Luin

The past haunted me.

I couldn't get away from it. It didn't matter how much I distracted myself or how much I filled my life with people and events. When I lay down to go to sleep at night, it was just like I was sixteen again. I mourned yet another day without my soul mate and I clung desperately to a hope that had been withering for over a decade.

It never got easier.

Oh, my life was better now than it had been since I left home so long ago. Almost two years ago, I met my best friend, and he had completely changed the lonely landscape of my life. See, Lachlan was a werewolf, and he had somehow incorporated me into his pack. I lived in their communal pack house and had spent the past year and a half building friendships with everyone I could. I helped in the kitchen and with training sessions. I entertained the children with magic shows and games of chase through the forest. When they decided to build an addition onto the pack house, I spent a few days studying building and I joined the work crew. I needed a lot of guidance still – there's a limit to what you can learn from a book or the internet – but it felt really good to create something so solid with my hands and I decided I would like to build more things in the future.

I did everything I could to keep busy and fill my life with people, but that didn't change how I felt when I was alone and my mind was quiet. Doubts started creeping in, and I wondered again and again if I made the right choice all those years ago when I came here.

Nearly sixteen years I'd spent in this realm and so far, I thought my life would have been better if I'd stayed in Alterra.

--

When I moved onto the Tourmaline pack grounds, I set up wards going around the whole border. They wouldn't stop anyone from coming in who shouldn't – those would cost too much energy to maintain over such a large area – but they did alert me if someone unfamiliar crossed onto pack grounds.

Since border patrol was one of the jobs I didn't work around the pack, and since I wasn't currently stationed in the guard tower at the entrance to our grounds, I had put the wards on the magical equivalent of silent mode. The guards had a color chart they could follow, so they were aware of any breaches and I wasn't bothered every time someone outside of the pack entered our territory.

Because of that, my first clue that something might be wrong came when a stream of pack warriors sprinted out of the house one after the other. They shucked off their clothes between steps and were wolves by the time they hit the tree line.

I called Lachlan, who was not only my closest friend; he was also mated to Magnus, one of the pack's two alphas. Lachlan wasn't remotely a fighter, so I knew I wouldn't be interrupting him in a similar mad dash through the woods by calling.

"Luin, have you heard?" he answered. There was a definite note of panic in his voice.

"No, what's happening?"

"There's been a breach. The wards went off but no one checked in at the guard station. You should get inside."

It warmed my heart – truly, my chest felt like it was glowing – that Lachlan was worried about my safety. It would be so easy for him to fling me at all of the pack's problems and expect my magic to fix things, but he cared too much to ask that of me. "I'm on my way in. I'll set a more targeted ward around the pack house. If anyone gets in, I'll know where they entered."

It had taken a while to figure out how to make my wards shape themselves around pack members, since there were so many of them and new people were joining and leaving all the time, but now I was extraordinarily glad I had taken the time to figure it out.

"Thank you! If you pick up anything, call Magnus. He's one of the defenders staying back to protect the pack house while the others search our territory."

"I will."

We hung up and I braced my hands on the walls. I shut my eyes so I could really focus and I dug up magic from my core. It buzzed through my veins as I directed it to my palms, and from there, I wove it through the perimeter of the pack house. I started with the ground level, since it would be the easiest to breach. Then I moved slowly up level by level until the whole house was humming with my magic.

My head whirled from the effort of doing so much, so quickly, and I debated teleporting to my bed. I quickly decided against it – I was too likely to fall unconscious if I pushed myself any further. So I stood there, palms still braced against the wall while I waited for the world to stop spinning.

"Luin?"

I recognized Magnus' voice and I took just a couple more moments to recover before I cautiously peeled my hands off the wall and slowly turned around. "Yes?"

He stepped a little closer and I saw his eyes sweeping over my face in concern, but I knew I had every trace of my dizziness masked, and he quickly shrugged off his concern. Magnus' eyes widened and his brows drew inward in a guilty expression he always adopted right before he asked me for help. "Would you mind going to the game room? We've got everyone who's particularly vulnerable holed up in there and I was hoping that if your wards go off, you could teleport people out."

"Of course."

Magnus' expression melted into acute relief and he sighed. "Thank you so much. Children first, if you don't mind?"

"It's no trouble," I assured him, though that might have been a bit of a lie. If someone broke in right now, I would be almost useless. Without more recovery time, I couldn't manage more than a single jump, or maybe two if I really pushed myself. I couldn't bring more than a couple of children with me, and I might just be selfish enough to choose to bring Magnus and Lachlan's niece and nephew before I considered evacuating anyone else with my limited remaining power.

That would only matter if I needed to teleport soon. My magic stores were already recovering enough that I no longer needed to clench my fists to disguise my trembling fingers, and I was able to walk to the game room without any hint of wooziness. Magnus followed along behind me and took up a watchful stance outside the door. There was another door on the other side of the room, and I was sure there was at least one other person standing guard there.

I opened the door and poked my head in, scanning the room quickly to find Griffin and Marla – the first two I would evacuate if anyone broke into the pack house. In the back of my mind, I wondered whether it was wrong to grab the children I cared most about first, but what other system was I supposed to use? Random selection? I failed to see how that would be better.

I shut the door and stood vigil with Magnus, who shot me an exasperated look. "You don't have to stand out here with me. Why don't you go in and sit down?"

I shook my head. "If the wards go off, it's better if I can tell you immediately."

Magnus frowned unhappily, but he didn't press the issue. He might feel bad putting me to work, but it wouldn't stop him from doing what was right for his pack.

While we waited, Magnus stayed alert, but I let my mind wander. The wards I just put up around the building would tell me if someone broke through. The trouble was, a wandering mind was a dangerous thing. It was almost a relief when something brushed against the wards, though I immediately felt terrible for feeling that way.

