Luin

In the morning, I woke up sticky and aching.

It seemed a fair price to pay for Arrowan and I had shared last night, so it didn't bother me too much... but I did really want a shower.

It was also annoying that I had woken up earlier than Arrowan. He didn't appreciate sleep quite to the same degree I did, which was just short of worship some days, but here he was dozing peacefully while I stared up at the stupid texturing on the ceiling. Why did they put it there? Was it really so gauche to have a flat, white ceiling?

Wondering about the ceiling bought me maybe an extra minute of lying in bed before I was itching to get up, but I wanted to get up with Arrowan. I tried shifting around in the bed, hoping that might indirectly wake him up, but he didn't stir. I pulled the blankets down lower – maybe the cold would wake him? – but still, nothing. I sighed out loud and laid down again, resigning myself to staring at the ceiling for awhile longer. A trickle of amusement came through the bond and I looked to Arrowan to find him pressing his hand to his mouth, trying to keep back laugher.

"How long have you been awake?" I demanded ungraciously.

"Aw, don't be upset. I haven't been awake that long." He grabbed me and pulled me against him, but I was definitely too gross to cuddle right now. We hadn't bothered to clean ourselves last night; somehow, the afterglow of our intimacy had completely shut down the part of my brain that cared about such things. Now, in the pure light of morning, I regretted it.

I squirmed out of Arrowan's arms and headed for the shower, though I did leave the door open as an invitation, one which Arrowan accepted.

We stood under the warm spray of water together and Arrowan rested his hands on my waist. "I've been thinking," he said.

"About?"

"Do you think your friend would sell us this house?"

I gaped at him, wondering what trains of thought he had taken to wind up there. "Um, I don't know. Why?"

"I want an established home for us, and even though anywhere would feel like home if I had you there with me, I like this place. There are good memories here, and it's close to your friends," he explained.

Everything Arrowan was saying was sweet and lovely, but for some reason, I didn't like the idea of staying here long-term. I washed my hair and tried to figure out why I felt that way. If this wasn't where I wanted to settle down, why? What was it missing?

My heart ached when I figured out the answer. It was missing my family – my blood family, not my found family here. If Arrowan had asked me to think about buying this house yesterday, I would have probably loved the idea and called Lachlan right away. Now, however, I didn't want to commit to living here long-term. Not after learning about Faerie and the work fae like us were doing to sway the outcome of the war.

I didn't know what our odds of success in the war effort were, but what if we were able to change the outcome? What if we were able to smooth relations between Seelie and Unseelie, and convince Alterran fae to pardon the Earth-dwelling ones like myself and Arrowan? It might be a small chance, but it was a real one.

I washed myself, turning away and using the habitual motions of showering as an excuse to collect my thoughts. I wasn't making decisions just for myself anymore. If it were just me, I would go to Faerie this morning and sign up to help Elaina and her team with the war effort. It wasn't just me, though. I had to think of Arrowan, too. No way would he let me go off without him. Sure, following along would be his choice... but if I knew that's what he would decide, whether he liked it or not, wasn't I responsible too? If I really loved him – and I did – I needed to think about how my actions affected him.

Well, I knew what Arrowan wanted, and taking on more turmoil and jeopardizing our future after everything he had already gone through was definitely not it. And I wasn't a fool; getting involved in the war would be dangerous. By meddling in it, we might just end up making things harder for ourselves. If we let things take their natural course, the Seelie and Unseelie would probably be too busy going for each other's throats to worry about us here on Earth very much. If we stepped in and involved ourselves, we would become impossible to ignore.

At least if Arrowan and I stayed here, kept our heads down, and focused on building an Earth-bound life, we would stand a chance at being left alone if things went wrong. But if everyone took the easy way out, nothing would change for the better.

I was torn.

Arrowan gently took my shoulders and turned me back around to face him. His expression was grim. "Tell me what you're thinking," he said.

But I didn't want to. This should have been such a lovely morning. After our shower, our biggest worries should have been changing our soiled sheets and figuring out what to have for breakfast. We definitely should not have to think about whether to go to war.

"It's okay," Arrowan whispered. I glanced back at him and he gave me a small, encouraging smile. He knows, I realized. We were too tightly bound now, and we had known each other for too long for him not to know what this was about. Just as I could read him, he could read me.

"I want to help with the war," I said. "But... I also kind of don't want to." As far as conversation starters went, it was lacking. That was as much as I had to offer him, though. It was as far as I had gotten.

Arrowan gently turned me back around and nudged me under the warm stream of water. His fingers ran through my hair and down my body, gently rubbing the soap off of my skin. I could think about either the war or about his hands on me, and Arrowan won without much contest. The distraction was probably intentional on his part, and I was happy to let him transport me.

After our shower, Arrowan made a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast while I changed our bedding. As I struggled with the fitted sheet, I acknowledged to myself that there was no way I would want to bother with always changing out our sheets after our lovemaking. It was futile to even try... but I couldn't seem to help myself this time.

It wasn't until we had both cleared our plates that we picked up our conversation again. "So, tell me what you're thinking," Arrowan said. His eyes were fixed on mine with a casualness I knew was forced. There was no hiding his nerves, which were broadcasting clearly through our bond.

I sighed and looked down at my hands. I watched in detached interest as I picked at one cuticle after the other, leaving a stinging, bloody mess across my fingertips. Arrowan gave me time to think, but after several long minutes had passed, he covered my hands with his own to stop the carnage.

"Why don't I start?" he offered.

I looked up at him and my heart fluttered at the compassion and understanding that were shining in his eyes. "Thanks," I whispered.

Arrowan gently flipped my hands so his could intertwine with my own. After a reassuring squeeze, he said, "You aren't struggling with the decision, Luin. It's the consequences you're hung up on."

