Luin

I led Fen to the kitchen and directed him to the little table while I got water boiling for tea. He set his duffel bag down next to him, but his hands still clutched at the strap like he expected it to be ripped away any second. Fen was wild-eyed, not seeming to be able to settle on any target as his gaze flitted around the room. His hair was mussed enough that I knew he had been running his fingers through it. He looked just like he used to as a child when he was especially stressed. I knew better than to expect the tea to truly help the situation, whatever it was, but maybe it would give the two of us something to focus on if we needed a break.

"How has it been, having your bond mate with you?" Fen asked.

If he wanted to stall, I was happy to let him – at least for now. At least until the water was done boiling and the tea had infused. "It's been good," I said. Fen scoffed at what I had to admit was a fairly unimpressive answer, and I laughed. "Okay, it's been really good. A little weird. We're sort of trapped here, and we've already been attacked by Unseelie trying to drag him back."

Fen sat up straighter and I saw him squinting at the outer wall of the kitchen – examining the wards, I was sure. He whistled, sounding impressed. "I've never seen such dense warding before. You have this place set up like a fortress."

"Unfortunately, I don't think those wards are overkill. The Unseelie really want to bring him back."

"And they'll want you dead, too" Fen said. "You know that, right?"

I could remember the shadow man's voice telling me he would kill me while Arrowan watched so clearly, it was like he was right next to me. "I know."

Fen shook his head. "Why can't it ever be simple?"

It was a rhetorical question, but I felt obliged to point out, "For most people, bonds are simple. We're the unlucky ones."

Fen looked down at his hands, which were entwined on the table. When he looked up again, there was an intensity to his gaze that startled me. "Do you still think you're unlucky? Is Arrowan worth everything you've been through and all this danger?"

"He's worth it." I answered instantly, not having to think about it. If I believed nothing else to be true, it was that my bond mate was worth everything I had to endure to have him. I'd believed that so deeply and for so long, it felt foreign to even consider the alternative.

Fen wasn't satisfied, but I was saved from further questioning by the kettle screeching. We lapsed into silence for the few minutes it took me to come back to the table, this time with two steaming mugs. "I hope you still like mint," I said, setting one of the mugs in front of Fen.

"I can't believe you still remember my favorite tea."

How could I forget? But I didn't want to talk about tea. I wanted to talk about whatever had brought him here. "Fen, what happened?"

His grip on the mug tightened. "I left," he said.

"You... left?" Surely, he couldn't mean...

"I left Alterra," Fen said. "I signed the banishment paperwork right before I came here."

I had known it was a possibility. He had a bond mate on Earth and I hadn't been able to think of a logical reason for him to show up on my porch that didn't include banishment. He had already shown up on unprecedented Seelie business once this week. Another time seemed laughably unlikely. Even though I had already gone through all this in my mind and had acknowledged the likelihood that Fen was in exile, too, it was still hard to wrap my head around.

As I sorted through my thoughts, I had to repeatedly shove down hurt that he had chosen banishment but left me alone for so long.

The choice to leave my home had been forced on me when I was still a child. Of course I couldn't wish that on my best friend. But still... if he was going to end up here anyway, it would have been nice for us to go together. I wouldn't have had to spend so many years on my own.

I must have taken too long to answer, because Fen started explaining. "I couldn't get what you said out of my head. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I really wasn't happy with my life in Alterra. I'm hoping I can be happy here. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. It helped, knowing you'd be here."

I set down my cup and reached across the table to wrap my hands around Fen's. It was a little awkward because he was clutching his mug, but I thought he needed a physical connection. "You are not alone," I promised. If nothing else, I could offer him that.

Fen smiled softly. "Thanks."

I let him go and leaned back in my chair. "So, what are you doing here?"

Fen snorted. "Kicking me out, are you?"

"No, but I would have thought you'd be off chasing your soul bond."

Fen shrugged and looked down, focusing once again on his tea. "I will."

Oh, I knew that look of uncertainty. I had lived it just recently – that sudden realization you could have what you'd been chasing, and the way the floor seemed to drop out from under your feet. That fear that came out of nowhere, the feeling that maybe you've made a horrible mistake and you were about to find out. The realization that maybe the dream you chased would let you down.

"Fen," I said, and waited until he looked at me. "What you're feeling right now won't get better until you take the first step. Follow your bond. Your bond mate probably won't be able to feel the bond, so there's no harm in evaluating the situation."

Fen nodded, but he didn't seem inclined to get up just yet. I bit back a sigh. It seemed he hadn't changed so much in our years apart. Fen wasn't one for taking a leap – he usually needed a nudge in the right direction. Fine by me. I'd just make him more uncomfortable staying with me than following his bond.

"Did you say goodbye to your family?" I asked. Usually, I would have eased into the subject, and it was hard to push down the urge to apologize for bringing it up like this.

Fen looked down. "My grandparents both passed, and you know I was never very close to my parents."

Well, Fen had said he wasn't happy in Alterra. This would have been part of it. "I'm sorry."

"I did say goodbye to your family, though," he said, surprising me. He leaned down and brought something out of his bag – a box. "This is for you."

I took the box from him as my heart raced. Surely this couldn't be –

"It's from your mom and your sister. They didn't technically break any rules. I got it from them before I was banished, and they were never in contact with you directly. It was too good an opportunity to pass up," Fen explained.

Like it was a priceless artifact, I carefully brought the box closer and marveled at its very existence. Tears welled in my eyes and streamed down my face before I could even try to hold them back. "Fen," I said, my voice choked. "This is..."

There were no words. It was priceless. It was the most wonderful thing I had never dared hope for.

