If both guards lit up their orbs, the portal would lock down entirely.

I just had to get through the portal before both guards realized what was happening and stopped me. Most who tried this were signing their death warrants, but I couldn't come this far just to turn back now.

Besides, I had probably already dug my own grave if I stayed here. Just leaving my apartment instead of going to Alistair for another tracking bracelet would be enough for them to sentence me.

I wrapped magic around my body like another skin so light would refract around me. It would make me harder to see, like a smear or a blur in their field of vision. If they looked directly at me, it would be obvious what was happening, but this was the best I could do. I had never mastered true invisibility. I slowed my pace to move as silently as I could. I might be able to obscure their ability to see me, but I could do nothing against their sense of sound. The shoes I wore had been carefully chosen; they had the quietest tread of any I could find, and I only ever bought this particular model since I had always needed to be prepared to take any opportunity to escape Alterra. They served me well now, and I was able to get within a hundred feet of them before one of the guards frowned and started looking around.

I froze even though there was a strong instinct to just sprint the rest of the way. A single step closer to the portal before they realized someone was trying to go through illegally could mean the difference between failure and success.

I needed this to be a success.

So I froze and waited the endless-feeling minute it took for the guard to dismiss whatever he thought he'd seen, and when I started moving again, I stepped a little further into his peripheral vision. It would be a slightly longer route to the portal, but it would also make me slightly harder to see.

I accidentally kicked a rock just a few feet closer, and I froze again as I waited for the guards to react. It must have been quiet enough, though, because they didn't so much as twitch. I moved even slower after that.

I was maybe fifty feet away when a third guard started running in from the nearby street. His staff was held before him in a ready grip while he moved, and it was entirely possible his appearance meant Alistair had reported me missing. There was no way to know what his orders were – to help guard the portal, to order it be shut down immediately, or the unlikely but promising option of simply arriving to relieve one of the guards of their post.

I couldn't risk him making it any harder to escape, though, and I broke into a sprint. For the first few seconds, I went unnoticed. The guards at the portal were too busy watching the one who approached, and that distraction gave me a better chance than I could have hoped for. By the time they saw me coming, I was a precious few feet away from freedom.

One guard's eyes widened and the other yelled, but my outstretched fingers brushed the portal, which hummed and glowed like it welcomed me. Light flared even brighter and wrapped around me, moving up my arm and toward my chest. In any other circumstance, the sight of myself all lit up – something I always thought impossible for the Unseelie – would have freaked me out and sent me scrambling back. Instead, my better senses retained control and I flung myself through the portal, landing in a heaping sprawl on the other side. Pain erupted in my back and I reached behind me to feel a great tear in my clothes along with a burning pain that flared when my fingers brushed damp, bloody skin. One of the guard's staffs must have gotten me. A split second more and he might have succeeded in impaling me upon it.

Even though my back burned, my heart still raced, and my whole body shook with adrenaline, I couldn't help laughing.

I was on Earth. I had made it.

Still face-down in the dirt, I focused inward, on my soul bond. I never realized how uncomfortable the stretching sensation from it being pulled between realms was until now, when my soul mate and I were finally in the same place. Oh, he was far away from here, but for the first time since the bond formed, he and I were in the same realm. I laughed again, this time in relief.

Had I ever felt so light?

A glow started up and quickly grew in intensity from behind me.

The portal again.

My mind scrambled and I realized that in my plans, there were only ever two guards. I knew their orders. Two people must watch over the portal at all times, no exceptions. If someone made it through, they wouldn't have a choice but to lock it down and save the manhunt for later.

This time, though, there had been three guards. They could send one through and still stand guard. His staff would let him unlock the portal and go home once he apprehended the escapee.

I had to run.