I might have argued, except that there was no denying the truth. "Go on," I said, eager to see where he was going with this.

"I think I have a solution. War isn't all combat, you know. There are a lot of supporting roles, too. Tacticians, spies, messengers, healers..."

I sat up straighter. How had I not thought of this? "You can heal!"

Arrowan's lips twitched toward a smile. "I can heal. And you're no fighter, Luin, but I know there will be work you can do. Maybe you can help me run a clinic."

I was staring at the perfect man. That was exactly the right solution for us. "Okay."

"Okay."

--

Just knowing we had a safe, actionable plan in place – one that could really help people – dissipated the fog of anxiety that had been slowly creeping up on me. Arrowan and I went to Faerie in the afternoon to sort out the details. We went to the amphitheater where the assembly was held yesterday, where a petite Seelie woman stood with a clipboard, ready to take down names as people signed up to help. People were gathered around the amphitheater in small, tense clusters, but the clipboard woman was cheerful and gave us an easy grin as we approached her.

"Hi! I'm Ninian. Are you here to enlist?" she asked brightly.

I could see why she had been chosen for this job; after all, it must be easier to enlist when the person taking down your name seemed so completely unworried by what was going on. "I'm Luin and this is my bond mate, Arrowan. He's a healer."

If Ninian had been cheery before, it was nothing to her demeanor now. "A healer! What's your affinity like?" She flipped to a new page on her clipboard and poised her pen over it.

"It's a strong affinity for healing physical ailments and injuries. I'm no good at magical afflictions," Arrowan answered. Ninian had started writing when he began his explanation, but she stopped to stare at him halfway through.

"How strong are we talking?" she asked.

Arrowan shrugged – it wasn't a very specific question. "I've never met a wound or illness I couldn't cure, as long as I had enough magic to deal with it."

I gasped as a realization struck me. "And I might be able to recharge his magic!" I was able to cure Arrowan's sickness from depleting himself back when we helped Magnus and Lachlan's pack out. Maybe I could do that for him again now. He could heal so many more people if he didn't have to worry about making himself ill!

Ninian took a break from staring at Arrowan like he was a god descended to walk among us to squint at me. "Well, of course you can," she said.

When it was clear neither of us knew what she was talking about, she quirked a brow at us. "Don't you know? This is why no one back in Alterra wants Seelie and Unseelie getting together. It's common knowledge around here, but kept all hush-hush back home. We can refill each other's magic without feeling the adverse effects. No one likes others having that kind of power."

I stared at her while I tried to process an explanation I felt like I had been reaching for my whole life. Had I always believed it was just a cultural issue between our races? That was bad enough, but this seemed... sinister, somehow. Did both sides really cause so much misery over power issues?

But Ninian seemed very sure that was the reason, and I believed her. It was all too easy to imagine how people would react to someone having access to what was essentially unlimited magic. The only people who were guaranteed to always be with a loyal fae of the other side – be it Seelie or Unseelie – were the ones who were soul mates with one. Anyone else might see people like me and Arrowan as a threat.

I could feel Arrowan's frustration through our bond, but when I glanced his way, I saw that he had maintained a flat, stony expression. Ninian looked between us until I realized she was waiting for some kind of response. I cleared my throat and nodded. "I see."

"Luin and I are only signing on to help with healing," Arrowan said before Ninian could get another word in. "We'd like to do it from Faerie, not from wherever the fighting is happening."

Ninian brightened again. "No problem! We're not planning on using battlefield medics. You and Luin will be stationed in the hospital we're setting up here. Someone else will handle transporting the injured to you."

She started writing on her clipboard again and I was starting to think she was finished with us for now when she nodded to herself and looked back up. "We're still getting organized, as you can see, but we would still like you to report to the hospital today so you can learn your way around and meet the other people who will be working there. We have a couple of other Unseelie so far who have an affinity for healing, but nothing like yours. Get to know them and their abilities so you can all work together more efficiently when patients start coming in."

Ninian pulled a sheet out from the back of the clipboard and handed it to me. It was a map of Faerie, I realized, and there were several buildings highlighted on it. "The hospital is here," she said, leaning in and pointing to one of the highlighted buildings. "Do you need help finding it?"

"We'll be fine," Arrowan said. He nodded a taciturn farewell at her and gently led me away.

When we were out of hearing distance, he sighed. "She's a lot," he said. "How can anyone be so cheerful about war?"

I shook my head and tugged Arrowan to the left when he tried turning right at the first intersection we reached. "I have no idea."

We reached the hospital after a couple of wrong turns and one heated instance where we were both sure we knew which way we needed to go, and disagreed. The building wasn't much to look at and we almost missed it. It was covered in plain brick and was several stories tall but no taller than anything else around it. There wasn't anything to mark it out as our destination other than a printed sheet of paper taped to the door that said "Hospital." Well, Ninian had said it was a work in progress. At the time, I hadn't thought much about what that might mean. When we walked inside, I wished I had asked more questions just so I could be prepared.

The small foyer was made even smaller by several hospital beds that had been shoved up against one wall. From there, we had a choice of either venturing up the narrow staircase or heading down a hallway filled with cardboard boxes. The boxes had black writing on them that said things like "Gauze" and "Aspirin." One descriptor seemed particularly unhelpful, as it only said "Medical Supplies."

"I hope they aren't planning on joining in the fighting soon," Arrowan said, eying the clutter dubiously.

I sighed. We could stay just long enough to introduce ourselves and then leave until it was time to do the actual healing... but there was no way I was going to be able to relax at home knowing such a crucial place was in such disarray. I unbuttoned the cuffs of my sleeves so I could roll them up. We were going to be here for a while.