My fingers shook visibly as I reached for the lid of the box and carefully pulled it off. I looked inside and found a photo album and a bundle wrapped in white cloth. I pulled them out and set them reverently on the table, revealing two envelopes underneath with my name on them. I instantly recognized my mother's handwriting – how odd, that it could look so familiar to me after so many years. The other envelope had to be a letter from Corrin, my sister. Her handwriting wasn't quite what I remembered it to be, but she had done a lot of growing up since the last time I saw her.

I would read the letters later, I decided. They'd probably turn me into a blubbering mess, and I just wasn't prepared for that. The photo album, too. I ached to see my family again, and probably pictures of my niece and nephew, too. I could wait, though. I'd at least get Fen settled first.

The bundle wrapped in white cheesecloth I couldn't resist, though. I was too curious. Letters and pictures were exactly what I would have expected from my mother if I knew he was given the opportunity to send things to me. What else would she want me to have?

I carefully unwrapped the cloth, revealing a perfect loaf of my mother's homemade bread. I brought it closer to my face and took a delicate sniff, and it smelled just as I remembered. It smelled like the best parts of my childhood. It smelled like security and love and most of all, it smelled delicious. No one could make bread like my mother, not even Arrowan.

It was also one of her last gestures of support for me. She had sent me away from home with love and with a loaf of bread. Given the opportunity to communicate for probably the last time, she sent me a renewal of that support.

Tears had already been freely falling from my eyes, but now I couldn't fight back heaving, gasping, desperate sobs. I set the bread down and wrapped it to keep it protected, then wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to regain some kind of control. It was useless, though. This was too much, too wonderful. Too heart wrenching.

I registered, barely, that Fen got up and left. Maybe he thought I needed my privacy. I didn't really care at that point. I was too busy trying to catch my breath, a feat that was only getting more difficult as my nose clogged with snot. Still, the tears kept coming endlessly. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that maybe blocking my view of the box and its contents would help me calm down, so I didn't notice when I wasn't alone anymore.

I was pulled out of my seat, turned, and pulled back down to sit on Arrowan's lap before I even realized he'd entered the room. I collapsed into him and accepted the comfort he offered, clinging shamelessly while Arrowan clutched me tightly to his chest and combed his fingers through my unbound hair. Gradually, my hysteria subsided and left me relaxing against him, completely spent.

"Better now?" he asked softly.

I nodded against his chest. "I'm fine," I said, and my voice rasped. Arrowan nudged my arm and when I sat up, he offered me my tea. I smiled gratefully and took a few long sips even though it was lukewarm now. It helped soothe my raw throat and the next time I spoke, it went smoother. "They were happy tears," I said. Or, I amended silently, mostly happy tears. Because they came both from gratitude and joy at what Fen had brought me, but also from the long years of missing my family.

"I know. Fen explained when he fetched me." Arrowan kissed my temple and chuckled softly as he pulled away. "You know, I was sort of upset with him for muting our bond, but I don't think I can be anymore."

I laughed, too. "You shouldn't have been upset with him, in the first place. He was just doing his job and it sounds like without our bond being muted, you wouldn't have been able to get out of Alterra. It got that tracking bracelet off of you."

Arrowan nodded begrudgingly, still looking adorably irritated by the whole situation. "I guess. But I had a plan. I might have been able to come a few months from now, tracker or no tracker."

"Months! Arrowan, don't you think we went long enough without meeting?" I was looking into his eyes already, so I saw when they softened as he smiled.

"You're right."

I relaxed back against Arrowan and shut my eyes, soaking in the sense of calm he offered. "I should get back to Fen," I reluctantly said after a few minutes. I really didn't want to get up, but he was going through a lot right now and he shouldn't be left alone too long.

"Okay," Arrowan agreed easily. "Do you mind if I get started on dinner?"

"That would be great. Thank you," I said, relieved. "Make extra, okay? I don't know yet whether Fen will be staying."

Arrowan nodded. His arms tightened for just a moment before he let me go. I got up and caught a flicker of movement in the doorway. When I made it into the living room, I found Fen sitting on the couch, blushing. I sat, too, and gave him a questioning look.

"Sorry. You guys just looked so cozy together. It's hard to believe you haven't known each other for long."

I glanced back toward the kitchen, though I couldn't see Arrowan from here. He was right. Arrowan and I might be living as slightly affectionate housemates right now, but usually it took way longer for me to feel half as comfortable with someone new. There was just something about him that made it easy to relax. I never felt judged or anything less than supported, and I never felt like he was going to disappear from my life. Not now that I knew what he went through to reach me.

"See? This is what I'm talking about! That look on your face, how did he put it there so quickly?" Fen said. It should have been a rhetorical question, but when I looked back to Fen, it was to find him staring intently, waiting on a response.

"He's my bond mate, Fen. I don't understand how the connection works, how it knows that he is the person I need in my life, but it does work, and he is that person. And maybe your bond mate can be the same for you, if you give him or her the chance."

He chewed his lip and looked away, indecision filling his features. "Maybe," he said. I let him think it through as the sounds of Arrowan moving around the kitchen drifted in from the next room. Fen drew in a deep, shaky breath and as he released it, his shoulders sagged. "Okay. I'll follow the bond."

"I think you're making a good decision," I said.

Fen's lips twitched upward. "You'd say that, whatever I decided."

I shrugged. He wasn't wrong. "When will you go?"

Fen's jaw set and he stood up. "Now. But... do you mind if I come back here after? I... I don't really have anywhere else to go."

At this rate, Lachlan would have a fae hostel here. But it wouldn't put him to any extra trouble to have Fen here, too, and I knew Lachlan would want to help. "Of course you're welcome here. You can stay with us while you figure things out."

"Thanks. Wish me luck!" Before I could respond, Fen disappeared.