Luin

I turned and started digging through the fridge so Arrowan wouldn't see my panic. What had I been thinking, offering to cook for him? What if he didn't like it? I only knew how to make simple foods, things I had learned from cooking shows and from helping out in the pack house's kitchen. I had no idea how to make full meals or recipes for someone used to eating Alterran food.

I closed my eyes and drew in a long, slow breath. I held it in for a count of 1-2-3, then released it. I was too worked up for that to help much, though. And I had been standing in front of the open fridge for way too long. Just pick something, I scolded myself. You're being weird.

I glanced over my shoulder at Arrowan, who was watching me with a small smile, looking totally unconcerned. "Um, is there anything you don't like? Or anything that sounds good?"

"I'm sure anything you make will be great," he said, which was completely unhelpful.

I saw a package of cheese pierogis on the top shelf of the fridge. They were completely different from anything I'd ever had in Alterra, but I couldn't imagine anyone not loving them. Okay, pierogis and... yes, there was asparagus. I could work with this.

Having a plan made me feel a little bit better, but I could feel Arrowan watching me as I moved through the kitchen, pulling out everything I would need to cook. It made me feel clumsy, and after I fumbled my way through the spice cabinet and almost dropped the knife I'd gotten out to trim the asparagus, I sympathized with Magnus more than ever before. I had always laughed along with him and everyone else when he stumbled on absolutely nothing, but never again, I vowed. Clumsiness was more embarrassing than I had realized.

I poured some olive oil into the pan to heat while I worked on washing the asparagus and coating it in garlic powder, oil, salt, and pepper. I fiddled with the seasoning more than usual, but who could blame me? It was a rhetorical question, but one that I unfortunately was able to answer: I could blame me. Because while I was carefully adding an extra crank of pepper, the pan of oil started smoking.

I didn't realize it until Arrowan wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me away from the stove. "Luin!"

I froze in his arms in utter bafflement until the smell of burning oil registered. I tried to pull away from Arrowan, but his arms were like steel bands around me. "Let me go! I need to put that out."

Finally, Arrowan released me and I turned off the burner and pulled the pan off it. I shoved it to the back of the stove in disgust. What must he think of me, that I couldn't even handle something so simple? I knew better. I never thought I was the kind of person to freeze under pressure like this, but apparently Arrowan made me inept. What else would go wrong around him? Would my nerves infect every area of my life now?

Arrowan put a gentle hand on my shoulder and stepped in close, looking down at me with eyes full of concern and what might have been a spark of affection. "Hey, it's okay. Why don't we do this together?"

Stupidly, I felt tears well in my eyes. I had just wanted to do something nice for my bond mate. At least if I was going to become a klutz, I could count on Arrowan to be sweet about it. Since my throat was feeling clogged and I didn't trust my voice not to wobble, I nodded my agreement and got to work cleaning up the pan.

The only group cooking I had ever done was with the pack, and this was completely different. There, the head cook was in charge and the rest of us did was we were told. The kitchen in the Tourmaline pack house was massive, so we never had problems bumping into anyone else. Now, in Lachlan's smallish kitchen, Arrowan and I got in each other's way constantly. I had always loved order and knowing what to expect. I'd lived with too much uncertainty already and relished having a controlled environment wherever I could. Somehow, though this would have been my nightmare scenario if someone had described it to me just yesterday, I really enjoyed cooking with Arrowan.

Every time we collided, his hands found my waist to steady me. When our elbows bumped, he'd look down at me with tender amusement making those striking blue eyes sparkle. And even though we worked in almost complete silence, it was oddly comfortable. I could imagine playing out this scene with him over and over again throughout the years. We'd probably get better at moving together, and maybe I would occasionally still run into him on purpose, just to keep things interesting.

When we sat down across from each other at the cozy little table with steaming plates, I clung to that glimpse into what our future could be together. It helped with the awkwardness that set in. Though Arrowan shattered the awkwardness almost immediately when he started shoveling asparagus into his mouth faster than I thought was possible outside the werewolf community.

When Arrowan's asparagus was gone, he gently speared a pierogi and brought it up to his face. He squinted at it suspiciously, then leaned in even closer and sniffed it. Next, he took a careful nibble off the corner. He hummed in approval and ate the rest of the pierogi in one bite, and I couldn't hold back a laugh anymore.