"Front door," I said to Magnus.

He immediately bolted in that direction, hollering, "Backup!" as he went.

"Wait!" I called, but Magnus was too fast for me and had already disappeared around a turn in the hallway. I quickly weighed my options, then teleported myself in front of the door where my wards were being tested. Magnus came sprinting into the entryway and he skidded to a stop when he saw me, his eyes going wide with shock. I put my hands up to stop him and the two defenders who came sprinting in from other parts of the house.

"No one's crossed the border yet," I said. "They're just... testing it. Magically. Let me check it out, okay?"

"Magically?" Magnus echoed. "So, not a werewolf?"

"Not a werewolf," I confirmed. I shut my eyes and fought off another wave of dizziness before I cast out my senses and found...

A fae.

My first instinct was joy so sharp it felt like a stab to the chest and I threw my awareness down my soul bond. It was still anchored in Alterra, and the violent joy was instantly drowned out by self-recrimination. How pathetic was it that after all these years, I still at my core believed he was coming for me? That my first instinct on sensing a fae nearby was to think it was him?

But this wasn't the time to indulge in the darker emotions that already took up too much of my headspace. Right now, I had three anxious werewolves at my back who weren't going to wait on me forever. The wards were still tingling as the fae on the other side of the door prodded gently at them. I approached the door and peeked out the glass panes at the fae on the other side, and froze.

If I'd been alone, I would have thrown the door open without another thought. My safety didn't matter, not when Fen was here. But I had to think of the dozens of people who also lived here and how they would feel if I opened our pack house up to a complete stranger they didn't know they could trust.

And after all this time, I couldn't be completely sure that I could trust Fen, either, even if all my instincts screamed that I could.

I turned back to Magnus. "I'm going to go talk to him, okay?"

"Who is it?" he asked.

"An old friend," I said. In fact, Fen had been my best friend growing up. Before Magnus could ask any follow-up questions, I teleported myself through the wards so I was standing just a couple feet away, but on the other side of the door now. The wards flared in my senses for an uncomfortable moment, but it passed quickly enough and they were left whole and undisturbed behind me.

My magic stores were too low now, and my body didn't cope well. My head spun, my stomach cramped, and I had a curious tingling feeling in my fingers. Still, I forced my spine to straighten and kept my chin up as I faced Fen, whose eyes widened and filled when he saw me. "Luin," he said on a breath. I saw in those eyes a melding of awe and pain and the strange sense of relief that were echoed in me, and any doubt created by our fifteen-year separation was erased. I staggered forward and flung myself against him, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling when Fen returned my embrace, tucking his head on my shoulder and clutching me against him with trembling arms.

"How... no, why are you here?" I asked.

We stepped apart, though Fen left a hand braced on my shoulder. I understood – the contact helped make this feel real. I just hoped I wouldn't lean too much into the stabilizing touch in my weakness. Fen studied me for a long moment, then sighed. "Is there somewhere we can speak more privately?"

I glanced around us and saw that Magnus had his face pressed against the glass of the front door. He sheepishly waved at me when I caught him looking but didn't move away. "One moment," I said to Fen, and turned back to the door.

"Fen and I will be leaving pack grounds," I said to Magnus. He would be able to hear me easily, I knew. "I believe you can safely return the pack to normal."

Magnus nodded immediately and turned to the two werewolves behind him. I could hear him already giving orders to bring in everyone searching the territory for our invader and to let loose everyone who was waiting in the game room. "Thanks!" Magnus called to me before he disappeared down the hallway.

It felt good that he trusted me so much, but I did wonder whether he should be a little more critical and circumspect.

That was a problem for later, though. For now, I held out my hand to Fen and he took it without hesitation. I took us to a park a few miles away from Tourmaline territory, landing us by the riverbank and away from where people tended to wander. The current was too strong here for wading or playing, but we were here to talk and would definitely need the isolation.

Fen looked around appraisingly and sat down on the banks heedless of the mud he was definitely smearing on his pants. Well, if he didn't care, I didn't care. Mostly. Besides, my magic wasn't just low now; it was depleted. I couldn't have stayed standing if I wanted to, and I dropped heavily to the ground beside him.

"How have you been?" Fen asked once we were both settled in. His voice was pitched at a normal volume, but it still made my head throb painfully. It didn't matter – seeing someone from home, one of the many people from my life before exile that I thought lost to me forever... that was worth far more pain than this.

I shrugged. "Alone," I answered honestly. That would tell him everything he might be wondering about without either of us actually broaching the subject.

Fen's mouth twisted in a grimace and he looked down. "I know. That's part of why I'm here."

I almost wished we could dance around the issue a little longer. I was ravenous for any news Fen could give me of the world I had left behind. Mostly, I was almost sure he must know how my family was doing. Our parents were friends and even without that, no way would he come here without making sure he was up-to-date on their lives. He had to know how badly I wanted to hear about them.

But there was no denying that Fen was here for a reason. Either he was also exiled from Alterra – which I had a hard time believing – or he had been sent to find me. The latter was even more unbelievable; it was unheard of, even. Those were the only possibilities I could think of, though. If Fen had been exiled, I would rather avoid hearing that story for as long as I could. If he had been sent to find me, then there might be strict rules about how long he could stay.

Hopefully, we would have time to catch up after all Fen had to say.

"Tell me," I said after the too-long pause Fen granted me to collect my thoughts.

"War is coming," Fen said. "The seers all agree. Something's going to happen between us and the Unseelie. Tensions are already rising, and both sides are scrambling to collect their strength."

Fen looked to me, assessing my reaction with eyes like burnished gold. I nodded to show he could go on, and he continued, "Our side is offering pardons to people who chose exile rather than giving up their soul bonds. Luin, you have the chance to make your choice again. You can come home."