Arrowan glanced up at me and smiled self-depreciatingly. "I'm not great with new foods," he said. "This is great, though."

"I'm glad you like it." Though now I was kind of wondering whether his reaction to food he didn't like might be even funnier than this had been. I was kind of looking forward to it.

When we were finished – after Arrowan packed away two full plates of food – Arrowan's expression shifted again. He looked... cautious? Hesitant? I couldn't wait until I knew him better. All this guesswork was exhausting.

"It's generous of your friend to let me stay here," he said. His tone was casual, but I thought I could hear a hint of strain in his voice that he couldn't quite squash.

"He's happy to have you here," I said with absolute confidence. Lachlan knew how much it meant to me, having Arrowan close. It only made sense he would do everything he could to make things easier for us. Friends help friends.

Arrowan studied me, but I had no idea what he was looking for. I waited him out, but even my deep well of patience was nearing its bottom when he finally leaned forward. "I don't know a more delicate way to ask, so forgive me for being blunt. You intend for me to stay here... without you?"

Oh! I felt my cheeks warm and my hands automatically moved to cup them, as though that wouldn't just draw attention to my blush. So embarrassing. "Is that what you want?"

I couldn't make myself look at Arrowan, but he gently cupped his hands over mine and turned me to face him. His eyes were soft and encouraging, and my heart flopped in my chest. "I would like to spend more time with you, but only if you're comfortable."

I wasn't sure whether comfortable was the word I would pick for how I felt around Arrowan. He made me feel more uncertain of myself than I'd ever been, but only because I had never cared so very much about making a good impression. It didn't matter, though – Arrowan was giving me an opening and no way would I pass it up. "There are two bedrooms. Maybe I could stay in the second?"

Even Arrowan's hands pressed over my own, keeping me from turning my head, were not enough to keep my eyes on his. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see any negative reaction on his face, if there was one. What was happening to me? I used to be so good at keeping my expression smooth no matter what I was feeling, and now I had no control at all.

"Please," Arrowan said. I frowned, confused. Please what? "I would really like that."

Nerves shot through my whole body like adrenaline, but I didn't care. I pulled my hands from my face to make room for the huge smile I couldn't fight back. "Okay."

"Okay," Arrowan echoed, and his smile was at least as big as mine.

--

The strangeness of what was happening didn't fully hit me until I went back to my room at the pack house to pack a bag for staying at Lachlan's house. Even though this was a temporary situation, in a very real way I was moving in with my bond mate. And if things played out the way I expected them to, I'd never live separately from him again.

I was almost done packing when someone pounded on my door. When I opened it, I found Magnus on the other side with his fisted hand raised in the air, ready to knock again, while Lachlan tried to tug his arm back down with gritted teeth.

"See! I told you I smelled him!" Magnus said gleefully.

"I know! I have wolf senses too, Magnus! But we should be giving Luin space right now," Lachlan answered.

Magnus looked to me with pleading eyes and I fought back a smile. "It's fine. Why don't you guys come in while I finish packing?"

They started following me deeper into the room, but I heard Magnus stop and a little "Oof" sound from Lachlan. When I turned around, I found Magnus holding Lachlan in his arms and looking apologetic. "Sorry," he said. "I just... Luin, are you moving out?"

Lachlan's eyes snapped to me, all traces of irritation toward his mate vanishing. "No!" I assured them quickly. "But I'm going to stay with Arrowan while we figure things out."

"Arrowan, huh?" Magnus said eagerly. He pulled Lachlan over to my made-up bed and this time, Lachlan didn't tell Magnus to give me my privacy. That probably had something to do with the curiosity raging in his eyes.

Well, if they wanted to hear about my bond mate, I was happy to talk about him... not that I had all that much to tell yet. "Yes, his name is Arrowan."

"And?" Magnus prodded.

And what, I wondered? What else did I really know yet? "Well, he has healing magic," I told them. Magnus' smile grew and feeling encouraged, I dug for other things to share. That was kind of all I knew so far. He seemed understanding and gentle and kind, but a few conversations couldn't tell me that for sure. And I definitely wasn't going to tell them about how weak he made me, both with my coordination and my ability to regulate my reactions.

It turns out I didn't need to say anything more, though, because Lachlan tilted his head curiously and said, "I've never seen you look like this before." He was smiling a bit and when I reached my hands up to cup my hot cheeks again – when had I even started blushing this time? – his grin widened even further. "I'm so happy for you, Luin. Truly."

I ducked my head, feeling oddly bashful. I needed a subject change. "Thanks. So, I'll be away from the pack house for a while. I'll reach out to everyone so they know not to expect me at work, but if anything comes up and you guys need me, don't hesitate to call."

There. That made me feel a bit more like myself, especially when Lachlan rolled his eyes and Magnus said, "No way! Consider yourself on vacation. You work too much, anyway." Lachlan kissed his cheek and I knew that was his way of agreeing with his mate.

"Thank you," I said, and turned back to my packing. Lachlan and Magnus kept me company until I was finished, though they were mostly wrapped up in each other. It used to hurt to see them together, but now it just sparked hope, and for the first time in years, that hope felt safe and warm instead of feeling like it was going to burn me from the inside out.

When I was finished, I said quick goodbyes and teleported back to the second bedroom of Lachlan's house to drop off my bag and then into the living room, where Arrowan had been reading on the couch. He jumped when I appeared, then laughed at himself. I had always wished I could be like that. I took myself too seriously to laugh at myself.

"I'll have to get used to that teleporting," Arrowan said.

"What, can't you teleport?" I frowned at Arrowan and he frowned back at me.

"No, that's Seelie magic."

Huh. I never realized the two fae branches had different magics. That explained Arrowan's healing magic, though. I had never heard of such a thing before. "What can you do?" I asked.

"Mirror magic and healing, mostly," Arrowan said. "Some tracking. And..." he bit his lip and his eyes grew uncertain.

I eased myself down onto the couch next to him and put on what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "And?"

"Well, I have a slight proclivity for shadow magic," Arrowan said like a confession. He held up his hands palms-out toward me, looking panicked, and added, "I never developed it, though!"

Well, now I was even more confused. Why was Arrowan acting so guilty about whether he could do shadow magic? "Why not?"

Now he looked confused. "I just thought... I always thought you might not be comfortable with it."

So he had intentionally not pursued a whole branch of magic... for me? Why did he think I would care about it? I shook my head and frowned at him, utterly lost.

Arrowan studied me for a long moment while I did the same to him, though it did absolutely nothing to help me understand the situation. Finally he said, "Luin, I know I look strange in daylight and there's darkness on and in me I can't get rid of. I know how I must look to you, after you grew up with such a bright people. I know that the Seelie hate us for that darkness. I didn't want to add any more."

I studied him, my bond mate, and for the first time, his gaze slid away from mine. My heart ached for him and I took his hand. I hadn't before, but now I really looked at the huge contrast between us. His skin looked impossibly pale, especially when you compared it to how dark mine was. I slowly rotated our entwined hands, noticing the way my skin caught and reflected the light while his had huge shadows cast over it. I always looked like I was in full sunlight, and he looked... like he was in moonlight, I realized with a gasp. It was like Arrowan was forever cast into the night. And sure, it was like nothing I had ever seen before, but there was something captivating about the effect, too.

I gently ran my thumb over one of the purple-shadowed planes on his hand and Arrowan pulled away from me, crossing his arms over his chest and tucking his hands out of sight. He looked... insecure, I decided. And I hated it.

"I think your skin is beautiful," I told him honestly. "I mean... All of you is beautiful, but your skin is, too. I've never seen anything like it, but that isn't a bad thing."

Only, it was obvious that Arrowan didn't believe me, and he refused to look my way. "It's okay, Luin," he said quietly, and his words dismissed my own, which was very not okay.

"No," I said in the firmest voice I could muster. "I don't care that you look different from me, just like I know you don't care about how I look different from you. You're my bond mate, and you're beautiful."

I glared at the side of Arrowan's head and held that glare until he glanced at me several minutes later. His eyes were big and sad like a puppy dog's until he took in my expression, and then he smiled. "Okay," he said. "I'm beautiful."

He didn't say the words like he meant them; rather, he said them placatingly, like he knew that was the only way to make me stop glaring. Well, I would take what I could get for now. And later, when we knew each other better and trusted each other, I'd make sure he believed me.